Body shaming at its absolute worst... thoughts please.

Phanntom

I'm sure I'll be beaten severely about the head and shoulders for this, but honestly...as an obese person, a "fatty" if you will, she did nothing in the article but tell the truth....and yes, sometimes the truth is an unpleasant thing to have to confront, but until we do, we're not likely to improve our lot in life.

For most of us, it's been years of avoiding the truth about our weight. We camouflage it by couching it in terms like: my metabolism is slowing down, or I've quit smoking, or it comes with age....all bs excuses to avoid facing the truth that we've elected over the years to let ourselves go.

By her own admission her article and opinion is not politically correct, just as it should be. Sugar coating an opinion or facts isn't going to motivate me, or I suspect anyone else....this article was intended to shame us into action. Most of us are here because we ARE taking actions to improve our appearance, health or both....if her article shames 10's, 100's or 1,000's of others into taking action....at the risk of sun-burning my follicly challenged pate, my hats off to her.

I couldn't help but think exactly what she ended up expressing one day while waiting at a crosswalk in front of a highschool in Phoenix as the kids passed in front of me. At least half these kids, both boys and girls were fat or obese....there's no other way to say it. Recalling back to my high school years....I can only remember 2 kids in the whole school (not just my class) that were fat.

If something isn't done to turn the obesity tide, these kids are going to have very short, miserable lives giving themselves insulin shots and dialysis as kidneys fail etc. I speak from experience.....fortunately I'm a ways from diabetes, but I did have my heart explode last year....something that didn't need to happen....nothing genetic in the family history at all....just MY poor eating habits and lack of exercise....and there's no politically correct way of saying that....sorry.

katz41

she's just calling it how she sees it, there is a big obesity problem, why should people apologise for speaking their minds?

katz41

to the poster above me, good post, and absolutely, people dont like hearing the truth

Bernadette60614

If being shamed worked than don't you think it would have worked by now? I'm going to bet that the majority of us who have struggled with weight have been shamed in our lives...be it on the school playground, or the dating scene, on the street or by friends and family.

I think each of us who struggles with weight is shouldering a lot of very heavy baggage of shame.

Adding more shame more doesn't do anything but feed the sense of superiority the person of the person doing the shaming.

I don't find this article motivating, I find it sad that someone has to pump up their own ego by tearing down others.

MelodyandBarbells

I'm not a fan of shame, but I think it's a bit disingenuous to suggest that shaming someone isn't effective to move them toward action.

For crying out loud there an entire culture of shame in Japan surrounding women and their weight. It's a well studied phenomenon. There is an expectation of thinness, and negative social consequences, and yes shame, for not meeting those expectations. It's been enough to help keep Japanese women reversing the world wide trend of increasing obesity, as they are actually overall getting thinner.

There are societies and cultures in this world that simply do not tolerate obesity. I know a few people from various Asian cultures where it's common for people to flat out say to a friend or loved one "hey, you got fat". It's expected. The tiptoeing around fat is something that is becoming more pervasive in western societies but it's hardly universal. And the pressure to conform is powerful, and shame can absolutely be a powerful motivator.

Yes, shame is a very powerful force in Japan.

Say, what's the leading cause of death in that nation among males aged 20-44?

Bernadette60614

There is more to Japanese society than a culture of shame. The foods which the Japanese traditionally eat are quite different than what we eat, the portion sizes are different as well.

If you google Japanese diet vs. American diet there are a number of articles on the differences.

Willowwisp23

Oh wow, people wear what they WANT?! And they don't apologise for their fatness and force your poor eyes to look? Christ almighty what a *****. ***** needs to worry about herself and realize that other people aren't here to decorate her world.

they need to care about themselves, dress appropriately and present their best to the world.

As I said, other people are not here to decorate your world. Spending time commenting on the appearance of others and dictating to others what to and not to wear is time wasted.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Seriously, if you have not figured out the world I feel sorry for you. Try getting a job rolling in for an interview with rolls and cellulite hanging out. Looks matter.

I love my obese friends, does not mean I enjoy it when they let it all hang out. Dress appropriate for your age/size/build.

