Boyfriend dilemma
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OK pretty sure his significant other (wife most likely) works on weekends, as you said he does NOT stay overnight even on weekends... so that is my guess.
Have you ever been to his place?
Do you know where he actually lives, as in address?
If the answer to the above questions are nope then ask him, suggest you go over to his place... see what happens. If you haven't went out with any of his friends, or where they are hanging out... ask him why not?
My guess is it is time to cut him loose and move on...0 -
What do you want???
To get married? To be someone's true partner? To just have a relationship which is just about hanging out a few days a week and no growth potential?
If what you have right now is what you want: Great!!! If not, then you really should just move on. You are not this man's love... you are easy easy companionship and sex (I presume).. for which he gets to keep his life exactly the way he wants it and put no effort into having those things.I wouldn't call him your boyfriend either. You are his friend with benefits.
I agree about the friends with benefits! Actually, I feel more like he's just a companion/buddy now.
I do not want to get married. I did that once and that was enough for me. IMO, being married or living with someone isn't necessarily what I need in a relationship. I like our weekends but I would like to be acknowledged during the week as well.
I am just reading through this thread and I am confused about what you truly want. So I think it's possible that even this GUY could be confused, and you sound confused yourself!
Maybe I view things too black/white but the situation you describe would drive me absolutely nuts for more than probably 6 months to a year. I am the type of woman who needs to define terms and put a name on things. I honestly can't even imagine spending more than a year with a guy without deciding to stay together long-term/permanently.
However, I will add that during the first year I was with my husband we were separated every single week Mon-Thurs. We did spend Fri-Sun together including overnight. He was caring for his terminally ill mother and working from home, and the distance was too great for us to go back and forth daily. I did encounter some friends and acquaintances with very different views on my situation. They thought it was "strange" that we didn't drive back and forth daily (to them, 45-60 min was not a big deal but to us it was impractical & unnecessary). Friends also found it strange that we did not talk on the phone or text on the nights we weren't together. We did chat on gmail for at least an hour (often 2 hrs) nightly. But other people still found it 'odd' so I understand that you probably face a lot of that from other people.
What is most important is that YOU are happy and fulfilled by your relationship though. And honestly it does not sound to me like you are.
What's stopping you from talking to him frankly about all of this and describing your wants/needs?0 -
so... If I'm summing this up correctly...
he wants to buy a house together...
you want your distance...
he doesn't want to spend the night...
you've been together for 4 years...
no contact through the week...
he's 58 so he's not getting freak on...
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It will be four years in June that we've been together. We see one another only on the weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we're both content with that. No sleep overs on the weekend either. I'm okay with that too. When you live alone for a long time, you kinda enjoy it.
However, I never hear from him during the week. Rarely will he give me a call at lunch, never in the evening. Sometimes we will email or IM but not often. I never get a good morning from him or good night ... even via text. Nothing. I think he would be just fine with not talking to me Monday through Thursday.
I don't contact him anymore either because I am tired of always making the first move.
We've discussed it but he thinks I overreact.
Am I over reacting?
I'm not sure what you are asking. It sounds like you are friends.....Not boyfriend/girlfriend. He's probably busy during the week getting his freak on....If he isn't getting it from you.......his girlfriend of 4 years......ever and only sees you on the weekend.....he's getting it somewhere else.
Getting his freak on? :bigsmile:
He's 58... I doubt he's getting his freak on.
So you don't have sex?
We have sex Fri Sat and Sun. I just know he's not getting his freak on. Maybe mentioning is age was pointless.0 -
My first thought was also that he is married. :indifferent:0
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so... If I'm summing this up correctly...
he wants to buy a house together...
you want your distance...
he doesn't want to spend the night...
we've been together for 4 years...
no contact through the week...
he's 58 so he's not getting freak on...
You people are making me laugh here!
Here's an edited summary
he wants to buy a house together...
he doesn't want to spend the night...
I like my time during the week
you've been together for 4 years...
no contact through the week...
he's 58 and gets his freak on with me0 -
If you are under 25, then just relax.
If you are over 25, start thinking about what you want from him and life.0 -
OK pretty sure his significant other (wife most likely) works on weekends, as you said he does NOT stay overnight even on weekends... so that is my guess.
Have you ever been to his place?
Do you know where he actually lives, as in address?
If the answer to the above questions are nope then ask him, suggest you go over to his place... see what happens. If you haven't went out with any of his friends, or where they are hanging out... ask him why not?
My guess is it is time to cut him loose and move on...
yes I know where he lives, been to his house (once over night) worked on his garden with him in the summer.0 -
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It will be four years in June that we've been together. We see one another only on the weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we're both content with that. No sleep overs on the weekend either. I'm okay with that too.
