what mean/thoughtless comment has been said to you before?

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Replies

  • Yagisama
    Yagisama Posts: 595 Member
    A relative who lives in Germany that I hadn't seen or talked to in almost 2 decades contacted me via facebook.

    His first communication with me was to tell me how fat I was. I first thought he was also calling me a dlck but 'dlck' is thick/fat in German. :noway:
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    Several years ago I went to a doctor for back pain. I was shocked and surprised when the doctor told me I would keep having problems as long as I had "too much junk in my trunk" and I needed to lose weight to get relief from the back pain.

    But apart from using maybe an inappropriate phrase, surely a doctor giving his medical opinion that you should lose weight for health reasons isn't mean or thoughtless is it?
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

    I hope you divorced him immediately.

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

    I hope you divorced him immediately.

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    375994_sarcasm_sign_zps87896345.jpg
  • Polishprinsezz
    Polishprinsezz Posts: 249 Member
    I have found that people who make mean or thoughtless comments about weight, will probably find something else to be mean/thoughtless about when weight is no longer an issue.

    This type of behavior is all about the other person's character defects - not your weight. That's why I don't find reliving this in any way motivational or supportive.

    Maybe not but I'm finding this thread to be a real eye-opener. How can people be so mean? And often to those that they love! - mothers, fathers, husbands!

    It may not be motivation to those looking to lose a bit of weight, but I think it's motivation to try and be a bit more careful about what you say.
    it is a real eyeopener.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

    I hope you divorced him immediately.

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Stop setting yourself up for forum failure by being so darn serious.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

    I hope you divorced him immediately.

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    I think encouraging ones spouse to reach for the impossible makes sure you get the best they have to offer.
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    More recently, I work at a public library and a woman came up to the reference desk. She asked me for help making her resume and I replied that i would be happy to help her. Then she went on a long, unrelated rant about how easy it is to be healthy and thin and how overweight people are lazy and also stupid for not realizing the food they're eating is poison.

    If you didn't want an argument about it then you should have directed her to the 'Non-friction' section

    :wink:
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?
  • Yagisama
    Yagisama Posts: 595 Member
    What's wrong with that?

    PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
    Well I was massive, and I have had plenty of random **** yelled at me from cars or in bars/parties. When I was 18-20 age it bothered me, and led to plenty of fights... but thankfully I grew up and stopped giving a ****. At least outwardly - it would still bother me a bit, but lashing out never helped anything.

    I found it even more annoying/hurtful when people/friends would give you those backhanded patronizing compliments. I remember two occasions specifically (so Im sure there were plenty more) where people would actually say something like "Hey man, I think it's awesome that you don't care what people think of you and are out here having a good time". As if I was some freak of nature who should have been house bound. Yeah, look at how brave I am - daring to act normal at a social gathering. :explode:

    Wow, your last sentence made me laugh. What nice friends. :noway:
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    What's wrong with that?

    PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

    Seems a bit forced that's all.

    Oh good use of punctuation by the way
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

    Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

    As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    What's wrong with that?

    PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

    Seems a bit forced that's all.

    Oh good use of punctuation by the way

    Forced? I've been with my husband for 12 years, there's nothing left to be forced between us. I tell him that I'm feeling sensitive or whatever on a particular day and so he's not blindsided by my mood swings, too. Communication in marriage - crazy concept, I know.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

    Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

    As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

    Well now I think you're bad at sarcasm and easily upset.

    not that you care.

    I'm just sharing.
  • Rocky791
    Rocky791 Posts: 52 Member
    Too many times to count... the most hurtful were the ones that came out of the blue from men. There I'd be minding my own business and they'd feel the need to give me unsolicited advice about the type of pants I should be wearing for my body type, a list of things I could improve about my appearance, comments about how my family isn't very big so "I wonder why you're such a big girl". Out of the freaking blue. It's the unguarded moments when you aren't expecting it that really knock you down. Men can be real shallow *kitten*.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

    Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

    As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

    Well now I think you're bad at sarcasm and easily upset.

    not that you care.

    I'm just sharing.

    Thanks so much for sharing. :flowerforyou:
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Too many times to count... the most hurtful were the ones that came out of the blue from men. There I'd be minding my own business and they'd feel the need to give me unsolicited advice about the type of pants I should be wearing for my body type, a list of things I could improve about my appearance, comments about how my family isn't very big so "I wonder why you're such a big girl". Out of the freaking blue. It's the unguarded moments when you aren't expecting it that really knock you down. Men can be real shallow *kitten*.

    Women never are. Trust me.
  • PinkInkAngel
    PinkInkAngel Posts: 29 Member
    After reading this thread ....I had some crazy flashbacks my list of mean comments said to me is long! Something's you never forget and when you think about it you relive it like it was yesterday. I think I just figured out people are always gonna say something inappropriate, it doesn't really matter the size you are....when I was 15 and a size 11 overheard Mom and Dad talking, Mom says to Dad have you seen how big she is getting... His response was ya she is huge. Sad to think that I was dieting at age 11 to be a Barbie size version everyone thought I should be. I maxed out over 400 pounds in my late 20's, blessed to now be free of the heavy load I carried for so many years losing over 200 pounds only to still be made to feel like I am not good enough. Guy I dated last asked me when I was having more plastic surgery because my legs really bothered him..... And before that I had a guy say I really like her but she has a big butt, .....but she says she wants to workout.

