A Letter, Add Yours!

lina1131

Dear Assface,

I realize that you were in a hurry to get to work this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before, and all the days this year, but understand this...we all have the same goal in the morning while driving on the highway, to get to work. I'm not really sure who you think you are allowing yourself to drive on the shoulder in order to pass up traffic, but I wanted to let you know that you suck...and I hope that one day the wonderful cops in our city catch you passing up every single poor soul sitting in traffic waiting to get to work. That's right Assface, you got it right, everyone on the highway hates you and wishes you a big huge traffic ticket. Now, understand this, as much as it grates my nerves, i'm more concerned about the safety of my life and others. I could careless about you and your impatient, sorry *kitten*, have no respect for others, I think I own the highway piece of crap self.

Love,

The lady sitting in the car cussing you out each and every morning.

----

Dear Mom,

Calm down, I am not going. Good Lord.

Love,

Your daughter that is married and can make decisions for herself.

P.S. I love you mom.

---

Dear Co-Worker,

STFU, I do NOT need to hear you burping every g'damn 5 minutes. It's nasty. By the way, you drink way too many sodas in one day.

Love,

Your co-worker that wishes she could close her office door

---

Dear Subway Footlong,

I'm sorry that I have to say good-bye for a while. My weight has been stalled for a couple of weeks now, and I feel like you are the reason i'm being held back from weightloss. I can't believe you let me down. My heart aches, and it sucks that we won't meet again for a while. Take care of yourself and I hope others enjoy you as much as i did.

Love,

Your lover.

lina1131

Dear Assface,

I realize that you were in a hurry to get to work this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before, and all the days this year, but understand this...we all have the same goal in the morning while driving on the highway, to get to work. I'm not really sure who you think you are allowing yourself to drive on the shoulder in order to pass up traffic, but I wanted to let you know that you suck...and I hope that one day the wonderful cops in our city catch you passing up every single poor soul sitting in traffic waiting to get to work. That's right Assface, you got it right, everyone on the highway hates you and wishes you a big huge traffic ticket. Now, understand this, as much as it grates my nerves, i'm more concerned about the safety of my life and others. I could careless about you and your impatient, sorry *kitten*, have no respect for others, I think I own the highway piece of crap self.

Love,

The lady sitting in the car cussing you out each and every morning.

----

Dear Mom,

Calm down, I am not going. Good Lord.

Love,

Your daughter that is married and can make decisions for herself.

P.S. I love you mom.

---

Dear Co-Worker,

STFU, I do NOT need to hear you burping every g'damn 5 minutes. It's nasty. By the way, you drink way too many sodas in one day.

Love,

Your co-worker that wishes she could close her office door

---

Dear Subway Footlong,

I'm sorry that I have to say good-bye for a while. My weight has been stalled for a couple of weeks now, and I feel like you are the reason i'm being held back from weightloss. I can't believe you let me down. My heart aches, and it sucks that we won't meet again for a while. Take care of yourself and I hope others enjoy you as much as i did.

Love,

Your lover.

Shannon023

:laugh: :laugh:

icupfunny2000

Dear Kids,
Mothers day is coming and there are a few things i would like best....
pick up your own dirty underware off the bathroom floor,
get your stinky *kitten* feet off my couch,
put your freakin cup in the sink when your done with it,
dont walk on my clean floors with your dirty shoes,
eat your flipping dinner that i took 2 hours cooking, and dont tell me you dont like it,
stop saying "im not touching him, im not touching him" when you clearly have your finger in his face,
pick up your damn toys,
stop saying "mom mom mom ............." with no statement or question to follow,
quit farting/burping at the dinner table,
please stop slamming doors and stomping feet when you dont get your way,
dont ask me questions that i couldnt possibly have the answer too like dad said he would be here at 7 its 7:15 where is he???? HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?????
stop asking me for money to go hang out with your friends, or i will start asking you for money so i can hang with MY friends,
clean your freaking room it stinks like laundry!!!!!!!

