A Letter, Add Yours!
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Dear brats who cut across my yard,
I realize I live in a townhouse. The yard is not "mine" in the "I pay a mortgage and can build a fence if I want to" kind of way. However, I do pay a ridiculously high rent and only have a postage stamp sized scrap of grass. I thought the bushes and trees around my patio would keep you away. No. I thought the dligence with which my dear husband planted his pathetic flowers in their mismatched pots would send a message that someone, no matter how colorblind, cared for this little patch of dirt. Alas, it is not to be. You insist on stomping across my tiny plot with your iPods blaring, yelling at each other over the noise. Do you realize you are 6 inches from my window yet only 2 feet from the sidewalk? You get home, what, 30 seconds faster?? Speaking of home, were you raised by wolves????
The sidewalk is there for your walking pleasure. Embrace it. Don't make me turn the hose on you. :noway:
Regards,
The cranky lady in 102
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Yup, that's my daughter! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Got another one,
Dear coworkers,
Quit bringing in your high calorie fat laden "treats" and sit them on the table in our breakroom for us to stare at and make our mouths water. Seriously, we are nurses and need to take care of our health so we can take care of our patients effectively.
Your health conscious coworker0 -
Dear Happy Hour Bar,
I love you! Save a seat for me this afternoon - doesn't look like I'll make it to Friday. Michelob Ultra, please!
Love,
Bri0 -
To my sister in law:
No, I don't like you. I will never like you and my brother is not your beck and call b**ch boy. It won't hurt you to clean, do laundry, cook and occassionally take care of the kids. Also, my mom isn't that young anymore. It is not fair for you to subject her to the 4 y/o, the 20mo and the 9 mo old. If you and my brother could read the directions for proper use of birth control, you would not be overwhelmed. Let them have one on one time with each of them. Also, she is bending over backwards to be nice to your daughter. However, your daughter has two other grandmothers, a father and an uncle. If they won't take her, too bad. My mom is not your built in babysitter. Also, you and my brother are married. You are no longer a guest. So get off your a*s and help her cook or clean up or take care of your kids during family functions.
To my brother:
Dude you have b*lls. Please use them. We did come from the same genetic pool.
To my stepmother:
I understand that you are proud of what you and your current husband are doing to improve your house. However, remember, that is the house that I grew up in my mom and my dad and my brother and I still think it is creepy that you are living there. I mean really, is it going to take my dad's face popping out of the wall saying "leave" in an other world voice to get you out of there? That was my brother's and my inheritance. Thank you, thank you very much.
To my old boss:
I really understand you and know you, but my husband and I have been married almost 7 years. I don't think this a fluke thing in response to my father's death destined to end tomorrow. And I promise I am no crazier now than at any other point in my life!!!!!!!!
God, you all are right. Free therapy and I feel better all ready.0 -
To my sister in law:
No, I don't like you. I will never like you and my brother is not your beck and call b**ch boy. It won't hurt you to clean, do laundry, cook and occassionally take care of the kids. Also, my mom isn't that young anymore. It is not fair for you to subject her to the 4 y/o, the 20mo and the 9 mo old. If you and my brother could read the directions for proper use of birth control, you would not be overwhelmed. Let them have one on one time with each of them. Also, she is bending over backwards to be nice to your daughter. However, your daughter has two other grandmothers, a father and an uncle. If they won't take her, too bad. My mom is not your built in babysitter. Also, you and my brother are married. You are no longer a guest. So get off your a*s and help her cook or clean up or take care of your kids during family functions.
To my brother:
Dude you have b*lls. Please use them. We did come from the same genetic pool.
LMAO!!!! Kick *kitten*!!! :laugh:0 -
ok, i hate to disappoint you all so i'll see what i can come up with . .. . .
here goes. .. . .
