my hubby paying me to lose weight
Replies
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Of course not. We don't know enough to do that. But people are going to form opinions based on what's been said. It's the way of the Internets.That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You're not putting your own spin on it? You see it one way (and others agree) and others see it a different way. You can't KNOW you're right and we can't KNOW you're wrong.
We all reacted to the OP based on our own experience and how we read it. I could turn your own advice here right back at you and it would apply.
While I agree with this in terms of our own spins, I think it's generally better to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's my opinion though, and it is based on my annoyance at those who are quick to judge others. There is definitely a line though where others should become involved. I just don't think we are there in this example.
Very true. I always enjoy debating with you. It's proper and fair jousting.
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Just wanted to say I don't find this creepy but then my husband and I don't share money (what? No joint funds/accounts? Scandalous!) I give him money for my part of the bills and we occasionally split the bill when we go out but beyond that his money is his and mine is mine. So if he gave me money for losing weight well...extra bonus cash is always nice.
That's just my household though.
How dare you everyone's household must be run the exact same, to deviate from this will probably bring about the apocalypse.
Judging by some of the hostility this seems to invoking the world could only benefit from a little smiting.
Whatever though. I'm already dropping hints to the husband that I could go for this kind of arrangement. This last ten pounds has been awful but if someone sweetened the deal with some cash I might be more inclined to eat less cookies.
ill chip in, every 1/2 lb you lose i may or may not buy you a box of oreos0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
Ummmm, yeeeaaaah... No offense to the original poster of this topic... but I do find this creepy. And kind of oddly controlling. Like when Jimmy Stewart starts buying very specific clothes and demanding very specific hairstyles from that woman he's dating in Vertigo and it turns out to be the woman he used to love but thought had died. That kind of creepy.
That being said, I pay my wife to wear a postman outfit to bed and those are just the boring nights...0 -
Of course not. We don't know enough to do that. But people are going to form opinions based on what's been said. It's the way of the Internets.That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You're not putting your own spin on it? You see it one way (and others agree) and others see it a different way. You can't KNOW you're right and we can't KNOW you're wrong.
We all reacted to the OP based on our own experience and how we read it. I could turn your own advice here right back at you and it would apply.
While I agree with this in terms of our own spins, I think it's generally better to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's my opinion though, and it is based on my annoyance at those who are quick to judge others. There is definitely a line though where others should become involved. I just don't think we are there in this example.
Very true. I always enjoy debating with you. It's proper and fair jousting.
:drinker:0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.0 -
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
and you are allowed to think it would be weird. im ok with people thinking it would be weird for them. but as others and myself have stated there is no black and white way for motivation. what works for one person may not work for another. and thats ok.
the big problem i have is everyone assuming her husband is some kind of controlling *kitten* when there has been nothing said by the poster to suggest this is even remotely the case. too many people have been watching criminal minds and think they can diagnose a relationship based soley on some text.0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
Not at all. I'm all about support but if my SO said he was going to pay me to lose weight I would actually be offended.
I'm not saying your motive is money. I believe you were already committed and that his heart is in the right place. It would just make me feel very small to think that my SO believed I had to be bought in order to do the right thing for my health and my family.0 -
Just wanted to say I don't find this creepy but then my husband and I don't share money (what? No joint funds/accounts? Scandalous!) I give him money for my part of the bills and we occasionally split the bill when we go out but beyond that his money is his and mine is mine. So if he gave me money for losing weight well...extra bonus cash is always nice.
That's just my household though.
How dare you everyone's household must be run the exact same, to deviate from this will probably bring about the apocalypse.
Judging by some of the hostility this seems to invoking the world could only benefit from a little smiting.
Whatever though. I'm already dropping hints to the husband that I could go for this kind of arrangement. This last ten pounds has been awful but if someone sweetened the deal with some cash I might be more inclined to eat less cookies.
ill chip in, every 1/2 lb you lose i may or may not buy you a box of oreos
...who told you I love Oreos? Do you know my husband? Is this sabotage? Because he knows I can't just eat some Oreos, I have to eat the whole damn pack. At once.0 -
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You're not putting your own spin on it? You see it one way (and others agree) and others see it a different way. You can't KNOW you're right and we can't KNOW you're wrong.
We all reacted to the OP based on our own experience and how we read it. I could turn your own advice here right back at you and it would apply.
