Should I be offended?

wolfsbayne

I can just imagine somewhere else on the internet:


"OMG I can't believe what I did.... so stupid... I was at my new job chatting to this hot young chick who worked there, and the bean curry I ate the previous decided to wreak havoc in my gut... I was pretty sure I could sneak one out silently, but it came out so loud and I even sharted a little bit.... I tried to play it cool, like it had all been a big joke, but I really had to go to the bathroom, so I kind of just pretended like I wasn't about to make a mad dash for the bathroom and then when I was far enough away that she couldn't see me, I dashed to the bathroom.

The next day I bought her a donut, well, I don't know why really.... I suppose I was just trying to pretend like nothing had happened... but she was looking at me like I was some kind of crazy half-wit.... "

This made me laugh even more than the OP!!!!

I'm still laughing at this one!

wolfsbayne

I have to get something off my chest.

I have a desk job in the compliance department of an asphalt company. I have my own office, the first one you walk by when you enter the building. We recently had a new employee in our sales department come around and introduce himself about a week ago. I was just sitting in my office, innocently pretending to be working incredibly hard. This guy comes in and says "Hi, I am Jeff. I am the new sales head, I heard that I come to you if I need a translator. Nice to meet you." Normal enough. We start talking about the last place he worked, and he made a joke about me being our minority haul (I am the youngest by far, the only Hispanic in the office, and the only girl). Right in the middle of our conversation, he stops talking and farts. Not just a little one. But he enthusiastically pushes out a four or five second long fart, all the while staring me right in the eyes. He then immediately walks out of my office. No, "I am sorry." "Excuse me." or "haha milk was a bad choice." He just leaves. I am left with this horrible fart stench, couldn't even finish my coffee.

I sat in my office for awhile, wondering what the hell just happened. Did the best prank ever just get pulled on me? Was it an accident? Was he embarrassed? Why did he look me in the eyes, oh God why didn't he break eye contact? I wanted to laugh, but I am genuinely a little offended. That was MY office, my smell domain. I don't go into his office, vomit, then leave.

Anyway, he came to me today and brought me a donut. No idea why. I didn't ask for one. No one else in the department was given any. Now I am so incredibly confused. Was this to atone for his fart? Is he screwing with my brain? I just want to know! I have never even thought this would ever be a scenario I have to navigate. What is this?

Mikki, I am going to share a story with you I have never told anyone else. I frequented a farm a few years back that had the absolute most beautiful man working there I had ever seen. We passed each other between barns and he asked how I was liking the farm. As my eyes met his I felt as though I was diving into a pool of cotton and being whisked away by angels.
Trumpets were sounding in the background, which seemed odd; "don't angels play harps?" I asked myself...

It was then, dear Mikki, that I realized I had lost all control of my sphincter. There were no trumpets, just my wailing rectum. Paralyzed by the humiliation of what was occurring, I stared at him square in the face while it just. kept. going. It was the single most colossal gust of wind ever to escape my bowels and it happened in front of the most breathtaking man I had ever laid eyes on. Concern for his safety began to arise as I polluted the air around us.

When everything was over, we just stood there for a second, trying to make sense of what had happened. I mentally cursed my *kitten* for its utter betrayal and simply soldiered on about my farm visit.

I didn't bring him a donut atonement, but we did end up becoming friends later on.

Holy crap, I'm crying!!!

littlebutlean

This thread is winning at life.

kinkyslinky16

This thread is winning at life.

It really is. It has totally made my day. I keep coming back to read the comments, which just makes me laugh even more. Best thread ever.

Kimdbro

I have to get something off my chest.

I have a desk job in the compliance department of an asphalt company. I have my own office, the first one you walk by when you enter the building. We recently had a new employee in our sales department come around and introduce himself about a week ago. I was just sitting in my office, innocently pretending to be working incredibly hard. This guy comes in and says "Hi, I am Jeff. I am the new sales head, I heard that I come to you if I need a translator. Nice to meet you." Normal enough. We start talking about the last place he worked, and he made a joke about me being our minority haul (I am the youngest by far, the only Hispanic in the office, and the only girl). Right in the middle of our conversation, he stops talking and farts. Not just a little one. But he enthusiastically pushes out a four or five second long fart, all the while staring me right in the eyes. He then immediately walks out of my office. No, "I am sorry." "Excuse me." or "haha milk was a bad choice." He just leaves. I am left with this horrible fart stench, couldn't even finish my coffee.

