PARENTING FAIL, big time . . .

ladymiseryali

Parent fail, yes, but the parent who has failed is YOU for putting so much pressure on a CHILD! Did you not get enough punishment from your last post?

I seriously hope this is a troll......If not, I feel really sorry for this child in question.

Iwishyouwell

Man, I can't believe people are taking this thread so seriously. Am I the only one who sees a tongue in cheek comment?

People are going overboard, as usual. This is the same board where it's routine to see posters advising folks get a divorce over petty nonsense like "my husband doesn't appreciate my weight loss".

I didn't think the OP was being serious. And even if she was we don't even know the context of her relationship with grandma. People just hear "grandma", assume she's some sweet, benevolent saint, and the OP is the wicked daughter or DIL who is stringing her up. For all we know the OP could have talked to grandma about overfeeding the kids, and she continues to defy her out of spite. We just don't know.

the primary issue most of us are discussing, if you read our posts, is not grandma and whether she is overfeeding the kiddoes (about which I could give a sweet crap). it's the sport of children's wrestling and the fact that the pressure it puts on children to meet a certain weight goal creates a problem with eating disorders in young boys much as gymnastics does in young girls. it is a serious problem, especially in places like Iowa, Minnesota and Wisconsin where these sports are popular.

No actually, there are quite a few posts in this thread that are solely about "poor grandma", the victim. I chose to address those.

I read every single post in this thread, but simply chose to stay out of the wrestling/eating disorder line of the conversation. Which I am entitled to do. Just because some of you are having an (admittedly vital) conversation about eating disorders in sports does not mean I have to join in on the discussion/debate of that topic.

mccindy72

My seven year old had a state level wrestling tournament today, for which he needed to weigh in at 76 lbs or less to compete:

After he was snowed out of over six hours of practice this week . . . I let him have dinner at his grandmother's house last night without being there to supervise and stop her "need to feed." (What was I thinking?!!)

THE AGONY OF DEFEAT: He had to forfeit this morning, at 76.2 lbs. :sad:

FUNNY SIDE: After weighing in, he came home for a substanstial . . . er, "evacuation." :laugh: *sigh*

SILVER LINING: Maybe letting Grandma see the tears will help her understand why it's NOT NICE to overfeed kids.

Now I'm going to come back and address your original post, and the previous thread you posted, accusing relatives of sabotaging your children. Are you really a mom? Or just some troublemaking person who likes to start these threads and then never reply to anyone who replies to them? Sounds to me like you are a terrible person who likes to point fingers at everyone but yourself, without realizing that while you may be pointing your index finger at others, the other three are pointing right back at yourself.

FlaxMilk

OP -- you had your kid all week long, if you really think him being involved in this type of activity is a great idea, it is YOUR job to make sure it's being managed in a health way. Having him in a weight class that some extra mashed potatoes will toss him out of, especially when he probably lacks the ability to comprehend how his body works, is on YOU.

This. The extra weight over was food and waste weight, not extra body fat from a night at grandma's. Why not teach him that sometimes life is silly and disappointing in that way? It *is* silly. Teach him to giggle that forgetting to poo is the difference between competing and not, and help him learn that missing an opportunity due to a bowel movement is a life moment, not a personal failure or something to obsess over. Teach him that as a growing child, sometimes the kids he wrestles with will change because he's growing up, and sometimes that may even mean missing a tournament because he's in the middle of two classes, but that you will not sacrifice his health and safety for his short-term happiness. That may help the five year old who cries when he loses and blames it on too many cookies too.

I wasn't able to do so many activities as a child because of my height. I was disappointed, I complained, I *****ed, and I have no complexes about my height because it was never made out to be a *thing*.

12skipafew99100

OP, I read seventeen year old at 76 pounds!!!!!! I thought you were crazy to encourage that. Silly me.

Soccermavrick

Seriously, we are worrying about how much a healthy seven year old weights?????? I am sorry but I find this thread disturbing. As long as my daughter is within the average, and getting exercise, I am not concerned with an ounce or two, and I am not up for pushing her in ANY sport that makes her think about it. Society as a whole will have enough of an impact as she gets older, I do NOT need to start that any sooner.

douglasmobbs

Got to be your fault, you should have weighed him before the official weigh in and then chuck him in the sauna for 20 mins to get rid of that excess weight.

AJinBirmingham

What lengths are you really willing to go to make sure your child is right under 76 lbs?

What makes you think this is parent driven?

From what I can see, the kid wants to wrestle. The rules are what they are. The individual learning the real lesson here is the kid himself - if you want to compete, don't pig out before a tournament!

It might be sport-driven, but it is parent-supported. The decision to cut or not cut starts at home. My son never cut weight to make a weight class. that was our decision, and we stood firm. if he wanted to wrestle, and the coaches wanted him on the team, he would not cut weight.

