PARENTING FAIL, big time . . .
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In a world of food abundance, high quality eating habits are an important skill.
My 9 year old tracks calories, reads nutritional labels, and makes some basic food choices on his own.
qft. a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!? teach them about the food guide, eating their veggies, etc.. but counting calories? talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food, pretty much in this thread as a whole.
I find this post incredibly ironic, and here's why (from a personal standpoint):
I now count calories. I use this site to count calories (almost daily...oops). And why do I do that? Because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Counting/tracking calories has helped me learn about food. That burgers aren't awful, that bacon is okay, that chocolate is okay, all in moderation. And now you seem to indicate that doing this is an unhealthy relationship with food? I think I have a much better relationship now.
I don't know this guy or his son, but it seems like knowing what you are eating and how it's different from other foods is not a bad thing no matter what age.
I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
It is about what is age appropriate. Nothing wrong with reading labels or knowing that you need to be active and burn calories but children's needs are different because they are GROWING. There is no reason for a child to track their calories unless they have a significant weight problem and they are being monitored by a doctor or nutritionist.
I agree with the person talking about Myplate -- those kinds of games are informative.
If you think about it, counting calories gave you a healthy perspective as an adult -- it might me a vastly different experience for a child who doesn't have life experience of perspective.0 -
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
When my friends/family give me specific guidelines, I follow them. Otherwise, my auntie sense overrules all sense. It's much easier to stick to "One bag of candy instead of three this time, ok?" than "One dessert." Because if you say one dessert, I'm going to allow myself to give in to the bowl of ice cream being topped with cookies and candy. (But don't make the guidelines an issue in front of the kids.)0 -
In a world of food abundance, high quality eating habits are an important skill.
My 9 year old tracks calories, reads nutritional labels, and makes some basic food choices on his own.
qft. a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!? teach them about the food guide, eating their veggies, etc.. but counting calories? talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food, pretty much in this thread as a whole.
I find this post incredibly ironic, and here's why (from a personal standpoint):
I now count calories. I use this site to count calories (almost daily...oops). And why do I do that? Because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Counting/tracking calories has helped me learn about food. That burgers aren't awful, that bacon is okay, that chocolate is okay, all in moderation. And now you seem to indicate that doing this is an unhealthy relationship with food? I think I have a much better relationship now.
I don't know this guy or his son, but it seems like knowing what you are eating and how it's different from other foods is not a bad thing no matter what age.
I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
i sensed the irony as i was posting it but you gotta admit, for a kid not even 10, "counting calories" [note the quotations] seems excessive. a general awareness of the nutritional value is essential, i didnt have that growing up and am just now learning about macro and micronutrients, sugar, the effects of food etc...
. an idea of which would win in a 'this giant piece of chocolate vs a fruit salad' nutrition war is great for a kid to have. "counting calories" has a very specific nuance to it, one that i find inappropriate for a school aged child. at that age i think it should be mostly about making nutritionally valuable choices, not counting calories and setting up an ED for the future. by instilling good choices from the beginning, the child will likely never have to be a 'calorie counter' to begin with. I think its inappropriate, but i get that the parent is trying to teach their kid the basics of nutrition. i just think that's not the way to go about it.
it may be ironic that this is being posted via a site largely used for calorie counting, but how would you feel if you saw an 8 year old kid here, writing about his or her calorie goals? kids that age can go from 'awareness to an unhealthy preoccupation much more easily than grown adults. heck even i find myself asking "am i getting a bit carried away here? is this healthy?" when im counting and logging.
teach kids to eat nutritiously and to play like mad. if they ask what a calorie is, they can have the scientific def. let kids be kids, is how i feel.0 -
I think people are missing the fact that the kid missed weight by less than a quarter of a pound. It's not like he needs to cut to make his weight. He forgot to go to the bathroom before weigh in. Weight limit was 76, and he weighed in at 76.2. This is seriously being blown way out of proportion by everyone here.
No, people are reacting to OP because she has a habit of making posts that blame family members for overfeeding: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1152932-harming-children-to-make-yourself-feel-good
Humm.
