A Letter, Add Yours!
Replies
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Dear husband,
:grumble:
Love,
Your wife.0 -
Dear Back Fat,
I didn't invite you to this party, and it's time for you to go. I've never met you before and now, for some reason, you decided to sneak up on me and now you have become that bad guest who won't go away no matter how hard I try to make you leave.
I don't know why you decided to show up now, and I don't care. Perhaps you noticed that I wasn't paying attention and decided to "surprise" me. Well, good one! You got me. Now leave already.
You've got six weeks, buddy, so enjoy it while you can. Rest assured that only one of us can win, and it WILL be me.
Oh and take your annoying friend Muffin-Top with you.
Yours in Hell,
- Wanderinglight0 -
Dear Sister,
Please use a filter between your brain and your mouth! Your wearing me slick with your stupidity! And enough with the damn drama already, your 36, drama is for teenagers!
OMG, this is the best
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Husband,
As much as I really am interested in which guitar you want to buy, I really don't need hourly updates on if you've changed your mind. And I'm also really not sure what constitutes "awesome" in a guitar. And what the hell is a "pick-up"? Just freaking buy one already.
And also, do the dishes.
Love,
Your wife that listens to everything you say even though I don't understand it
***********************
Dear Scale,
Shut up.
:grumble: ,
Mary0 -
Haha!:laugh: above letter writer- please refer to post on Body Dismorphia...... ha!
I know, I posted that topic! :laugh:
I thought it was you ! ( but I suddenly couldn't find the thread to be sure! I love it!
This thread is making me laugh ~ I love how evil our thoughts are!:devil:
laughter is the best medicine for the stupidity that surrounds us!0 -
Dear Back Fat,
I didn't invite you to this party, and it's time for you to go. I've never met you before and now, for some reason, you decided to sneak up on me and now you have become that bad guest who won't go away no matter how hard I try to make you leave.
I don't know why you decided to show up now, and I don't care. Perhaps you noticed that I wasn't paying attention and decided to "surprise" me. Well, good one! You got me. Now leave already.
You've got six weeks, buddy, so enjoy it while you can. Rest assured that only one of us can win, and it WILL be me.
Oh and take your annoying friend Muffin-Top with you.
Yours in Hell,
- Wanderinglight0 -
Oops - see above for back fat - love this one!!!0
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Dear Andre',
Would you please quit shedding!? I'm so tired of seeing clumps of cat hair all over the place. Or at least learn to use the vacuum cleaner. Having no possable thumbs and being a cat are no excuse for not vacuuming up your hair. You don't see Judy shedding all over the place do you? And the fact that you're a long haired cat and Judy is a short haired cat makes no difference to me. Just stop shedding, please. And stop clawing furniture and doors that you're not supposed to claw. Judy will share all those cat scratching items that I bought with you.
Lots of love as always
Your Person0 -
Dear Roommate,
I understand your need as an independent woman to toy with men's emotions. I think its kind of gone a little too far. Trailer (whom I don't even know his real name) is pathetic. I realize that he's having a hard time because his wife just left him for some guy she met over the internet playing World of Warcraft, but seriously...does that mean that he can be a sloth at our apartment? He thinks you like him. You tell me that you don't. Make up your mind and let him know. Possibly just tell him that he can't come over until he showers. That would help alot. Also, can you pay me back for the earplugs I had to buy so I can sleep? You guys are loud.
Sincerely,
Your sleepy Roommate
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Dear Boyfriend,
I really am absolutely smitten and crazy about you. You are fabulous and amazing. I only ask one thing (that I've been asking for 6 months now)...PLEASE stop talking about marriage. It freaks me out. I know that you don't want to get married for 5 more years, so please don't talk about it until then. Commitment scares the crap out of me and I feel like you're already trying to chain me down to you. Yes, we've been together for a year and a half, but that doesn't mean anything except you now feel comfortable farting in front of me....which still makes me uncomfortable. And when you ask me if I want to be with you forever and I don't say "yes", don't get upset. Just realize that I'm only 20 years old and I'm not ready for that. thank you.
