Boyfriend has roadrage

gottahavefaith2014

Hello everyone. I'm not really new here.... lurked for a while, created a profile and then lurked some more.... finally got the nerve to post this as I am having a really hard time with it.

My boyfriend is just horrible with his road rage. There have been many times that I asked him to go home after returning from shopping and him going ballistic on someone in another car. This isn't a new topic for us. We have discussed it in great length.

He says he will try to control it. Then he says that I am a pushover for not getting angry at other drivers, seriously? I'm a calm person, driving relaxes me, if someone drives like an idiot, what will my honking and swearing at them resolve? I just blow it off and just steer clear of them.

So what I'm asking is what would you do? I can't expect him to change can I? And do people really change anyway?

What would you do?

SweetTrouble_

Give him road head, yeah I just wanted to be first to say it.

PennyM140

Anger management???

MysteriousMerlin

No one's winning with road rage. You're either making your blood pressure go up, or pissing someone off enough that they'll start doing dangerous stuff to get even.

gottahavefaith2014

Anger management???

Yeah right. He's so thick headed. He doesn't believe it's an anger issue.

gottahavefaith2014

No one's winning with road rage. You're either making your blood pressure go up, or pissing someone off enough that they'll start doing dangerous stuff to get even.

I agree. When he does it in my ghetto neighborhood, I'm just waiting to get shot.

ninerbuff

Give him road head, yeah I just wanted to be first to say it.

+1. He'll forget about everyone else.:laugh:

If I'm being honest, I'm horrible at patience with driving too. I don't drive fast, but I do talk out loud in the car (I need to stop this because my kid hears it) when it seems people aren't paying attention (looking at their phones instead of actually driving), or when someone gets on my *kitten* and tailgates me because they want to go faster on a single lane street.

Good thing my commute is short to work.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

wewon

Hello everyone. I'm not really new here.... lurked for a while, created a profile and then lurked some more.... finally got the nerve to post this as I am having a really hard time with it.

My boyfriend is just horrible with his road rage. There have been many times that I asked him to go home after returning from shopping and him going ballistic on someone in another car. This isn't a new topic for us. We have discussed it in great length.

He says he will try to control it. Then he says that I am a pushover for not getting angry at other drivers, seriously? I'm a calm person, driving relaxes me, if someone drives like an idiot, what will my honking and swearing at them resolve? I just blow it off and just steer clear of them.

So what I'm asking is what would you do? I can't expect him to change can I? And do people really change anyway?

What would you do?

Couple of questions:

What does he do when he "goes ballistic"?

Is he like this all of the time or is it just when driving?

I doubt there is much you can do, he has to recognize it as a problem himself.

ninerbuff

Anger management???

Yeah right. He's so thick headed. He doesn't believe it's an anger issue.

Do what my wife did..........................record it. Then let him listen to it. Since I have, I've changed a lot of what I do now. Every word used to be the f bomb. Now it's "frickin" because I have a kid in the car. It's getting better too because now I'm just mumbling more than speaking out.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

nutellabrah

I would say to really emphasize that it bothers you when he does it.

Make it clear how much anxiety it gives you.

Make him feel like a tard for a second.

But this takes a certain amount of "influence" and if you're not a natural sales person you might not be able to sell him on it.

I would just freak out like 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU DRIVE ME OUT OF MY WITS WHEN YOU GET CRAZY LIKE THAT! IM TRYING TO RELAX AND YOURE DRIVING ME NUTS! DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND THAT ACTING LIKE A LUNATIC IS NOT GONNA FIX OTHERS DRIVING?? CAN YOU REALLY NOT COMPREHEND THAT? ALL YOU DO IS GET ME ALL WORKED UP AND UNCOMFORTABLE I CANT HANDLE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!!!"

And hopefully he will make an effort to temper himself at least around you.

badgerdh

Wait till he goes ballistic on the wrong person and someone kicks his *kitten*. No more road raging I would suspect.