Well, that's already in "pretty ****ing weird" territory, to be honest. I don't know *anybody* in my life whose needs would be met in that kind of relationship.
Seems to me neither one of you is really all that into the other.
Which is cool.
But the first rule of relationship is...if you want more, you need to give more....(which applies to him, too, of course)...0 -
Is this an example of an askhole?0
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I don't think you are overreacting at all. Maybe you want something different then he can provide.0
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If you're unhappy with it, and he won't change, then you should probably end it. Don't stay together just because you've been together for four years.0
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What do you want???
To get married? To be someone's true partner? To just have a relationship which is just about hanging out a few days a week and no growth potential?
If what you have right now is what you want: Great!!! If not, then you really should just move on. You are not this man's love... you are easy easy companionship and sex (I presume).. for which he gets to keep his life exactly the way he wants it and put no effort into having those things.I wouldn't call him your boyfriend either. You are his friend with benefits.
I agree about the friends with benefits! Actually, I feel more like he's just a companion/buddy now.
I do not want to get married. I did that once and that was enough for me. IMO, being married or living with someone isn't necessarily what I need in a relationship. I like our weekends but I would like to be acknowledged during the week as well.
I am just reading through this thread and I am confused about what you truly want. So I think it's possible that even this GUY could be confused, and you sound confused yourself!
Maybe I view things too black/white but the situation you describe would drive me absolutely nuts for more than probably 6 months to a year. I am the type of woman who needs to define terms and put a name on things. I honestly can't even imagine spending more than a year with a guy without deciding to stay together long-term/permanently.
However, I will add that during the first year I was with my husband we were separated every single week Mon-Thurs. We did spend Fri-Sun together including overnight. He was caring for his terminally ill mother and working from home, and the distance was too great for us to go back and forth daily. I did encounter some friends and acquaintances with very different views on my situation. They thought it was "strange" that we didn't drive back and forth daily (to them, 45-60 min was not a big deal but to us it was impractical & unnecessary). Friends also found it strange that we did not talk on the phone or text on the nights we weren't together. We did chat on gmail for at least an hour (often 2 hrs) nightly. But other people still found it 'odd' so I understand that you probably face a lot of that from other people.
What is most important is that YOU are happy and fulfilled by your relationship though. And honestly it does not sound to me like you are.
What's stopping you from talking to him frankly about all of this and describing your wants/needs?
Maybe it's my age and my past relationships that I am content with our arrangement. I do want long-term but to me that doesn't necessarily mean living together. I can't even get the man to sleep over.
All I'm asking from him is to acknowledge me during the week. I don't even bring up spending the night much anymore.0 -
This looks like Newtonian Dating. This relationship seems to be based solely on inertia.0
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so... If I'm summing this up correctly...
he wants to buy a house together...
you want your distance...
he doesn't want to spend the night...
we've been together for 4 years...
no contact through the week...
he's 58 so he's not getting freak on...
You people are making me laugh here!
Here's an edited summary
he wants to buy a house together...
he doesn't want to spend the night...
I like my time during the week
you've been together for 4 years...
no contact through the week...
he's 58 and gets his freak on with me
Okay... either you are happy with this situation or not. I'm not going to speculate that he is seeing someone during the week or that he's married. Those are viable possibilities, but I prefer to avoid making assumptions. If you are happy with your space, then why are you worried about it? You refused to buy a house with him because you liked the space. You basically told him you were comfortable with the way things are.
I'm sorry, but there is two of you in this relationship. You have to compromise somewhere. At 58 yo, it's not very likely that he is technologically-oriented, therefore, he probably doesn't text anyone much. He wanted to buy a house with you so that you could spend time together during the week. You told him you didn't want that. But you are asking him to communicate with you electronically through the week, something he may not be very inclined to do.
It may not have anything to do with interest. Maybe you just need to step back and look at things from his perspective.0 -
This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.
Yeah - for both of them.0 -
Doesn't seem like you actually have a boyfriend, you are just banging some dude over the weekend and then you "like your time during the week".
You have set the precedent of the no speaking during the week.....you have made your bed, and you have the option to:
A) lay in said bed, or
Move on to the next guy you only want to bang, I mean call your boyfriend over the weekend time period. 0 -
You people are making me laugh here!
Here's an edited summary
he wants to buy a house together...
he doesn't want to spend the night...
I like my time during the week
we've been together for 4 years...
no contact through the week...
he's 58 and gets his freak on with me
Know what, nevermind. You two are perfect together.
It takes all kinds.
Real nice. :huh:0
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