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dear parent whose kid i have in class,
please quit assuming that your child is the only one in my classroom! you get pissed when i don't notice that your child got a paper cut. i have 120 kids in one day, 50 minutes at a time. how much time do you spend with your child? ooh and how many other children does your child share their time with? because in my case, it ranges from 19-25. also, ps thanks for volunteering for nothing throughout the year what-so-ever and then getting pissed when you weren't chosen to go on the field trip! oh, and one more thing, if you would like to see "what those teachers do with their day that they can't just teach kids simple multiplication facts" then PLEASE come be my guest. i will hand you my 4 huge books of ohio academic content standards in august, tell you the kids will be taking the assessment in april and good luck.
sincerely,
your child's teacher who isn't doing their job
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dear boys who suck,
quit acting like jerks and playing games and quit saying that you really do just say what you think
sincerely,
frustrated with *kitten*:grumble:
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dear pregnant cats of mine,
please keep all your little children inside of you until i get you fixed next wednesday. i know you guys might think you're ready for motherhood. but you're not. you don't serve yourselves breakfast, lunch, or dinner. you never clean out the litterbox. i know you blame it on lack of thumbs, but i know better than that. i'm not ready to be a grandma and have even more cost into cat food. i'm sorry, but i'm picking gas for the car over more cat food a week. sorry cats, it is what it is:sad:
sincerely,
your mother who does not wish to be a grandmother
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dear sister,
i think it's really sh**ty you're not coming home to see mom on mother's day. she does want to see you and is disappointed about the fact that you're going to meet the new boyfriend's family over coming home to see her. what happens when you and this guy don't last and mom has a memory of the mother's day when you weren't here because you picked his family over her? and his mom has the memory of her mother's day where that one girl was here too. and yes, that skirt did look terrible in the dressing room!
sincerely,
i wish i knew how to make you understand that you're hurting our mom:ohwell:
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sorry, gang, i still love you all! i don't want any parental panties (or kitty panties) in a bunch over my post, just had to get that off my chest, there's always just a few that just drive ya nuts!
ash :flowerforyou: 0 -
Dear children,
First of all I love you- believe me I wouldn't put up with you if I didn't. Please remember that I will always love you, I may not always like you but I will love you.
SO...
Unload the dishwasher and LOAD it for once (it doesn't take an advanced degree to do it)
Boys- CLEAN your bathroom- it is about to be condemmed by the EPA:noway:
Sis- if you can't wear it- get rid of it and yes you do need to empty the cat box more than once a week.:frown:
Please do not come while I am working and ask me when my laundry will be done because you have no underwear for tomorrow:ohwell: - I only do my laundry on the weekends- you have more time than I do.
Get a job- I cannot afford all of the trips, High school activities, PSP games, hamburgers (that make me sick:ohwell: )Gas needed- you want it- earn it- I have enough problems paying for your size 15 shoes (and you are still growing!!!):sick:
And I would love to sit and play computer games all day but I have a job that requires I work on the computer after school. Leave me ALONE
And... Oh, what honey?
Of course you can drive to taekwondo tonight (where is my helmet and tranquilizers!)
I love you-
your loving mom (you know the one you are either putting into the poor house or the insane asylum:blushing: )
Dear students,
Yes I will lend you 25c because you don't have enough for lunch.
Sure I will lend you a pencil though I will never see it again.
Paper? Of course I bought some.
Have I graded your paper in the last 5 mintues since you asked the last time? Of course
Do I mind that your father told me to MYBO when I tried to find out when you were moving, of course not.
You are upset that I don't let you talk all you want. I'm sorry I will try to tell the other 20 students to be quiet so that you can talk all you want. I will also ignore everyone elses questions just for you.
Yes, of course I will continue to go to school on my time and money so that I can understand the alphabet soup that education is with all of the labels and codes.
Yes, I will plan extra fun things like cultural experiences and pay for them out of my own pocket.
Yes, I will listen to you whine when I will not give you an A for sleeping through my class.
Yes, I will hold your hand when you are confused and angry.
Yes, I will find extra special things to make your day even better.
Yes, I will learn about dinosaurs, spiders, music, and just about anything (except snakes) because they interest you.
Yes, I will be there tomorrow.
Your loving teacher
PS Parents, thank you for sharing your child with me0 -
Dear smoker,
Now that I have quit smoking for exactly 2 months and have gotten my sense of smell back, you really do stink, please do not breath in my face after you have just came in from having a cancer stick! Also please do not spray air freshner in the back room where you tried to sneak a smoke, that just makes it worse, and if you could throw your clothes into the washing machine before you come calling that wouldn't be too much to ask would it? Also you are tempting me to have one, so if you could quietly sneak out for this cigarette of yours without announcing "hey recent non smoker, I'm going for a smoke, sure you don't want one?" that would be great as well. Yes I said I would never be a hypocritical quitter, but guess what I lied. Also if I have to listen to that hacking cough of yours one more time I might be threatened to drown you in a tall glass of water!!
