Chivalry is dead?
Replies
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Hmm. I tok my kids to Chick-fil-a last night. Hope it wasn't their bad behavior you area speaking of.
I grew up in the Northeast (New York/New Jersey) and while I don't think we had poor manners, I don't remember ever hearing kids say "yes m'am" or "no sir". But now that I live in the South (and in an area with a large military presence) I hear that all the time from children the age of my own boys. So while my kids do know to say please and thank you, and generally have good manners, the whole sir and m'am thing just feels unnatural to me...as does referring to adults as "Miss" or "Mister" Firstname.
I'm from the South (Louisiana) and now live in the Northeast (Buffalo). I refer to most strangers as ma'am/sir. 18yo kid asking me if I want him to double bag the heavy items, "Yes sir, thank you". The 20yo waitress asking me if I want a refill of my drink, "No thank you, ma'am". I get a lot of strange looks up here for sure, but none as strange as the driver waiting to get out in traffic and I leave space between me and the car in front of me.....that person looks at me like I just sneezed on him. :laugh: It's a Southern thing for sure.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
Who says I'm "helping" you? I hold the door open for men and women because it's courteous. If you feel less empowered or something because someone is being nice to you, you're doing it wrong.0 -
We live in a world where kindness and manners are so scarce, it is often confused with bad intentions. This is sad...
Raised a southern gentleman. It was expected that you use good manners. If not discipline was handed out as a matter of fact. Whether it was from our family or another adult. You were taught respect and courtesy. From the time I could use my body weight and hold open a door it was expected. As was taking care of any younger than you, looking out for them, and teaching them the same. One thing I remember in particular was all of the adults that passed through the door I held praised me in some way. When someone is praised or given attention for doing something it reinforces that trait. Be it positive or negative. Attention is attention.
I have not only noticed but also been quite put off by the lack of kindness and almost constant confusion about being courteous. People being angered you opened a door for them as if they are too weak or incapable of doing so. Opening a door for a family and getting the creeper stare as if you will kidnap the children and assault the women. Also the lack of the use of 'thank you' going around. Some do not even give you the courtesy of eye contact. You open the door, smile, and they parade through avoiding all eye contact without even a thank you. These are usually the same one who let the door fall on everyone else.
Yes, it irks me. When I do see someone being courteous and using manners I go out of my way. I especially love to see how it throws many of the younger crowd when you give them respect and praise where they deserve it. Many are not used to it. Want to see a young man puff up and a young lady preen. Praise them. Thank them. It makes a world of difference.
THIS^
Common courtesy and common sense are misnomers.... neither are common anymore!
I'm from TN, but lived in AZ for several years and can tell you that yes, generally speaking, there is a difference in regional manners as well. NOT to say that they're aren't polite and rude people everywhere, but just as a whole, noticably different.
I'm proud to say that I received an email today praising my son for his manners (he's 24) and telling me how proud I should be of him, which needless to say, I am! :happy:0 -
It's easy to teach men to be chivarous. Just stand at the door and smile sweetly. Try it, it works.
oh no.
Please don't tell me you do this.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
If I arrive at the door first, I am going to open it and step aside. For you or anyone alse. Man or Woman. I'm sorry that you might take offense to a polite gesture.
Yes, I was a Marine too, but those manners were instilled in me by my Father. He did not sit me down and teach me these things. I had them demonstrated to me by the way he treated my Mother, Sisters and those he came in contact with. He was also a Marine, but he learned from his Father, as well.
At 59, I don't think I am going to change, nor do I want to. I treat my wife and daughters in the same manner and, I hope, they expect it from the gentlemen that enter their lives.
I don't consider chivalry to be a sexist act.
By the way, if I open the door for you, you have two choices. Step through it or bypass it, because I'll stand there with the door in my hand for as long as it takes.
It is 2014 and not 1414. You should be glad. In 1414, a woman wasn't considered much more than property.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
Love this answer!0 -
It's easy to teach men to be chivarous. Just stand at the door and smile sweetly. Try it, it works.
oh no.
