PARENTING FAIL, big time . . .
Replies
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I think people are missing the fact that the kid missed weight by less than a quarter of a pound. It's not like he needs to cut to make his weight. He forgot to go to the bathroom before weigh in. Weight limit was 76, and he weighed in at 76.2. This is seriously being blown way out of proportion by everyone here.
No, people are reacting to OP because she has a habit of making posts that blame family members for overfeeding: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1152932-harming-children-to-make-yourself-feel-good
Humm.
So just so I have the facts straight:
1. He weighed in before he took his morning poop.
2. He was at or around his maximum weight when he was sent to Grandmas house.
3. Blaming a loving grandparent for feeding the child
4. Heartbroken child a referred to as "sliver lining"
5. Past threads created about grandparents over feeding a child.
One question, did you have any clue what so ever that your child may not be able to make his weight class this morning when you sent him to grandmothers to eat last night?
ANSWER: Yes, I did. That's why I'm annoyed with myself for being so thoughtless. (I'm not annoyed with him.)
That is not called being thoughtless, that is called being emotionally abusive. Shame on you for using your son as a pawn in your little game.
Yeah, I am not sure it's that you are thoughtless, OP. You have an agenda and that is "OMG GRANNY AND AUNTIES ARE OVERFEEDERS" and you are willing to devestate your son to prove your point.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.0 -
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
You might try a list. My husband wrote a clear list for his parents -- not what they CAN'T eat but what they CAN. The kids can eat fruit, vegetables, meat, nuts, and cheese. They can drink water -- sparking, soda, plain. Treats are FRUIT not candy. We encourage her to buy raspberries, blueberries, etc.
I might even print out the Whole30 Vegetarian Style shopping list for her.
And if she continues to try to buy my kids' love with sugar then I'll ask her to track what they eat when with her to show her how gawd-awful their diet is when they're with her versus when they're with us. I really had no idea how much sugar I was consuming until I started tracking it... and now I realize how much sugar my kids eat.0 -
a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!?
Not kidding at all. It's a great way to reinforce math skills, too.
I mean, we are teaching them math so they can do practical things with it, right?talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food..
Let me see if I have this straight. I have an honest, fact-based relationship with food and exercise, and am successfully passing that along to my kid. You, on the other hand, are so terrified of food that you can't even begin to imagine doing the same with with your kid.
And *I* am the one with an "unhealthy" attitude towards food?
:laugh:
Sure thing, sugar...0 -
this was my issue with wrestling. My son was a wrestler from age 6 to 17. We said from day 1 that he would never, ever wrestle in a weight class below his current weight. We saw too many kids starving themselves trying to lose 20-30 lbs below their normal, healthy weight, and following dangerous sweating and dehydration practices to try to make weight. My son was in cross-country in the fall, wrestling all winter, and track in the spring. the distance running gave him the stamina he needed to be successful in wrestling, even when he was in weight classes where his opponents had cut weight to compete and he was giving up muscle mass. It's not worth their health to try to be successful at a sport they won't ever care about again after graduation.
I remember two brothers when I was growing up (one was a friend in my grade and the other a year older). They were both VERY underweight through all of high school so that they could stay in whatever absurd weight category they were in. (They wouldn't eat anything for a day or two before the weigh-in, and then eat something after weighing in, etc.) Seriously, they were both so underweight that I bet they didn't even go through puberty. A year or two after I graduated, I was working at a store and this guy started talking to me. I had no clue who he was. He finally said, "Don't you recognize me?" No, not at all. No clue. Turns out that after he graduated high school, he could actually eat. He just looked healthy. Before he was like a skeleton. Now his face had filled out and he looked great!
I do understand why they have the weight categories but at age 7? Kids at that age just want to play. I can see maybe junior high or high school, but is it still healthy to have to do weird things to remain in a certain weight category? Although I suppose this is to prevent injuries to the lighter weight kids in the same weight range. If they let someone .2 lbs over the high range, some other parent would say, well... my kid is .5 lbs over, why can't he/she still be in the same category, that's only .3 lbs over so-and-so and they got to play.0 -
Calories tell us how much fuel we need, the rest is all value judgments attached by us.
Very nicely put!
:drinker:0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.0 -
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
Not sure about that. Seems to me an awful lot of posts along these lines are basically using the kids as a tool for lashing out over adults' unresolved issues with their own parents.
