A Letter, Add Yours!
Replies
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Dear Lump On My Couch,
I wish I could move you. You are always there staring at me and the tv. With the way you reproduce soda cans and half eaten plates of food You've become a very large inconvenience. I would appreciate it muchly if you moved.
-A very annoyed dirty house.
Dear little 4y/o Diva,
I know that Hannah Montana is the shi* but I swear to god if I hear another of her songs or am asked to buy another one of her overpriced t-shirts I am going to call the cable company and beg they pay me to have the disney channel.
Love,
Tired Ears.
Dear Body,
Lose weight and Change Goddamnit.
-Yer Brain.
Dear stupid *kitten* ppl in my 'hood,
I know you love yer ghetto assed rap but it is not fun to pull up next to my house honk, open the damned door, blare said ghetto assed rap for an hour and a half and then run into the gas pipe on the side of my house. I personally do not want to blow up! Also, not nice to scream outside my window because you are two lazy to walk the 3 feet from the car door to the house door. I just LLLOOOOOVVVEEE waking up to you and yer uhhem guests screaming 5 feet away from eachother. It's the freaking highlight of my 3am wake up call! Would it kill you to not be so LOUD?. And would it kill you to shut yer blinds? I really don't need to see what you are doing...It's just gross! Just saying, ya know..Word and all. AND STOP THROWING THINGS AT MY HOUSE! I mean come on! So I have an idea that will help everyone....
Next time you pull up at 3 am, blare yer music and drunkly drive your stupid car, do us all a favor, and hit yer gas pipe and blow yer own damned house up...
Also, neighbour acrossed the street, as much as I love music I can only take so much mariachi music at 6:30 am. I would ask you to turn it down, but last time you just stared at me blankly. Please STFU!!!!
Thank you....
Yer very sleepy neighbour!0 -
Dear Big Leather Recliner,
I am so jealous of the power you have over my husband! For years you have made him so comfortable that no matter what time of day he sits with you, he will instantly fall asleep. The power you have over him and my unwillingness to share him anymore is a getting to be real problem!
Please BLR, understand that I have dishes, laundry, children and meals to deal with, please do me a favor and if you see him falling asleep, can you give him a little tickle - (or full on electrical shock!)?
You are a very nice Recliner and I would hate to see you go, but I am done sharing him with you, I need him back before I lose my sanity. Its either you or me, there is not room in this house for both us!
The Wife
I think yer husband and my boyfriend share the same brain!0 -
Dear Cat,
Shut the hell up. Seriously. I think there is something wrong with your little cat brain. Cat's are not supposed to talk so much. Now that you weigh 45 lbs and look like jaba the hut, you are not so cute. No, I will not give you any more food. You have a whole bowl of cat food sitting right there in front of you. Eat it and get out. Go peruse the neighborhood or something.
Love,
The two legged
Dear Husband,
I love you but I hate your boat. Please get your stupid, ugly, gigantic boat out of our driveway. You are not Captain Sig. You should not park an ocean liner in front of our house. Its tacky. Also, you should get the 5 crab pots that you NEVER use out from the side of our house. While you are at it, get rid of a few of the 5,000 fishing reels you keep in our garage. Why do you store these things here? Why are you so obsessed with fishing? Your not even good at it. No, I don't want to go fishing next weekend. Or the weekend after that. Please don't ask me any more. If you weren't so anal when you are playing Captain Sig more of your friends would go with you. Get a new hobby. Please.
Love,
Wife
Dear Young Trainer,
You are hot! Its strange, though, that at 28 I'm too old to be attracted to you. What are you, like, 18? Did you parents have to drive you to work? No matter. You are still hot.
Love,
Old Lady that Likes to Stare0 -
Dear MFP et al:
This is the hardest thing I have ever done that doesn't involve someone dying on you. There are times when i feel like I'm alone in this. And I come here and you are always here for me. Your line is never busy.... your never away on holidays and you don't charge by the hour to listen. I feel thankful everyday as I struggle not to eat chocolate, or a croissant to have you. Sometimes I get jealous of others progress... I'm not ashamed to say it... but I'm trying not to and to be inspired. Sometimes its easy and sometimes its hard and I still haven't figured out why that changes. But thank you.... all of you....
