Is marriage still worth it?

WendyTerry420

If my boyfriend would have never proposed, I would have broke up with him. We've been married 3 years now. I wasn't looking for a long term dating relationship. I was looking for love and marriage. These past 3 years have been worth everything to me, and I wouldn't change it for nothing.

But you shouldn't rush into it either. Make sure you BOTH know that this is "it" and that you want it for all aspects of what it is. If not, you will end up in a divorce.

I'm happy for you, I am..

But if you love someone, whether you're married or not shouldn't really matter, imho.

Congrats, though

It does if you want legal rights for things.

Seeing as I'm not materialistic, that doesn't matter to me.
-shrug-

EDIT: And before this dwindles down the wrong way, as all forum things tend to happen, wasn't saying anyone is materialistic lol.

It's not just money. It's hospital visitation, who the police will call in an accident, making decisions on weather to pull the plug, which nursing home to put someone in, etc.

That stuff doesn't matter anymore. You might be living in the 1960's. Lol.

My mom had breast cancer and was with her boyfriend for over 20 years. Had no problem with him seeing her in the hospital or any other issue. In many ways, it's actually more financially advantages to not marry. But, all the things you mention are just silly.

So you don't live in America?

mom2mcjc

If you are best friends with passion, go for it. My hubby and I just celebrated our 20th. Collectively, we have been through infidelity, overseas deployment, physical and mental illness, poverty and wealth, and mid-life crises. At the end of the day, he's still there to rub my feet and I scratch his back. We can talk for ours about what weighs and lifts our hearts, minds, and bodies. We can be still in comfortable silence. We have seen each other at our best and worst. It's wonderful to have someone to share your life experiences with.

UsedToBeHusky

Don't.

If you're too scared to make that decision now then you'll never be committed to your marriage partner.

Also, from your girlfriend's perspective, she deserves somebody who's totally committed to his side of the marriage.

And if you can't handle the commitment of marriage, yeah don't even bother with kids. That one will be way over your head.

I agree with this to a point. Don't do this unless you are certain about it. She may be the right one for you, but the timing might not be right. You have to decide for yourself and be completely, 100% about that decision.

sandjar131

For us, it is totally worth it. Not saying it's always easy, but it's worth it.

We're not a typical couple - we met and were living together and engaged within 3 weeks. We got married a year later, and a year after that had our first child. We've been happily married now for 13 years, and added 2 more kids along the way. If I could go back and make a different decision, I wouldn't (and neither would he).

Funny tidbit is my parents were also engaged within a month of meeting each other, and just celebrated 40 years of marriage!

WendyTerry420

If my boyfriend would have never proposed, I would have broke up with him. We've been married 3 years now. I wasn't looking for a long term dating relationship. I was looking for love and marriage. These past 3 years have been worth everything to me, and I wouldn't change it for nothing.

But you shouldn't rush into it either. Make sure you BOTH know that this is "it" and that you want it for all aspects of what it is. If not, you will end up in a divorce.

I'm happy for you, I am..

But if you love someone, whether you're married or not shouldn't really matter, imho.

Congrats, though

It does if you want legal rights for things.

Seeing as I'm not materialistic, that doesn't matter to me.
-shrug-

EDIT: And before this dwindles down the wrong way, as all forum things tend to happen, wasn't saying anyone is materialistic lol.

It's not just money. It's hospital visitation, who the police will call in an accident, making decisions on weather to pull the plug, which nursing home to put someone in, etc.

That stuff doesn't matter anymore. You might be living in the 1960's. Lol.

My mom had breast cancer and was with her boyfriend for over 20 years. Had no problem with him seeing her in the hospital or any other issue. In many ways, it's actually more financially advantages to not marry. But, all the things you mention are just silly.

Because it didn't happen to you doesn't make it silly. It is a real concern for people.

It's not a concern for anyone. It's a fantasy in your head. It's not the world anymore.

http://www.irs.gov/Tax-Professionals/Tax-Code,-Regulations-and-Official-Guidance

^^^ Still exists (See also: http://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title26&edition=prelim)
If my husband and I were not married, we'd get about 30% of the refund amount that we have been receiving.


http://www.ssa.gov/pgm/survivors.htm
^^ We still get money taken from our paychecks every payday for SSA.