Lots of love
your favorite (only) MOM

jenbar

Dear Kids,
Mothers day is coming and there are a few things i would like best....
pick up your own dirty underware off the bathroom floor,
get your stinky *kitten* feet off my couch,
put your freakin cup in the sink when your done with it,
dont walk on my clean floors with your dirty shoes,
eat your flipping dinner that i took 2 hours cooking, and dont tell me you dont like it,
stop saying "im not touching him, im not touching him" when you clearly have your finger in his face,
pick up your damn toys,
stop saying "mom mom mom ............." with no statement or question to follow,
quit farting/burping at the dinner table,
please stop slamming doors and stomping feet when you dont get your way,
dont ask me questions that i couldnt possibly have the answer too like dad said he would be here at 7 its 7:15 where is he???? HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?????
stop asking me for money to go hang out with your friends, or i will start asking you for money so i can hang with MY friends,
clean your freaking room it stinks like laundry!!!!!!!

Lots of love
your favorite (only) MOM

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Have you been living in my house???
ditto on that one!

lina1131

Dear Kids,
Mothers day is coming and there are a few things i would like best....
pick up your own dirty underware off the bathroom floor,
get your stinky *kitten* feet off my couch,
put your freakin cup in the sink when your done with it,
dont walk on my clean floors with your dirty shoes,
eat your flipping dinner that i took 2 hours cooking, and dont tell me you dont like it,
stop saying "im not touching him, im not touching him" when you clearly have your finger in his face,
pick up your damn toys,
stop saying "mom mom mom ............." with no statement or question to follow,
quit farting/burping at the dinner table,
please stop slamming doors and stomping feet when you dont get your way,
dont ask me questions that i couldnt possibly have the answer too like dad said he would be here at 7 its 7:15 where is he???? HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?????
stop asking me for money to go hang out with your friends, or i will start asking you for money so i can hang with MY friends,
clean your freaking room it stinks like laundry!!!!!!!

Lots of love
your favorite (only) MOM

Dear MY kids (which includes daughter and husband)

Read the letter above, takes notes, read again, memorize, and follow according to instructions.

thanks.

Your one and only beautiful awesome one of a kind mother!

Shannon023

Dear Bicyclists,

Good for you, going outside, getting fresh air & exercise, that's just peachy keen.

That said, you ride 3 across in the middle of the road again you're gonna be my new hood ornament. :devil:

Love,

Shannon

ramsam70

Dear Subway Footlong-

I have missed you so much ever since the night you made me violently ill, but you know, once you see something come back up it just isn't the same going down..... we can no longer be together. I was probably already sick on that day, but the effects are still the same.

I wanted you to know, however, that I love your new song. I find myself singing about you all day. It is a very great jingle.

Your admirer from the past

* * *

Dear Scale-

I am demanding more from you. You simply must respond to what I am doing. You must somehow know that I need your numbers to decrease, ever so slightly, day by day. Are you seeing to much of me? I can visit less often. I don't want to seem needy. And I promise not to kick, stomp, or hurt you. Just be kind. I am working very hard.

A Scale Lover

* * *



Dear Everyone who Knows my e-mail address-

I have read 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' , please don't forward me any more manipulative heart-warming stories.

I also have Snopes.com down to a science, and I will reply with a de-bunking e-mail every time. DOn't you get the hint?
E-mail me PERSONAL notes only! I am not a gullible idiot! I know I am one of the 15 hot mothers you know! I know that I am a scorpio who is passionate and artistic, but wants revenge!
I know if I don't forward your notes I am destined to bad luck!
I am okay with that! JUST STOP ALREADY!:grumble:

*phew*
An overloaded Inbox

kenzie

Dear co-worker,
I know it was you who farted in the elevator.
I got on, you got off, and you sheepishly grinned as you left me to deal with it. The next person who came along thought i was the culprit! I'm sure you had a good laugh.
It smelled like a perm.

That is all.

jesusgrl14

Dear Bicyclists,

Good for you, going outside, getting fresh air & exercise, that's just peachy keen.

That said, you ride 3 across in the middle of the road again you're gonna be my new hood ornament. :devil:

Love,

Shannon

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

REB89

Dear Scale-

I am demanding more from you. You simply must respond to what I am doing. You must somehow know that I need your numbers to decrease, ever so slightly, day by day. Are you seeing to much of me? I can visit less often. I don't want to seem needy. And I promise not to kick, stomp, or hurt you. Just be kind. I am working very hard.

