Failing Marriage

LoneWolf_70

ok ok shes not fat. *brushes off angry PM's IM's nastygrams etc. I was just chit stirring. PLease go back to talking about domesic violence and cheating.

MyChocolateDiet

ok ok shes not fat. *brushes off angry PM's IM's nastygrams etc. I was just chit stirring. PLease go back to talking about domesic violence and cheating.

ppl are PM ing you over that? OMG.

I get your point though, it would be nice if she sought the proper venue for that venting and focused on her fitness goals on here. That's why I recommended where she could take that mess to have it sorted out by people who get it.

On here people know a whole lot about fitness and yeah, she's a little overweight by BMI standards but nothing a little CI/CO can't fix.

DeadliftAddict

Everyone is telling you to leave cause you deserve better. We have only heard one side of this story. If I was him I would have left you for having lunch and kissing another man. You was married when you did it, so your wrong isn't any better than his wrong. I don't suggest anyone get a divorce cause I'm not for it, but if you start getting into that cheating game you need to get out before you kiss or sleep with others. You let the guy at work in your heart by entertaining what he had to say. Don't matter if you wasn't getting it at home. Leave if you are unhappy. Don't play that victim role cause a guy showed you some attention. Neither you or your husband are in the right. We're just hearing your side.

sweetcurlz67

The mental and verbal abuse has been going on for years.

it only gets worse. my ex was the same. he was abusive mostly verbally but also physically and at the end the physical was getting worse. I've read a couple pages of this and there was talk about counseling... yes, we tried that but it only works if both parties are willing and admit there is a problem - he wasn't and didn't. girl... do what you think is right - STAY OUT! and I never thought I'd advocate for divorce but after what I've been through, it's best to be safe. I'm not the perfect wife either, however, there is no excuse for emotional, mental, or physical abuse - ongoing or otherwise.

I also have a child, I justified staying with him for that 22 yrs thinking my son needed a father. There were other reasons - I was afraid to leave (he threatened my life if I were to leave), and a lawyer told me I'd lose custody of my son if I were to leave (I worked two jobs ex didn't work) - no way on EARTH was I going to lose my son! Thankfully, I have my son and I'm still here typing this to you.

I think you know what to do sweetie... :flowerforyou:


and to the person who called her fat... that was totally uncalled for! UGH!

DeadliftAddict

again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

[comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

dbmata

Quite the wall of text.

digitalbill

Yes, the abuse does get worse with time.
So does the cheating.
I am 100% convinced that once a cheater, always a cheater.
I have yet to be proven wrong.
She cheated on her husband. She deserves to be alone.

buzybev

One sided story, but interesting to see people justifying/downplaying physical and domestic violence cus cheating.

OP, cut your losses, make sure you and your child are safe, and move on.

PlanetVelma

I would suggest that you contact the National Domestic Violence hotline for some guidance (link at the bottom of this post). Just because he hasn't busted up your teeth or broken any bones doesn't mean you're NOT being abused.

Anyone who condones violence because she strayed needs a REALLY large cup of STFU. Everyone needs to keep their hands to THEMSELVES!

As a SURVIVOR of domestic violence and growing up in chaos, that **** ****s with your head. And if you have children, keep in mind they are seeing/hearing it ALL.

I could tell stories that would make your hair curl, about how at the age of 7, I was already a full time referee? I would step in between my parents multiple times to get my dad to STOP hitting my mom.

Or how about the time we hid from him in a field. WHy? Because my lovely father was beating my mom, broke her nose and went to get a gun. We RAN and hid in this old man's field until my dad gave up looking for us. I was 9, my sister was 5.

DV is NOT funny at ****ing all. Period. There's NOTHING to excuse man/woman/beast for laying hands on one another. Again, keep your flippin paws to yourselves!

I would suggest counseling FOR ALL. Because as long as you lived this cycle, you will continue it until you recognize this as a problem.

BREAK THE CYCLE!

http://www.thehotline.org/

ladymiseryali

again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

Wow.....what is your problem? I'm sure she is aware that she is a bit overweight. Don't be a ****.

Froggymcconnell

170 is a bit heavy for 5'8. just saying.

and your an a******e!!! just saying

kbeloved

I refuse to give advice on a 20 year relationship we know very little about, and only one side of.

That being said, make sure what you decide is best for you, your child, and your husband. Shockingly, you can figure out a way for everyone to remain cordial... maybe even happy. Or, you can figure out a way to make it ugly, abusive, and downright hateful. I recommend the former.

This.
I worked in on a domestic violence hotline and one thing that a lot of people seem to overlook is that there are two sides of the story ALWAYS. That being said violence to either party is NEVER acceptable and is not normal. I would recommend you google "the cycle of violence" because it sounds like you're in the midst of it. When children are involved it's always best to try and work things out in a mature manner whether that means divorce or counseling. Your child will see how you treat each other and that will be their basis for how a relationship is supposed to work, please keep that in mind.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

[comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

Meh, depends on body composition. I'm 5'8.75" and 155lbs and I have no boobs. At 170 I was probably 30% bodyfat (probably 25% now).

Flab2Fab27

again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

[comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

Meh, depends on body composition. I'm 5'8.75" and 155lbs and I have no boobs. At 170 I was probably 30% bodyfat (probably 25% now).

What body fat % will give me abs and bigger fun bags?

Yurippe

Has anyone else ended a long relationship? What am i to expect?

The OP should have said this and nothing else. She did not ask for advice on staying in the relationship, critiques on his/her actions, or anyone's thoughts on domestic violence. Maybe two people in this entire thread actually answered the question.

So, what to expect? I'd guess you probably view yourself as part of a "we". You'll have a tough time figuring out who YOU are. Putting yourself back into a crap situation will probably seem less scary then learning to live with change. I'd discuss that with your therapist.

All that being said, the chit-chat, fun, and games forum of a fitness website is a really weird place to discuss any of this.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

again, as a fitness site, I think the important thing to note is 5'8 170 is fat.

[comic sans] So glad you stopped in today. [/comic sans]

Since this is a fitness site that is a bit over weight.

Meh, depends on body composition. I'm 5'8.75" and 155lbs and I have no boobs. At 170 I was probably 30% bodyfat (probably 25% now).

What body fat % will give me abs and bigger fun bags?

15% and some breast implants.

greentart

Yes, the abuse does get worse with time.
So does the cheating.
I am 100% convinced that once a cheater, always a cheater.
I have yet to be proven wrong.
She cheated on her husband. She deserves to be alone.

Well, I can prove you wrong. I cheated on my 2nd boyfriend with my 1st (and my current SO of 12 years), and haven't cheated since. Why? Because I made a mistake that has multiple layers behind the reasons why that I won't explain here. I've regretted, I've apologized, I've accepted, and I've moved on.

BAM. You've just been proved wrong.

Also, just because someone made a mistakes doesn't mean that they deserve to be alone. Face the consequences of their actions, yes. To be alone? No.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I feel like it is imperative to ask, is the dude in your profile picture your husband or new "friend"?

emkayelle91

You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you happy and feel good! I'm currently going through marital troubles (he cheated multiple times and gets angry with me for having emotions about it -___-) and through that I am discovering that life is way too short to be unhappy! I am all for working out a marraige and trying to save it instead just walking away, but sometimes you just have to recognize when it is just not worth saving anymore.

Sherbog

Just do it. Your biggest regret will probably be that you waited so long. Looks like you can loose a lot of pounds simply by removing him from your life. You can do this. You deserve better.