The girls in the article were going on holiday, not for a job interview.

HanamiDango

Sorry, I did not read all the replies.

Ok, yes, obesity is a large issue and something that needs to be address. Really we should be working on knocking out all obese levels of fat, and work on healthy children, with good eating habits. Obese is just as important as underweight, and I mean these in the true forms of the words, by body fat %, and bmi. There are many "underweight" people treat like anorexics when they are not, and that does happen to some "overweight" people too. We need to focus on society to look more healthy.

On the article: To me this article was all about vanity, not health. I do not like the word fatty or fat. Ummm, we all have fat, kind of something we need to live with. It is unhealthy amounts of fat on human bodies that are the issue. Also, the author address all overweight people, and my question, overweight by BMI or just someone who doesn't have a flat tummy and slender body? The terms do not mean the same to everyone either. This is where it bothers me. I am overweight according to my BMI by 8.4lbs, and according to body frame, by 17.4lbs. The author also said she assumed the girls in front of her was a size 18 and since that was UK, that means a UK 18, which is like a 14-16 american size. Depending on height, these girls could be just overweight and not even obese. And really, you don't want people to be happy about taking a trip and enjoying themselves, even if they carry more fat than need be on their bodies?

Now I know I am not healthy, I am working on it. I am not going to be a mopey depressed woman about it. I am not fat, I have too much body fat, which is not healthy. Forgive me for smiling and enjoying life with my kids.

Fit_Chef_NE

Being shamed is what got me wanting to be healthy in the first place. But I'm not a delicate little flower so....

MelodyandBarbells

Oh wow, people wear what they WANT?! And they don't apologise for their fatness and force your poor eyes to look? Christ almighty what a *****. ***** needs to worry about herself and realize that other people aren't here to decorate her world.

they need to care about themselves, dress appropriately and present their best to the world.

As I said, other people are not here to decorate your world. Spending time commenting on the appearance of others and dictating to others what to and not to wear is time wasted.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Seriously, if you have not figured out the world I feel sorry for you. Try getting a job rolling in for an interview with rolls and cellulite hanging out. Looks matter.

I love my obese friends, does not mean I enjoy it when they let it all hang out. Dress appropriate for your age/size/build.

The girls in the article were going on holiday, not for a job interview.

I understand that

but i was being attacked for saying people should dress appropriate at all ages weight and sizes

job interview, VK, whatever, dress right!

Profile pic, dress right!. Yeah, see how dumb that sounded?

BusyBirdMommy

Such an interesting topic!

As with everything, there is a way "to do it" and a way "not to do it." I've told my 13 and 7 year olds this - tell the truth, but be mindful about it. If someone is overweight to an unhealthy extreme, it's perfectly okay (and even caring) to be honest, but it's HOW you say it that matters. If you approach it like a two year old ... "ewwww .... your butt is so big," it's highly offensive, inappropriate, and likely to cause emotional hurt to the other person. On the other hand, if you say something more like, "I want you to live a long, happy life - I want you to get your energy back, etc. - so it would be good if you could find a way to lose some weight" - it's not offensive at all (even if the truth hurts a bit, at least it's not the messenger causing the hurt).

I guess what I'm trying to say is:
Honesty is good; but attitude matters.

HanamiDango

I'm not a fan of shame, but I think it's a bit disingenuous to suggest that shaming someone isn't effective to move them toward action.

For crying out loud there an entire culture of shame in Japan surrounding women and their weight. It's a well studied phenomenon. There is an expectation of thinness, and negative social consequences, and yes shame, for not meeting those expectations. It's been enough to help keep Japanese women reversing the world wide trend of increasing obesity, as they are actually overall getting thinner.

There are societies and cultures in this world that simply do not tolerate obesity. I know a few people from various Asian cultures where it's common for people to flat out say to a friend or loved one "hey, you got fat". It's expected. The tiptoeing around fat is something that is becoming more pervasive in western societies but it's hardly universal. And the pressure to conform is powerful, and shame can absolutely be a powerful motivator.

Yes, shame is a very powerful force in Japan.

Say, what's the leading cause of death in that nation among males aged 20-44?

