rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight
Replies
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respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...
no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..
and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!
and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.
I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?
when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.
lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.
thanks for the example!!0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
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no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
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What's Tinder? Nix that. I don't care.0
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It sucks that this happened, OP, but I do not fault the guy at all. I think he made the best of it.0
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Two words of advice for you:
1. No matter what they say, no one will ever love you unconditionally. There are ALWAYS conditions. Make sure you know what they are before you become involved.
2. You will never be happy in a relationship/ someone else be happy in a relationship with you unless you are happy with yourself. It is evident you have self esteem issues and you tie your self worth to others opinions. Until you accept your assets and your flaws you won't be able to be happy and healthy.
Some of the best advice in this thread. :flowerforyou:0 -
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no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that
It's okay, son...
...I got this.0 -
sure thing Flynn
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that0 -
lol what the hell?respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...
no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..
and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!
and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.
I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?
when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.
lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.
thanks for the example!!0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that
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sure thing Flynn
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
Well, you certainly aren't lacking in self-confidence...
..so at least you have that going for you.
Thanks Heisenberg
Plz don't call my dad that
HAHAHA
Whut?
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But seriously...
...did they or didn't they?
The answer to this question affects my judgment of this guy (despite knowing nothing about him except what I've learned in this thread).0 -
I've been in a similar situation, i met a guy not online but i met him in ilfe. All I did was focus on how fat I was, and this is a problem cause he probablyl started focusing on the same thing. Now Ive also fell for guys online, I realized that it was 99% fantasy of how he was as how i was to him and 1% reality. And then I met the guy in person and realized he wasn't who i imagined in my mind. if your going to lose weight do it for yourself not him cause its more frusterating to do it to imrpess him. As I also wanted to lose weight for my guy but I HAVE to do it for myself.hi everyone
i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".
so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.
i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.
Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.0 -
I don't know how one can fall in love in an exclusively online realtionship. How can you be in love with someone when it's mostly reacting to fantasies and anticipation in your mind? I don't understand.
For me, to be in love, all 5 senses need to be activated, preferably simultaneously!0 -
Why is he continuing to engage this relationship when he knows that she has feelings and that, now that he has seen her, he doesn't?
He might not have been a complete jerk up to this point. But things are going to go downhill real fast from here if he doesn't just walk away.
Maybe because he thinks that she might fix the issues he has, and wants to stick around to see if she does? He might genuinely like this girl, but there were a few things that he would not be able to live with to close the deal. Now this will VERY much sound shallow, but like a steak that is undercooked perhaps he sent her back to come back perfect. Now that sounds super shallow when typed, but in the world of love nothing is black and white, and this is people wanting what they can't have or always wanting better. Maybe he has a cutoff line of standards and she was just a little past them, and he promised himself from past bad relationships he would never do it again... we just don't know.
But again, being truthful about the situation and not just deflecting all to the guys fault is the ONLY way self discovery and improvement can ever occur.
Also, the "you will never need to hear them again WWWEEOOOOO" is unneeded in a overly dramatic. As a guy I would say the same thing. "No, you don't need to never do this ever ever ever... there is this middle ground thing you need to look up". Relationships are not all or nothing, they are not 100% do or never do. He sounds MORE grounded to wanting her to explore the dreaded grey area.
If he thinks she might "fix" herself, then why can't they be in a relationship while she does?
If he can't accept her as she is, then he doesn't love her and never will. Love is acceptance, , among many other things. What if she becomes pregnant? Will it be okay that he rejects her appearance then?0 -
But seriously...
...did they or didn't they?
The answer to this question affects my judgment of this guy (despite knowing nothing about him except what I've learned in this thread).
I'm operating under "no" until told otherwise.0 -
no one is paying me.. but its clearly the only socially acceptable dating app that doesn't make you a total loozer.
Ehhh I don't know... you sure? Really?
lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.
You are a sad, strange little man.0 -
Be with someone who accepts you for you. Time will heal the pain you feel about this bad relationship, then you will glad you didn't stay with that jerk!!!0
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To people who are cringing that I cried for two hours.... First of all, I had zero emotional control let alone could say those words to him without bawling and breaking down. My heart literally broke, it felt like a suction in my stomach and chest. It physically hurt. I felt broken and shattered and cry was all I could do
It was his decision to stay and hug me and say things and hold my face in his hands, etc. But he left. Its easy to say you should have said oh that's fine you don't like me I'll get over it, when you aren't in the actual moment
Problem is, we had discussed the depths of ourselves to one another, we literally had the most open communication. Me crying was not something that would have shocked him as a response, it was a raw and honest response. I still cry Noe when I think of our communication and plans and shared experience and love. This is what feeling deeply and rawly for someone is like, its not a switch I can turn off
OP come on. And you're still talking to this guy who TO YOUR FACE told you, in essence, "No thanks. You're fat. Bye Bye."
The only thing that should bring you to tears is the fact that you feel compelled to continue communicating with this guy.