Each to their own, but personally, I don't see that as being particularly fair to the kids.0 -
Wow...Did the gma know making valentines and buying shoes were against the rules and breaking family boundaries? Do your kids feet grow at the same rate or is gma so vindictive she buys shoes needlessly for one child and treats the other poorly? Either there is a lot of information missing in the dynamics of your family relationships or our definition of what constitutes a gma overstepping her bounds are radically different. Good luck navigating the waters if things continue to escalate.0
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a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!?
Not kidding at all. It's a great way to reinforce math skills, too.
I mean, we are teaching them math so they can do practical things with it, right?talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food..
Let me see if I have this straight. I have an honest, fact-based relationship with food and exercise, and am successfully passing that along to my kid. You, on the other hand, are so terrified of food that you can't even begin to imagine doing the same with with your kid.
And *I* am the one with an "unhealthy" attitude towards food?
:laugh:
Sure thing, sugar...
As long as your child never goes through a phase where they are fearful of becoming fat, it is probably fine. But especially young girls hitting puberty, it can be a rough thing. What started out as a math lesson can spiral out of control really, really fast. What was once a fun thing to do can become an unheathy fixation with very little effort.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.
No, I didn't miss the last post about everyone jacking her kids full of sugar without asking her first. Yes, boundary-stompers is what we call those.
No, I don't use my in-laws for babysitters EVER. They have the audacity to undermine my parenting while in my company. But like theorizing.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.
No, I didn't miss the last post about everyone jacking her kids full of sugar without asking her first. Yes, boundary-stompers is what we call those.
No, I don't use my in-laws for babysitters EVER. They have the audacity to undermine my parenting while in my company. But like theorizing.
And yet, with you there they managed buy shoes and make a craft.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.
No, I didn't miss the last post about everyone jacking her kids full of sugar without asking her first. Yes, boundary-stompers is what we call those.
No, I don't use my in-laws for babysitters EVER. They have the audacity to undermine my parenting while in my company. But like theorizing.
When I first started reading your post I thought you were being sarcastic.
When I realized you were serious, I started feeling sorry for your children and their grandmother.0 -
Sigh. This thread again? I thought someone dug up another zombie thread.
Replace your child with cauliflower.
Problem solved.0 -
Sigh. This thread again? I thought someone dug up another zombie thread.
Replace your child with cauliflower.
Problem solved.
0 -
Sigh. This thread again? I thought someone dug up another zombie thread.
Replace your child with cauliflower.
Problem solved.
lol0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.
No, I didn't miss the last post about everyone jacking her kids full of sugar without asking her first. Yes, boundary-stompers is what we call those.
No, I don't use my in-laws for babysitters EVER. They have the audacity to undermine my parenting while in my company. But like theorizing.
And yet, with you there they managed buy shoes and make a craft.
Good point. No, I wasn't there for the Valentine's and shoes. My kids are fortunate enough to have grandparents that live in town and want to spend every Friday with them. It's not a baby-sitting situation -- it's me letting my kids spend their Friday with their grandparents.
My comment about undoing my hard work was directly related to food, not crafts or clothes. That was not clear at all.Wow...Did the gma know making valentines and buying shoes were against the rules and breaking family boundaries? Do your kids feet grow at the same rate or is gma so vindictive she buys shoes needlessly for one child and treats the other poorly? Either there is a lot of information missing in the dynamics of your family relationships or our definition of what constitutes a gma overstepping her bounds are radically different. Good luck navigating the waters if things continue to escalate.
No, grandma didn't know that it was inappropriate for her to make my daughter's classroom Valentine's in January with her rather than me because SHE DIDN'T ASK! (And I'm pretty sure that she didn't ask because she knows that I want to do that with my daughter.)
I wouldn't call my MIL vindictive and she doesn't treat either of my children poorly -- she doesn't consider how a 3-year old may feel if her big sister gets new shoes and she doesn't. It's heartbreaking for her. She feels less loved. It's a big issue. And it's a mess that I don't feel that I should have to wake up and deal with at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning because my MIL needed my daughter to have new shoes. God knows my daughter doesn't need MORE new shoes.
Thank you for the support regarding navigating the waters. Fortunately, my husband and I are a team and he handles the parental drama. And I'm too busy with three kids under the age of five to get so bent that I'll make an issue of it. But yes, we've seen dark days.0 -
Just in to save. Wanna watch the train wreck a little more.0
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I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
How dare she!?! I bet that evil woman lies awake at night thinking of the ways she can undo your parenting. I mean, what's next? Will she come over and clean your kitchen? Maybe you could be thankful that Grandma is alive and your kids get to know her or that Grandma cares enough to spend time with her grandchildren. A lot of children miss out on the blessings of having grandparents.0 -
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I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.
