Lose weight or no wedding--- is this right?

Options
1…5681011…14

Replies

  • ezloshead
    ezloshead Posts: 167 Member
    Options
    If he's this bad now, how controlling will he get when you're living together? Will he decide what you wear or your hair style? If he really loves you he should be more than happy to marry you, no matter if you're 800lbs or 88.

    And I'm not a feminazi, but it's YOUR body and you don't OWE him a 130 pound bride. And I agree with kethry70. He wants to play the victim. You have every right to move on.
  • firelight4321
    firelight4321 Posts: 60 Member
    Options
    How can he make the promise "for better, or for worse" if he can't marry you at your worst?
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Options
    How can he make the promise "for better, or for worse" if he can't marry you at your worst?

    Dianna_this.gif
  • ezloshead
    ezloshead Posts: 167 Member
    Options
    HOLD THE PHONES EVERYONE
    Someone just posted this thread and OP needs to see it. It's too perfect.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1228719-need-to-change-lose-to-keep-marry-be-loved-by-spouse
  • toomanireasons
    toomanireasons Posts: 84
    Options
    I am sad that you have to even consider this in your mind. This situation with this person will never get any better. This can be analyzed for months and years with "what ifs" .....but you really need to have a talk with yourself ! Love yourself ! I am surprised you have been on the relationship so long ! I am also surprised that you had skin removal surgery after losing only 40 pounds ! Did I read that correctly?
  • monstergirl14
    monstergirl14 Posts: 345 Member
    Options
    Why the hell did he decide, after 5 years, that you need to be smaller in order for your relationship to work? If my boyfriend ever chalked up our relationship to my weight, I would dump him. A lot.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    Options
    just here to echo the consensus.

    it reminds me of something on read on someones profile yesterday that made me sad.

    under inspirations she had:

    - my BF of 11 years says if i lose 50lbs we can get engaged! lol

    (yes, the "lol" was part of the text).

    that's the carrot at the end of the stick!? winding up with someone who only accepts you when you represent THEIR ideal?!

    tumblr_m5j90yVBh81ry4fzuo1_400.gif

    there are plenty of dudes out there who would be thrilled to be with you however you are.

    good luck OP :flowerforyou:
  • onematch
    onematch Posts: 241 Member
    Options
    Dump him, Be single, and do what makes YOU happy. You will not be successful if you try to lose the weight for someone else.

    Also, he's an *kitten* and doesn't deserve you.
  • UtahWI
    UtahWI Posts: 257 Member
    Options
    The dude put a number on your weight as a condition for him to marry you? And you agreed to this? I don't usually say this in relationship threads, but just break up and move on. Fix you for you and then find someone who loves you for being you and you love for being them.

    We're both saying things we'd normally never say tonight.


    That's how you know the situation is well and truly screwed up.

    Yup. Where are all the crazy people that usually say things like "you need to just kick that bum to the curb and move on"? 'Cause I'd agree with them here . . .

    Where are all the Just Break Up chanters? You'd think they'd be all over this like flies on...rice. Finally a thread where the spouse is actually doing some screwed up and yet...only two pages? But when someone's husband is bringing home cookies things blow up.

    IKR? Not even one person saying she needs to punch him in the junk.

    OP, next time you see this guy, punch him in the junk.*

    He doesn't want to get married and is looking for a way out. He's a coward and an *kitten*. Run.

    *not someone who normally condones violent junk punches

    I just love this so much.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,266 Member
    Options
    everything that everyone has said is what I would say. it isn't build your freaking ideal woman when it comes to a healthy relationship. you have to do this for you or it is never going to work. losing weight takes a full commitment and is hard work. if your heart isn't in it because you want it then you wont be able to do it. stress causes weight gain too. you have to ask yourself that even if you lose the weight how do you know if he wont start making demands like grow your hair this way, wear this don't wear that. This is sign to me that says run, run now. A marriage needs to be based on friendship and respect for each other. You need to love each other for the person they are and not for the one you hope they could be. Marriage goes way beyond the day of the wedding and the big dress, party etc. It is a working relationship with give and take. He should not be putting any stipulations on the date of your wedding based on a physical attribute. I am sure you would look and feel tons better once you lose the weight. But we are talking one year at the very least. Can you stand to be unhappy for that long? I know I couldn't. I know I wouldn't. IF he gets this one over on you in the very beginning I am worried that I am right. I have seen it too many times when the spouse is that controlling and this is how it starts. Honey you know what to do. Go home. Home is where your heart is. You are so young. WHen you do lose it, it will be easy for you but it cnly comes off one lb at atime. I have a dreaded feeling that if you stay and continue on in your journey with him around you, then it wont be fun at all. Everytime you lose one lb he will be saying things or hinting like it should be more. IT wont be good or fast enough for him. There shouldn't be anyone factored into your weight loss journey. IF they aren't your supporters then you wont want them around. That is what I would tell my neice anyways. Hugs girlie. Sometimes the hardest things to do are the things that you know deep down you just have to do. There are many men out there that love the crap out of some curves. My husband says almost every day to me: are you don't yet? I don't want a skeleton. He likes curvy girls but so does risk of stroke of diabetes so its not what he wants that he is going to get. He loves me no matter what. You deserve someone who wants you now, not later or skinnier.:flowerforyou: :wink:
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
    Options
    Break it off now. And do not take him back when you drop weight.

