what mean/thoughtless comment has been said to you before?

Yagisama

A relative who lives in Germany that I hadn't seen or talked to in almost 2 decades contacted me via facebook.

His first communication with me was to tell me how fat I was. I first thought he was also calling me a dlck but 'dlck' is thick/fat in German. :noway:

Wonderob

Several years ago I went to a doctor for back pain. I was shocked and surprised when the doctor told me I would keep having problems as long as I had "too much junk in my trunk" and I needed to lose weight to get relief from the back pain.

But apart from using maybe an inappropriate phrase, surely a doctor giving his medical opinion that you should lose weight for health reasons isn't mean or thoughtless is it?

TheVirgoddess

I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

I hope you divorced him immediately.

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

I hope you divorced him immediately.

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Polishprinsezz

I have found that people who make mean or thoughtless comments about weight, will probably find something else to be mean/thoughtless about when weight is no longer an issue.

This type of behavior is all about the other person's character defects - not your weight. That's why I don't find reliving this in any way motivational or supportive.

Maybe not but I'm finding this thread to be a real eye-opener. How can people be so mean? And often to those that they love! - mothers, fathers, husbands!

It may not be motivation to those looking to lose a bit of weight, but I think it's motivation to try and be a bit more careful about what you say.

it is a real eyeopener.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

I hope you divorced him immediately.

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Stop setting yourself up for forum failure by being so darn serious.

Achrya

I asked my husband if I was getting fat and he said yes.

I hope you divorced him immediately.

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

I think encouraging ones spouse to reach for the impossible makes sure you get the best they have to offer.

Wonderob

More recently, I work at a public library and a woman came up to the reference desk. She asked me for help making her resume and I replied that i would be happy to help her. Then she went on a long, unrelated rant about how easy it is to be healthy and thin and how overweight people are lazy and also stupid for not realizing the food they're eating is poison.

If you didn't want an argument about it then you should have directed her to the 'Non-friction' section

Wonderob

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

Yagisama

What's wrong with that?

PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

fatcity66

Well I was massive, and I have had plenty of random **** yelled at me from cars or in bars/parties. When I was 18-20 age it bothered me, and led to plenty of fights... but thankfully I grew up and stopped giving a ****. At least outwardly - it would still bother me a bit, but lashing out never helped anything.

I found it even more annoying/hurtful when people/friends would give you those backhanded patronizing compliments. I remember two occasions specifically (so Im sure there were plenty more) where people would actually say something like "Hey man, I think it's awesome that you don't care what people think of you and are out here having a good time". As if I was some freak of nature who should have been house bound. Yeah, look at how brave I am - daring to act normal at a social gathering. :explode:

Wow, your last sentence made me laugh. What nice friends. :noway:

Wonderob

What's wrong with that?

PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

Seems a bit forced that's all.

Oh good use of punctuation by the way

TheVirgoddess

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

TheVirgoddess

What's wrong with that?

PS I could use a compliment right about now. :flowerforyou:

Seems a bit forced that's all.

Oh good use of punctuation by the way

Forced? I've been with my husband for 12 years, there's nothing left to be forced between us. I tell him that I'm feeling sensitive or whatever on a particular day and so he's not blindsided by my mood swings, too. Communication in marriage - crazy concept, I know.

Achrya

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

Well now I think you're bad at sarcasm and easily upset.

not that you care.

I'm just sharing.

Rocky791

Too many times to count... the most hurtful were the ones that came out of the blue from men. There I'd be minding my own business and they'd feel the need to give me unsolicited advice about the type of pants I should be wearing for my body type, a list of things I could improve about my appearance, comments about how my family isn't very big so "I wonder why you're such a big girl". Out of the freaking blue. It's the unguarded moments when you aren't expecting it that really knock you down. Men can be real shallow *kitten*.

TheVirgoddess

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

As far as me being a "forum failure" or unable to read sarcasm - I'm sorry, I left my super special internet sarcasm decoder glasses and my "give a s*it about what forum people think of me" in my other purse. My bad.

Well now I think you're bad at sarcasm and easily upset.

not that you care.

I'm just sharing.

Thanks so much for sharing. :flowerforyou:

wheird

Too many times to count... the most hurtful were the ones that came out of the blue from men. There I'd be minding my own business and they'd feel the need to give me unsolicited advice about the type of pants I should be wearing for my body type, a list of things I could improve about my appearance, comments about how my family isn't very big so "I wonder why you're such a big girl". Out of the freaking blue. It's the unguarded moments when you aren't expecting it that really knock you down. Men can be real shallow *kitten*.

Women never are. Trust me.

PinkInkAngel

After reading this thread ....I had some crazy flashbacks my list of mean comments said to me is long! Something's you never forget and when you think about it you relive it like it was yesterday. I think I just figured out people are always gonna say something inappropriate, it doesn't really matter the size you are....when I was 15 and a size 11 overheard Mom and Dad talking, Mom says to Dad have you seen how big she is getting... His response was ya she is huge. Sad to think that I was dieting at age 11 to be a Barbie size version everyone thought I should be. I maxed out over 400 pounds in my late 20's, blessed to now be free of the heavy load I carried for so many years losing over 200 pounds only to still be made to feel like I am not good enough. Guy I dated last asked me when I was having more plastic surgery because my legs really bothered him..... And before that I had a guy say I really like her but she has a big butt, .....but she says she wants to workout.

It never changes..... People suck! Ha, we'll not all but good people are hard to find these days
Oh we'll.... Gotta just live and learn not to let the opinion of others get to you.....That's their problem not yours, but I won't lie...
It hurts!

Wonderob

Seriously? How about not setting your partner up for failure. Either he lies to you, or he's honest - either answer is wrong.

I don't ask my husband how I look, or how a piece of clothing makes a part of my body look - that's what mirrors are for. If, on the other hand, I need reassurance or a compliment, I tell him.

I am vehemently against demanding the impossible of a partner.

Really? You say to your husband "I need a compliment"?

Instead of blindly fishing for one? Yes. Not in those exact words, but yes. I don't see how this isn't preferable for both parties. *shrug*

I'm probably getting it all wrong then

If my wife asks me how she looks then I don't take it as she is blindly fishing for compliments, but is genuinely asking for my opinion.

I would reply honestly whether it's "Oh wow you look great, I love your hair like that" Or "Hmm I'm not a big fan of dungarees"