Please don't tell me you do this.
yea, that just screams "I'm probably going to murder you later!"0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Damn right it's dead. Now get in the kitchen and make me some pie!0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.0 -
In some small way feminism has gotten in the way of any small chivalrous thing a man can do. For example, the number of my girlfriends that say "I hate flowers. Don't buy me flowers, they just die." or "Don't open my effing door, I can do it myself." I love the "old fashioned" efforts a guy may make, and despise women out there who have informed men they no longer "need" to do such things. Of course they don't NEED to, but what about being polite and gracious? Saying thank you and allowing someone to do something NICE for you without finding it offensive? It's killed the sweet things that make relationships give you those butterflies and "AWE!" sensation. And yes... vice-versa. This goes for cooking for your man, rubbing his back, sending him a pizza at work or whatever your sweet gesture may be in return.
I freaking LOVE getting flowers and having someone care enough to open a door for me. And I want to kick people in the shins for telling guys to stop doing such things. It's gentlemanly. And I'm a lady, damnit.
*giggle*0 -
My boyfriend is chivalrous. It is appreciated.0
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i've only read the OP and none of the responses, but my husband is still very chivalrous.
he preps my coffee at night so when i get up i just have to push the botton (kurig, not programable)
he always holds open doors for me (and others)
please and thank you's are mandatory in our household
helping each other out is also mandatory
he lugs the heavy stuff upstairs/downstairs for me (like laundry)
he brings in the grocery shopping (one trip of course!)
gosh now my mind is going blank.
chivalry is not dead, and good on you for teaching your boys despite society!0 -
In some small way feminism has gotten in the way of any small chivalrous thing a man can do. For example, the number of my girlfriends that say "I hate flowers. Don't buy me flowers, they just die." or "Don't open my effing door, I can do it myself." I love the "old fashioned" efforts a guy may make, and despise women out there who have informed men they no longer "need" to do such things. Of course they don't NEED to, but what about being polite and gracious? Saying thank you and allowing someone to do something NICE for you without finding it offensive? It's killed the sweet things that make relationships give you those butterflies and "AWE!" sensation. And yes... vice-versa. This goes for cooking for your man, rubbing his back, sending him a pizza at work or whatever your sweet gesture may be in return.
I freaking LOVE getting flowers and having someone care enough to open a door for me. And I want to kick people in the shins for telling guys to stop doing such things. It's gentlemanly. I'm a a lady, damnit.
*giggle*
I am very independent and capable. My boyfriend is also very independent and capable. We both make an effort to do nice things for each other like making nice dinners. We also very much appreciate the other going that extra mile.
My ex saw being capable as an excuse not to do nice things... I CAN open my own door, make my own dinner and buy myself flowers so he wouldnt. Some people just don't get it0 -
In some small way feminism has gotten in the way of any small chivalrous thing a man can do. For example, the number of my girlfriends that say "I hate flowers. Don't buy me flowers, they just die." or "Don't open my effing door, I can do it myself." I love the "old fashioned" efforts a guy may make, and despise women out there who have informed men they no longer "need" to do such things. Of course they don't NEED to, but what about being polite and gracious? Saying thank you and allowing someone to do something NICE for you without finding it offensive? It's killed the sweet things that make relationships give you those butterflies and "AWE!" sensation. And yes... vice-versa. This goes for cooking for your man, rubbing his back, sending him a pizza at work or whatever your sweet gesture may be in return.
I freaking LOVE getting flowers and having someone care enough to open a door for me. And I want to kick people in the shins for telling guys to stop doing such things. It's gentlemanly. I'm a a lady, damnit.
*giggle*
I am very independent and capable. My boyfriend is also very independent and capable. We both make an effort to do nice things for each other like making nice dinners. We also very much appreciate the other going that extra mile.
My ex saw being capable as an excuse not to do nice things... I CAN open my own door, make my own dinner and buy myself flowers so he wouldnt. Some people just don't get it
Exactly.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.
I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.0 -
Some things should just be universal too. If someone has their hands full, hold the door for them. It is just nice. I am female and never let the door go when someone is two steps behind me0
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i've only read the OP and none of the responses, but my husband is still very chivalrous.
he preps my coffee at night so when i get up i just have to push the botton (kurig, not programable)
he always holds open doors for me (and others)
please and thank you's are mandatory in our household
helping each other out is also mandatory
he lugs the heavy stuff upstairs/downstairs for me (like laundry)
he brings in the grocery shopping (one trip of course!)
gosh now my mind is going blank.
chivalry is not dead, and good on you for teaching your boys despite society!