OP, what do you think this guy says about you to his buddies behind your back? Imagine him rolling his eyes when his cell phone rings and your number pops up. He's showing it to his pals with a snicker and saying "It's the fat chick again. Guess she can't take a hint." Do you think he's not doing this? He is and he's possibly saying worse.
It sounds like you're relatively new to life as an overweight girl. I'm not. You'll have the opportunity to overhear how men talk about overweight women now more than ever before. Because when you're fat, folks will talk about socially controversial topics right in front of you like you're not even there. And they will reveal themselves. As if you were invisible. *Use* this opportunity to listen and observe.
When you're thin again, your screening talents will be super honed from having lived life as a fat girl for a period of time. It's a good thing.
Protect yourself. I'm losing patience. I'll say no more.
New Meadow said it all in a HUGE nutshell. The crying thing....you may think you have no control over it but its is an unconscious manipulative tool we women have. Somewhere, deep down, you thought this would somehow win him over. It just makes them run faster.
Sweetie, trust ME, I have BEEN THERE. But I actually spent a few months with this person and it didn't work out. I knew it wouldn't work out but I let him into my life anyway. Loneliness makes people do degrading stuff.
However, you have GOT to let this one go. It's not for you. The "friendship" thing is just going to be a revolving door for him to call when he needs to get his rocks off.
This guy may be a douche, but you are acting like an obsessed person and you need to address that. Whatever coincidences and connections you saw may be real, but they mean nothing now. DO NOT CONTACT HIM EVER AGAIN. HE WILL TEXT YOU, trust me he will. Pretend he died and get back on your horse.
I learned way too late in life that I can't chase anything and I can't change someone's mind. It's a rare thing if it happens and it's a rare person who can do it.
I look at UGLY, FAT women in loving relationships with really nice looking guys or just regular hard working joes who love them and the one thing I see is confidence in themselves, sense of humor, strong personality and a refusal to settle for less.0 -
lol what the hell?respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...
no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..
and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!
and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.
I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?
when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.
lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.
thanks for the example!!
I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.
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OP, can you explain how you gained 40lbs in a couple months after being so fit before?0
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This guy is so many shades of *kitten*. The fact you are saying you will change for him to make him happy, is gross. Do it for you. Hes going to run anyways, looks like he is on his way out. you are seeing his true colors.Get back to your life, lose weight and be happy that you missed out on a total mess. Everything happens for a reason,
50 Shades of *kitten*? Love it!!
Someone should love you for you! Do not try to "fix" yourself for anyone but you! Maybe this was a hard lesson but learn from it! You deserve better. :flowerforyou:0 -
I've don't know what you look like or who you are but you are beautiful! You are caring, compassionate, and kind. This guy doesn't deserve you.
This is just me, but don't "fix' yourself for him. Be the person you want to be, and don't do it for anyone else other than you and know that you are WORTH it!
I'm so sorry for what you went through.
I don't know you or him but I will pass judgments that you are great and he is horrible, because.. well because!0 -
Now, I'm going to give you some personal experience. I've met several people whom I've met online. Most are great, others don't live up to your expectations or the image you build up of them. It's entirely possible your friend likes your personality but isn't physically attracted to you. In this case, it's probably not meant to be. If a person cannot accept you 100% the way you are, then you need to move on.
^^ This!
Online relationships never work out because the person that people make up in their mind and the person they are in reality usually always clash. See this as a learning experience and work on getting yourself healthy for YOU, not for anyone else.
I'll let my wife of 23+ years know this valuable information...that since she and I met online 24 years ago and started developing a relationship online prior to meeting in person many months later, that it's just not going to work out.
She'll be devastated...
...or relieved. One of these. Maybe both. But it was inevitable that it wasn't going to work out...because never.
need to tell my BF as well- we met through a forum and didn't date for some time- mutual interests kept us in communication- its' been three years- he buys me bike parts and steaks I'll be sad when I have to find a new one. 0 -
he wasn't your soulmate. You're soulmate would find you attractive at almost any size.
In any case, stop talking to him because he's an *kitten*, lose the weight and become happy with YOURSELF, then go out into the real world and meet someone.
Agree with this... EXCEPT. You don't have to wait until you lose weight to start living your life. Do everything for you, right now. Your weight should not keep you from doing anything, including dating.
I don't really believe in "soulmates". I'm older, I've been through a lot and the idea of a perfect "soulmate" isn't reality imo (or maybe I just haven't been lucky enough to experience it). Relationships are build upon friendship and respect and it's hard work. There is NOT just ONE right person out there, there are many options. Focus on yourself, get healthy, and just live. Until you are living for yourself and are happy and content with yourself you likely will not meet someone worth being with. When we are broken, we attract other broken people.0 -
I love how this guy is being demonized for not being attracted to her, lol.0
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If he can't love you at your "worst," he doesn't deserve you at your best.
am I the only one who hates this saying?
+1 .. finally someone being real.
That saying only applies to people in committed relationships. It's a stupid saying. I hate all those smarmy sayings.0 -
lol what the hell?respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...
no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..
and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!
and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.
I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?
when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.
lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.
thanks for the example!!
I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.
LMAO!!! you are hilarious. friend request will be sent!0
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