Japanese shame has been around since the Heian period? Really, you can not compare Japan or any Asian society to a Western one, they are just to different. In Korea, yes, people will point out to younger people that they have gained weight, however, older woman or men it is less of a big deal. It is more health or at least disguised better as health than vanity. Society does have a higher impact there on how people look. And if you make to many mistakes in Japan, don't do well enough, well, you have one option, yeah, not pretty. Go Samurai. >.>

Willowwisp23

Being shamed is what got me wanting to be healthy in the first place. But I'm not a delicate little flower so....

I wouldn't consider myself a delicate flower but shame never worked for me.I wouldn't get upset over shaming comments, but why would I change for shallow people? I changed for me.

Tigg_er

Body shaming is just another fancy term for bullying. If you body shame others, congratulations! Your social skills have not evolved beyond middle school! It's recess all over again! If it makes you feel any better, use all of the excuses and justifications you like, but the fact of the matter is, you judge people based on their appearance, not on who that person is, their accomplishments or their contributions to the world.

Some people are happy with their appearance and the way they choose to live their life. It should have absolutely no effect on you one way or the other. Is someone's existence a personal affront to you because of their jiggling? Are you really that concerned that your health care costs will go up in such a way that you will never notice because someone, somewhere is fat?

I've got some great advice.

When you see someone whose appearance you just find to be awful, or think that they should take better care of themselves, do the following.

1. Take a deep breath
2. Deep breath, let it just fill up your lungs.
3. Exhale slowly.
4. Get over it.

You live your life, teach your children to grow up healthy and strong and lead by example. Leave other people alone. Everyone will be happier, especially you!

I go with this post ^ People need to have a little courtesy and act like a human being. I know that's just to dam hard for some people.

albayin

I hate how my mom shamed me if I made mistakes and when I was chubby...imagine if that came from total strangers? oh my god...

Yoshirio

I think stupid people should stay at out of public as well. We don't all get what we want though.

Shaming...be it for weight, smoking, drug addiction...whatever is counterproductive.

You don't tell someone that they are worthless, and then tell that they are capable of doing something exceptionally difficult.

What you do tell them:

You're worthwhile.

You can do something.

I'm willing to help you.

How shall we start?

This is called coddling and does not work. The question is are u ready to drop the excuses? Ready to work hard sweat and be a tad uncomfortable? Do u really want this?

The 2 approaches are not mutually exclusive - people can be told they are worthwhile and can do something and also be told it will be uncomfortable and they need to sweat hard at it.

I don't think shaming people ever motivates them to do anything though.

I think nearly all people learn all things better through positive reinforcement and encouragement, rather than shaming and punitive measures.

Exactly. Why does it have to be either/or? Can we not, as a society, admit that being obese is unhealthy and encourage others to lose weight WITHOUT calling them "fatties" and telling them to "cover up"?? It is very rare that shaming someone actually accomplishes anything. So why do it, other than just to make someone feel bad? Trust me, no fat person looks in the mirror and doesn't know they're fat.

The most bothersome thing about this thread are those commenting about others' appearance. It's one thing to be concerned about the health of our country, it's another to bash someone b/c they have "dimples" (btw, a lot of thin women have cellulite, should they forgo the shorts too?).

yes no one wants to see cellulite and dimples on anything fat or thin.

These things exist, keep them at home, love yourself but the rest of the world does not need to see it and we dont WANT to see it. Keep it at home where it belongs

jofjltncb6

Shaming...be it for weight, smoking, drug addiction...whatever is counterproductive.

You don't tell someone that they are worthless, and then tell that they are capable of doing something exceptionally difficult.

What you do tell them:

You're worthwhile.

You can do something.

I'm willing to help you.

How shall we start?

This is called coddling and does not work. The question is are u ready to drop the excuses? Ready to work hard sweat and be a tad uncomfortable? Do u really want this?

The 2 approaches are not mutually exclusive - people can be told they are worthwhile and can do something and also be told it will be uncomfortable and they need to sweat hard at it.

I don't think shaming people ever motivates them to do anything though.

I think nearly all people learn all things better through positive reinforcement and encouragement, rather than shaming and punitive measures.