My husband is the same way, and I find it very touching. He also thanks me for every single meal I make him, even when he's heated up leftovers from a meal that I previously made for him. Before we married, my kids would complain about the food I made. Now, after 5 years of seeing my husband's actions, they each thank me every time we eat. Good manners are such a nice thing to see.
My husband readily states that he knows that I can do all these things for myself, but his take is why should I have to? He loves me, and this is how he shows it.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
If I arrive at the door first, I am going to open it and step aside. For you or anyone alse. Man or Woman. I'm sorry that you might take offense to a polite gesture.
Yes, I was a Marine too, but those manners were instilled in me by my Father. He did not sit me down and teach me these things. I had them demonstrated to me by the way he treated my Mother, Sisters and those he came in contact with. He was also a Marine, but he learned from his Father, as well.
At 59, I don't think I am going to change, nor do I want to. I treat my wife and daughters in the same manner and, I hope, they expect it from the gentlemen that enter their lives.
I don't consider chivalry to be a sexist act.
By the way, if I open the door for you, you have two choices. Step through it or bypass it, because I'll stand there with the door in my hand for as long as it takes.
It is 2014 and not 1414. You should be glad. In 1414, a woman wasn't considered much more than property.
I love this post...0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.
I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.
How so? I can't really refute it being BS when you've given no examples.0 -
Living in Texas, I still see quite a bit... I wish there were more though...
Oh and just general all around use of manners and courtesy to others. Men and women alike..0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
...
It is 2014 and not 1414. You should be glad. In 1414, a woman wasn't considered much more than property.
I love this response.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.
I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.
*Raises Hand* I am not a man. And do not wish to be treated as if I have testicles. BOOBIES!!0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
The point is, you don't NEED special help opening a door. Those people doing it for you are simply being kind and polite. The appropriate response would be to walk through the open door and say thank you. Regardless of what year it is...0 -
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you. wink
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
So you're fine with a guy holding a door open for you so that he can objectify you behind your back, but you draw the line at a gentleman opening the door for you as sign of respect for a lady?
This is modern feminism, y'all.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.
I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.
*Raises Hand* I am not a man. And do not wish to be treated as if I have testicles. BOOBIES!!
I'm here to oppress, open doors, and steal the urinal0 -
I'm fine with a joke, and I objectify plenty of men's behinds ALL. THE. TIME.Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you. wink
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
So you're fine with a guy holding a door open for you so that he can objectify you behind your back, but you draw the line at a gentleman opening the door for you as sign of respect for a lady?
This is modern feminism, y'all.0 -
Please, Thank You, Yes Ma'Am, No Sir, and May I are all staples of my dealings with people. I open doors, and will let the poor lady juggling three kids and a cart full of groceries ahead of me. I have been known to help old ladies cross the street and I still shovel my elderly neighbor's walks in the winter.. Chivalry isn't dead. I salute you for passing those traits onto your children O.P
On A Side Note.
Feminism hasn't gotten in the way of chivalry. To assume that empowering women emasculates men is a reflection upon those who feel that way, not the women who believe that women should be equal to men in every regard socially and professionally. A woman who doesn't particularly care for flowers or romantic schlep doesn't make her some sort of evil dictator any more than a man who could give two shakes less about cars and guns makes him less a man. No one has ever chided me for opening a door for them, or holding an elevator.. or stopping to help someone change a tire and if they did, and I allowed it to deter me from doing such things that would be a reflection upon me as a person. Not any sort of imagined failing to the great social order.0 -
Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.
Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?
The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.
I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.
I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.
But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.
I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.
*Raises Hand* I am not a man. And do not wish to be treated as if I have testicles. BOOBIES!!
CHESTICLES!
I myself grew up with a father who always opened the door for others, female or otherwise. Can you open your own damn door, sure, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why some women see that as degrading. The guy I've been seeing likes to open my door for me. Why should I be offended by a simple gesture?0
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