if you could go back...

Crimson_Fire

I would tell them..."Don't change a thing! Y'all are going to be wonderful parents, and my sister and I are lucky to have y'all in our lives. Thank y'all for everything."

TallGlassOfQuirky

I have two older sisters, though, and we were all very different people and had very different relationships with each of our parents, who split up when I was a baby.

My advice to my dad would be to, if he was unable to treat me with love, to refrain from belittling me every chance he got and reminding me how inferior I was to not just my sisters but to everyone else.

My mom was wonderful - loving, determined, creative, and kind, but because I was a great student, a quiet kid, and didn't draw attention to myself very often, there were a lot of internal struggles that went unnoticed before they became big issues. I guess, then, that my advice would be this:

Ask me questions and don't let me hide. When I retreat, am silent, and you only see me when I grab something to eat or I need to get a new book, and when the same sad song is on repeat 24 hours a day (even when I sleep), don't leave me alone. I might not want to talk about things, but I need to. Make me talk to you, or a counselor, or someone.

I am going to battle serious depression and I am going to try to hide it. I won't tell you that my father constantly makes it clear that he thinks I am an ugly, awkward, worthless person. I won't tell you that it hurts even worse because he loves my sisters and not me and tells me frequently that I should be more like, well, anyone other than who I am. My sisters, my best friend, my father himself. I won't tell you how hard it is to be teased by my peers about my awkward height, my shyness, my Charlie Chaplin freckle mustache, my frizzy hair, my invisible eyebrows, my glasses, and how smart/nerdy I am. I won't tell you that I feel so out of place, so different, so hopeless that I will ever be good enough that I want to die. I won't tell you that I will cut myself for years and find creative ways to hide it. I won't tell you that I will try combinations of bleach, rubbing alcohol, Pine-Sol, and any other chemicals I can easily get and try to poison myself with them. I won't tell you that after I get pregnant at 17 by a much older man, a drug addict ex-carnie, he starts abusing me and I feel like I deserve it for both not being a good enough person and because I made my bed and feel like I need to lie in it.

I won't tell you any of that voluntarily. I need you to ask. Frequently. And if I don't talk, I need you to find someone who can make me do it.

My mom is an incredible woman. Really, truly amazing. She has been there for me always. She just didn't know how bad things were and yet, when I fell apart, she was there. She even helped raise my son for a couple of years when he was little because I was such a horrible mess mentally that I barely functioned. She is the most selflessly loving woman I know and, even though she DIDN'T ask those questions when I was growing up, her love and support helped me get where I am now anyway. She is amazing.

sentaruu

I would tell them to grow the f up.

Cheechos

"Don't marry that guy. Seriously, he's bad news."

tjsoccermom

I would just like to go back to the day I ignored my moms call because I was "too busy" and she passed away later that day

((hugs))

BinaryPulsar

I would tell my mom that when she realizes the man she has allowed to be my stepfather is in my bedroom and not hers that she should go upstairs and walk in on him, and then call the police. That would be a start. Or that any of the number of things she witnessed go way beyond "red flag". I really don't think there was much hope for my mother. Probably be best if I were able to have had the mind of an adult when I was a child, so that I could have taken care of myself and gotten help for myself.

((((Huge Hugs BP)))) We haven't talked in a while, but nothing but made love for where you've been and who you are.

Thank you! Also, I don't mean to make my mother sound like a bad person. She is just a wounded person.

gypsy_spirit

My parents were married for 64 years before my Mom passed away in 2011. If I could go back, I would tell them that I loved them every day. I would also apologize for being such a brat in my teenage years. Nope, I didn't really know anything at all.

fitfreakymom

I would tell my mom that when she realizes the man she has allowed to be my stepfather is in my bedroom and not hers that she should go upstairs and walk in on him, and then call the police. That would be a start. Or that any of the number of things she witnessed go way beyond "red flag". I really don't think there was much hope for my mother. Probably be best if I were able to have had the mind of an adult when I was a child, so that I could have taken care of myself and gotten help for myself.

((((Huge Hugs BP)))) We haven't talked in a while, but nothing but made love for where you've been and who you are.

Thank you! Also, I don't mean to make my mother sound like a bad person. She is just a wounded person.

I feel what you are going through and you need to know that it was not up to you to act like an adult as a child, it was up to the other adults in your life to notice what was going on and do WHATEVER it would take to stop him, it was and is 100 % his fault for hurting you and sorry to say but also your moms fault for not defending you when you needed it.

My mom knowing now what she knows and I now knowing how she will act when being told I would have told her as a child instead of waiting til I was 16.

BinaryPulsar

I would tell my mom that when she realizes the man she has allowed to be my stepfather is in my bedroom and not hers that she should go upstairs and walk in on him, and then call the police. That would be a start. Or that any of the number of things she witnessed go way beyond "red flag". I really don't think there was much hope for my mother. Probably be best if I were able to have had the mind of an adult when I was a child, so that I could have taken care of myself and gotten help for myself.

((((Huge Hugs BP)))) We haven't talked in a while, but nothing but made love for where you've been and who you are.

Thank you! Also, I don't mean to make my mother sound like a bad person. She is just a wounded person.

I feel what you are going through and you need to know that it was not up to you to act like an adult as a child, it was up to the other adults in your life to notice what was going on and do WHATEVER it would take to stop him, it was and is 100 $ his fault for hurting you and sorry to say but also your moms fault for not defending.