Thanks from your hypocritical holier than thou non smoker!!!!0 -
Dear Party Cake, Long John Silver's food, Dairy Queen, Fuddrucker's french fries, and god knows what else I have eaten in the past two days:
That's it. We're done. It's over. Go taunt and tempt someone else.
Sincerely,
Melanie Who's Getting Married in 4 Weeks and Cannot Afford Your Consequences Anymore.
PS--I haven't gained weight, though! (yet)0 -
Dear bladder,
Ever since I had my children, you have been over active and letting the pee come out when I don't want you to. I am tired of coughing or sneezing and having to change my underwear. I am tired of having to use the washroom 7 times in 10 minutes before I leave to go out. I am also tired having to get up 100 times a night, disrupting my sleep, in order to make you happy.
I would appreciate it if you could go back to how you were before I got pregnant.
Thank you,
Mireille0 -
Dear Overly Protective Parents of Future Kindergartners,
First of all, thank you for attending Kindergarten Roundup. I don't feel like such a failure as a mother now that I've met some of you. However, I must bring some things to your attention....
Blonde mom, this is not your first rodeo. Surely you know that your 2nd child attending the EXACT SAME SCHOOL will not have a "special quiet place in the classroom for when he gets tired". Nor will he have "a teacher to sit with him (ALL TO HIMSELF!) because he is nervous".
Cranky dad, it is completely inappropriate to suggest that kids who don't receive immunizations (due to their parents religious/personal beliefs or whatever) not be allowed in your kid's Kindergarten class. Here's a clue - if your kids are immunized they won't CATCH whatever an unimmunized kid have. And no you can't have a list of those kids. You're stupid for even asking.
Sign-Up Sheet Hoarder, thanks for writing all over the page and not leaving room for anyone else to write a note. I had something more important to write than why your kid needed to schedule a special evaluation time because you're going on VACATION. Schmuck.
Hoping your kid is not in mine's class,
Kelsey's mom0 -
:laugh: These are Awsome!!!!:laugh:0
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Dear Manboobs,
( . ) ( . )
What in the hell are you doing on my male body. I swear I have never taken estrogen.
And for gods sake make up your mind when I am jogging up or down not both ways constantly.
Thank you for protruding outwardly for all my coworkers to notice. Thank you for earning me the nickname "boobs." The freaking least you could do is help me bench press more weight.
Thank you manboobs for forcing me to wear a shirt when brushing my teeth. I swear if I brushed my teeth shirtless one time I was going to have to tuck dollar bills in my shorts.
Manboobs, the only good thing I can say good about you is, with out you I would be shaped like a freaking bowling pin.
I am not even go start with you "Big Butt," because if I did it would never....END. ( I )0 -
Dear Manboobs,
( . ) ( . )
What in the hell are you doing on my male body. I swear I have never taken estrogen.
And for gods sake make up your mind when I am jogging up or down not both ways constantly.
Thank you for protruding outwardly for all my coworkers to notice. Thank you for earning me the nickname "boobs." The freaking least you could do is help me bench press more weight.
Thank you manboobs for forcing me to wear a shirt when brushing my teeth. I swear if I brushed my teeth shirtless one time I was going to have to tuck dollar bills in my shorts.
Manboobs, the only good thing I can say good about you is, with out you I would be shaped like a freaking bowling pin.
I am not even go start with you "Big Butt," because if I did it would never....END. ( I )
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read here. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:Dear Manboobs,
( . ) ( . )
What in the hell are you doing on my male body. I swear I have never taken estrogen.
And for gods sake make up your mind when I am jogging up or down not both ways constantly.
Thank you for protruding outwardly for all my coworkers to notice. Thank you for earning me the nickname "boobs." The freaking least you could do is help me bench press more weight.
Thank you manboobs for forcing me to wear a shirt when brushing my teeth. I swear if I brushed my teeth shirtless one time I was going to have to tuck dollar bills in my shorts.
Manboobs, the only good thing I can say good about you is, with out you I would be shaped like a freaking bowling pin.
I am not even go start with you "Big Butt," because if I did it would never....END. ( I )0 -
I love these letters, they're so funny!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Dear Manboobs,
( . ) ( . )
What in the hell are you doing on my male body. I swear I have never taken estrogen.