So just so I have the facts straight:
1. He weighed in before he took his morning poop.
2. He was at or around his maximum weight when he was sent to Grandmas house.
3. Blaming a loving grandparent for feeding the child
4. Heartbroken child a referred to as "sliver lining"
5. Past threads created about grandparents over feeding a child.
One question, did you have any clue what so ever that your child may not be able to make his weight class this morning when you sent him to grandmothers to eat last night?
ANSWER: Yes, I did. That's why I'm annoyed with myself for being so thoughtless. (I'm not annoyed with him.)0 -
I do see both sides of it. I allowed my kids to have desserts, and treats, as long as they understood about eating well-balanced meals, and eating in moderation (as in, one treat). I have had issues with relatives and treats in the aspect that, if a child took a treat, they would try to force the child to finish the treat even if the child was full. Overindulgence with relatives, if the relatives is a sometimes visit, isn't a big deal. If it's multiple times a week, that's a different story.
Now I'm going to come back and address your original post, and the previous thread you posted, accusing relatives of sabotaging your children. Are you really a mom? Or just some troublemaking person who likes to start these threads and then never reply to anyone who replies to them? Sounds to me like you are a terrible person who likes to point fingers at everyone but yourself, without realizing that while you may be pointing your index finger at others, the other three are pointing right back at yourself.My seven year old had a state level wrestling tournament today, for which he needed to weigh in at 76 lbs or less to compete:
After he was snowed out of over six hours of practice this week . . . I let him have dinner at his grandmother's house last night without being there to supervise and stop her "need to feed." (What was I thinking?!!)
THE AGONY OF DEFEAT: He had to forfeit this morning, at 76.2 lbs. :sad:
FUNNY SIDE: After weighing in, he came home for a substanstial . . . er, "evacuation." :laugh: *sigh*
SILVER LINING: Maybe letting Grandma see the tears will help her understand why it's NOT NICE to overfeed kids.
As a parent, I hold no one responsible but myself for my kids' nutrition. Christmas time was extremely frustrating because they would get sweets from their paternal grandmother in the morning, then their paternal grandpa, then later go and ask each of my parents for treats, aunts, uncles, and every other relative they could find . . . and had extras at school parties on top of it all.
I have no grounds for getting cross with anyone for thinking kids like and should have treats at Christmas, but every right to get cross with a group of people for overindulging kids with an unhealthy level of sweets AFTER I've asked them not to do that.0 -
I think people are missing the fact that the kid missed weight by less than a quarter of a pound. It's not like he needs to cut to make his weight. He forgot to go to the bathroom before weigh in. Weight limit was 76, and he weighed in at 76.2. This is seriously being blown way out of proportion by everyone here.
No, people are reacting to OP because she has a habit of making posts that blame family members for overfeeding: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1152932-harming-children-to-make-yourself-feel-good
Humm.
So just so I have the facts straight:
1. He weighed in before he took his morning poop.
2. He was at or around his maximum weight when he was sent to Grandmas house.
3. Blaming a loving grandparent for feeding the child
4. Heartbroken child a referred to as "sliver lining"
5. Past threads created about grandparents over feeding a child.
One question, did you have any clue what so ever that your child may not be able to make his weight class this morning when you sent him to grandmothers to eat last night?
ANSWER: Yes, I did. That's why I'm annoyed with myself for being so thoughtless. (I'm not annoyed with him.)
That is not called being thoughtless, that is called being emotionally abusive. Shame on you for using your son as a pawn in your little game.0 -
My concern is more over your first two paragraphs than your last ones ones. 76 lbs is a lot for a 7 year old and over 6 hours of practice in a week when he is 7 years old???
Kids should not start lifting until after puberty. In addition, you want to make sure he gets some variation in his activities. Specializing him SO young sounds like a recipe for burning him out.
That being said, I sympathize with body issues and grandparents. My daughter was a regional gymnastics champion who competed at the national level. We did not worry about what was fed to her by her grandparents (she was so active that we had no worries about intake), but we did come down hard about any comments about how she looked, particularly if the comments regarded how she looked in a leotard.