___________
Dear Candy bar vending machine that was just placed outside my office door:
YOU shall not pass!!!! I hear you, in your best Barry White voice, calling me. "Hey baby, you know you want me." Every day. YES I WANT YOU... it's the truth. But if you think I'm going to slide money down you and rip you clothes off, well, you might very well be right. But not today, my friend. Not today.
_____________
Dear Nice Skinny girl in the office next door who can eat anything(and does and reminds me) :
I know you screw around with Barry White all the time, but you can't spell and need microwave popcorn instructions explained to you. So there. I'll lose this weight, but you'll still be the village idiot.
_______________
Dear Husband: I love you but I resent that you are skinny. It's no effort for you and it makes me crazy. I know you try to be supportive and sometimes that makes me crazy too. You can't win and I know you know that because you are a card carrying member of the man union and you get how this game works. I love you.... but don't ever bring Cadbury mini eggs in the house again or I will kick your skinny *kitten*.
You think you can hide them? Puh-lease. I'm like chocolate spider-woman - my spidey sense tingles when the chocolate gets near. Be warned. 0 -
Dear Mom,
You know i love you but you also need to know it hurts my feelings when you comment on my weight! Your reverse psycology is not working ..... when i tell you i have lost weight and you say dont worry youll find it again ... It doesnt make me want to NOT gain it back, it just makes me angry that you would say that. When i say i want to lose more weight and you say welll duhhh just stop eating... thats not really practical is it? I know you are one of those stupid skinny people who can eat anything and not gain, but apparently i got my grandmas genes and i cant help that. Trust me mom i didnt choose to be fat, perhaps i didnt help it along the way, but perhaps your comments didnt help either. I am just hoping that in the future you will be more considerate of my feelings ...
babys got back
j~0 -
Dear Cool Teenagers,
We get it. We really do. You're young and you want ALL of the attention, afterall, it's all about you, right? The only thing that I'm asking is, when you're rolling down the street in your convertible VW bug at 2:00 in the afternoon, would you just turn the music down? My 2 year old is sleeping and I want her to continue to do so until she wakes on her own. I've been up since 5:30 myself and would appreciate a little downtime. Your friends who are impressed by the bass vibrating your windows are back in the high school parking lot.
Thanks.
Your stogy old neighborhood mother
Dear 2 year old,
I love you so much. I'm your mother and I'm trying to make a good life for you. You don't have to scream and cry each time I try to feed you, dress you, bathe you, put your hair in a ponytail or lay you down for a nap. I know I turned into the dumbest woman alive when I gave birth to you. Most mothers do. I love you so much and wouldn't trade you for anything, but do you think that you could tone down your terrible two's today?
Love,
Your mother who really knows more than you think she does0 -
Dear IRS,
Yes, it is me again. I wanted to write you this time to say thanks for sending me my refund today. That's right, i'm saying thanks! It only took 11 weeks, not too shabby. :sick: I'm waiting for my rebate money now, anyday now would be nice. I have things to buy.
Thanks,
The chick that called last week asking where the heck her refund was and why it took 11 weeks to hit my account!0 -
Dear BFF,
I don't care if you want to loose 5 pounds. Get over yourself!
______________________________
Dear Six Brats and Mute Teacher from the field trip the other day,
I'm sorry but you all have got some serious problems. You were absolute monsters on the bus!!! Your parents should be ashamed of your behavior, so should you, and your blind, deaf, teacher who sat comfortably at the back of the bus. Your jumping over the seats, kicking each other, kicking the seats, throwing things, knuckle bleeding fight, screaming, running, pushing, shoving, screeching, belching, farting, and unbearable behavior is an absolute outrage! I am sick of kids getting away with being brats when they are just spoiled monsters who are out of control. The 6 hour trip was so bad, several kids went home with headaches, and the kids you were kicking went home ill. I was furious that drinks and food were spilt all over the bus to clean up. It's humiliating! Although I controlled the class I was in charge of, you all dumping your things all over the isles was unacceptable. I wouldn't be surprised if that bus driver quit after that trip. You all just flat out are brats!