Exactly. Why does it have to be either/or? Can we not, as a society, admit that being obese is unhealthy and encourage others to lose weight WITHOUT calling them "fatties" and telling them to "cover up"?? It is very rare that shaming someone actually accomplishes anything. So why do it, other than just to make someone feel bad? Trust me, no fat person looks in the mirror and doesn't know they're fat.

The most bothersome thing about this thread are those commenting about others' appearance. It's one thing to be concerned about the health of our country, it's another to bash someone b/c they have "dimples" (btw, a lot of thin women have cellulite, should they forgo the shorts too?).

yes no one wants to see cellulite and dimples on anything fat or thin.

These things exist, keep them at home, love yourself but the rest of the world does not need to see it and we dont WANT to see it. Keep it at home where it belongs

dafuq?

:noway:

Yoshirio

I think I love you.

I agree with the article.

i was talking about this with my bf the other night, the young generation is mostly fat and they dont care. They are developing unhealthy life styles, it is gross to see rolls and dimples.

Who wants to spend their prime being unhealthy?

And why should the cost of our health care increase simply because people dont care about themselves?

Obesity should be warred on just like cigarettes and drugs, it is an overwhelming epidemic and a sad statement on how society is losing respect for itself.

If it takes shame to make people aware so be it. I wont coddle "feelings."

Put the chips down, cover up approropriately and get on a life style change.

I have not read the article - hard to open links on my ipad.

However, comments like "it is gross to see rolls and dimples" and people should "cover up appropriately" are not comments about health - they are comments about appearance.

I agree that obesity is a growing health problem and it needs to be addressed - but how people look and what they wear is not the issue - the health implications are.
Somebody obese and covered up is just as much at risk health wise as somebody wearing a crochet bikini.

if what we (we as in writers of articles or posters on MFP or anyone else publicly commenting) are concerned about are health issues, we need to make sure our comments are about health issues, not about appearance or clothing choices.

EVERYONE with any BODY SIZE should dress appropriately! I find thin girls in microbikinis look whoreish, odler women in bikinis look haggard, women who try to hard to be young when they are old are silly looking, and men with guts hanging out the bottom of their t shirt, gross!!!!!!

WE ALL need to dress for our size, age and body type!

I dont leave my yard in my bikinni you know why? I have stretch marks, am I ashamed of my stretch marks? NO but they are MINE and the whole world does not need to see them, when I am swimming in public I wear a mom appropriate bathin suit, why? Because I am a MOTHER! And almost 40!

Just my opinion. If you think you can be a size 18 and up and rock the sexy clothes and people dont think it is gross you are wrong. It is disrespectful and tasteless looking. If you meet new people they wont see your lovely personality, they will remeber you as the fat person in a bikini with rolls everywhere.

I am not trying to be mean, just speaking the truth, the world is shallow. Take care of yourself. If you want to live in the make believe land of fat acceptence and everyone is outwardly gorgeous then go for it, but I will not coddle the obese and if I go back there I hope I have an honest enough friend to kick me in the *kitten* and tell me to get back on the wago rather than telling me fat is beautiful and I have a pretty face.

You know what I find really disgusting to look at? Terrible grammar. I find it gross, it makes message boards more difficult to read for the rest of us that have worked so hard to have good grammar, and it is costing me additional tax dollars because when children see adults using bad grammar they think it is OK and therefore, we have to pay more money for additional schooling.

I'm not being mean, just honest. People who are bad with the English language need to put in the work, pay the tuition to go back to school, and stop making the rest of us look at their horrible grammar until they do something about it. It's going to be hard, but it's important because it is the only way to demonstrate your intelligence on the internet.

What other reason could there be for their bad grammar, other than laziness?!? The rest of us learned it in elementary school! Every time I see one of those morons listening to their ipods and not reading a book, I want to throw up! I mean, how dare they read a magazine when they could be improving their obvious deficiency?

Coddling these terrible, lazy people will not help them. We have to confront them with their idiocy to help them change!

jofjltncb6

Top-posters are a very close second to body-shamers on my list of people who should DIAF.

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