I guess my point is that you might want to take a step back. Your son is only 7. Missing a tournament or a meet is disappointing but not a big time fail. However, if there is significant pressure put on him to compete and/or to be at a specific weight or competition level, there might be a bigger ultimate fail and one that could have lasting implications. Just food for thought (pardon the bad pun).0 -
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1152932-harming-children-to-make-yourself-feel-good
It's funny how this all sounded SO familiar. Go back and read the advice you got in that tread. It still applies.
Holy crap. I always have to walk away from these parents when I run into then IRL. Fortunately, it hasn't been a regular thing. Poor kid.
Feel the same way.
The other thread needs to be read to put this thread in proper perspective.0 -
In a world of food abundance, high quality eating habits are an important skill.
My 9 year old tracks calories, reads nutritional labels, and makes some basic food choices on his own.
qft. a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!? teach them about the food guide, eating their veggies, etc.. but counting calories? talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food, pretty much in this thread as a whole.
I find this post incredibly ironic, and here's why (from a personal standpoint):
I now count calories. I use this site to count calories (almost daily...oops). And why do I do that? Because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Counting/tracking calories has helped me learn about food. That burgers aren't awful, that bacon is okay, that chocolate is okay, all in moderation. And now you seem to indicate that doing this is an unhealthy relationship with food? I think I have a much better relationship now.
I don't know this guy or his son, but it seems like knowing what you are eating and how it's different from other foods is not a bad thing no matter what age.
I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
It is about what is age appropriate. Nothing wrong with reading labels or knowing that you need to be active and burn calories but children's needs are different because they are GROWING. There is no reason for a child to track their calories unless they have a significant weight problem and they are being monitored by a doctor or nutritionist.
I agree with the person talking about Myplate -- those kinds of games are informative.
If you think about it, counting calories gave you a healthy perspective as an adult -- it might me a vastly different experience for a child who doesn't have life experience of perspective.
Like I said, I don't know what's being done.
He could be having him track with no daily calorie goal at all, just so he can illustrate differences. Like: "Hey, everyone tells you salads are healthy, but see how with all the additions the calorie count is 4 times that of a McDonald's cheeseburger?"
My opinion would definitely change if he had the child on a low daily limit and punished the child for choices, but I don't have that information. So, with the info provided, I don't think he's setting his child up for an unhealthy relationship with food.
Again, I could be wrong. I just don't have enough info to say for certain that he is.0 -
:-) I read it and thought "my wise?"
In a world of food abundance, high quality eating habits are an important skill.
My 9 year old tracks calories, reads nutritional labels, and makes some basic food choices on his own.
qft. a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!? teach them about the food guide, eating their veggies, etc.. but counting calories? talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food, pretty much in this thread as a whole.
I find this post incredibly ironic, and here's why (from a personal standpoint):
I now count calories. I use this site to count calories (almost daily...oops). And why do I do that? Because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Counting/tracking calories has helped me learn about food. That burgers aren't awful, that bacon is okay, that chocolate is okay, all in moderation. And now you seem to indicate that doing this is an unhealthy relationship with food? I think I have a much better relationship now.
I don't know this guy or his son, but it seems like knowing what you are eating and how it's different from other foods is not a bad thing no matter what age.
I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
i sensed the irony as i was posting it but you gotta admit, for a kid not even 10, "counting calories" [note the quotations] seems excessive. a general awareness of the nutritional value is essential, i didnt have that growing up and am just now learning about macro and micronutrients, sugar, the effects of food etc...
. an idea of which would win in a 'this giant piece of chocolate vs a fruit salad' nutrition war is great for a kid to have. "counting calories" has a very specific nuance to it, one that i find inappropriate for a school aged child. at that age i think it should be mostly about making nutritionally valuable choices, not counting calories and setting up an ED for the future. by instilling good choices from the beginning, the child will likely never have to be a 'calorie counter' to begin with. I think its inappropriate, but i get that the parent is trying to teach their kid the basics of nutrition. i just think that's not the way to go about it.
it may be ironic that this is being posted via a site largely used for calorie counting, but how would you feel if you saw an 8 year old kid here, writing about his or her calorie goals? kids that age can go from 'awareness to an unhealthy preoccupation much more easily than grown adults. heck even i find myself asking "am i getting a bit carried away here? is this healthy?" when im counting and logging.
teach kids to eat nutritiously and to play like mad. if they ask what a calorie is, they can have the scientific def. let kids be kids, is how i feel.