And for gods sake make up your mind when I am jogging up or down not both ways constantly.
Thank you for protruding outwardly for all my coworkers to notice. Thank you for earning me the nickname "boobs." The freaking least you could do is help me bench press more weight.
Thank you manboobs for forcing me to wear a shirt when brushing my teeth. I swear if I brushed my teeth shirtless one time I was going to have to tuck dollar bills in my shorts.
Manboobs, the only good thing I can say good about you is, with out you I would be shaped like a freaking bowling pin.
I am not even go start with you "Big Butt," because if I did it would never....END. ( I )
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Hilarious!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Neighbor,
Please do not assume I am racist because I do not like hearing you sing karaoke at 3AM. It is not because you are Asian, it is beacuse YOU SUCK and I am trying to sleep as I have kids to get up with at 6AM. Yes I know Pretty Woman, and Achey Breaky Heart are classics but you do not need to sing them 3 times a night each and drown out my TV.
STFU,
Your Annoyed Neighbor
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Dear Mother In Law,
I don't need you to call me daily to tell me how much you don't like your other daughter in law. She also has expressed she doesn't need you to call her daily and tell her you dont like me.
Sincerely,
The B*tch who stole your son0 -
Dear students,
Yes I will lend you 25c because you don't have enough for lunch.
Sure I will lend you a pencil though I will never see it again.
Paper? Of course I bought some.
Have I graded your paper in the last 5 mintues since you asked the last time? Of course
Do I mind that your father told me to MYBO when I tried to find out when you were moving, of course not.
You are upset that I don't let you talk all you want. I'm sorry I will try to tell the other 20 students to be quiet so that you can talk all you want. I will also ignore everyone elses questions just for you.
Yes, of course I will continue to go to school on my time and money so that I can understand the alphabet soup that education is with all of the labels and codes.
Yes, I will plan extra fun things like cultural experiences and pay for them out of my own pocket.
Yes, I will listen to you whine when I will not give you an A for sleeping through my class.
Yes, I will hold your hand when you are confused and angry.
Yes, I will find extra special things to make your day even better.
Yes, I will learn about dinosaurs, spiders, music, and just about anything (except snakes) because they interest you.
Yes, I will be there tomorrow.
Your loving teacher
PS Parents, thank you for sharing your child with me
i'm so glad that you wrote this, it actually made me cry (and feel a little guilty after my venting) lol b/c that is the truth, isn't it? no matter how mad i get at all the b.s., i will never stop loving "my kids" unconditionally!
of course, i'll give you a pencil,
of course i'll give you notecards for someone else's class,
of course, i'll clean up your puke,
of course i'll let you leave tear drops on my new sweater,
of course i will make you laugh today even when i dont feel good or have sleep,
of course i will catch your cold/flu,
of course we can read that book again cause you loved it so much,
of course i'll buy more stickers and candy out of my own pocket to see your face light up,
of course i will hug you when i'm the one who needs it more,
of course i will pay for your field trip because you don't even want to ask your mom because you know she can't afford lunch,
and of course, even on my worse day, i can think of nowhere else i'd rather be than in "my classroom with my kids" so of course i will see you tomorrow! :sad: (don't forget to come to class prepared and on time!):laugh:
thank you for reminding me of my purpose in life, even though mine wasn't directed at my kids specifically, more at my parents, it must be an age thing (i'm 5&6th grade and you're hs) thank you, i forget what your name is and i can't see your post! but thank you, whoever i quoted! now i'm gonna go quit crying and grade some papers!:flowerforyou: :blushing:0 -
Dear guy on the bus,
The bus was empty when you got on, so the fact that you chose to sit directly next to me rather than take one of the twenty or so empty seats sort of creeped me out. Seriously.
Dear my *kitten*,
Where are you going? Why do you have to disappear when my thighs are staying so, well, sturdy and my boobs still stay the same size? Please don't leave me. I would like to keep some of your junk in my trunk.
Dear guy on the elliptical next to me,
You need to take your workout clothes home, and wash them. Really. I say this from a place of love.
Dear allergens (or perhaps my immune system),
I love spring. It is pretty. It is making me sick. To my immune system, please stop freaking the hell out, it's just pollen. And, to pollen, perhaps you could dial down the polleny-ness just a tad?
Thank you. That is all.0
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