my hubby paying me to lose weight

BeckyGee84

If that's what motivates you, great! Personally if my boyfriend paid me to lose weight, I'd punch him in the face. I don't need a monetary incentive from him because I want to do this on my own.

Achrya

This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....

That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.

Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?

Oh for goodness sake. Use a bit of common sense. As if simply going to school was something to be rewarded for....

No, bonuses arent. They form part of a contract. The work equivalent would be paying someone extra to turn up on time.... Ridiculous.

The part of the conversation. At no point did I say that bonuses are not rewards, but that bonuses are not given for fundamental levels of basic competence - the same thing as sending a kid to school because this is a simple requirement of parenting. Bonuses do not fall into this category.

I said "are bonuses not the same thing?"

You said "No. Something about contracts and crap to you now think somehow changes that you responded to my direct question with No."

I then went on to say that riases and bonuses are actually on par with rewards for being on time which actually addressed your blah blah after you said "No." You theb tried to make the conversation about doing the bare minimum, a stipulation I never made and in fact very specifically went against with my "For a job well done." In my very first response.

Again: I never changed my conversation from my first response to my last one. You however got confused somewhere along the way. Its fine to just say that and drop it.


Ugh. I hate when people screw up the quotes.

DebSM2

My husband has offered sexual favors for every 2lbs I lose.

I offered that to my wife as well. Since the offer she hasn't left the couch.

Bwahaha!

SezxyStef

I didn't read all the responses..but eh...whatever floats your boat.

My husband isn't paying me, I am paying myself out of our joint account with new cloths...he works OT I buy new boots, he does an extra process meeting, I get new jeans...but I would do that even if I wan't losing weight...:laugh:

I Get a bonus at work I buy new weight plates...tax return comes in I get some new dresses...

I don't find it that creepy really it all depends on why he offered, why she is losing the weight and where the money is coming from.

Not enough info to determine that.

LRoslin

Whenever I hear about people using money as an incentive, I think of my nephew, who was overweight as a child and teenager (and may be as an adult, I don't know, we haven't had contact with him in ages). My brother in law offered to buy him a new computer if he lost weight, and my nephew figured out how to fix the scale (non digital) to make it look like he'd lost weight. I guess my BIL wasn't actually looking at his son's clothing and how they fit, because after he'd "lost" the agreed amount, he bought him the computer and then my nephew was all, "Ha ha on you, I never lost the weight."

Extrinsic motivation can work IF there is already some intrinsic motivation. I know a lot of us here treat ourselves to a new piece of clothing, or a haircut, or something (non food) when we reach a small goal. I think others would find this less creepy if the OP's husband was, say, buying her a massage or a pedicure when she reached a goal, rather than handing over money. But whatever works, if it works, go for it.

sarahmichel101

I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?

Achrya

I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?

Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.



And on that note: bed time!

FreshKrisKreash

He's your husband. Can't you just take his money anytime? lol

sarahmichel101

I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?

Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.



And on that note: bed time!

You know this isn't true, right? Worse than a 12 y/o troll.....

WendyTerry420

This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....

That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.

Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?

I find it odd that people jump to the parent/child thing. Makes me think things about those people. Just saying.

My relationship with my boss is VERY different (in every way possible) from my relationship with my SO. I think this is apples and oranges.

So if it's not parent/child, it's employer/employee? That's almost worse! lol

Seriously, whatever works for her and I don't expect everyone to agree with me. But TO ME this arrangement is creepy for the reasons stated.

I suppose I just don't see this apoearent creep factor or where giving your spouse things is taboo in some situations but fine in others.

Anything my husband buys me or gifts me with is basically saying "Hey, thanks for not being a crap wife and making me hate you, here's a pressie." And Thats fine, but if he says "hey, I'll give you a pressie if you lose that last ten pounds" then it's icky. Because...control?

I just don't get it. I've dated a controlling guy who told me whatbtonwear and what to eat and how to think and never ever once did he go "If you do X you can Y" because lol I didnt get options or choices or rewards. I got told to do stuff and if I didnt ibpaid the price for not listening.

+1


I dated a controlling guy once too. He never offered me money for anything. I just got lectures on how to dress, who to quit being friends with, etc, until I finally told him to go to hell. (It actually lasted about a month and only because he had a cute face.) The whole idea that money equals control is just absurd. Money has nothing to do with control unless money is the center of your universe.

Achrya

I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?

Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.



And on that note: bed time!

You know this isn't true, right? Worse than a 12 y/o troll.....

Oh dear. I see I'm going to have to stop goofing around for a second.

Okay then. Explain how, logically and woth supporting citations beyond that you personally think youve done it, you are able to build an appreciable muscle without being at a surplus. Keep in mind that women are lucky to build even a pound or two of muscle a month during a dedicated bulk (assuming that woman is doing it naturally) and that during a deficit you have no extra energy to put towards muscle growth because, hello, defict.

Please use small words my troll brain can comprehend.

WendyTerry420

sorry samanthad1218...i didnt mean to imply you were saying he was controlling but a lot of the responses people had were saying he was. its ok to find it weird (not sure id agree with creepy, unless he was dressed up as a clown and giving her monopoly money while wearing no pants)

:laugh:


Deserving of a creepy clown gif:






I wonder if these folks think it's creepy that I give my husband cash when he needs it, and that he is not on my checking account. When he asks me for something, and I give it to him, is it controlling because cash is involved? :laugh: :laugh:

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Achrya

I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?

Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.



And on that note: bed time!

You know this isn't true, right? Worse than a 12 y/o troll.....

YEAH!!!! SCREW SCIENCE!!!!!

Do you have some kind of radar that tells you when people are destroying science? Cause that timing is amazing.

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sarahmichel101

Here is a pretty article for you with lost of pictures so you can understand.

http://www.wikihow.com/Easily-Lose-Weight-and-Build-Muscle

If you have some extra time and want to learn about health why don't you subscribe to some academic journals and learn? I am sure you have a lot of free time on your hands. If you want specific citations to kinesiology journals I have access to many. I said she may lose fat as she gains muscle. This happens with everyone who gains muscle. Lates

Jerrypeoples

I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?

Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.



And on that note: bed time!

You know this isn't true, right? Worse than a 12 y/o troll.....

actually it is true. assuming a person eats a deficit you will not see less fat and added muscle. if you eat a deficit and work out then yes you will see added muscle weight. nothing extreme mind you.

rml_16

Here is a pretty article for you with lost of pictures so you can understand.

http://www.wikihow.com/Easily-Lose-Weight-and-Build-Muscle

If you have some extra time and want to learn about health why don't you subscribe to some academic journals and learn? I am sure you have a lot of free time on your hands. If you want specific citations to kinesiology journals I have access to many. I said she may lose fat as she gains muscle. This happens with everyone who gains muscle. Lates

You post a wiki article and ten suggest people subscribe to journals?

That's ... that's epic.

KimberlyinMN

My hubs didn't pay me, but he also didn't complain every time I did a wardrobe overhaul. (Then again, I mostly shopped at thrift and consignment shops.) AND... he gave a $150 gift card for Christmas to my favorite second hand store - Clothes Mentor. Since we do have a shared checking account, I paid for it too. HOWEVER, that is $150 that I can spend at my discretion without having someone say "You spent how much?"

Also, maybe the OP and her hubs have separate checking accounts? A friend of mine has always had her own checking account. Her paycheck goes into that and she uses that for the grocery money and other stuff. His checking account is used for the other monthly expenses. To each their own.

SunofaBeach14

Here is a pretty article for you with lost of pictures so you can understand.

http://www.wikihow.com/Easily-Lose-Weight-and-Build-Muscle

If you have some extra time and want to learn about health why don't you subscribe to some academic journals and learn? I am sure you have a lot of free time on your hands. If you want specific citations to kinesiology journals I have access to many. I said she may lose fat as she gains muscle. This happens with everyone who gains muscle. Lates

You post a wiki article and ten suggest people subscribe to journals?

That's ... that's epic.

+ 2 for "epic"

Achrya

Here is a pretty article for you with lost of pictures so you can understand.

http://www.wikihow.com/Easily-Lose-Weight-and-Build-Muscle

If you have some extra time and want to learn about health why don't you subscribe to some academic journals and learn? I am sure you have a lot of free time on your hands. If you want specific citations to kinesiology journals I have access to many. I said she may lose fat as she gains muscle. This happens with everyone who gains muscle. Lates

That amusing article says nothing about being at a deficit but rather seems to refer to the slow and tedious process of recomping while eating at maintenance.

Whereas I said the OP will not be gaining appreciable muscle at a deficit (which she must be at to lose weight) and then you called me a troll. So either prove that I am wrong and thus trolling or admit you jumped on me for nothing and cannot justify it.

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cokekitty

Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?

I don't know if I find it creepy, but it's definitely odd. But whatever works for you!

Creepy not so much, odd feels like a better word. Out of context it actually sounded horribly insulting and I was all fired up and ready to tell OP to drop him like it's hot. But hey, if it's a good thing, awesome! Go for it! Enjoy dat money qurl.

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Achrya

Here is a pretty article for you with lost of pictures so you can understand.

http://www.wikihow.com/Easily-Lose-Weight-and-Build-Muscle

If you have some extra time and want to learn about health why don't you subscribe to some academic journals and learn? I am sure you have a lot of free time on your hands. If you want specific citations to kinesiology journals I have access to many. I said she may lose fat as she gains muscle. This happens with everyone who gains muscle. Lates

You post a wiki article and ten suggest people subscribe to journals?

That's ... that's epic.

I liked the part where it said to avoid processed food because your body doesn't even recognize it as food. Comedy gold.

KnM0107

why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P

I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.

God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.

My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.

She is an adult and she agreed to it. She could refuse the money if she wanted, but obviously she has no problem with it.

I think the problem is that some are assuming that the money makes it about control. I have never been in a controlling relationship but did have controlling and abusive parents. If they wanted to control me they would just lock me in my room until I agreed to do what they said. Paying me would have been much better.

babyj0

Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?

Nope, me too. :huh:

nomeejerome

I admit, I only skimmed the responses……
What the hell is going on in here? (other than the pretty article :huh: )

randomtai

Achrya

I admit, I only skimmed the responses……
What the hell is going on in here? (other than the pretty article :huh: )

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