Not thrilled!
The woman who almost jumped off the bus.0 -
Dear Big Leather Recliner,
I am so jealous of the power you have over my husband! For years you have made him so comfortable that no matter what time of day he sits with you, he will instantly fall asleep. The power you have over him and my unwillingness to share him anymore is a getting to be real problem!
Please BLR, understand that I have dishes, laundry, children and meals to deal with, please do me a favor and if you see him falling asleep, can you give him a little tickle - (or full on electrical shock!)?
You are a very nice Recliner and I would hate to see you go, but I am done sharing him with you, I need him back before I lose my sanity. Its either you or me, there is not room in this house for both us!
The Wife
I think yer husband and my boyfriend share the same brain!
I think I am related to your husband and boyfriend. I am so sorry wife I'll work on it.0 -
Dear people ahead of me at the grocery store,
The line is long, and there are three of you, do you think you could help the lonely cashier with bagging your $500.00 worth of groceries instead of standing there gossiping?
Signed, Annonymous
PS- Have you ever heard of fruit? It is much better than all the crap you are buying.0 -
Long, perhaps, but LADIES - WELL WORTH THE READ!!!
I can't take credit, it's not my letter - My name is Jill - but Wendi, well written!
'Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core
or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize ho w crucial it is
that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently
surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust
and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my fri end Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened
an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you {Friggin'} kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&am p;M freak girl, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the
local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your
life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen
to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss
your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
bull ****. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX'
Words enclosed in { } have been changed so not to offend anyone (you catch the drift) :laugh:0 -
OH MY GOSH! I'm with you Wendi. I'm gearing up. Wow the rollercoaster is soooooooo much fun. Always up or down, but rarely smooth sailing (hormonally speaking.)
Your sister in solidarity,
Pam0 -
Dear Big Leather Recliner,
I am so jealous of the power you have over my husband! For years you have made him so comfortable that no matter what time of day he sits with you, he will instantly fall asleep. The power you have over him and my unwillingness to share him anymore is a getting to be real problem!
Please BLR, understand that I have dishes, laundry, children and meals to deal with, please do me a favor and if you see him falling asleep, can you give him a little tickle - (or full on electrical shock!)?
You are a very nice Recliner and I would hate to see you go, but I am done sharing him with you, I need him back before I lose my sanity. Its either you or me, there is not room in this house for both us!
The Wife
FUNNY AS HELL!0 -
Dear Vendor,
Thank you for the long, slow, rambling message. Repeating the same thing 5X really helps my poor little brain understand what you're saying.
I also really appreciate how you suddenly become a auctioneer when you give your phone number at the very end forcing me to listen to your drivel a second time. :explode:
I'll be sure to return your call sometime in June. :bigsmile:
You're a creep,
Shannon0 -
Dear newspaper delivery person,
Next time I wake up at 5 am to the sound of a newspaper hitting my front window (which I have already replaced once because of your bad aim:grumble: ) I'm going to come out and kick your a*s. Why can't you leave it at the end of the driveway like you do to every other house on the block?
Signed,
A sleep-deprived mom0 -
Dear Co-worker,
You DO NOT need to walk over to me EVERY time you send me an e-mail to see if i received it. I F'ING GOT YOUR E-MAIL. NO, I didn't read it yet because you F'ING sent it 2 SECONDS AGO! Why don't you go back to your desk and just wait for my response. I WILL respond to it in a timely manner.
AURG!!!! :mad:
Your annoyed co-worker
Wow, that was pretty therapeutic0 -
Dear Hollywood and the Modeling Industry,
Thank you for showing that the only sexy woman are a size 0-3. I so appreciate how you
make a stick woman with no leg shape or butt with after narket boobs sexy.
Thank you for making my beautiful wife, who is not a size 5, feel inadequate with her weight no matter
how much I tell her. Thank you for showing her that the weight gained from 13 years of infertlity procedures means nothing eventhough I see the beauty behind it. She gained in love for kids not for you.