My mom knowing now what she knows and I now knowing how she will act when being told I would have told her as a child instead of waiting til I was 16.

Thank you! I tried to tell my mother when I was 13, and she said I was making it up to get attention. She actually pushed me out of her room and closed the door on me and I was crying and saying it was true. It's complicated. I know she didn't want to hurt me. But, she also didn't actually want to deal with reality.

klyn7788

Teach me how to parallel park!

krawhitham

My parents did a great job parenting me and my siblings. I have no real complaints. None of us have kids.

My criticism would have to be about my mother. She needs to stop focusing and obsessing so much about money. It's not healthy. It might actually be part of the reason me and none of my siblings will ever have kids. She always talked about how expensive we all were

fitfreakymom

I would tell my mom that when she realizes the man she has allowed to be my stepfather is in my bedroom and not hers that she should go upstairs and walk in on him, and then call the police. That would be a start. Or that any of the number of things she witnessed go way beyond "red flag". I really don't think there was much hope for my mother. Probably be best if I were able to have had the mind of an adult when I was a child, so that I could have taken care of myself and gotten help for myself.

((((Huge Hugs BP)))) We haven't talked in a while, but nothing but made love for where you've been and who you are.

Thank you! Also, I don't mean to make my mother sound like a bad person. She is just a wounded person.

I feel what you are going through and you need to know that it was not up to you to act like an adult as a child, it was up to the other adults in your life to notice what was going on and do WHATEVER it would take to stop him, it was and is 100 $ his fault for hurting you and sorry to say but also your moms fault for not defending.

My mom knowing now what she knows and I now knowing how she will act when being told I would have told her as a child instead of waiting til I was 16.

Thank you! I tried to tell my mother when I was 13, and she said I was making it up to get attention. She actually pushed me out of her room and closed the door on me and I was crying and saying it was true. It's complicated. I know she didn't want to hurt me. But, she also didn't actually want to deal with reality.

I think the thought that went through my moms mind was to not kill him because she had such a hatred for him, we left him within a few weeks, ( had to buy a house ) and move the horses.

BinaryPulsar

I would tell my mom that when she realizes the man she has allowed to be my stepfather is in my bedroom and not hers that she should go upstairs and walk in on him, and then call the police. That would be a start. Or that any of the number of things she witnessed go way beyond "red flag". I really don't think there was much hope for my mother. Probably be best if I were able to have had the mind of an adult when I was a child, so that I could have taken care of myself and gotten help for myself.

((((Huge Hugs BP)))) We haven't talked in a while, but nothing but made love for where you've been and who you are.

Thank you! Also, I don't mean to make my mother sound like a bad person. She is just a wounded person.

I feel what you are going through and you need to know that it was not up to you to act like an adult as a child, it was up to the other adults in your life to notice what was going on and do WHATEVER it would take to stop him, it was and is 100 $ his fault for hurting you and sorry to say but also your moms fault for not defending.

My mom knowing now what she knows and I now knowing how she will act when being told I would have told her as a child instead of waiting til I was 16.

Thank you! I tried to tell my mother when I was 13, and she said I was making it up to get attention. She actually pushed me out of her room and closed the door on me and I was crying and saying it was true. It's complicated. I know she didn't want to hurt me. But, she also didn't actually want to deal with reality.

I think the thought that went through my moms mind was to not kill him because she had such a hatred for him, we left him within a few weeks, ( had to buy a house ) and move the horses.

I'm so sorry you went through that for so long. I'm glad your mom supported you.

My stepfather left us when he was done with me and he stole all our money.

whattodo54

bum[ for later

arewethereyet

I would say : THANK YOU MOM!!

For loving me

For moving us to Florida from the frozen tundra! :drinker:

For keeping me when the nuns thought you should give me to a 'good' family.

For thinking I was smart, beautiful and perfect.:bigsmile:

For treating my brother better than me, it made me stronger. :smokin:

Were you a perfect parent? Nope

Am I a perfect parent? :laugh: No way

But both of us did the best we could with what we had at the moment. And we LOVED. We ALWAYS loved

:brokenheart: 26 years ago this week. Living with the Angels. I love you. :flowerforyou: :drinker:

smantha32

I'm sticking to what I said.
A child should not have to be the adult when they are 12.

This. My parents weren't mean, just irresponsible.
Everything I know about life I figured out by myself.

Docmahi

I actually sat here and can't think of anything - not saying my parents were perfect, maybe a little more discipline actually - but considering how I acted and everything

they did a pretty good job

CharleePear

Please, for the love of God, get help so you don't screw us all up and end up making me the parent.

shartran

Actions speak louder than words...

How they 'are' in the world, react to things, deal with people, etc., is all internalized by kids...

If they go into the world with no self confidence, the kids will likely grow up lost too...no
self confidence!

Self Confidence is one of the most , if not 'the most', quality to instill in your kids!

Sinisterly

Actions speak louder than words...

How they 'are' in the world, react to things, deal with people, etc., is all internalized by kids...

If they go into the world with no self confidence, the kids will likely grow up lost too...no
self confidence!

Self Confidence is one of the most , if not 'the most', quality to instill in your kids!

Glad I always questioned everything my mother did at a young age...
Grandma ain't no foo!!!
(Taught me to logic .)