I don't know the ins and outs of what's going on in this situation. Does the kid have a calorie goal? I don't know. How are things tracked? I don't know. Is it something the child became interested in because he saw his daddy do it? I don't know.
But from what I do know, I don't think it's an automatic recipe for disaster and that how he's going about it makes all the difference.0 -
I think people are missing the fact that the kid missed weight by less than a quarter of a pound. It's not like he needs to cut to make his weight. He forgot to go to the bathroom before weigh in. Weight limit was 76, and he weighed in at 76.2. This is seriously being blown way out of proportion by everyone here.
No, people are reacting to OP because she has a habit of making posts that blame family members for overfeeding: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1152932-harming-children-to-make-yourself-feel-good
Humm.
So just so I have the facts straight:
1. He weighed in before he took his morning poop.
2. He was at or around his maximum weight when he was sent to Grandmas house.
3. Blaming a loving grandparent for feeding the child
4. Heartbroken child a referred to as "sliver lining"
5. Past threads created about grandparents over feeding a child.
One question, did you have any clue what so ever that your child may not be able to make his weight class this morning when you sent him to grandmothers to eat last night?
ANSWER: Yes, I did. That's why I'm annoyed with myself for being so thoughtless. (I'm not annoyed with him.)
That is not called being thoughtless, that is called being emotionally abusive. Shame on you for using your son as a pawn in your little game.
Yeah, I am not sure it's that you are thoughtless, OP. You have an agenda and that is "OMG GRANNY AND AUNTIES ARE OVERFEEDERS" and you are willing to devestate your son to prove your point.0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.0 -
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
You might try a list. My husband wrote a clear list for his parents -- not what they CAN'T eat but what they CAN. The kids can eat fruit, vegetables, meat, nuts, and cheese. They can drink water -- sparking, soda, plain. Treats are FRUIT not candy. We encourage her to buy raspberries, blueberries, etc.
I might even print out the Whole30 Vegetarian Style shopping list for her.
And if she continues to try to buy my kids' love with sugar then I'll ask her to track what they eat when with her to show her how gawd-awful their diet is when they're with her versus when they're with us. I really had no idea how much sugar I was consuming until I started tracking it... and now I realize how much sugar my kids eat.0 -
a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!?
Not kidding at all. It's a great way to reinforce math skills, too.
I mean, we are teaching them math so they can do practical things with it, right?talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food..
Let me see if I have this straight. I have an honest, fact-based relationship with food and exercise, and am successfully passing that along to my kid. You, on the other hand, are so terrified of food that you can't even begin to imagine doing the same with with your kid.
And *I* am the one with an "unhealthy" attitude towards food?
:laugh:
Sure thing, sugar...0 -
this was my issue with wrestling. My son was a wrestler from age 6 to 17. We said from day 1 that he would never, ever wrestle in a weight class below his current weight. We saw too many kids starving themselves trying to lose 20-30 lbs below their normal, healthy weight, and following dangerous sweating and dehydration practices to try to make weight. My son was in cross-country in the fall, wrestling all winter, and track in the spring. the distance running gave him the stamina he needed to be successful in wrestling, even when he was in weight classes where his opponents had cut weight to compete and he was giving up muscle mass. It's not worth their health to try to be successful at a sport they won't ever care about again after graduation.
I remember two brothers when I was growing up (one was a friend in my grade and the other a year older). They were both VERY underweight through all of high school so that they could stay in whatever absurd weight category they were in. (They wouldn't eat anything for a day or two before the weigh-in, and then eat something after weighing in, etc.) Seriously, they were both so underweight that I bet they didn't even go through puberty. A year or two after I graduated, I was working at a store and this guy started talking to me. I had no clue who he was. He finally said, "Don't you recognize me?" No, not at all. No clue. Turns out that after he graduated high school, he could actually eat. He just looked healthy. Before he was like a skeleton. Now his face had filled out and he looked great!