    It never changes..... People suck! Ha, we'll not all but good people are hard to find these days
    Oh we'll.... Gotta just live and learn not to let the opinion of others get to you.....That's their problem not yours, but I won't lie...
    It hurts!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

    Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

    I'm probably getting it all wrong then

    If my wife asks me how she looks then I don't take it as she is blindly fishing for compliments, but is genuinely asking for my opinion.

    I would reply honestly whether it's "Oh wow you look great, I love your hair like that" Or "Hmm I'm not a big fan of dungarees"
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    What's wrong with that?

    PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

    Seems a bit forced that's all.

    Oh good use of punctuation by the way

    Forced? I've been with my husband for 12 years, there's nothing left to be forced between us. I tell him that I'm feeling sensitive or whatever on a particular day and so he's not blindsided by my mood swings, too. Communication in marriage - crazy concept, I know.

    So maybe you should have prefaced your posts with "I'm feeling being sensitive and not very sarcastic"....

    You aren't the only person here with a happy relationship. It doesn't really make you special. What works for you, works for you. GREAT. I do wonder why you feel the need to proclaim in this loudly, but whatever.
  • StargazrgirL
    StargazrgirL Posts: 8 Member
    I had someone ask me how old my baby was.... I wasn't and hadn't been pregnant... Made me evaluate how I dressed and how healthy I really was.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

    Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

    As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

    Well now I think you're bad at sarcasm and easily upset.

    not that you care.

    I'm just sharing.

    Thanks so much for sharing. :flowerforyou:

    Communication is crucial.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member

    Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

    I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

    I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

    Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

    Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

    As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

    Well now I think you're bad at sarcasm and easily upset.

    not that you care.

    I'm just sharing.

    Thanks so much for sharing. :flowerforyou:

    Communication is crucial.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Yagisama
    Yagisama Posts: 595 Member
    I had someone ask me how old my baby was.... I wasn't and hadn't been pregnant... Made me evaluate how I dressed and how healthy I really was.

    A foolish mistake on the part of that person.

    As for me,unless I am 100% sure someone is pregnant and they bring it up in a conversation, I do not mention anything pregnancy related.
  • maQmIgh
    maQmIgh Posts: 236 Member
    I never had anything hurtful said to me whilst I was overweight

    But I had loads of friends, family AND work colleagues all start having a go at me to stop losing just as I was starting to feel better about myself. :cry:

    "Dont lose anymore you look sick" :mad:
    "Im worried that your becoming anerexic" :explode:

    That was before the middle photo was taken in my profile pic.

    And my favourite one was a comment on the middle pic on my profile just after it was taken

    "Your leg looks anerexic" :noway: WTF!!!! How can a LEG be anorexic but not the rest of me???? lol
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    What's wrong with that?

    PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

    Seems a bit forced that's all.

    Oh good use of punctuation by the way

    Forced? I've been with my husband for 12 years, there's nothing left to be forced between us. I tell him that I'm feeling sensitive or whatever on a particular day and so he's not blindsided by my mood swings, too. Communication in marriage - crazy concept, I know.

    Communication in marriage = very important
    Needing to ask your spouse for a compliment is not the same thing as communication in marriage - you can have one without the other

    Whilst it works for you, it certainly isn't something that my wife would want
  • JMarie4Peace
    JMarie4Peace Posts: 1 Member
    Recently I had a teacher come up to me and say "You have really gained a lot of weight." She asked if I were sick or on steroids. Now this is a woman who does not hold her tongue, so it did not surprise me. Even though her comments did not surprise me, they have had a lasting effect. I often hear her in my head say "You have really gained a lot of weight." Things are getting easier because I have supportive friends.
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    I never had anything hurtful said to me whilst I was overweight

    But I had loads of friends, family AND work colleagues all start having a go at me to stop losing just as I was starting to feel better about myself. :cry:

    "Dont lose anymore you look sick" :mad:
    "Im worried that your becoming anerexic" :explode:

    That was before the middle photo was taken in my profile pic.

    And my favourite one was a comment on the middle pic on my profile just after it was taken

    "Your leg looks anerexic" :noway: WTF!!!! How can a LEG be anorexic but not the rest of me???? lol

    Maybe they meant that your leg looks like the leg of someone who is anorexic, but the rest of you doesn't?
  • Sad_Grandpa
    Sad_Grandpa Posts: 129
    I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

    Just for education purposes; as you were overweight/obese (as per the OP), if he had noticed, what should he have said?

    1) Yes, but you still look great
    2) Lied and said "No"
    3) Well you've possibly gained a few pounds
    4) Changed the subject

    In that situation, I like to pretend I'm dying. When she goes to call for help, I climb out the window and head off to play poker.

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