Boyfriend dilemma

2456789

Replies

  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Yeeeah - I'd say you've been put on, honey. Four years, won't contact you, only visits on weekends, won't stay the night, and won't let you come to his house?

    Sorry. :(
  • abuck_13
    abuck_13 Posts: 382 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?
  • JinxRita
    JinxRita Posts: 191 Member
    I don't think so, personally. I've been in a long distance relationship (1,000+ miles) for six years. We have missed contacting each other during the day maybe a handful of times during that entire stretch, and those were typically because of family emergencies or traveling. A good relationship, by my definition, needs communication...it doesn't matter if you're ten or a thousand miles apart.

    Talk it over with him. If you're not feeling right about it, you know what you need to do. You're the best judge of your life.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    I think I talk more to myself than it sounds like he talks to you. And I'm a rather sane individual... :flowerforyou:

    A close friend of mine put it this way once, he said your significant other should be everything your friends are to you plus some. People create these double standards for their partners, allowing themselves to be treated dismissively if not altogether poorly in the name of being in a relationship. Decide how you're going to demand to be treated then follow through. Better to end it at 4 years than 5, 6, 7, 29 years...

    You are so right. I was in a dead end relationship for 10 years and I finally ended it in 2008. You hope things will get better and they never do.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    I am not surprised.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I only see my boyfriend on the weekends. But we text during the week, and occassionally, talk on the phone. Sometimes though, he is a bit preoccupied and I don't hear from him. Usually, if that happens, I just don't text him. It usually only takes about a day before he is texting me.

    If you don't reach out and he doesn't react to that, then I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he isn't feeling this nearly as much as you are.

    But then again, 4 years is a long time to be together for him to "not be into you" (I hate that expression). You really should sit down with him and explain to him how this makes you feel. If he is not concerned that his lack of interest is bothering you, then he might not be the right one for you.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?

    Yes I've been to his place. No sign of another woman at all. Definitely a bachelor pad.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88

    Are you Facebook friends?

    Yes, I'm even FB friends with his kids and his boss.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    I am not surprised.

    Nice
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88

    But then again, 4 years is a long time to be together for him to "not be into you" (I hate that expression). You really should sit down with him and explain to him how this makes you feel. If he is not concerned that his lack of interest is bothering you, then he might not be the right one for you.

    I have discussed this with him. Things get better for a few months and then back to not contacting me. I kinda feel like I'm forcing him.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?

    Yes I've been to his place. No sign of another woman at all. Definitely a bachelor pad.

    No, that's his second place that he keeps OR his friend's place to show to his girlfriends. Trust me, I know a married guy who uses his brother's apartment to bring his girlfriend's to when they start asking questions. He tells you he lacks the patience for another relationship but that sounds like crap dudes tell their mistress when they start asking questions/making demands on their time.

    I mean. Dude is married/has a number one chick and it sounds like you're the long term side piece. Not being mean and I intend no disrespect, just telling you how it all sounds.
  • PDarrall
    PDarrall Posts: 114 Member
    Over reacting
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    What do you want???

    To get married? To be someone's true partner? To just have a relationship which is just about hanging out a few days a week and no growth potential?

    If what you have right now is what you want: Great!!! If not, then you really should just move on. You are not this man's love... you are easy easy companionship and sex (I presume).. for which he gets to keep his life exactly the way he wants it and put no effort into having those things.I wouldn't call him your boyfriend either. You are his friend with benefits.
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
    Go Buy some balls and make the first move..
    He could be waiting for you to make the 1st move
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?

    Yes I've been to his place. No sign of another woman at all. Definitely a bachelor pad.

    No, that's his second place that he keeps OR his friend's place to show to his girlfriends. Trust me, I know a married guy who uses his brother's apartment to bring his girlfriend's to when they start asking questions. He tells you he lacks the patience for another relationship but that sounds like crap dudes tell their mistress when they start asking questions/making demands on their time.

    I mean. Dude is married/has a number one chick and it sounds like you're the long term side piece. Not being mean and I intend no disrespect, just telling you how it all sounds.

    Definitely that's what it sounds like. I knew a dude who kept a rental for his booty calls
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    I'm with all the people who are asking what you want from the relationship.
    If this isn't enough, it's time to let go.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    What do you want???

    To get married? To be someone's true partner? To just have a relationship which is just about hanging out a few days a week and no growth potential?

    If what you have right now is what you want: Great!!! If not, then you really should just move on. You are not this man's love... you are easy easy companionship and sex (I presume).. for which he gets to keep his life exactly the way he wants it and put no effort into having those things.I wouldn't call him your boyfriend either. You are his friend with benefits.

    I agree about the friends with benefits! Actually, I feel more like he's just a companion/buddy now.

    I do not want to get married. I did that once and that was enough for me. IMO, being married or living with someone isn't necessarily what I need in a relationship. I like our weekends but I would like to be acknowledged during the week as well.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    It's been four years. Things will not change. After four years you should be a bigger part of each others lives. Might be time to take the obvious and move on.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Go Buy some balls and make the first move..
    He could be waiting for you to make the 1st move

    I've bought some balls a few times and he convinces me things will get better. I know from past experience leopards do not change their spots.

    It's not like he's being mean, I just don't feel important to him.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Go Buy some balls and make the first move..
    He could be waiting for you to make the 1st move

    I've bought some balls a few times and he convinces me things will get better. I know from past experience leopards do not change their spots.

    It's not like he's being mean, I just don't feel important to him.

    do you see this changing... ever?
    This is how it is... you can't MAKE him do anything. Accept him as is or move on. Tough choice but it's the only one you have.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    It's been four years. Things will not change. After four years you should be a bigger part of each others lives. Might be time to take the obvious and move on.

    I agree. He did, not too long ago, bring up about buying a house together and I shot him down. It's just too drastic of a step. How could he expect me to live with him when he never spends the night?
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member


    It's not like he's being mean, I just don't feel important to him.

    Here is your answer.. if you feel that way, then you are not, and if being important to someone is important to you... he obviously isn't the guy for you.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    Your Fri,Sat, & Sun are booked.......so just sit down and talk with him and tell him you want to see other people Monday-Thursday.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Go Buy some balls and make the first move..
    He could be waiting for you to make the 1st move

    I've bought some balls a few times and he convinces me things will get better. I know from past experience leopards do not change their spots.

    It's not like he's being mean, I just don't feel important to him.

    do you see this changing... ever?
    This is how it is... you can't MAKE him do anything. Accept him as is or move on. Tough choice but it's the only one you have.

    No I don't see it changing. It's a tough call.
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    go find someone new. someone who can give you the attention you deserve.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Why do I expect a big plot twist soon? :huh:
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
    You've been with him for four years and now you expect more from him? If you weren't happy with the arrangement you should have ended it a long time ago. The next thing you'll find out is he's hooked up with the cleaning lady.
  • somefitsomefat
    somefitsomefat Posts: 445 Member
    You're not dating. You're hooking up.

Categories