I sat in my office for awhile, wondering what the hell just happened. Did the best prank ever just get pulled on me? Was it an accident? Was he embarrassed? Why did he look me in the eyes, oh God why didn't he break eye contact? I wanted to laugh, but I am genuinely a little offended. That was MY office, my smell domain. I don't go into his office, vomit, then leave.

Anyway, he came to me today and brought me a donut. No idea why. I didn't ask for one. No one else in the department was given any. Now I am so incredibly confused. Was this to atone for his fart? Is he screwing with my brain? I just want to know! I have never even thought this would ever be a scenario I have to navigate. What is this?

Mikki, I am going to share a story with you I have never told anyone else. I frequented a farm a few years back that had the absolute most beautiful man working there I had ever seen. We passed each other between barns and he asked how I was liking the farm. As my eyes met his I felt as though I was diving into a pool of cotton and being whisked away by angels.
Trumpets were sounding in the background, which seemed odd; "don't angels play harps?" I asked myself...

It was then, dear Mikki, that I realized I had lost all control of my sphincter. There were no trumpets, just my wailing rectum. Paralyzed by the humiliation of what was occurring, I stared at him square in the face while it just. kept. going. It was the single most colossal gust of wind ever to escape my bowels and it happened in front of the most breathtaking man I had ever laid eyes on. Concern for his safety began to arise as I polluted the air around us.

When everything was over, we just stood there for a second, trying to make sense of what had happened. I mentally cursed my *kitten* for its utter betrayal and simply soldiered on about my farm visit.

I didn't bring him a donut atonement, but we did end up becoming friends later on.

I'm sitting in my office laughing openly and loudly. As I wipe a tear away... hoping that my laughter won't bring on an unexpected 'gust of wind' from my own *kitten*. lol.

Lisa1971

Ok, so I've had 2 former male bosses that did this. Totally disgusting and unprofessional!

srslybritt

I can't... this was amazing.

cpiton

I have to get something off my chest.

I have a desk job in the compliance department of an asphalt company. I have my own office, the first one you walk by when you enter the building. We recently had a new employee in our sales department come around and introduce himself about a week ago. I was just sitting in my office, innocently pretending to be working incredibly hard. This guy comes in and says "Hi, I am Jeff. I am the new sales head, I heard that I come to you if I need a translator. Nice to meet you." Normal enough. We start talking about the last place he worked, and he made a joke about me being our minority haul (I am the youngest by far, the only Hispanic in the office, and the only girl). Right in the middle of our conversation, he stops talking and farts. Not just a little one. But he enthusiastically pushes out a four or five second long fart, all the while staring me right in the eyes. He then immediately walks out of my office. No, "I am sorry." "Excuse me." or "haha milk was a bad choice." He just leaves. I am left with this horrible fart stench, couldn't even finish my coffee.

I sat in my office for awhile, wondering what the hell just happened. Did the best prank ever just get pulled on me? Was it an accident? Was he embarrassed? Why did he look me in the eyes, oh God why didn't he break eye contact? I wanted to laugh, but I am genuinely a little offended. That was MY office, my smell domain. I don't go into his office, vomit, then leave.

Anyway, he came to me today and brought me a donut. No idea why. I didn't ask for one. No one else in the department was given any. Now I am so incredibly confused. Was this to atone for his fart? Is he screwing with my brain? I just want to know! I have never even thought this would ever be a scenario I have to navigate. What is this?

Mikki, I am going to share a story with you I have never told anyone else. I frequented a farm a few years back that had the absolute most beautiful man working there I had ever seen. We passed each other between barns and he asked how I was liking the farm. As my eyes met his I felt as though I was diving into a pool of cotton and being whisked away by angels.
Trumpets were sounding in the background, which seemed odd; "don't angels play harps?" I asked myself...

It was then, dear Mikki, that I realized I had lost all control of my sphincter. There were no trumpets, just my wailing rectum. Paralyzed by the humiliation of what was occurring, I stared at him square in the face while it just. kept. going. It was the single most colossal gust of wind ever to escape my bowels and it happened in front of the most breathtaking man I had ever laid eyes on. Concern for his safety began to arise as I polluted the air around us.

When everything was over, we just stood there for a second, trying to make sense of what had happened. I mentally cursed my *kitten* for its utter betrayal and simply soldiered on about my farm visit.

I didn't bring him a donut atonement, but we did end up becoming friends later on.

This thread is chock full of awesome. So glad I checked in again. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

smantha32

Is this real? Holy ish, thats an amazing story. You could file a complaint on the "minority haul" comment for sure.

