Nagging about saving money for IVF
Replies
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Hey now, not a shabby idea. Save a life, and help someone else in the process.
I want to be Pregnant AND be a MOTHER.! Is that selfish of me? I dont think so at all!
Bravo.not judging, just throwing this out there based my personal experience....
Infertility is a bi#ch and IVF is physically and emotionally draining. The financial drain with potentially no child at the end is a bitter pill to swallow too. I was deeply entrenched in infertility hell when a friend said this to me:
So do you want to be pregnant, or do you want to be a mother?
I am mom to two daughters adopted internationally, and I have never looked back.
So, adopt a child to call your own, and offer to be a surrogate mother for someone else? You get to have the pregnancy experience, a child of your own, and you don't have to spend 21k to do it
Ok... so now it's good for her to help someone else have their own baby, but not for her to want one of her own.
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Obviously from the sounds of it, it sounds like you dont ever want children. To each their own. You DONT understand then and should not be commenting on this thread.
I also went through adoption training classes in MN through Children's Home Society. Each class I got more and more scared. A panel of parents who had already adopted through the program came to talk. Afterwards, about half the class was even more excited to adopt and half wanted to run away screaming. Some were dealing with multiple 3 letter diagnoses that were not disclosed until after adoption - ADD, ODD, RAD - you name it. You fill out a questionnaire describing what behaviors you could deal with and what you couldn't. Would it be ok if they had a history of fire-setting? Abuse of animals? Food hoarding?
The best part was that you can look through websites of waiting children, go through all the training and a homestudy, and not until nearly the very end of the process are you allowed to see their files or hear anything about their past. I went in with the best of intentions and abandoned ship near the end of the process. I cannot emphasize enough how much I respect those parents who were able to provide a home to a child, but anyone who thinks adoption would be "less stress" than IVF is sorely misinformed.
wow I didn't know you could figure out if you're precious kidlet could be ADD pre-birth!!!! That's awesome!!! Good to know.
wow I didn't even know that could be done- but I'm totally right there with you.A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.
The lengths people go through to have children is so weird to me... it just proves how selfish people are honestly.
There isn't a logical reason to have children- much less multiple children at this point- so the only real reason is it's because it's something YOU want to do. Which is fine- but let's not get crazy with expenses and irrational justifications for having kids, it's a self serving choice and that's it.0 -
I know (and trust me I certainly do know) the absolute longing to have a baby and the devastation of it not happening like everyone else, so it is with this wisdom and knowledge that I suggest you do this with one eye on the budget and the other eye on your relationship and marriage. Don't sacrifice one to gain the other.
OMG this, X1000. Well said!0 -
Of course you'd think so considering it falls under your onesided "supportive comments only" reason for starting this thread.
Well said !! THank You!To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.0 -
How about both of yous open a savings account of some kind specifically dedicated to the IVF treatment, a fund that money goes into every week but no money ever comes out of. And then every week you and your husband BOTH put at least 40 dollars from your income into it (depending on what your income is) you could also get rid of luxarys such as sky tv for a while untill yous have gained enough money for IVF. And you could ask family and friends to donate a bit of money as well. I'm sure your parents and his parents would be happy to put what they can afford towards a future grand kid.
my boyfriend is also terrible with money, I always bag him too and it never works. I took a different approach. I brought him shopping to aldi (instead of Tesco) and bought everything he usually buys for much cheaper, and he realised the quality was the same, and now he shops in aldi all the time to save money.
Giving up smoking would help too (if you or him smokes that is) and it is also a good idea to give up smoking before having a kid for the benefit of the child too.
just keep saving as much as yous can and I wish you the best of luck
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You dont get it, never mind
So you want to have your OWN child, yet would also consider an adopted child your OWN? Why not just take the step now and save a life?Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.
In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.0 -
If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....
If you having trouble saving now with just the two of you, then your really gonna be struggling once you do have kids. Those little temper tamtrum, milk guzzling, poopy diaper, snotty nose, food throwing, mess making, waking up in the middle of the night monsters are expensive to raise!0 -
:huh:0
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To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.
Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.
Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.
Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."
I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?
Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.0 -
If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....
If you having trouble saving now with just the two of you, then your really gonna be struggling once you do have kids. Those little temper tamtrum, milk guzzling, poopy diaper, snotty nose, food throwing, mess making, waking up in the middle of the night monsters are expensive to raise!
I must add though they are worth every penny, every hour of lost sleep, and every little bit of energy spent.0 -
And you don't get that your husband's actions are speaking louder than his words. You can "WE" and "OUR" all you like but your delusional to the fact that if he "wanted this more than anything" he would straight up follow the guidelines you (supposedly) both set out for your situation.
You dont get it, never mind
So you want to have your OWN child, yet would also consider an adopted child your OWN? Why not just take the step now and save a life?Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.
In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.0 -
Hey now, not a shabby idea. Save a life, and help someone else in the process.
I want to be Pregnant AND be a MOTHER.! Is that selfish of me? I dont think so at all!
Bravo.not judging, just throwing this out there based my personal experience....
Infertility is a bi#ch and IVF is physically and emotionally draining. The financial drain with potentially no child at the end is a bitter pill to swallow too. I was deeply entrenched in infertility hell when a friend said this to me:
So do you want to be pregnant, or do you want to be a mother?
I am mom to two daughters adopted internationally, and I have never looked back.