The need for insurance is even greater now than it was in the 1960s, back when people could actually afford to go to the doctor without insurance. It does vary by state, but most states do not require insurance companies to recognize "domestic partners" yet. Many insurance companies have changed, but it's NOT universal. Can I borrow those rose-colored glasses, Jerry?



Also reality:
http://www.eric.org/uploads/ERIC Findings from Survey of Large Employers.pdf

https://www.shrm.org/hrdisciplines/benefits/Articles/Pages/Domestic-Partner-Benefits.aspx







Damn, I wish the IRS was just a dream, but it's not fantasy, more like a nightmare. (FYI: Tomorrow's the last day to e-file or get your mailed return postmarked, folks. Uncle Sam wants his 1040, same as always.)

WendyTerry420

Don't.

If you're too scared to make that decision now then you'll never be committed to your marriage partner.

Also, from your girlfriend's perspective, she deserves somebody who's totally committed to his side of the marriage.

And if you can't handle the commitment of marriage, yeah don't even bother with kids. That one will be way over your head.

I agree with this to a point. Don't do this unless you are certain about it. She may be the right one for you, but the timing might not be right. You have to decide for yourself and be completely, 100% about that decision.

I think I was about 98% sure on my wedding day. :laugh:

I've always been the type to act first, then ask questions. :smokin:

eddiesmith1

Ive been with my wife 33 years now, there are ups and downs in any relationship and it requires work, Communicate, don't let things build up. I've seen lots of marriages fail , and generally it has been lack of communication and commitment eventually - it's a choice work through the issues and get to the next level or pack it in and start over. We have always opted for the work it out but there have been times it would have been easy to end it and move on - I think the only real difference now from 6 years ago is it is easier to get a divorce so people don't always work on things. Certainly divorce (or never having married in the first place ) makes a lot of sense in many cases. If you are questioning it now are you questioning your relationship or is it just the general marriage thing ( - of the couples who got together when we did amongst our friends only 4 4 other couples are together - 2 gay couples (1 with 2 kids) 1 unmarried couple with no kids (we have no kids either but did marry) and i straight couple with kids.
I can't speak to the influence of religion on any choices aside from none of these people (ourselves included) practice or for that matter believe in any religion . (in fact the only religious people I know have all been married more than once )
Marriage itself is not the thing, it's about the long term relationship rather than an institution

randomtai

If my boyfriend would have never proposed, I would have broke up with him. We've been married 3 years now. I wasn't looking for a long term dating relationship. I was looking for love and marriage. These past 3 years have been worth everything to me, and I wouldn't change it for nothing.

But you shouldn't rush into it either. Make sure you BOTH know that this is "it" and that you want it for all aspects of what it is. If not, you will end up in a divorce.

I'm happy for you, I am..

But if you love someone, whether you're married or not shouldn't really matter, imho.

Congrats, though

It does if you want legal rights for things.

Seeing as I'm not materialistic, that doesn't matter to me.
-shrug-

EDIT: And before this dwindles down the wrong way, as all forum things tend to happen, wasn't saying anyone is materialistic lol.

It's not just money. It's hospital visitation, who the police will call in an accident, making decisions on weather to pull the plug, which nursing home to put someone in, etc.

That stuff doesn't matter anymore. You might be living in the 1960's. Lol.

My mom had breast cancer and was with her boyfriend for over 20 years. Had no problem with him seeing her in the hospital or any other issue. In many ways, it's actually more financially advantages to not marry. But, all the things you mention are just silly.

Because it didn't happen to you doesn't make it silly. It is a real concern for people.

It's not a concern for anyone. It's a fantasy in your head. It's not the world anymore.

Yup, tell that to my aunt who if she was married she would get the survivor's benefits due to her. But it's a fantasy. Right.

She wasn't smart and didn't do the right things. Marriage is not a requirement. There are other ways.

Like getting married. Right. :noway:

SezxyStef

Yes...I waited until I was 36 to get married...

