A Letter, Add Yours!
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Dear Grandma,
I have no clue why you want to go to Old Country Buffet for Mother's Day, but since I love you I'll be there. Seriously, couldn't we go somewhere else that doesn't support gluttony and that won't give me food poisoning? (That salad bar really freaks me out.) No one else in our family wants to be here either, Grandma, but we love you and will all be cautiously eating at OCB with you.
Love, your slightly freaked out grand daughter
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Kelsey is that you? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
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Dear Mirror~
Why do you lie to me? I have been faithful to you and I visit you every morning for 20 minutes, at least. How is it when I am preparing for a shower and happen to glance at you that you show me despicable things that no eyes should have to endure? Is it you that is taunting me, or the reflection therein? I realize I have broken enough of your brethren to last 100+ years of bad luck, but understand that it is accidental! Please don't show me those images anymore... or I will need to throw a rock through you.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Assface,
I realize that you were in a hurry to get to work this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before, and all the days this year, but understand this...we all have the same goal in the morning while driving on the highway, to get to work. I'm not really sure who you think you are allowing yourself to drive on the shoulder in order to pass up traffic, but I wanted to let you know that you suck...and I hope that one day the wonderful cops in our city catch you passing up every single poor soul sitting in traffic waiting to get to work. That's right Assface, you got it right, everyone on the highway hates you and wishes you a big huge traffic ticket. Now, understand this, as much as it grates my nerves, i'm more concerned about the safety of my life and others. I could careless about you and your impatient, sorry *kitten*, have no respect for others, I think I own the highway piece of crap self.
Love,
The lady sitting in the car cussing you out each and every morning.
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Haha!:laugh: above letter writer- please refer to post on Body Dismorphia...... ha!
I know, I posted that topic! :laugh:0 -
Dear Kids,
Mothers day is coming and there are a few things i would like best....
pick up your own dirty underware off the bathroom floor,
get your stinky *kitten* feet off my couch,
put your freakin cup in the sink when your done with it,
dont walk on my clean floors with your dirty shoes,
eat your flipping dinner that i took 2 hours cooking, and dont tell me you dont like it,
stop saying "im not touching him, im not touching him" when you clearly have your finger in his face,
pick up your damn toys,
stop saying "mom mom mom ............." with no statement or question to follow,
quit farting/burping at the dinner table,
please stop slamming doors and stomping feet when you dont get your way,
dont ask me questions that i couldnt possibly have the answer too like dad said he would be here at 7 its 7:15 where is he???? HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?????
stop asking me for money to go hang out with your friends, or i will start asking you for money so i can hang with MY friends,
clean your freaking room it stinks like laundry!!!!!!!
Lots of love
your favorite (only) MOM
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Have you been living in my house???
ditto on that one!
Have you both been living in MY house?!?!?!?!?!?!? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
omg... best thread ever!!! :laugh:0
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Dear God,
Can you please make vegetables taste more like pizza, pasta and chocolate?
T0 -
Dear Aunt Flo,
I am sorry to inform you of this but, we cant be friends anymore! Mom always told me that you visit because we need you, for fertility reasons... well NEWS FLASH i dont want anymore kids(see letter above). Every time you come you leave me with a mess and a headache, and for some strange reason i eat everything in sight when your near. I think it is best if you just not come once a month, you make me yell and get very cranky. I also noticed, that for some reason you like to show up at the worst time of the month.... birthdays, christmas, when i want to get liad. Oh and my daughter has only known you for a year and a half (i really appretiate you visiting her at 11 years old)... and at first she was excited to meet you.... but now that it is almost swimming season she has decided she doesnt like you either. One more thing YOU COST ME A FORTUNE!!!!
ALWAYS (haha get it always)
j~
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Next Door Nieghbors,
As much as i enjoy our friendly hellos every evening coming home from work, dont think that it makes up for the fact that all of your deadbeat friends have parked in my spot making me carry my infant and the carrier an extra block just to get to my own front door. And yes, you can tell us as many times as you'd like that there must be some 'strange dog' that comes and deficates on my front lawn every evening after ive gone to bed, but we know its your canine and we also know you're too lazy to pick it up! And the next time you decide to "express you love for each other".....CLOSE THE BLINDS AND BLAST THE RADIO OR SOMETHING....FOR GODS SAKE!
Much appreciaiton and best wishes,
your passive aggressive neighbors
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Dear restaurants,
Stop selling me food! Seriously, send me packing with a rice cake in one hand and a bottle of water in the other! Then put my picture up at all other restaurants with a message that says, "not admitted inside, please call her husband at 555-5555 to claim her."
Signed,
Woman whose friends invite her to go out to eat WAY too often0 -
Dear husband,
:grumble:
Love,
Your wife.0 -
Dear Back Fat,
I didn't invite you to this party, and it's time for you to go. I've never met you before and now, for some reason, you decided to sneak up on me and now you have become that bad guest who won't go away no matter how hard I try to make you leave.