Thank you instead of smiling faces they are now in need of therapy and support groups. Thank you for creating all the eating disorders. Thank you for creating a health industry that sells millions of devices to help us lose weight but in the end is just a clothes hanger. Thank you for depressing us more so that we eat more. Thank you for all the sex lives you have ruined because we feel inferior to your standards therefore a lowered sex drive.0 -
Dear Hollywood and the Modeling Industry,
Thank you for showing that the only sexy woman are a size 0-3. I so appreciate how you
make a stick woman with no leg shape or butt with after narket boobs sexy.
Thank you for making my beautiful wife, who is not a size 5, feel inadequate with her weight no matter
how much I tell her. Thank you for showing her that the weight gained from 13 years of infertlity procedures means nothing eventhough I see the beauty behind it. She gained in love for kids not for you.
Thank you instead of smiling faces they are now in need of therapy and support groups. Thank you for creating all the eating disorders. Thank you for creating a health industry that sells millions of devices to help us lose weight but in the end is just a clothes hanger. Thank you for depressing us more so that we eat more. Thank you for all the sex lives you have ruined because we feel inferior to your standards therefore a lowered sex drive.
Awww...
Your wife is a lucky woman. :smooched:0 -
Dear Mom,
I am sure phones work when they are dialed out of Florida so don't complain you don't hear from me enough. When I do have an hour to kill and decide to call I would like to talk about something more than your health. I talk about peoples health all day and at least then I get paid. You can call me on my Birthday you had me. Stop with the quilt trips already if you really wanted to know your grandchildren you could have visited more than once in 17 years. Now if you want to talk I will be waiting for the phone to ring.0 -
Dear MFPERS,
Thanks for all the laughs. I do think I droped 5 pounds reading this today. Had to change my drawers also but sooooo worth it. Thanks Thanks Thanks.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Manboobs,
( . ) ( . )
What in the hell are you doing on my male body. I swear I have never taken estrogen.
And for gods sake make up your mind when I am jogging up or down not both ways constantly.
Thank you for protruding outwardly for all my coworkers to notice. Thank you for earning me the nickname "boobs." The freaking least you could do is help me bench press more weight.
Thank you manboobs for forcing me to wear a shirt when brushing my teeth. I swear if I brushed my teeth shirtless one time I was going to have to tuck dollar bills in my shorts.
Manboobs, the only good thing I can say good about you is, with out you I would be shaped like a freaking bowling pin.
I am not even go start with you "Big Butt," because if I did it would never....END. ( I )
This. Is. SO. FUNNY. :laugh:
Thank you, fatsis, for posting this.
I hope the Manboobs go away. :flowerforyou:0 -
Dear Booty Call,
I initiated this little endeavour, and unless you get with the program, we are going to have to terminate our arrangement. Please don't make me do that. Seriously buddy, the sex is the best I've ever had! Can't you tell? I'm pretty vocal and appreciative in bed. I'm your biggest fan under the sheets and under the stars. We've got a good thing going here -- let's just ride the wave as long as we can.
And, while we are at it, thank you for coming along at exactly the right time after a breakup to help me transition from sad to sultry sex kitten. You have done wonders for my self-esteem, my skin is glowing, and the aerobic sex is great for my exercise diary.
So here's the thing. Despite what most guys think, it's not easy for a girl to walk out the door and find someone to have great sex with, and I'm not about to audition a bunch of people to find someone as good as you. I promised you I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, and I won't! But I want to reserve the right to date other people and I don't want to have to lie about this. Can't we initiate a don't ask/ don't tell policy?
Every time I have plans, you ask me who they are with. And then you get mad and jealous. I've been nothing but up front with you since Day 1! I don't want a boyfriend, I want to have nice, dirty, safe-sex fun...I want to have dinner with other guys but my orgasms with you. Seriously, there is not a chance in Victoria's Secret Hell that you will find another deal as good as this one, so STOP messing it up!
Your Skittish Sex Kitten0 -
Dear Mom,
The funky magic ball on your head in your myfitnesspal website looks ridiculous. All your funky home made costumes embarrass me...
But I now appreciate how funny you are because without your goofy sense of humor, I wouldn't be the funny nut case I am, and my kids would grow up with no sense of humor. I love it! :laugh:
Love,
Your daughter who thinks you are wayyyy to silly and I love you for it!