    This will be hard and it will hurt. I am glad to know you are not living together. That will make it a bit easier. But you need to be rid of this guy now. He will not make you happy and you will never really make him happy. He is controlling and manipulative.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that 175-180 might be a safety zone for you. Safety from him, I mean. If you got down to HIS GOAL weight, you might actually marry him. Men who only love you when you are thin will leave you when you gain weight. My marriage of 22 years is over for this very reason. Idiot.

    You deserve much better than this. He will only hold your weight over your head and with hold love, affection, attention, etc if you do not comply. Do not worry about being "alone" while you are on this journey There's about 10 pages of people on this post who will happily be friends with you. Learning to be happy and content on my own has critical to experiencing joy.

    Run!
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's easy for us to tell you what to do but only you know the details of your relationship and can make the final decision. That said, I'd drop him like a hot potato. A man who refuses to commit to you until you reach his established goal of the right weight for you isn't worth your time. Just my opinion.

    If I knew how to bold, I would do that to the words, "Drop him like a hot potato." Because those are the exact words that crossed my mind as I was reading the op. First response said it all for me!

    Honey, find yourself a man who feels you are worthy of his love no matter your size! Because you are worth loving and there really are men out there who would never put a condition on their love for you.
  • g44219
    g44219 Posts: 3,665 Member
    Options
    Hopefully he is just trying to motivate you or it could be he really doesn't want to get married. The second option would be my guess. Sorry. Someone's weight isn't a determining factor to get married or not in my mind. That's what it sounds like from what I read.
  • DSTMT
    DSTMT Posts: 417 Member
    Options
    Normally I don't comment in relationship threads, or I say to talk to your partner instead of strangers on the internet...

    ...but man, that's messed up. There's "I love you and want you to be healthy", and then there's whatever this is.

    Add me to the list.


    If it's like this NOW, how is it going to be when you're pregnant, or when the two of you are going through a rough patch? Nopenopenope. Cut your losses while there's time.

    Yep, I totally agree. If he's this controlling now, it'll only get worse if you get married. Like many other people have said, he should want you for you, regardless of your size, and putting it on you to basically change yourself in order to be "worthy" of being married to him is bullcrap.
  • tiger4nikki
    tiger4nikki Posts: 112 Member
    Options
    Ok, this "man" has been in this relationship with you for YEARS, knowing how much you weigh but he doesn't want to marry you until you lose a lot of weight? Makes NO sense. He sounds like a control freak. What will he do if you lose the weight, but after the wedding put on 20lbs? Is he going to divorce you? DROP HIS *kitten* NOW. You deserve someone who accepts you for YOU. Sure, you need to lose some weight, but he's been with you all this time and NOW he wants to say something? If it bothered him so bad, then WHY did he even go out with you in the first place? Yeah, he needs to be GONE. Best wishes to you!
  • janicebinva
    janicebinva Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    He wants to put off the wedding indefinitely. Period. He will keep finding reasons even if you lose the weight.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Options
    I have never heard a weaker reason to postpone a wedding. He doesn't want to get married, period. It's time for you to move on, sweetie. Best wishes to you! :flowerforyou:
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
    Options
    Oh my God leave him. Leave him fast and don't look back.
  • NataBost
    NataBost Posts: 418 Member
    Options
    So, say you make it to your goal weight and get married...will your entire marriage consist of him monitoring your weight? Imagine him telling you you've had enough pasta, or you can't have ice cream, or asking you if you've exercised today. Is that how you want to live? He needs to find a thin person, and you need to find someone who loves you for YOU.

    ^^ This. Warning bells are going off in my head. "I won't marry you until you are this arbitrary number on a scale." Really? Really? Either he's a controlling sorry sonofagun or he's dragging his feet. Want to lose more weigh? Lose HIM.
  • miss_mckenna
    miss_mckenna Posts: 18 Member
    Options
    Looks fade over time, you deserve better!
    Punch him in the junk and run the other direction.

Categories