970Mikaela1

My road rage has considerably went down since I stopped listening to heavy metal whilst driving.

eta; depends on if im in the mini van or the Excursion also. im much more polite in the wifes mini van. Lol

badgerdh

My road rage has considerably went down since I stopped listening to heavy metal whilst driving.

Ha! Yea I don't bust nearly as many caps now as I use to when I listened to gangsta rap.

k8blujay2

Give him road head, yeah I just wanted to be first to say it.

+1. He'll forget about everyone else.:laugh:

If I'm being honest, I'm horrible at patience with driving too. I don't drive fast, but I do talk out loud in the car (I need to stop this because my kid hears it) when it seems people aren't paying attention (looking at their phones instead of actually driving), or when someone gets on my *kitten* and tailgates me because they want to go faster on a single lane street.

Good thing my commute is short to work.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

That's me... I stopped flipping people off when a car abruptly turned from going in the opposite direction to following me... yeah, that was scary... anyway, I don't do that now... but I'm still not the most patient person with drivers either... I don't like people that cut me off or speed in a merging lane to cut me off later... I also will slow my happy *kitten* down to people tailgating me when I'm already going 5 over... but I have become more Southern passive aggressive... thumbs up instead of flipping them off and telling them "good job (for being an idiot)"... because like you I have my daughter in the car.

But super aggressive driving doesn't do anything but ups the risks for an accident... it rarely gets you anywhere faster either.

HikerRR50

It's easy to be angry at a complete stranger on the road..tell him to pretend it's his mom/friend etc. you would easily shake your head and just think...damn my mom sucks at driving etc. rather than go into a fit of rage wishing you had built in machine guns to take out the stupid drivers that can't get the heck out of the way ...it's the fast lane....move over or get run over...

spunk_master_flex

Give him road head, yeah I just wanted to be first to say it.

be mine? :flowerforyou:

gottahavefaith2014

Hello everyone. I'm not really new here.... lurked for a while, created a profile and then lurked some more.... finally got the nerve to post this as I am having a really hard time with it.

My boyfriend is just horrible with his road rage. There have been many times that I asked him to go home after returning from shopping and him going ballistic on someone in another car. This isn't a new topic for us. We have discussed it in great length.

He says he will try to control it. Then he says that I am a pushover for not getting angry at other drivers, seriously? I'm a calm person, driving relaxes me, if someone drives like an idiot, what will my honking and swearing at them resolve? I just blow it off and just steer clear of them.

So what I'm asking is what would you do? I can't expect him to change can I? And do people really change anyway?

What would you do?

Couple of questions:

What does he do when he "goes ballistic"?

Is he like this all of the time or is it just when driving?

I doubt there is much you can do, he has to recognize it as a problem himself.

What he does is hold down the horn (not just beep) and call them names. They can't hear him, it's friggen winter time and our windows are closed, I'm the one blessed by his intense madness. He also drives very close to them then zooms by them and stares them down. I mean, come one. He's 58 years old!!

Only when he's driving but he does complain often about other things.... that'll be another topic :embarassed:

branflakes1980

I would say to really emphasize that it bothers you when he does it.

Make it clear how much anxiety it gives you.

Make him feel like a tard for a second.

But this takes a certain amount of "influence" and if you're not a natural sales person you might not be able to sell him on it.

I would just freak out like 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU DRIVE ME OUT OF MY WITS WHEN YOU GET CRAZY LIKE THAT! IM TRYING TO RELAX AND YOURE DRIVING ME NUTS! DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND THAT ACTING LIKE A LUNATIC IS NOT GONNA FIX OTHERS DRIVING?? CAN YOU REALLY NOT COMPREHEND THAT? ALL YOU DO IS GET ME ALL WORKED UP AND UNCOMFORTABLE I CANT HANDLE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!!!"

And hopefully he will make an effort to temper himself at least around you.