Independently yours,
girlfriend from hell0 -
Dear Roommate,
I understand your need as an independent woman to toy with men's emotions. I think its kind of gone a little too far. Trailer (whom I don't even know his real name) is pathetic. I realize that he's having a hard time because his wife just left him for some guy she met over the internet playing World of Warcraft, but seriously...does that mean that he can be a sloth at our apartment? He thinks you like him. You tell me that you don't. Make up your mind and let him know. Possibly just tell him that he can't come over until he showers. That would help alot. Also, can you pay me back for the earplugs I had to buy so I can sleep? You guys are loud.
Sincerely,
Your sleepy Roommate
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Dear Boyfriend,
I really am absolutely smitten and crazy about you. You are fabulous and amazing. I only ask one thing (that I've been asking for 6 months now)...PLEASE stop talking about marriage. It freaks me out. I know that you don't want to get married for 5 more years, so please don't talk about it until then. Commitment scares the crap out of me and I feel like you're already trying to chain me down to you. Yes, we've been together for a year and a half, but that doesn't mean anything except you now feel comfortable farting in front of me....which still makes me uncomfortable. And when you ask me if I want to be with you forever and I don't say "yes", don't get upset. Just realize that I'm only 20 years old and I'm not ready for that. thank you.
Independently yours,
girlfriend from hell
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
stop saying "im not touching him, im not touching him" when you clearly have your finger in his face,
stop saying "mom mom mom ............." with no statement or question to follow,
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear dearly departed lover,
I know I asked my husband to take you away and dispose of you. Which he has done very cleverly and won't tell me what he has done with you (I am thinking you were used as target practice). However, I need you or a replacement. I miss your daily digital readout, o.k. sometimes two or three times a day digital readout. Please come back to me. Missing my scale!0 -
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Caroline Fitness - Be careful with this guy... sounds like a creep. Is he employed by your apartment building? If so, I would call your landlord & let them know this guy is making you really uncomfortable.0 -
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Caroline Fitness - Be careful with this guy... sounds like a creep. Is he employed by your apartment building? If so, I would call your landlord & let them know this guy is making you really uncomfortable.
I agree. Better safe.0 -
Dear Creepo at the gate,
Please don't act like you know me. We've had very few small conversations before. Let's keep it to a minimal. Please don't follow me to my apartment so you can check it for predators. You are the predator. I hate you and I don't want to be your friend. Go hang you with your fiance and keep your nasty tainted hands off of me. Thank you.
Scared Sh*tless,
your prey.
Caroline Fitness - Be careful with this guy... sounds like a creep. Is he employed by your apartment building? If so, I would call your landlord & let them know this guy is making you really uncomfortable.
I agree. Better safe.
Thank you both for your concern. We've notified the owners of the apartment complex, but hes on a 3 week ARMY trip or something...They said they would speak to him when he gets back.0 -
Dear Jeff,
I hope you had fun with your little fling. I hope she is more able to put up with your arrogant, conceited, the-world-revolves-around-me self...because I can't anymore. Have fun only having half of your *kitten*....let's see how much fun you and your little f*ckbuddy have when you are working two jobs to pay child support and spousal support...and you are flat broke and don't have a pot to piss in.
Bite me very much,
Amanda
____
Dear Neighbor *whose dog keeps crapping in my yard*
Next time I go to get in my car, and step in your dog's "business", I'm going to scoop it up, put it in a bag, and put it on your doorstep and set it on fire.
Sincerely,
Your not-so-friendly neighbor
_____
Dear Oil Billionaires:
I hope your pockets are nice and full because mine aren't. Every week I have less and less to spend on food for my family because I have to spend more on gas. Two words....YOU SUCK!!!!!
Try living hand-to-mouth like the rest of America for a week and you'll understand why I am so angry.
Yours Truly,
Another Screwed-Over customer
Whew! I feel better:bigsmile:0 -
Dear Jeff,
I hope you had fun with your little fling. I hope she is more able to put up with your arrogant, conceited, the-world-revolves-around-me self...because I can't anymore. Have fun only having half of your *kitten*....let's see how much fun you and your little f*ckbuddy have when you are working two jobs to pay child support and spousal support...and you are flat broke and don't have a pot to piss in.
Bite me very much,
Amanda
____
Dear Neighbor *whose dog keeps crapping in my yard*
Next time I go to get in my car, and step in your dog's "business", I'm going to scoop it up, put it in a bag, and put it on your doorstep and set it on fire.
Sincerely,
Your not-so-friendly neighbor
_____
Dear Oil Billionaires:
I hope your pockets are nice and full because mine aren't. Every week I have less and less to spend on food for my family because I have to spend more on gas. Two words....YOU SUCK!!!!!