While I agree with this in terms of our own spins, I think it's generally better to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's my opinion though, and it is based on my annoyance at those who are quick to judge others. There is definitely a line though where others should become involved. I just don't think we are there in this example.
^^ Agreed
I think the people posting that they are creeped out either haven't stopped to think, or they have been in a bad relationship, or maybe are just rude people.0 -
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Am I the only one who thought "I wish my wife would do this...I'm getting bupkus for my weight loss!" :laugh:0
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Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
Because she is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
^ the final judge of all things related to marriage. Again, massive assumptions about what is actually going on in someone else's house. If its not for you cool, it's not for me either, but absent actual evidence of abuse it comes off as judgmental and catty. It's like a church but with a new religion.
Next subject, anything but the missionary position is pure evil . . .
I applaud you for being so laissez-faire that you don't feel you have the right to have an opinion on the degredation of women, but I don't feel that way. I have no problem saying I am repulsed by the idea of women submitting themselves to the control of their husbands. If people want to do that, fine, but that doesn't mean I like it or will give a big thumbs up to them just because it's a free country.
Your final line is pretty much the logical equivalent of "if we let gays marry, then people will be marrying their pets next." In other words, it is a travesty of logic. Pure silly hyperbole meant simply to mock and not actually make any sort of point.
And yet your own pure silly hyperbole is always ok? Given your inability to ever see the other side of an issue, and your temper tantrum over my calling you "judgmental" I am not surprised by your response. I can only assume that this is a trigger subject for you but you lack the honesty to admit it, unlike others who I have had this discussion with and respect.
+1 @ "silly hyperbole" and "inability to ever see the other side of an issue"
You nailed it, Sun!0 -
And this too....we don't really have enough info to know what hubby intended here.OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
and you are allowed to think it would be weird. im ok with people thinking it would be weird for them. but as others and myself have stated there is no black and white way for motivation. what works for one person may not work for another. and thats ok.
the big problem i have is everyone assuming her husband is some kind of controlling *kitten* when there has been nothing said by the poster to suggest this is even remotely the case. too many people have been watching criminal minds and think they can diagnose a relationship based soley on some text.0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
^ the final judge of all things related to marriage. Again, massive assumptions about what is actually going on in someone else's house. If its not for you cool, it's not for me either, but absent actual evidence of abuse it comes off as judgmental and catty. It's like a church but with a new religion.
Next subject, anything but the missionary position is pure evil . . .
:laugh:
I like you :flowerforyou:0 -
why do people get so grumpy on these forums? low blood sugar dieters, perhaps? ;P
I'm not sure if you're speaking about the folks talking about how kinda creepy it is, because honestly it is, my money and his money is our money in my marriage. However, I can see it motivating to lose weight, "Oh I can make an extra $10.00 to go buy those cute yoga pants if I lose 10 lbs, or whatever, it depends on how it was offered. I think I'd be a bit offended if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight though, his mom though, yeah she I expected it from. Now if the story went like she wanted to lose weight and kept on hassling him about it and ranting to him about wanting to lose weight, and he says "Tell you what, if this will motivate you, you can have this amount of money for spending if you lose this amount of weight and so on." That would be different, I mean after all, I kept ranting to him about it, and he is just trying to help me. In a guys mind I would assume he would just think he's helping.
God forbid someone run their household different from the way you run yours. I find it sad that you think it would be better if she nagged him into it.
My problem with it is not how they run their household, but that the pair is entering (or, more realistically, revealing) a control relationship. Paying someone to perform some function is inherently about control, and I think that's something that has no place in a marriage. I find it degrading.
That isn't what I got out of it at all. I really think you are putting your own spin on this. The op is happy and excited about this and we don't even know the whole story. People do things differently. The close mindedness on this thread is just mind blowing. I would suggest some people here really need to venture out of their own little world and experince life in a different way.
You came at me and twisted my words up, I'm just saying. Then you didn't even acknowledge me when I explained it, everyone interrupt's things differently especially on the internet, like you said, we don't all do things the same way, I don't expect you or anyone else to live like I do. But don't twist my damn words and then not even acknowledge me when I explain and then have the gulls to call most people on this thread closed minded, calling the kettle black maybe? We're all suppose to see it your way, right?
I wasn't talking to you... I was talking to Johnny who is also in the quotes. I never said most either.
