Lose weight or no wedding--- is this right?
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He really should accept you for who you are...
Although, I'm sure many things come into play, and everything in life is a trade off, who is to say where the make or break line is?
But just for kicks see how he reacts when you tell him
once you reach your "ideal weight" of 130 you are taking marriage off the table.
You are young and life will change in ways you can't even guess at now.
Setting parameters like this really only set you up to fail, because
1) To be successful you've got to do this for you and no one else. I think to a large extent food is a control issue and if someone else is trying to exert control over you, you'll rebel with what YOU can control... eating. Or if you do, do what they want because THEY want it, it's bound to create resentment.
2) What you want or plan to do, what your body is capable of and a practical way to live your life are all separate things. (I want to be 130 too! Technically that's a perfectly healthy goal for me, but in reality to get down to that weight for me would mean severe deprivation.... and so much attention to my diet and exercise that I wouldn't be able to live the life I want to live. (I want to be strong and capable and hike and kayak and dance and play!) I want getting trim and fit to enhance my life, not to take over my life.0 -
Seems like there is more to this story. Where is the OP?
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Dump the chump.0
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The dude put a number on your weight as a condition for him to marry you? And you agreed to this? I don't usually say this in relationship threads, but just break up and move on. Fix you for you and then find someone who loves you for being you and you love for being them.
THIS!!!!0 -
If he doesn't love you enough to commit to you now at your current weight, why would that change once you hit your goal weight, and does that mean he won't love you if you gain weight after you are married?0
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is this a serious question? LEAVE HIM. if you marry him, you will either be miserable or end up divorced0
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Let him go!! Marriage is suppose to be a partnership. That's just NOT right. Men should LOVE their significant others for how they are and uplift them to better themselves and not give ultimatums. You're beautiful for your passion to want to get healthy!0
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He sounds like a complete tosser to be honest. Ditch him and find someone who likes you for who you are not what they want you to be. x0
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All I know if any guy told me I had to drop to whatever he considered a good weight before he would marry me I would drop him like a lead balloon. Honestly you might lose the weight if you get rid of the stress which sounds like him. I was with a guy who would point out all the heavy set people he could and say eww or the outfit on her she shouldn't wear. Some yes I agreed but would never say it outloud because frankly if that's what they want to wear so be it at least they have the confidence to do so. Since I got rid of him for oh so many reasons the weight has started dropping off as I am no longer stressed and frustrated.
You have to do it for you not him. If he is making you miserable about it than that isn't support. He should want to marry you for who you are now and then if YOU want to lose the weight he should work with you and help you through that not put it as a condition. Not to mention if he is already doing this what else will he do in the future to put a condition on something else.
If it were me like I said I would walk away cause you will find someone who will love you for you no matter what you look like.0 -
If you do it for him it won't last.
Grow some self esteem, tell him to go to hell and do it for yourself. Lose it anyway, but do it for yourself, girl!
Do it because you want to change your life, not because you want to marry him.0 -
DTMFA!!!!
What happens if you have children and gain weight after you are married? What happens if you age? Will 130 lbs be the magic number that makes him STAY married to you? That is not a real commitment! Marriage is a life-long commitment to see each other at your absolute worst, love each other anyway, and STAY together.
It sounds like he is just using your weight as an excuse to avoid a real commitment. I'm so sorry for your rough situation and the heartbreak that will follow, but don't waste anymore time on someone who isn't capable of committing to you.
DTMFA!!!!0 -
You know that bit in Scooby-Doo when Scooby realises something is wrong, stops dead in his tracks and says "ruh-roh" ?
Do that.0 -
Time to examine your life and perhaps move on. This guy puts conditions on his commitment to you. What happened to unconditional love? If you lost the weight, my guess is that there would always be some other thing that he was not happy with. Your life should be your life, and your happiness not dependent on his conditions. Be happy for yourself, that you are trying hard for you. I have been married for a long time and success in marriage depends on each partner( and I'd like to stress the word partner), helping and supporting the other in a loving, constructive, and supportive way.0
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Get a new man, I would punch my man in the face if he said that to me!0
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Easiest way to lose 200 pounds...drop the man. Good lord. So if you do get married, will he divorce you if you gain weight? God forbid you get pregnant. :noway:0
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The dude put a number on your weight as a condition for him to marry you? And you agreed to this? I don't usually say this in relationship threads, but just break up and move on. Fix you for you and then find someone who loves you for being you and you love for being them.
We're both saying things we'd normally never say tonight.
That's how you know the situation is well and truly screwed up.
^^^ all of this and what binary said too (and i haven't even read the comments after this) and the comments from people saying can you live with him constantly monitoring your weight through your whole marriage, maybe even threats of divorce if you gain too much....
you need someone who loves you for being you. if you want to be 130lb then be that weight for YOU, not because someone else won't accept you if you're heavier than that.
and really, what you've been through in the last few months, someone who really loves you will be worried about YOU and how you're coping and trying to make life easier for you, not stressing about you gaining weight and piling more stress on you by giving you ultimatums. You deserve so much more than this!!0 -
11 pages - and no second post from OP..... a pretty fine job of Trolling wow. If I was a mod I think i'd just close this thread and delete OP0
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Deleted0
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Man-bashing posts always make for good theater. I've seen a zillion of these "my man is a pig and I don't know what to dooooo" threads.11 pages - and no second post from OP..... a pretty fine job of Trolling wow. If I was a mod I think i'd just close this thread and delete OP0 -
bump for later entertainment.0
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Get a new man, I would punch my man in the face if he said that to me!
Just making myself a note to use this in a similar thread where the roles are reversed...
"Get a new woman, I would punch my woman in the face if she said that to me!"
Yeah, I'm sure it, like yours, will go completely unchallenged when I use that later.0 -
Violence is never ok. I commented on page 1, way back when this was a new thread. And didn't read the rest of the thread.0
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