No, I didn't miss the last post about everyone jacking her kids full of sugar without asking her first. Yes, boundary-stompers is what we call those.
No, I don't use my in-laws for babysitters EVER. They have the audacity to undermine my parenting while in my company. But like theorizing.
And yet, with you there they managed buy shoes and make a craft.
Good point. No, I wasn't there for the Valentine's and shoes. My kids are fortunate enough to have grandparents that live in town and want to spend every Friday with them. It's not a baby-sitting situation -- it's me letting my kids spend their Friday with their grandparents.
My comment about undoing my hard work was directly related to food, not crafts or clothes. That was not clear at all.Wow...Did the gma know making valentines and buying shoes were against the rules and breaking family boundaries? Do your kids feet grow at the same rate or is gma so vindictive she buys shoes needlessly for one child and treats the other poorly? Either there is a lot of information missing in the dynamics of your family relationships or our definition of what constitutes a gma overstepping her bounds are radically different. Good luck navigating the waters if things continue to escalate.
No, grandma didn't know that it was inappropriate for her to make my daughter's classroom Valentine's in January with her rather than me because SHE DIDN'T ASK! (And I'm pretty sure that she didn't ask because she knows that I want to do that with my daughter.)
I wouldn't call my MIL vindictive and she doesn't treat either of my children poorly -- she doesn't consider how a 3-year old may feel if her big sister gets new shoes and she doesn't. It's heartbreaking for her. She feels less loved. It's a big issue. And it's a mess that I don't feel that I should have to wake up and deal with at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning because my MIL needed my daughter to have new shoes. God knows my daughter doesn't need MORE new shoes.
Thank you for the support regarding navigating the waters. Fortunately, my husband and I are a team and he handles the parental drama. And I'm too busy with three kids under the age of five to get so bent that I'll make an issue of it. But yes, we've seen dark days.
Bold and fancy.
If somebody watches your children the same day, every single week -- that IS a childcare situation. I live next door to my parents. We are close and I own a business with my dad -- they love my daughter immensely -- they do not watch her that frequently. Why? Because it's a lot.
Whether you want to recognize it or not -- your in laws are giving you a huge break most people don't get unless they pay for it.
And who care if she made Valentine's with your daughter? It's not like there is a one Valentine's project a year limit.
As to the shoes, does she never buy things for the younger child and not the older? And as the mother of a 4 year old, she would have NO idea if granny bought her cousin something and not her, unless an adult pointed it out.0 -
On my way over to Gramma's (where Gramma watches my daughter while I go to school) at 730 AM, post breakfast at home, my little girl says "After you leave, Gramma asks me if I want to have more breakfast." Other Gramma has TOLD me that unless it hurts her, she never tells my daughter no. Sooo, she shows me some pics on her phone one day and I scroll through some...find one of my little girl eating Oreos time stamped at 8 something IN THE MORNING! And she proceeds to tell me that she ate an entire row of Oreos that day.
What is it with grandparents doing this???
That being said...I'll probably do it too.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
How dare she!?! I bet that evil woman lies awake at night thinking of the ways she can undo your parenting. I mean, what's next? Will she come over and clean your kitchen? Maybe you could be thankful that Grandma is alive and your kids get to know her or that Grandma cares enough to spend time with her grandchildren. A lot of children miss out on the blessings of having grandparents.
Oh yeah, heaven forbid I get annoyed with grandma because she's not dead.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
How dare she!?! I bet that evil woman lies awake at night thinking of the ways she can undo your parenting. I mean, what's next? Will she come over and clean your kitchen? Maybe you could be thankful that Grandma is alive and your kids get to know her or that Grandma cares enough to spend time with her grandchildren. A lot of children miss out on the blessings of having grandparents.
Oh yeah, heaven forbid I get annoyed with grandma because she's not dead.
Wow.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.
No, I didn't miss the last post about everyone jacking her kids full of sugar without asking her first. Yes, boundary-stompers is what we call those.
No, I don't use my in-laws for babysitters EVER. They have the audacity to undermine my parenting while in my company. But like theorizing.
And yet, with you there they managed buy shoes and make a craft.
Good point. No, I wasn't there for the Valentine's and shoes. My kids are fortunate enough to have grandparents that live in town and want to spend every Friday with them. It's not a baby-sitting situation -- it's me letting my kids spend their Friday with their grandparents.