I do understand why they have the weight categories but at age 7? Kids at that age just want to play. I can see maybe junior high or high school, but is it still healthy to have to do weird things to remain in a certain weight category? Although I suppose this is to prevent injuries to the lighter weight kids in the same weight range. If they let someone .2 lbs over the high range, some other parent would say, well... my kid is .5 lbs over, why can't he/she still be in the same category, that's only .3 lbs over so-and-so and they got to play.0 -
Calories tell us how much fuel we need, the rest is all value judgments attached by us.
Very nicely put!
:drinker:0 -
I can sympathize. We also have a grandma that does what makes HER feel good without regard for the stress it causes our family. Inappropriate foods. Inappropriate toys. Inappropriate clothes.
Our guilty-grandma just got the "don't buy before asking" lecture this morning.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this but I'm sorry to say that I doubt that grandma will "get it" just because your son cried.
If you find anything that helps get the message across, let me know. In so many, many, many ways, my parents (and their other grandparents) are fantastic - but the tendency to overindulge drives me bonkers.
EPIPHANY: Maybe she thinks I'm depriving them and is trying to compensate. I think I'll let her know what treats they've already had during the day, or during the week, or planned for later before I leave them!
I feel bad to write this but grandma over-stepped our family's boundaries twice yesterday. First, she decided that SHE would help my Kindergartener make her class valentines without discussing it with me first. And then she bought one of my daughters new shoes, which meant that from 6:00 - 7:30 a.m. this morning, I had a heart-broken 3-year old. So my husband called her at 6:30 a.m. and let her talk to our despondent children over the phone..
Later, my husband spoke to grandma again and she was crying. Yes, I'm sorry that she was so upset. She's really a nice lady and very generous and kind BUT we are the parents and we make the decisions. Her title of "GRANDMA" doesn't give her the right to undo our hard work whether it's regarding food (OMG the gazillion grams of sugar in e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g AND no, I don't care if it's organic sugar or faux-sugar) or clothes or toys or language used or ANYTHING...
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
You must have missed the previous posts from OP... it's been linked to by several people, find it and read it.
Also, I feel so sorry for your children's grandmother. If she is undoing all your "hard work", it probably means you are using her as free childcare a lot. Cause the occasional trip wouldn't have an undoing effect.0 -
IMHO, these posts are generally about the bigger picture of RESPECT and not so much that we thing our children will die because they gained an ounce.
Not sure about that. Seems to me an awful lot of posts along these lines are basically using the kids as a tool for lashing out over adults' unresolved issues with their own parents.
Each to their own, but personally, I don't see that as being particularly fair to the kids.0 -
Wow...Did the gma know making valentines and buying shoes were against the rules and breaking family boundaries? Do your kids feet grow at the same rate or is gma so vindictive she buys shoes needlessly for one child and treats the other poorly? Either there is a lot of information missing in the dynamics of your family relationships or our definition of what constitutes a gma overstepping her bounds are radically different. Good luck navigating the waters if things continue to escalate.0
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a 9 year old counting calories? are you kidding!?
Not kidding at all. It's a great way to reinforce math skills, too.
I mean, we are teaching them math so they can do practical things with it, right?talk about unhealthy attitudes toward food..
Let me see if I have this straight. I have an honest, fact-based relationship with food and exercise, and am successfully passing that along to my kid. You, on the other hand, are so terrified of food that you can't even begin to imagine doing the same with with your kid.
And *I* am the one with an "unhealthy" attitude towards food?
:laugh:
Sure thing, sugar...
As long as your child never goes through a phase where they are fearful of becoming fat, it is probably fine. But especially young girls hitting puberty, it can be a rough thing. What started out as a math lesson can spiral out of control really, really fast. What was once a fun thing to do can become an unheathy fixation with very little effort.0
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