Boyfriend has roadrage

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  • gottahavefaith2014
    gottahavefaith2014 Posts: 38
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    I would say to really emphasize that it bothers you when he does it.

    Make it clear how much anxiety it gives you.

    Make him feel like a tard for a second.

    But this takes a certain amount of "influence" and if you're not a natural sales person you might not be able to sell him on it.

    I would just freak out like 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU DRIVE ME OUT OF MY WITS WHEN YOU GET CRAZY LIKE THAT! IM TRYING TO RELAX AND YOURE DRIVING ME NUTS! DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND THAT ACTING LIKE A LUNATIC IS NOT GONNA FIX OTHERS DRIVING?? CAN YOU REALLY NOT COMPREHEND THAT? ALL YOU DO IS GET ME ALL WORKED UP AND UNCOMFORTABLE I CANT HANDLE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!!!"

    And hopefully he will make an effort to temper himself at least around you.

    I can't begin to emphasize how much I have emphasized this to him. Showed him videos and everything.

    He has said he wouldn't do it around me but that never happens.

    I actually get sick thinking about it.
  • gottahavefaith2014
    gottahavefaith2014 Posts: 38
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    Here locally a guy flipped a woman off before cutting her off and slamming on his breaks...ish got real at the stop light when she walked up to the car and SHOT HIM....true story!

    She's my hero.
  • gottahavefaith2014
    gottahavefaith2014 Posts: 38
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    Assuming it's as serious as you say it is, I'm just wondering why you would continue to date someone who behaves like this. Is this not a red flag for you?

    I know..... and I have left him for this reason and the usual "I'll change" begins. I think this is aging me! I love him but I hate him.
  • LauraCarlson86
    LauraCarlson86 Posts: 55
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    I have had the same problem with my husband, to the point where I am scared that something dangerous would happen, especially when he pulls up close behind a car traveling at fast speeds on the highway.

    I would choose a time, when he is calm (aka not in the car) and tell him how his actions make you feel. If you keep it in the context of "I feel scared" or "I feel upset" instead of pointing the finger at him "YOU act crazy" and/or "YOU put us in danger" I think that the point will be more well-received.

    Hopefully he will see how much it is impacting you and try to curb this behavior. Good luck!

    :)
  • marypatmccue
    marypatmccue Posts: 521 Member
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    I'm not sure why this hasn't been suggested......

    Just break up.

    :flowerforyou:
  • jaredmcfitness
    jaredmcfitness Posts: 14 Member
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    My brother-in-law has road rage and I gave my sister this advice early in their relationship: "Tell him that it bothers you enough that you would either like to drive separately or volunteer to drive all the time." I know my brother-in-law well enough to know that he'd prefer to drive with my sister and would prefer to be the one driving. It made him have to decide whether he'd rather blow up at people on the road or figure out some way to cool it...
  • SaintGiff
    SaintGiff Posts: 3,678 Member
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    Show him this clip from Louis CK. He puts road rage in the proper perspective.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8062QEFk5g
  • Amazonbella
    Amazonbella Posts: 338
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    A heavy dose of CELEXA!!!!

    Road%2BRage_c46218_3949959.jpg
  • gottahavefaith2014
    gottahavefaith2014 Posts: 38
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    It's easy to be angry at a complete stranger on the road..tell him to pretend it's his mom/friend etc. you would easily shake your head and just think...damn my mom sucks at driving etc. rather than go into a fit of rage wishing you had built in machine guns to take out the stupid drivers that can't get the heck out of the way ...it's the fast lane....move over or get run over...

    The only time I get angry at someone is when they're texting or on the phone but I don't yell, I don't beep, I just think to myself, "where are the freaken cops??"
  • somefitsomefat
    somefitsomefat Posts: 445 Member
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    Why does everyone take driving so seriously? Is anyone really going anywhere THAT important? I always drive 5 under the speed limit. Just leave earlier if you're on some sort of deadline or you're on your way to work. If you're getting off work why rush anyways? You're already off.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
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    I'm not sure why this hasn't been suggested......

    Just break up.

    :flowerforyou:

    QFT
  • SweetTrouble_
    SweetTrouble_ Posts: 933 Member
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    I'm not sure why this hasn't been suggested......

    Just break up.

    :flowerforyou:
    I agree.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Assuming it's as serious as you say it is, I'm just wondering why you would continue to date someone who behaves like this. Is this not a red flag for you?