P.S. Just making sure you are reading these! LOL
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Dear Booty Call,
I initiated this little endeavour, and unless you get with the program, we are going to have to terminate our arrangement. Please don't make me do that. Seriously buddy, the sex is the best I've ever had! Can't you tell? I'm pretty vocal and appreciative in bed. I'm your biggest fan under the sheets and under the stars. We've got a good thing going here -- let's just ride the wave as long as we can.
And, while we are at it, thank you for coming along at exactly the right time after a breakup to help me transition from sad to sultry sex kitten. You have done wonders for my self-esteem, my skin is glowing, and the aerobic sex is great for my exercise diary.
So here's the thing. Despite what most guys think, it's not easy for a girl to walk out the door and find someone to have great sex with, and I'm not about to audition a bunch of people to find someone as good as you. I promised you I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, and I won't! But I want to reserve the right to date other people and I don't want to have to lie about this. Can't we initiate a don't ask/ don't tell policy?
Every time I have plans, you ask me who they are with. And then you get mad and jealous. I've been nothing but up front with you since Day 1! I don't want a boyfriend, I want to have nice, dirty, safe-sex fun...I want to have dinner with other guys but my orgasms with you. Seriously, there is not a chance in Victoria's Secret Hell that you will find another deal as good as this one, so STOP messing it up!
Your Skittish Sex Kitten
This post reminds me of a question I had. Why doesn't the exercise calories burned have information for
SEX. And could we break it down in quarters of a minute....um for the other people.0 -
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear overhang,
I know you came because of the 3 c-sections I had, but you have overstayed your welcome. Perhaps you think I should think of you as a badge of honor, and in some ways I suppose you are, but I am sick to death of looking in the mirror sideways, naked and seeing your nastiness. If you don't leave by the time I get rid of the 40 pounds I AM GOING to send packing, I am going to see about getting rid of you via a surgeon. I never though I'd see the day I'd consider a tummy tuck but your making me MAD!!!
hatefully yours-c-section mom0 -
Dear Big Stomach,
You've been with me for so long that I really don't know how to say this to you. But, I'm sorry, but we are really going to have to part. I know you've helped me with holding my children while I was cooking them, and used as a "nice mushy pillow" for them to now rest their heads on. But I think I no longer need you. At least the vastness of you. My kids can use an actual pillow, and I'm done with having kids, so I'm really going to have to get you to the smallest you've ever been. Don't be sad, I'll still be here, as so will you, but we will not be seeing so much of each other. I'll instead will be looking down and enjoying my feet.
I'm sorry.
Dear Feet,
Don't worry, I'm coming! It may take me awhile, but wait for me! Soon we will see each other again. In a few months, when the time is right, look up, and I will be there, staring down at you!
(p.s., I'm sorry that there has been a ledge in between us, but he will soon be gone and it will just be me and you!)0 -
this free therapy is awesome ....
to the parents of the kids i do child care for,
I KNOW i have told you this before my hours are from 7:30 to 5:30, please do not call me up at 5:25 and tell me your gonna be late because you want to stop at the bank and the grocery store.... believe it or not I might have things to do too!!! Do not send your kids to my house if they have a fever and ask if i will watch them while they stay home from school because they are sick.... you think i want to be sick??? Please stop nickle and dimeing me when it comes time to pay me.... If you are gonna complain about the snacks i serve because only one of your 2 kids is on a sugar free diet(which is crazy to begin with) then send your own damn snacks with her because i cant afford to serve 2 seperate snacks a day. If you are gonna buy me something from the dollar store for christmas i would prefer you just buy me nothing, that glass flower is just tacky. And can you stop saying to me "wow with four daycare kids you must just rake the money in" are you fricken kidding me? hello as*holes i have to feed them and you only pay me 10$ a day for before and after school x2 kids do the math stupid.....
j~
quote]/
I'm so with you sister. I run into the same damn problem. This is not a flee market, so don't haggle us to try to lower our prices!!!
Dear kids I babysit,
Please do not complain every single day about the snacks I serve after school. You are not at home and you are certainly not at a restaurant. You will eat what I made or you can wait until you get home. Do not refuse to eat what I have made because you are bored of it. If you are that hungry, you will eat it.