Try living hand-to-mouth like the rest of America for a week and you'll understand why I am so angry.
Yours Truly,
Another Screwed-Over customer
Whew! I feel better:bigsmile:
Isn't it free therapy? :laugh: :bigsmile:0 -
Really, this helps....
I might like I might have a few more coming soon....0 -
I'm loving all of these...so here we go!
Dear Son,
I know you are turning 11 soon, and I am very excited for you to grow up. However...I was 10 once, and you are by no means:
better
smarter
harder working
able to drive your own butt anywhere
able to do the laundry
clever enough to grocery shop
rich enough to buy all the items you need (clothes) and items you don't need (toys & game crap)
and lastly, owner of the house...
So quit treating me like I'm stupid when I speak, being annoyed with me when I help, and thankless when I spend 23094587243095872304587 hours doing everything for you. I do things, share my time, and give you my attention to you not because I owe you, but because I love you and I want you to be happy.
Love,
Your Mother Who Can't Do Anything Right
P.S. Good luck trying to find all 39483987453 pieces to your baseball uniform tonight. I took the day off.0 -
Dear Kids,
Mother's Day is coming up and I would like to have if not the whole day, at least a few hours off.
When I am in the bathroom, please don't knock on the door and say, "Mom, what are you doing?" I am doing one of two things...you have a 50/50 shot at getting it right.
If you see me cooking dinner, I am doing my best to get it done as fast as I can...because I am very likely famished as well. Nagging me and asking every five minutes "When is dinner going to be done?" does not make it cook any quicker.
And to Natalie,
Honey, quit being so picky about your clothes. You go to school to LEARN, not for a fashion show. Who am I raising, the next Paris Hilton???? *God, I hope not*
Love always,
Your overworked *and seriously underpaid* mother.
And a P.S. to my earlier letter to Jeff:
I could go out TODAY and find another man...that car is a "dude magnet":bigsmile:
But I am going to take my time and be choosy this time around because I am worth more than that.0 -
Dear Co-Workers,
Since you all apparently have a lot of Siberian blood in you, don't assume I like the office temperature below 48 degrees.
When office drops below the said 48 degrees, don't ask me why I'm putting on layers of sweaters, scarfs & coats. It's called "self-preservation". :grumble:
See those slats up in the ceiling?? That's a air register. Maybe you can't see it because it's over my desk, not yours. That noise you hear is the register blasting out the cold air you seem to thrive in. Lucky me.
One day I hope the powers that be will tire of my incessant whining & move my desk to the buildings boiler room, but until that glorious day happens, you can take that t/stat & put it where the sun doesn't shine. :bigsmile:
Frigidly yours,
Shannon0 -
Dear IRS,
WHERE IN THE FLICKY FLUCK BALLS is my STIMULUS check?
Yours truly,
A tax payer0 -
Dear Co-Workers,
Since you all apparently have a lot of Siberian blood in you, don't assume I like the office temperature below 48 degrees.
When office drops below the said 48 degrees, don't ask me why I'm putting on layers of sweaters, scarfs & coats. It's called "self-preservation". :grumble:
See those slats up in the ceiling?? That's a air register. Maybe you can't see it because it's over my desk, not yours. That noise you hear is the register blasting out the cold air you seem to thrive in. Lucky me.
One day I hope the powers that be will tire of my incessant whining & move my desk to the buildings boiler room, but until that glorious day happens, you can take that t/stat & put it where the sun doesn't shine. :bigsmile:
Frigidly yours,
Shannon
For that reason I went to Target and invested in a $12 space heater. It changed my life.0 -
Dear Co-Workers,
Since you all apparently have a lot of Siberian blood in you, don't assume I like the office temperature below 48 degrees.
When office drops below the said 48 degrees, don't ask me why I'm putting on layers of sweaters, scarfs & coats. It's called "self-preservation". :grumble:
See those slats up in the ceiling?? That's a air register. Maybe you can't see it because it's over my desk, not yours. That noise you hear is the register blasting out the cold air you seem to thrive in. Lucky me.
One day I hope the powers that be will tire of my incessant whining & move my desk to the buildings boiler room, but until that glorious day happens, you can take that t/stat & put it where the sun doesn't shine. :bigsmile:
Frigidly yours,
Shannon
For that reason I went to Target and invested in a $12 space heater. It changed my life.