I met him, never expected it to be anything more than a FWB thing and wham...11 months from the day we met we said I do...

I am as much in love with him as the day we got married.

Is it always easy ? no...
Does it take work? yes...

It is only a piece of paper if you look at it that way...if you go into it believe it will last for life it will...if divorce is an option it will become inevitable...

For us divorce isn't an option...

MelsAuntie

Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.

This is sad.

Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?

Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.

Yeah, I'm confused too.

Two people loving each other, and in a committed relationship, and took care of some legal paperwork for tax purposes. What is sad about that? That we have an income tax at all? (I feel that) ...Or that normal Americans respond to the tax code by obtaining legal papers to protect their families?

"Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working. " Nothing about love, companinship, says she's be divorced if it was up to her,the issue is tax, not where her heart is, and you don't think that's sad?

My husband is my best friend and favorite companion. We've had trouble, and we've always met it together and beat it. We cannot imagine living our lives without the other. He says his purpose in life is to make me laugh. He's entertaining, exasperating, endlessly surprising, and if he needed a heart transplant, I would donate, without a second's hesitation. I can't imagine divorcing him, especially after 43 years, it would be like tearing my heart out.

mlanders22

I'm divorced. I'm co-parenting my toddler with my ex, worrying about finances because divorces are stupid expensive, and trying to put my life back together. Even after the sadness, grieving, and sense of loss I experienced at the end of my marriage I would happily get married again if I met the right person.
The biggest thing I've learned is that you both have to want the relationship to work. You can't put in zero effort to your marriage if you expect it to survive - but that is true of any long-term committment.

BigBellyGoAway

Been married for many years now, and it's not the piece of paper that keeps my wife an I together, nor would it stop us from splitting up if it ever came to that. Marriage (to me at least) says nothing about how you and your spouse feel about each other, nor does it mean that y'all will stay together forever. What it does do though, is give each of us legal rights should something happen to one of us. That, and that alone, makes it worth it (in my not so humble opinion).

UsedToBeHusky

Don't.

If you're too scared to make that decision now then you'll never be committed to your marriage partner.

Also, from your girlfriend's perspective, she deserves somebody who's totally committed to his side of the marriage.

And if you can't handle the commitment of marriage, yeah don't even bother with kids. That one will be way over your head.

I agree with this to a point. Don't do this unless you are certain about it. She may be the right one for you, but the timing might not be right. You have to decide for yourself and be completely, 100% about that decision.

I think I was about 98% sure on my wedding day. :laugh:

I've always been the type to act first, then ask questions. :smokin:

98% is close enough.

BigBellyGoAway

Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.

This is sad.

Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?

Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.

Yeah, I'm confused too.

Two people loving each other, and in a committed relationship, and took care of some legal paperwork for tax purposes. What is sad about that? That we have an income tax at all? (I feel that) ...Or that normal Americans respond to the tax code by obtaining legal papers to protect their families?

"Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working. " Nothing about love, companinship, says she's be divorced if it was up to her,the issue is tax, not where her heart is, and you don't think that's sad?

I don't think it's sad at all. What I find sad, is that some people use that piece of paper as a symbol of love and companionship. Thinks like love are identified by your deeds and actions, not some paper that you signed in front of witnesses.

samr73

It'll be 2 years this summer since I split from my husband.
Details aren't important but what does marriage hold for me? Nothing. I would still have been in the same place, ring and piece of paper or not. What is the game changer is how you treat each other.
The only people that can decide that are you and your gf.

eddiesmith1

Been married for many years now, and it's not the piece of paper that keeps my wife an I together, nor would it stop us from splitting up if it ever came to that. Marriage (to me at least) says nothing about how you and your spouse feel about each other, nor does it mean that y'all will stay together forever. What it does do though, is give each of us legal rights should something happen to one of us. That, and that alone, makes it worth it (in my not so humble opinion).

Well said, in fact the for the gay couples i know who are married this was part of the reason, though under canadian laws almost all things that apply when married also apply for common law relationships. the piece of paper just makes it less messy if the rights are needed

WendyTerry420

Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.

This is sad.

Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?

Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.

Yeah, I'm confused too.