To my non-picky eaters, your parents pay me to provide a snack after school and not a full meal. My snacks are generous and more than enough to fill your belly.
Thank you.
Dear parents,
When it is pay week, I would appreciate you paying me on the schedule pay day. I do not think it is funny when you laugh and say how forgetful you can be. If you continue to pay me three days late, I will call your employer and ask them to hold your pay 3 days and see if you like it.
When you are child is sick, you must pay me anyway. We had made an agreement before starting that you continue to pay whether or not your child comes to my home. If you did not agree with my policy, then you should have found another child care provider.
Also, your child is with me for 11 hours everyday at the low cost of $35 a day. Please do not expect me to teach your child to read and write by the age of 2. I provide a loving, safe and fun environment. If you want something more for your child, then buck up, spend the money and send them to Montessori school.
Thank you.0 -
Dear Booty Call,
I initiated this little endeavour, and unless you get with the program, we are going to have to terminate our arrangement. Please don't make me do that. Seriously buddy, the sex is the best I've ever had! Can't you tell? I'm pretty vocal and appreciative in bed. I'm your biggest fan under the sheets and under the stars. We've got a good thing going here -- let's just ride the wave as long as we can.
And, while we are at it, thank you for coming along at exactly the right time after a breakup to help me transition from sad to sultry sex kitten. You have done wonders for my self-esteem, my skin is glowing, and the aerobic sex is great for my exercise diary.
So here's the thing. Despite what most guys think, it's not easy for a girl to walk out the door and find someone to have great sex with, and I'm not about to audition a bunch of people to find someone as good as you. I promised you I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, and I won't! But I want to reserve the right to date other people and I don't want to have to lie about this. Can't we initiate a don't ask/ don't tell policy?
Every time I have plans, you ask me who they are with. And then you get mad and jealous. I've been nothing but up front with you since Day 1! I don't want a boyfriend, I want to have nice, dirty, safe-sex fun...I want to have dinner with other guys but my orgasms with you. Seriously, there is not a chance in Victoria's Secret Hell that you will find another deal as good as this one, so STOP messing it up!
Your Skittish Sex Kitten :noway: For the love of GOD, where were you in my early 20's!?!?:noway:
I pretty much put people like this in the category of 'fanciful myths'. You know, like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Christopher Walken. Wow, well you got my attention. (Haha, imagine that, huh?)0 -
Dear Booty Call,
I initiated this little endeavour, and unless you get with the program, we are going to have to terminate our arrangement. Please don't make me do that. Seriously buddy, the sex is the best I've ever had! Can't you tell? I'm pretty vocal and appreciative in bed. I'm your biggest fan under the sheets and under the stars. We've got a good thing going here -- let's just ride the wave as long as we can.
And, while we are at it, thank you for coming along at exactly the right time after a breakup to help me transition from sad to sultry sex kitten. You have done wonders for my self-esteem, my skin is glowing, and the aerobic sex is great for my exercise diary.
So here's the thing. Despite what most guys think, it's not easy for a girl to walk out the door and find someone to have great sex with, and I'm not about to audition a bunch of people to find someone as good as you. I promised you I wouldn't sleep with anyone else, and I won't! But I want to reserve the right to date other people and I don't want to have to lie about this. Can't we initiate a don't ask/ don't tell policy?
Every time I have plans, you ask me who they are with. And then you get mad and jealous. I've been nothing but up front with you since Day 1! I don't want a boyfriend, I want to have nice, dirty, safe-sex fun...I want to have dinner with other guys but my orgasms with you. Seriously, there is not a chance in Victoria's Secret Hell that you will find another deal as good as this one, so STOP messing it up!
Your Skittish Sex Kitten
This post reminds me of a question I had. Why doesn't the exercise calories burned have information for
SEX. And could we break it down in quarters of a minute....um for the other people.
Mine has the sex calories. I added it a few weeks ago... But...
http://www.rd.com/advice-and-know-how/activity-and-exercise-calorie-calculator/article12680.html
(Pick the sexual activity one on the scrtoll list)
or...
http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc
:happy:0
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