A Scale Lover

* * *

:laugh: couldn't agree more with this one!

Shannon023

Dear Merlot,

You saucy, vixen you. There you are, every night when I come home, eagerly awaiting my lips. Oh what a fine affair we've had and my thoughts rarely stray from you. BUT the time has come and we must see less of each other.

Believe me, it's not going to be a easy break for me either {{sniffle}} but like all affairs, ours is getting out of control. You're now just gonna be my weekend fling and I'm already counting the moments.

Love, {{hic}}

Shannon

uwhuskygirl

Dear Grandma,

I have no clue why you want to go to Old Country Buffet for Mother's Day, but since I love you I'll be there. Seriously, couldn't we go somewhere else that doesn't support gluttony and that won't give me food poisoning? (That salad bar really freaks me out.) No one else in our family wants to be here either, Grandma, but we love you and will all be cautiously eating at OCB with you.

Love, your slightly freaked out grand daughter

Shannon023

Dear Grandma,

I have no clue why you want to go to Old Country Buffet for Mother's Day, but since I love you I'll be there. Seriously, couldn't we go somewhere else that doesn't support gluttony and that won't give me food poisoning? (That salad bar really freaks me out.) No one else in our family wants to be here either, Grandma, but we love you and will all be cautiously eating at OCB with you.

Love, your slightly freaked out grand daughter

:laugh: :laugh:

Life_is_Good

Dear Mom -
I know you love to knit, but really, I don't need to know what your working on (stitch by stitch) & Dad - if you tell me about any of your internal issues one more time - I'm gonna puke! You guys really need to get some more hobbies.

Dear husband -
When I am washing the floors - this is NOT a sexy moment for me - hands off!

(on Shannon023's note)
Dear Bicyclist -
Dude! There's a bike trail 5 feet away - get off the road!

icupfunny2000

Dear Aunt Flo,
I am sorry to inform you of this but, we cant be friends anymore! Mom always told me that you visit because we need you, for fertility reasons... well NEWS FLASH i dont want anymore kids(see letter above). Every time you come you leave me with a mess and a headache, and for some strange reason i eat everything in sight when your near. I think it is best if you just not come once a month, you make me yell and get very cranky. I also noticed, that for some reason you like to show up at the worst time of the month.... birthdays, christmas, when i want to get liad. Oh and my daughter has only known you for a year and a half (i really appretiate you visiting her at 11 years old)... and at first she was excited to meet you.... but now that it is almost swimming season she has decided she doesnt like you either. One more thing YOU COST ME A FORTUNE!!!!
ALWAYS (haha get it always)
j~

ali106

rotflmao!!!! omg I'm dying!!!:laugh:

icupfunny2000

Dear pubesent boys,

... here let me put it in your terms....

"if you come around my door looking for my daughter one more time im gonna pop a cap in yo *kitten*!!!"


j~

familybugs

Dear Sister,

Please use a filter between your brain and your mouth! Your wearing me slick with your stupidity! And enough with the damn drama already, your 36, drama is for teenagers!

BikeChick

This is amazing you guys! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Dear Grandpa~
I understand that you are older and wheezy, and your hat tells the world you are a Colossal Old Fossil. There is just something strange about the fact that you don't understand how to use a phone. Are your fingers too big?

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

Dear Mirror~
Why do you lie to me? I have been faithful to you and I visit you every morning for 20 minutes, at least. How is it when I am preparing for a shower and happen to glance at you that you show me despicable things that no eyes should have to endure? Is it you that is taunting me, or the reflection therein? I realize I have broken enough of your brethren to last 100+ years of bad luck, but understand that it is accidental! Please don't show me those images anymore... or I will need to throw a rock through you.

ramsam70

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

Dear Mirror~
Why do you lie to me? I have been faithful to you and I visit you every morning for 20 minutes, at least. How is it when I am preparing for a shower and happen to glance at you that you show me despicable things that no eyes should have to endure? Is it you that is taunting me, or the reflection therein? I realize I have broken enough of your brethren to last 100+ years of bad luck, but understand that it is accidental! Please don't show me those images anymore... or I will need to throw a rock through you.

Haha!:laugh: above letter writer- please refer to post on Body Dismorphia...... ha!