I didn't respond to you because it wasn't worth it to...
Really? You quoted me and took the nagging bit of what I said and twisted it up. No need to be a twit about it.
What do you not understand about the fact that I am not talking to you? I didn't respond to you anymore because it wasn't worth it. I responded to Johnny because I wanted to.0 -
I skipped about 11 pages, maybe this has been addressed already.
If he's paying $25 / lb for everything lost, up to and including 40 lbs... she stands to make about $1,000. If he's paying, literally, $10 / lb for the 1st 10, and more for 10 - 20, etc... she'll make substantially less.
Honestly, the effort doesn't seem worth the reward. Losing 40 lbs is a huge accomplishment, and her own personal satisfaction would be worth infinitely more than $1,000, I'd think. But, consider the effort to lose 40 lbs. If you were being paid by the hour to do that, what would the $1,000 payoff = ? $1 an hour? If he's gonna pay her for the work, he should pay fairly. Start talking $10,000, maybe.
Does the OP work a regular job outside the home? Wouldn't she make more money with working OT, or getting a 2nd part time job, or a work from home, type job, or..... ? The potential reward just doesn't seem like it's worth the effort, to me. It's like my employer giving out 'atta boys' and donuts for substantial contributions to the betterment of the company. If it's over and above expectations... either take it as part of my job, or reward me in a meaningful way. I work for money... not praise and donuts. Maybe that's just me.
:huh:0 -
This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....0
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Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
Because she is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.
An awful example? Oh no, not a bad example!!!! Won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!0 -
That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....0 -
I skipped about 11 pages, maybe this has been addressed already.
If he's paying $25 / lb for everything lost, up to and including 40 lbs... she stands to make about $1,000. If he's paying, literally, $10 / lb for the 1st 10, and more for 10 - 20, etc... she'll make substantially less.
Honestly, the effort doesn't seem worth the reward. Losing 40 lbs is a huge accomplishment, and her own personal satisfaction would be worth infinitely more than $1,000, I'd think. But, consider the effort to lose 40 lbs. If you were being paid by the hour to do that, what would the $1,000 payoff = ? $1 an hour? If he's gonna pay her for the work, he should pay fairly. Start talking $10,000, maybe.
Does the OP work a regular job outside the home? Wouldn't she make more money with working OT, or getting a 2nd part time job, or a work from home, type job, or..... ? The potential reward just doesn't seem like it's worth the effort, to me. It's like my employer giving out 'atta boys' and donuts for substantial contributions to the betterment of the company. If it's over and above expectations... either take it as part of my job, or reward me in a meaningful way. I work for money... not praise and donuts. Maybe that's just me.
:huh:
It's kind of like working for commission. You make your numbers and a nice boost happens on top of what you'd make normally.0 -
I would probably be kinda pissed if my husband offered to pay me to lose weight, but I'm glad it is motivating for you! I am buying myself a gift for every week I lose weight...my husband does not approve, lol.0
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That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....
Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?
I find it odd that people jump to the parent/child thing. Makes me think things about those people. Just saying.0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
Because she is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.
An awful example? Oh no, not a bad example!!!! Won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!
What are you banging on about? Or did you just feel like having a random, unsubjective, unproductive rant out of boredom?0 -
That is great that he gives you an incentive. My incentive is different though. I don't need money to do this, I need encouragement and praise.
Plus we could never afford a plan like that.0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
Because she is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.
An awful example? Oh no, not a bad example!!!! Won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!
What are you banging on about? Or did you just feel like having a random, unsubjective, unproductive rant out of boredom?
I thought random nonsense rants were what we were doing here. I was just following your lead.0 -
Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
No0 -
I think it is great ! Let's face it. If we know we are fat. Our husbands know we are fat. Every husband want a beautifully fit and attractive wife. If they say otherwise they are lying. Yep, I said it. So, if he wants to promise his wife something special for her success more power to the both of them.0
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I guess I am perceiving this a little differently than most people.
It didn't seem to me from the wording of the OP that her husband was paying her to lose weight and she was meekly doing it even though she didn't want to but rather she seemed quite happy and the money was a bonus for her.
In other words, he was showing his appreciation for something she was going to do already and adding a bonus on top of the rewards she should get anyway from losing weight.
As a romantic gesture it is a bit clumsy but that doesn't mean malice.0
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