I don't know why you decided to show up now, and I don't care. Perhaps you noticed that I wasn't paying attention and decided to "surprise" me. Well, good one! You got me. Now leave already.
You've got six weeks, buddy, so enjoy it while you can. Rest assured that only one of us can win, and it WILL be me.
Oh and take your annoying friend Muffin-Top with you.
Yours in Hell,
- Wanderinglight0 -
Dear Sister,
Please use a filter between your brain and your mouth! Your wearing me slick with your stupidity! And enough with the damn drama already, your 36, drama is for teenagers!
OMG, this is the best
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Husband,
As much as I really am interested in which guitar you want to buy, I really don't need hourly updates on if you've changed your mind. And I'm also really not sure what constitutes "awesome" in a guitar. And what the hell is a "pick-up"? Just freaking buy one already.
And also, do the dishes.
Love,
Your wife that listens to everything you say even though I don't understand it
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Dear Scale,
Shut up.
:grumble: ,
Mary0 -
Haha!:laugh: above letter writer- please refer to post on Body Dismorphia...... ha!
I know, I posted that topic! :laugh:
I thought it was you ! ( but I suddenly couldn't find the thread to be sure! I love it!
This thread is making me laugh ~ I love how evil our thoughts are!:devil:
laughter is the best medicine for the stupidity that surrounds us!0 -
Dear Back Fat,
I didn't invite you to this party, and it's time for you to go. I've never met you before and now, for some reason, you decided to sneak up on me and now you have become that bad guest who won't go away no matter how hard I try to make you leave.
I don't know why you decided to show up now, and I don't care. Perhaps you noticed that I wasn't paying attention and decided to "surprise" me. Well, good one! You got me. Now leave already.
You've got six weeks, buddy, so enjoy it while you can. Rest assured that only one of us can win, and it WILL be me.
Oh and take your annoying friend Muffin-Top with you.
Yours in Hell,
- Wanderinglight0 -
Oops - see above for back fat - love this one!!!0
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Dear Andre',
Would you please quit shedding!? I'm so tired of seeing clumps of cat hair all over the place. Or at least learn to use the vacuum cleaner. Having no possable thumbs and being a cat are no excuse for not vacuuming up your hair. You don't see Judy shedding all over the place do you? And the fact that you're a long haired cat and Judy is a short haired cat makes no difference to me. Just stop shedding, please. And stop clawing furniture and doors that you're not supposed to claw. Judy will share all those cat scratching items that I bought with you.
Lots of love as always
Your Person0 -
Dear Roommate,
I understand your need as an independent woman to toy with men's emotions. I think its kind of gone a little too far. Trailer (whom I don't even know his real name) is pathetic. I realize that he's having a hard time because his wife just left him for some guy she met over the internet playing World of Warcraft, but seriously...does that mean that he can be a sloth at our apartment? He thinks you like him. You tell me that you don't. Make up your mind and let him know. Possibly just tell him that he can't come over until he showers. That would help alot. Also, can you pay me back for the earplugs I had to buy so I can sleep? You guys are loud.
Sincerely,
Your sleepy Roommate
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Dear Boyfriend,
I really am absolutely smitten and crazy about you. You are fabulous and amazing. I only ask one thing (that I've been asking for 6 months now)...PLEASE stop talking about marriage. It freaks me out. I know that you don't want to get married for 5 more years, so please don't talk about it until then. Commitment scares the crap out of me and I feel like you're already trying to chain me down to you. Yes, we've been together for a year and a half, but that doesn't mean anything except you now feel comfortable farting in front of me....which still makes me uncomfortable. And when you ask me if I want to be with you forever and I don't say "yes", don't get upset. Just realize that I'm only 20 years old and I'm not ready for that. thank you.
Independently yours,
girlfriend from hell0 -
Dear Roommate,
I understand your need as an independent woman to toy with men's emotions. I think its kind of gone a little too far. Trailer (whom I don't even know his real name) is pathetic. I realize that he's having a hard time because his wife just left him for some guy she met over the internet playing World of Warcraft, but seriously...does that mean that he can be a sloth at our apartment? He thinks you like him. You tell me that you don't. Make up your mind and let him know. Possibly just tell him that he can't come over until he showers. That would help alot. Also, can you pay me back for the earplugs I had to buy so I can sleep? You guys are loud.
Sincerely,
Your sleepy Roommate
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Dear Boyfriend,
I really am absolutely smitten and crazy about you. You are fabulous and amazing. I only ask one thing (that I've been asking for 6 months now)...PLEASE stop talking about marriage. It freaks me out. I know that you don't want to get married for 5 more years, so please don't talk about it until then. Commitment scares the crap out of me and I feel like you're already trying to chain me down to you. Yes, we've been together for a year and a half, but that doesn't mean anything except you now feel comfortable farting in front of me....which still makes me uncomfortable. And when you ask me if I want to be with you forever and I don't say "yes", don't get upset. Just realize that I'm only 20 years old and I'm not ready for that. thank you.
Independently yours,
girlfriend from hell
:laugh: :laugh:0
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