Other than use of the word "tard" (which is extremely disrespectful and ignorant) I think we just got a normal response out of Nutellabrah?? Apocolypse or??? :huh:

ItsCasey

Assuming it's as serious as you say it is, I'm just wondering why you would continue to date someone who behaves like this. Is this not a red flag for you?

gottahavefaith2014

Wait till he goes ballistic on the wrong person and someone kicks his *kitten*. No more road raging I would suspect.

I know. Hopefully I am not in the car.

harvo

Here locally a guy flipped a woman off before cutting her off and slamming on his breaks...ish got real at the stop light when she walked up to the car and SHOT HIM....true story!

gottahavefaith2014

I would say to really emphasize that it bothers you when he does it.

Make it clear how much anxiety it gives you.

Make him feel like a tard for a second.

But this takes a certain amount of "influence" and if you're not a natural sales person you might not be able to sell him on it.

I would just freak out like 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU DRIVE ME OUT OF MY WITS WHEN YOU GET CRAZY LIKE THAT! IM TRYING TO RELAX AND YOURE DRIVING ME NUTS! DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND THAT ACTING LIKE A LUNATIC IS NOT GONNA FIX OTHERS DRIVING?? CAN YOU REALLY NOT COMPREHEND THAT? ALL YOU DO IS GET ME ALL WORKED UP AND UNCOMFORTABLE I CANT HANDLE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!!!"

And hopefully he will make an effort to temper himself at least around you.

I can't begin to emphasize how much I have emphasized this to him. Showed him videos and everything.

He has said he wouldn't do it around me but that never happens.

I actually get sick thinking about it.

gottahavefaith2014

Here locally a guy flipped a woman off before cutting her off and slamming on his breaks...ish got real at the stop light when she walked up to the car and SHOT HIM....true story!

She's my hero.

gottahavefaith2014

Assuming it's as serious as you say it is, I'm just wondering why you would continue to date someone who behaves like this. Is this not a red flag for you?

I know..... and I have left him for this reason and the usual "I'll change" begins. I think this is aging me! I love him but I hate him.

LauraCarlson86

I have had the same problem with my husband, to the point where I am scared that something dangerous would happen, especially when he pulls up close behind a car traveling at fast speeds on the highway.

I would choose a time, when he is calm (aka not in the car) and tell him how his actions make you feel. If you keep it in the context of "I feel scared" or "I feel upset" instead of pointing the finger at him "YOU act crazy" and/or "YOU put us in danger" I think that the point will be more well-received.

Hopefully he will see how much it is impacting you and try to curb this behavior. Good luck!

marypatmccue

I'm not sure why this hasn't been suggested......

Just break up.

:flowerforyou:

jaredmcfitness

My brother-in-law has road rage and I gave my sister this advice early in their relationship: "Tell him that it bothers you enough that you would either like to drive separately or volunteer to drive all the time." I know my brother-in-law well enough to know that he'd prefer to drive with my sister and would prefer to be the one driving. It made him have to decide whether he'd rather blow up at people on the road or figure out some way to cool it...

SaintGiff

Show him this clip from Louis CK. He puts road rage in the proper perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8062QEFk5g

Amazonbella

A heavy dose of CELEXA!!!!

gottahavefaith2014

It's easy to be angry at a complete stranger on the road..tell him to pretend it's his mom/friend etc. you would easily shake your head and just think...damn my mom sucks at driving etc. rather than go into a fit of rage wishing you had built in machine guns to take out the stupid drivers that can't get the heck out of the way ...it's the fast lane....move over or get run over...

The only time I get angry at someone is when they're texting or on the phone but I don't yell, I don't beep, I just think to myself, "where are the freaken cops??"

somefitsomefat

Why does everyone take driving so seriously? Is anyone really going anywhere THAT important? I always drive 5 under the speed limit. Just leave earlier if you're on some sort of deadline or you're on your way to work. If you're getting off work why rush anyways? You're already off.