    I know..... and I have left him for this reason and the usual "I'll change" begins. I think this is aging me! I love him but I hate him.

    He's 58. Going on 12. He's not going to change, and the fact that he has already pulled the "I'm not overreacting. You're UNDERreacting" routine should have made that evident, if the rest of it didn't. The fact that you could even say the words "I hate him," even jokingly ... just get out.
  • marypatmccue
    marypatmccue Posts: 521 Member
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    I'm not sure why this hasn't been suggested......

    Just break up.

    :flowerforyou:

    QFT

    :love: :love:
  • gottahavefaith2014
    gottahavefaith2014 Posts: 38
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    My brother-in-law has road rage and I gave my sister this advice early in their relationship: "Tell him that it bothers you enough that you would either like to drive separately or volunteer to drive all the time." I know my brother-in-law well enough to know that he'd prefer to drive with my sister and would prefer to be the one driving. It made him have to decide whether he'd rather blow up at people on the road or figure out some way to cool it...

    I offered this but I also offered him chipping in for gas. I drive 30 min to work and back 5 days a week. He works out of his home, therefore does not use gas.

    His response "if I'm buying gas, then I'm driving" What an *kitten*!
  • Beautifulreflections
    Beautifulreflections Posts: 86 Member
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    If you have the ability, stop driving with him.

    Slightly different issue (husband wouldn't stop "telling" me how to drive) but when I had it and the next time we went to go somewhere I told him he was taking his own car because he pissed me off too much while we were in the same car together.

    He shut up...

    ETA: someone beat me to it!
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    Hello everyone. I'm not really new here.... lurked for a while, created a profile and then lurked some more.... finally got the nerve to post this as I am having a really hard time with it.

    My boyfriend is just horrible with his road rage. There have been many times that I asked him to go home after returning from shopping and him going ballistic on someone in another car. This isn't a new topic for us. We have discussed it in great length.

    He says he will try to control it. Then he says that I am a pushover for not getting angry at other drivers, seriously? I'm a calm person, driving relaxes me, if someone drives like an idiot, what will my honking and swearing at them resolve? I just blow it off and just steer clear of them.

    So what I'm asking is what would you do? I can't expect him to change can I? And do people really change anyway?

    What would you do?

    Couple of questions:

    What does he do when he "goes ballistic"?

    Is he like this all of the time or is it just when driving?

    I doubt there is much you can do, he has to recognize it as a problem himself.

    What he does is hold down the horn (not just beep) and call them names. They can't hear him, it's friggen winter time and our windows are closed, I'm the one blessed by his intense madness. He also drives very close to them then zooms by them and stares them down. I mean, come one. He's 58 years old!!

    Only when he's driving but he does complain often about other things.... that'll be another topic :embarassed:

    If you hadn't mentioned he was 58 I might have started worrying my husband needed to tell me something :laugh:

    Two things that calmed him down *a bit*
    1. Not driving with heavy metal playing, he keeps it to techno in the car for the most part now
    2. Driving for 4 years on the 405 in LA, eventually he just had to give up...

    I know those might not be the most helpful suggestions, but the only other thing I've found that works is telling him off. He knows the only person he's pissing off is me and eventually he figured out that getting so pissed off that he was making me pissed off too wasn't working out well for him.

    Oh, and my hubby is a constant b*tcher as well, also no getting rid of that one, I just laugh it off, deep down he's really the world biggest teddy bear, he just can't keep his opinions to himself, ever.
  • Leonidas_meets_Spartacus
    Leonidas_meets_Spartacus Posts: 6,198 Member
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    May be you should stop over reacting and find a middle ground.
  • ccrdragon
    ccrdragon Posts: 3,365 Member
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    my dad\ used to be like this... one day he got p'd at another driver and chased him down on the highway just to flip him off. I made my dad pull over to the side of the road afterwards and let me out of the car - as I was getting out I flat out told him that if he wanted to kill himself or get himself killed with sh** like that it was fine, but I would never ride in the same car as him for doing it.

    It was a while after that till we spoke again, but my mom (who was also in the car) thanked me and told me that the whole incident actually made him look at his own actions and he calmed down a lot after that...

    Sometimes it just takes a real live slap like that to get peeps to wake up to what they are doing.
  • gottahavefaith2014
    gottahavefaith2014 Posts: 38
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    I'm not sure why this hasn't been suggested......

    Just break up.

    :flowerforyou:

    I try.. I posted this response earlier. He keeps saying he'll change.

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