My comment about undoing my hard work was directly related to food, not crafts or clothes. That was not clear at all.Wow...Did the gma know making valentines and buying shoes were against the rules and breaking family boundaries? Do your kids feet grow at the same rate or is gma so vindictive she buys shoes needlessly for one child and treats the other poorly? Either there is a lot of information missing in the dynamics of your family relationships or our definition of what constitutes a gma overstepping her bounds are radically different. Good luck navigating the waters if things continue to escalate.
No, grandma didn't know that it was inappropriate for her to make my daughter's classroom Valentine's in January with her rather than me because SHE DIDN'T ASK! (And I'm pretty sure that she didn't ask because she knows that I want to do that with my daughter.)
I wouldn't call my MIL vindictive and she doesn't treat either of my children poorly -- she doesn't consider how a 3-year old may feel if her big sister gets new shoes and she doesn't. It's heartbreaking for her. She feels less loved. It's a big issue. And it's a mess that I don't feel that I should have to wake up and deal with at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning because my MIL needed my daughter to have new shoes. God knows my daughter doesn't need MORE new shoes.
Thank you for the support regarding navigating the waters. Fortunately, my husband and I are a team and he handles the parental drama. And I'm too busy with three kids under the age of five to get so bent that I'll make an issue of it. But yes, we've seen dark days.
Bold and fancy.
If somebody watches your children the same day, every single week -- that IS a childcare situation. I live next door to my parents. We are close and I own a business with my dad -- they love my daughter immensely -- they do not watch her that frequently. Why? Because it's a lot.
Whether you want to recognize it or not -- your in laws are giving you a huge break most people don't get unless they pay for it.
And who care if she made Valentine's with your daughter? It's not like there is a one Valentine's project a year limit.
As to the shoes, does she never buy things for the younger child and not the older? And as the mother of a 4 year old, she would have NO idea if granny bought her cousin something and not her, unless an adult pointed it out.
The reason this is not childcare is because it's not to help me. If I pulled back, I'd be the *kitten*. I accommodate their needs on this, not mine. Call it what you want but I live it and I know exactly what it is.
I care that this is my daughter's first year in school and I wanted to help her make Valentine's for her classmates.
No, she tends to buy only for the older daughter and my younger daughter is just now figuring it out. And no, she's not going to NOT NOTICE when her sister puts on new shoes. She's not blind or stupid.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
How dare she!?! I bet that evil woman lies awake at night thinking of the ways she can undo your parenting. I mean, what's next? Will she come over and clean your kitchen? Maybe you could be thankful that Grandma is alive and your kids get to know her or that Grandma cares enough to spend time with her grandchildren. A lot of children miss out on the blessings of having grandparents.
Oh yeah, heaven forbid I get annoyed with grandma because she's not dead.
You're annoyed with Grandma because she did a craft with your daughter and bought her shoes. I hope someday soon you will realize how ridiculous that sounds.
If your three year old is heartbroken and feels less loved because her big sister got some shoes,she has issues beyond what grandma does or doesn't do.
edit to add
you said
I care that this is my daughter's first year in school and I wanted to help her make Valentine's for her classmates.
So, it's about you, not about your daughter's happiness or her spending time with Grandma doing fun stuff.
Got it.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
How dare she!?! I bet that evil woman lies awake at night thinking of the ways she can undo your parenting. I mean, what's next? Will she come over and clean your kitchen? Maybe you could be thankful that Grandma is alive and your kids get to know her or that Grandma cares enough to spend time with her grandchildren. A lot of children miss out on the blessings of having grandparents.
Oh yeah, heaven forbid I get annoyed with grandma because she's not dead.
Wow.
That's exactly my response when I read that.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
How dare she!?! I bet that evil woman lies awake at night thinking of the ways she can undo your parenting. I mean, what's next? Will she come over and clean your kitchen? Maybe you could be thankful that Grandma is alive and your kids get to know her or that Grandma cares enough to spend time with her grandchildren. A lot of children miss out on the blessings of having grandparents.
Oh yeah, heaven forbid I get annoyed with grandma because she's not dead.
You're annoyed with Grandma because she did a craft with your daughter and bought her shoes. I hope someday soon you will realize how ridiculous that sounds.
If your three year old is heartbroken and feels less loved because her big sister got some shoes,she has issues beyond what grandma does or doesn't do.
I'm guessing that you're not a mother.0 -
I need grandchildren.
I didn't screw my own kids up enough.0 -
Blimey there are a lot of up tight people in this world. Relax there are worse things out there0
This discussion has been closed.
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