Wrestling is THEIR idea. I don't care what they play, as long as they have fun and play hard.

Teaching both of my children to eat because they are hungry, not just because there's food there, to stop when they are full, and to indulge in treats with moderation is something I want to do whether they wrestle or not. If you think that's bad parenting, you're wrong. (The parenting fail was leaving them in a den of indulgence the night before a match - I'll own that mistake.)

I'm happy to let him wrestle up - of course, he's likely to lose coming up against kids with a couple more years' experience, but it's good practice.

My five year old was also disqualified, but that was on purpose - I let him skip a qualifying match to go to a class birthday party - but it was HIS choice.

Lesa_Sass

I think people are missing the fact that the kid missed weight by less than a quarter of a pound. It's not like he needs to cut to make his weight. He forgot to go to the bathroom before weigh in. Weight limit was 76, and he weighed in at 76.2. This is seriously being blown way out of proportion by everyone here.

No, people are reacting to OP because she has a habit of making posts that blame family members for overfeeding: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1152932-harming-children-to-make-yourself-feel-good

Humm.

So just so I have the facts straight:

1. He weighed in before he took his morning poop.
2. He was at or around his maximum weight when he was sent to Grandmas house.
3. Blaming a loving grandparent for feeding the child
4. Heartbroken child a referred to as "sliver lining"
5. Past threads created about grandparents over feeding a child.

One question, did you have any clue what so ever that your child may not be able to make his weight class this morning when you sent him to grandmothers to eat last night?

FlaxMilk

My five year old was also disqualified, but that was on purpose - I let him skip a qualifying match to go to a class birthday party - but it was HIS choice.

I'm glad. (No sarcasm.) (About him getting to choose what was more important to him, not that he got disqualified.)

PikaKnight

I think people are missing the fact that the kid missed weight by less than a quarter of a pound. It's not like he needs to cut to make his weight. He forgot to go to the bathroom before weigh in. Weight limit was 76, and he weighed in at 76.2. This is seriously being blown way out of proportion by everyone here.

In this particular case. and on weigh-in day. many wrestlers cut as much as 30 lbs in the month or 2 before start of season at the direction of coaches to compete and then struggle to keep the weight off during the entire five-month season. Often they attend camps in the summer and cut weight there too.

The kid in question is 5 years old.

ETA: Oops, I guess he's 7? There's a 2nd kid who is 5 years old that she was complaining about in regards to Grandma spoiling him on the HOLIDAYS. All in all...he's a child. A child. He's not that devastated. If he's freaking out it's because there's a certain parent whose encouraging such unhealthy behaviours.

wolverine66

In a world of food abundance, high quality eating habits are an important skill.

My 9 year old tracks calories, reads nutritional labels, and makes some basic food choices on his own.

qft. a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!? teach them about the food guide, eating their veggies, etc.. but counting calories? talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food, pretty much in this thread as a whole.

I find this post incredibly ironic, and here's why (from a personal standpoint):

I now count calories. I use this site to count calories (almost daily...oops). And why do I do that? Because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Counting/tracking calories has helped me learn about food. That burgers aren't awful, that bacon is okay, that chocolate is okay, all in moderation. And now you seem to indicate that doing this is an unhealthy relationship with food? I think I have a much better relationship now.

I don't know this guy or his son, but it seems like knowing what you are eating and how it's different from other foods is not a bad thing no matter what age.

I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

AJinBirmingham

My seven year old had a state level wrestling tournament today, for which he needed to weigh in at 76 lbs or less to compete:

After he was snowed out of over six hours of practice this week . . . I let him have dinner at his grandmother's house last night without being there to supervise and stop her "need to feed." (What was I thinking?!!)

THE AGONY OF DEFEAT: He had to forfeit this morning, at 76.2 lbs. :sad:

FUNNY SIDE: After weighing in, he came home for a substanstial . . . er, "evacuation." :laugh: *sigh*

SILVER LINING: Maybe letting Grandma see the tears will help her understand why it's NOT NICE to overfeed kids.

this was my issue with wrestling. My son was a wrestler from age 6 to 17. We said from day 1 that he would never, ever wrestle in a weight class below his current weight. We saw too many kids starving themselves trying to lose 20-30 lbs below their normal, healthy weight, and following dangerous sweating and dehydration practices to try to make weight. My son was in cross-country in the fall, wrestling all winter, and track in the spring. the distance running gave him the stamina he needed to be successful in wrestling, even when he was in weight classes where his opponents had cut weight to compete and he was giving up muscle mass. It's not worth their health to try to be successful at a sport they won't ever care about again after graduation.

I agree - If I catch either of my kids "cutting weight" old school style - I'll pull their wrestling privileges.

FlaxMilk

In a world of food abundance, high quality eating habits are an important skill.

My 9 year old tracks calories, reads nutritional labels, and makes some basic food choices on his own.

qft. a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!? teach them about the food guide, eating their veggies, etc.. but counting calories? talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food, pretty much in this thread as a whole.