Two people loving each other, and in a committed relationship, and took care of some legal paperwork for tax purposes. What is sad about that? That we have an income tax at all? (I feel that) ...Or that normal Americans respond to the tax code by obtaining legal papers to protect their families?

"Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working. " Nothing about love, companinship, says she's be divorced if it was up to her,the issue is tax, not where her heart is, and you don't think that's sad?

My husband is my best friend and favorite companion. We've had trouble, and we've always met it together and beat it. We cannot imagine living our lives without the other. He says his purpose in life is to make me laugh. He's entertaining, exasperating, endlessly surprising, and if he needed a heart transplant, I would donate, without a second's hesitation. I can't imagine divorcing him, especially after 43 years, it would be like tearing my heart out.

Blame the IRS, not the poster.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.

This is sad.

Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?

Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.

Yeah, I'm confused too.

Two people loving each other, and in a committed relationship, and took care of some legal paperwork for tax purposes. What is sad about that? That we have an income tax at all? (I feel that) ...Or that normal Americans respond to the tax code by obtaining legal papers to protect their families?

"Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working. " Nothing about love, companinship, says she's be divorced if it was up to her,the issue is tax, not where her heart is, and you don't think that's sad?

My husband is my best friend and favorite companion. We've had trouble, and we've always met it together and beat it. We cannot imagine living our lives without the other. He says his purpose in life is to make me laugh. He's entertaining, exasperating, endlessly surprising, and if he needed a heart transplant, I would donate, without a second's hesitation. I can't imagine divorcing him, especially after 43 years, it would be like tearing my heart out.

She's indicating that they'd get a divorce for tax purposes, not that they'd actually split up. We are also paying taxes this year because our combined income puts us in a higher tax bracket than our individual incomes did. Married filling separate doesn't help, but if we weren't married, we wouldn't have to pay.

UsedToBeHusky

Honestly, no. I'm no more committed to my husband than I was before we married. We are not religious so there was never really a point to getting married. The only reason we got married was because I wasn't going back to work after our second child was born, so it made sense tax wise. Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working.

The good thing about being married is you don't have to go through the legal hassle of making sure the other person has all the legal rights your spouse does if something should happen to you.

This is sad.

Um, that somebody has a marriage that is different from yours that is happy and works for them?

Right, that's what's sad in this scenario.

Yeah, I'm confused too.

Two people loving each other, and in a committed relationship, and took care of some legal paperwork for tax purposes. What is sad about that? That we have an income tax at all? (I feel that) ...Or that normal Americans respond to the tax code by obtaining legal papers to protect their families?

"Now that I'm working again, if I could get divorced without freaking out every damn family member I would, because again it makes more sense tax wise to not be married with both of us working. " Nothing about love, companinship, says she's be divorced if it was up to her,the issue is tax, not where her heart is, and you don't think that's sad?

My husband is my best friend and favorite companion. We've had trouble, and we've always met it together and beat it. We cannot imagine living our lives without the other. He says his purpose in life is to make me laugh. He's entertaining, exasperating, endlessly surprising, and if he needed a heart transplant, I would donate, without a second's hesitation. I can't imagine divorcing him, especially after 43 years, it would be like tearing my heart out.

She's indicating that they'd get a divorce for tax purposes, not that they'd actually split up. We are also paying taxes this year because our combined income puts us in a higher tax bracket than our individual incomes did. Married filling separate doesn't help, but if we weren't married, we wouldn't have to pay.

I'm not sure why filing for an uncontested divorce would have to be made known to any relatives so long as the couple intends to continue residing in the same home.

Of course, the thing I'm trying to figure out is how you would explain to a judge that you want to divorce for tax purposes.

jeffininer

A marriage is only as strong as the amount of work both parties are willing to put into it. It IS work and you HAVE to work at it. If you're not willing to work, then you'll end in divorce.

I truly believe marriage is worth it. The connection I have with my husband is something I never want to share with someone else. We have had some very rough times in our relationship (just recently this past January). But, even through those experiences, I know I don't ever want to be away from his side. He's worth the effort and forgiveness required to make our family work.

Now you have to decide if the woman you are with is worth all of that.