Yes! It shouldn't be real, it is so ridiculous. I told all my MFP friends when it happened, and today he strikes again. Who does that?

it wont be fun, but you either should file a compaint, or speak to him directly and let him know how you feel about it.

That is so bizarre. You probably can't stop him from being weird but if he farts around you again ask him to stop.

smantha32

I would be grossed out, but probably not offended. Most men seriously just think of it as a normal bodily function (which it is), and just let it rip wherever they at no matter who they're around. Maybe he was bringing you an apology gift??

On the minority comment, though, I may have been offended on that one. Hard to tell for sure since it didn't happen to me. If you're uncomfortable about the situation, which you obviously are, maybe it would help to at least discuss it with someone above you.

Even the guys who think it's funny usually try to reign it in around strangers until they get to know them a bit. This is freaking strange.

Myhaloslipped

Haha, I like Jeff!

AwMyLoLo

I wouldn't eat the donut, Probably has poop particles on it.

"Farticles"

120by30

I have to get something off my chest.

I have a desk job in the compliance department of an asphalt company. I have my own office, the first one you walk by when you enter the building. We recently had a new employee in our sales department come around and introduce himself about a week ago. I was just sitting in my office, innocently pretending to be working incredibly hard. This guy comes in and says "Hi, I am Jeff. I am the new sales head, I heard that I come to you if I need a translator. Nice to meet you." Normal enough. We start talking about the last place he worked, and he made a joke about me being our minority haul (I am the youngest by far, the only Hispanic in the office, and the only girl). Right in the middle of our conversation, he stops talking and farts. Not just a little one. But he enthusiastically pushes out a four or five second long fart, all the while staring me right in the eyes. He then immediately walks out of my office. No, "I am sorry." "Excuse me." or "haha milk was a bad choice." He just leaves. I am left with this horrible fart stench, couldn't even finish my coffee.

I sat in my office for awhile, wondering what the hell just happened. Did the best prank ever just get pulled on me? Was it an accident? Was he embarrassed? Why did he look me in the eyes, oh God why didn't he break eye contact? I wanted to laugh, but I am genuinely a little offended. That was MY office, my smell domain. I don't go into his office, vomit, then leave.

Anyway, he came to me today and brought me a donut. No idea why. I didn't ask for one. No one else in the department was given any. Now I am so incredibly confused. Was this to atone for his fart? Is he screwing with my brain? I just want to know! I have never even thought this would ever be a scenario I have to navigate. What is this?

Mikki, I am going to share a story with you I have never told anyone else. I frequented a farm a few years back that had the absolute most beautiful man working there I had ever seen. We passed each other between barns and he asked how I was liking the farm. As my eyes met his I felt as though I was diving into a pool of cotton and being whisked away by angels.
Trumpets were sounding in the background, which seemed odd; "don't angels play harps?" I asked myself...

It was then, dear Mikki, that I realized I had lost all control of my sphincter. There were no trumpets, just my wailing rectum. Paralyzed by the humiliation of what was occurring, I stared at him square in the face while it just. kept. going. It was the single most colossal gust of wind ever to escape my bowels and it happened in front of the most breathtaking man I had ever laid eyes on. Concern for his safety began to arise as I polluted the air around us.

When everything was over, we just stood there for a second, trying to make sense of what had happened. I mentally cursed my *kitten* for its utter betrayal and simply soldiered on about my farm visit.

I didn't bring him a donut atonement, but we did end up becoming friends later on.

Holy crap, I'm crying!!!

I was wiping a tear out of my eye as I read this very comment. Thanks for the laugh!!

wolfsbayne

I wouldn't eat the donut, Probably has poop particles on it.

"Farticles"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

BinaryPulsar

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

StacyRenee77

This has to be one of my favorite post to date!!

rowlandsw

Sounds like you're going to be spending a lot of time with HR filing complaints against this guy.

kikimilabutterfly

I would have been scared to eat that doughnut lol!

mnardi123

I've gotten a greatly needed laugh from this thread and I feel your pain. I have a boss, an attorney, who thinks no one has any sense of smell because he will fart in the main office (his are silent but deadly) while talking to you and then uses the files in his hands to waft the odor away from him. Then he tries to hand me back the files to put away and I have to tell I have no room on my desk and to leave them on the file cabinet across the room. I then Lysol the files and the room only to have come back out and complain of the Lysol stench. It feels like your in the twilight zone that he can't smell the rancid, sulphur stench that can only be compared to rotten eggs sitting out for a couple of days in sour milk but can smell Lysol from two offices away.