I find this post incredibly ironic, and here's why (from a personal standpoint):

I now count calories. I use this site to count calories (almost daily...oops). And why do I do that? Because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Counting/tracking calories has helped me learn about food. That burgers aren't awful, that bacon is okay, that chocolate is okay, all in moderation. And now you seem to indicate that doing this is an unhealthy relationship with food? I think I have a much better relationship now.

I don't know this guy or his son, but it seems like knowing what you are eating and how it's different from other foods is not a bad thing no matter what age.

I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

I agree, it's the balance. The myplate page for kids has games where they learn about calories and how to plan their days. If a kid is active enough and eating intuitively to not be overweight, I think it's fine for the parents to say "Just keep doing what you're doing, you're taking in just what you need." But teaching people about calories as a factual thing and not a scary or judgmental thing is not bad either, especially if the child isn't as inclined toward activity or moderation. Calories tell us how much fuel we need, the rest is all value judgments attached by us.

kgeyser

In, because this was so entertaining the last time everyone else caused the kids to be above weight.

AJinBirmingham

I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.

Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.

I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.

If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.

EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!

AJinBirmingham

My seven year old had a state level wrestling tournament today, for which he needed to weigh in at 76 lbs or less to compete:

After he was snowed out of over six hours of practice this week . . . I let him have dinner at his grandmother's house last night without being there to supervise and stop her "need to feed." (What was I thinking?!!)

THE AGONY OF DEFEAT: He had to forfeit this morning, at 76.2 lbs. :sad:

FUNNY SIDE: After weighing in, he came home for a substanstial . . . er, "evacuation." :laugh: *sigh*

SILVER LINING: Maybe letting Grandma see the tears will help her understand why it's NOT NICE to overfeed kids.

Now I'm going to come back and address your original post, and the previous thread you posted, accusing relatives of sabotaging your children. Are you really a mom? Or just some troublemaking person who likes to start these threads and then never reply to anyone who replies to them? Sounds to me like you are a terrible person who likes to point fingers at everyone but yourself, without realizing that while you may be pointing your index finger at others, the other three are pointing right back at yourself.

As a parent, I hold no one responsible but myself for my kids' nutrition. Christmas time was extremely frustrating because they would get sweets from their paternal grandmother in the morning, then their paternal grandpa, then later go and ask each of my parents for treats, aunts, uncles, and every other relative they could find . . . and had extras at school parties on top of it all.

I have no grounds for getting cross with anyone for thinking kids like and should have treats at Christmas, but every right to get cross with a group of people for overindulging kids with an unhealthy level of sweets AFTER I've asked them not to do that.

Iwishyouwell

I really think if a parent(s) ask a grandparent, aunt, friends' parents, whomever, NOT to feed their child certain foods or classes of food than the person should respect the parents' wishes.

And if they can't, if they feel they MUST feed the child chocolate cake, cookies, ice cream, whatever, then they should let the parents know up front and just not have the child over.

I don't understand why the OP would be getting attacked just because she wants her kids eating in a certain way and would rather the other adults respect those choices if they're going to spend time with HER kids.

kitsune1989

My seven year old had a state level wrestling tournament today, for which he needed to weigh in at 76 lbs or less to compete:

After he was snowed out of over six hours of practice this week . . . I let him have dinner at his grandmother's house last night without being there to supervise and stop her "need to feed." (What was I thinking?!!)

THE AGONY OF DEFEAT: He had to forfeit this morning, at 76.2 lbs. :sad:

FUNNY SIDE: After weighing in, he came home for a substanstial . . . er, "evacuation." :laugh: *sigh*

SILVER LINING: Maybe letting Grandma see the tears will help her understand why it's NOT NICE to overfeed kids.

Now I'm going to come back and address your original post, and the previous thread you posted, accusing relatives of sabotaging your children. Are you really a mom? Or just some troublemaking person who likes to start these threads and then never reply to anyone who replies to them? Sounds to me like you are a terrible person who likes to point fingers at everyone but yourself, without realizing that while you may be pointing your index finger at others, the other three are pointing right back at yourself.

As a parent, I hold no one responsible but myself for my kids' nutrition. Christmas time was extremely frustrating because they would get sweets from their paternal grandmother in the morning, then their paternal grandpa, then later go and ask each of my parents for treats, aunts, uncles, and every other relative they could find . . . and had extras at school parties on top of it all.
,
I have no grounds for getting cross with anyone for thinking kids like and should have treats at Christmas, but every right to get cross with a group of people for overindulging kids with an unhealthy level of sweets AFTER I've asked them not to do that.

What bothers me is that your saying your kids where the ones asking. Now its "grandma's overindulgence" for LESS than half a pound (which was probably eliminated later as you suggest) You don't see how unhealthy this sounds?