Dear uwhuskygirl,
I once invested in a space heater. The problem I had was I was always paranoid every single day on the way home from work that I actually turned it off. Several times i had to turn around and come back to work to double check. I had never left it on.
Love,
The space heater drove me crazy!0 -
Dear Co-Workers,
Since you all apparently have a lot of Siberian blood in you, don't assume I like the office temperature below 48 degrees.
When office drops below the said 48 degrees, don't ask me why I'm putting on layers of sweaters, scarfs & coats. It's called "self-preservation". :grumble:
See those slats up in the ceiling?? That's a air register. Maybe you can't see it because it's over my desk, not yours. That noise you hear is the register blasting out the cold air you seem to thrive in. Lucky me.
One day I hope the powers that be will tire of my incessant whining & move my desk to the buildings boiler room, but until that glorious day happens, you can take that t/stat & put it where the sun doesn't shine. :bigsmile:
Frigidly yours,
Shannon
Yeah, that goes for me too. I don't care if this office is the warmest one in the building. I'M STILL FREEZING!!!0 -
I have a reccuring outlook reminder set for 15 minutes before I go home. I spend the last 15 minutes of my day a little cold, but it beats being cold for all 8 hours.
But nonetheless one of my co-workers enjoys sending me pictures of torched offices :grumble:0 -
Dear Co-Workers,
Since you all apparently have a lot of Siberian blood in you, don't assume I like the office temperature below 48 degrees.
When office drops below the said 48 degrees, don't ask me why I'm putting on layers of sweaters, scarfs & coats. It's called "self-preservation". :grumble:
See those slats up in the ceiling?? That's a air register. Maybe you can't see it because it's over my desk, not yours. That noise you hear is the register blasting out the cold air you seem to thrive in. Lucky me.
One day I hope the powers that be will tire of my incessant whining & move my desk to the buildings boiler room, but until that glorious day happens, you can take that t/stat & put it where the sun doesn't shine. :bigsmile:
Frigidly yours,
Shannon
For that reason I went to Target and invested in a $12 space heater. It changed my life.
I have a space heater that I used when we first moved to this new building but unfortunately it blew a circuit now I can't use it. :explode: I invested in an electric throw which helps but it's hard to do my work when my hands have to stay under the throw in order to keep warm. :frown:0 -
Dear Little Indian man at the Indian Restaurant,
You do realize that you're my favorite person in town. That being said, when I ask for my food "mild", it isn't cool for you to bring it out while chuckling and carrying a large pitcher of water with a straw in it saying "you might need this." I end up drinking so much ice water while in your restaurant that I leave with a body temperature of 50 degrees and you think its funny that I turn purple from the cold. All while my mouth is still burning because "mild" translates to "extra freaking spicy" to you. thanks.
Signed,
Mildly allergic to peppers, but afraid to tell you now.
ps- i HATE ballywood. please take down the TVs so I don't have to watch it. Its gross.0 -
Dear brats who cut across my yard,
I realize I live in a townhouse. The yard is not "mine" in the "I pay a mortgage and can build a fence if I want to" kind of way. However, I do pay a ridiculously high rent and only have a postage stamp sized scrap of grass. I thought the bushes and trees around my patio would keep you away. No. I thought the dligence with which my dear husband planted his pathetic flowers in their mismatched pots would send a message that someone, no matter how colorblind, cared for this little patch of dirt. Alas, it is not to be. You insist on stomping across my tiny plot with your iPods blaring, yelling at each other over the noise. Do you realize you are 6 inches from my window yet only 2 feet from the sidewalk? You get home, what, 30 seconds faster?? Speaking of home, were you raised by wolves????
The sidewalk is there for your walking pleasure. Embrace it. Don't make me turn the hose on you. :noway:
Regards,
The cranky lady in 1020 -
Dear my loving husband,
No, I don't want to go to an all out gorge yourself buffet for Mother's Day. I am watching what I eat in case you forgot and I don't want to make myself sick.
Also, when the kids get up on Sunday morning, it would be nice for you to crawl out of bed and make them breakfast and entertain them so I could sleep in a little for once in my life!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and also if you could bring me a cup of coffee and the newspaper while I'm still IN bed that would be great!
Your loving wife
By the way, these are SOOO funny and entertaining to read!:laugh:0
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