So, adopt a child to call your own, and offer to be a surrogate mother for someone else? You get to have the pregnancy experience, a child of your own, and you don't have to spend 21k to do it
Ok... so now it's good for her to help someone else have their own baby, but not for her to want one of her own.
Just saying; clearly people are going to procreate. If they can't save the money themselves, why not help someone else and then she gets her pregnancy experience while doing good for someone else and not having to pay out that much money. Believe it or not, I am trying here.......0 -
To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.
Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.
Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.
Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."
I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?
Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.
Or how about if you post on a f**king public forum expect there to be people that don't agree and wish to share their argument, because I don't know, maybe because you asked a bunch of people on the internet.0 -
LOL! I am being SELFLESS!!! You think its fun taking medications that make you crazy, giving yourself shots, going to apt's every other day? Not really, but you know what? I will do Anything to carry a child in this world. If it doesn't work with IVF, maybe its not meant to be. But no, nothing wrong with being SELFLESS
I want to be Pregnant AND be a MOTHER.! Is that selfish of me? I dont think so at all!
Bravo.not judging, just throwing this out there based my personal experience....
Infertility is a bi#ch and IVF is physically and emotionally draining. The financial drain with potentially no child at the end is a bitter pill to swallow too. I was deeply entrenched in infertility hell when a friend said this to me:
So do you want to be pregnant, or do you want to be a mother?
I am mom to two daughters adopted internationally, and I have never looked back.
it is.
and you have to be okay with that.
I'm selfish- I don't want kids. But I know I'm selfishly choosing ME over a child. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish- you just have to be okay with knowing that's exactly what you want. 0 -
And you don't get that your husband's actions are speaking louder than his words. You can "WE" and "OUR" all you like but your delusional to the fact that if he "wanted this more than anything" he would straight up follow the guidelines you (supposedly) both set out for your situation.
You dont get it, never mind
So you want to have your OWN child, yet would also consider an adopted child your OWN? Why not just take the step now and save a life?Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.
In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.
Hmm... or he could actually have a real addiction to spending money that actually impairs his ability to recognize how his actions are impeding him.0 -
To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.
Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.
Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.
Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."
I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?
Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.
EXACTLY. Having an opinion does not make me right, nor does it make you. We each have our own thoughts an ideas to throw out her, OP can chose to read and talk to heart what she will.0 -
To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.
Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.
Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.
Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."
I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?
Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.
Or how about if you post on a f**king public forum expect there to be people that don't agree and wish to share their argument, because I don't know, maybe because you asked a bunch of people on the internet.
Okay... so you think you can convince her not to have a baby?0 -
To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.
Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.
Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.
Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."
I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?
Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.
Or how about if you post on a f**king public forum expect there to be people that don't agree and wish to share their argument, because I don't know, maybe because you asked a bunch of people on the internet.
Okay... so you think you can convince her not to have a baby?
Nope, not at all. I think se can be convinced to stop asking stupid questions online and actually just speak to her partner.0 -
To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.
Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.
Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.
Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."
I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?
Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.
Or how about if you post on a f**king public forum expect there to be people that don't agree and wish to share their argument, because I don't know, maybe because you asked a bunch of people on the internet.
Okay... so you think you can convince her not to have a baby?
I don't want to convince her not to go through with it. It's her, and her husbands choice in the end. She asked for advice, I am sharing mine the same as everyone else here.0 -
turd0
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This thread completes me0
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Hmm... or he could actually have a real addiction to spending money that actually impairs his ability to recognize how his actions are impeding him.
And I totally agree that starting a onesided thread on an internet fitness forum is the way to help him and solve the problem. This is obviously for self validation only.0 -
Hmm... or he could actually have a real addiction to spending money that actually impairs his ability to recognize how his actions are impeding him.
Amd I totally agree that starting a onesided thread on an internet fitness forum is the way to help him and solve the problem. This is obviously for self validation only.
^^^^^^^ THIS BY 37861476834823649876196`635`6537`6056`0560345604508475 X 364364636346363630 -
As someone who is infertile, I can only say - people need to stay the hell out of everyone's business, honestly. If people get pregnant and have a child, how fantastic. If people adopt and give a loving home to a child, fantastic. If people want to go the medical route and try to establish a pregnancy, fantastic.
Every person has a different approach, and nobody should judge them for it, regardless of what way they are going. Medical procedures are not easy and very hard on people mentally, they shouldn't be made to feel like they are inadequate or wrong.
I've had plenty of people nagging me about adoption, quite literally as if children were stray pets on the street.
This is for me and my husband to decide, and whatever we will decide (childless/adoption), I will not take judgement from people.0 -
Forums - a place where people go to discuss things that 99.9% of the time have answers elsewhere.
OP, I understand your desire to have a baby. There's something amazing about carrying a child, feeling it grow inside you, feeling it move and kick, get the hiccups.
Giving birth to it and staring into their tiny face. Know that this child is a mix of you and your spouse.
There is something awesome about seeing a mini you running around.
Adoption is an amazing thing too, and it's wonderful if a child can be given a life that they otherwise may not have had.
But to insinuate that the OP is wrong for wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth, is silly.
Talk to your husband. Work on a budget. Look at ways you can save for this if it is something you both really want.
$100/month is not going to make or break your goal, so find out what you can do.
And if debt is something you are open to considering, then see if you can do a blend of savings and debt get where you need to be.
Decide what is right for you and your hubby, and your future child(ren).
There has been some great advice here, take what you need and ignore the rest.
************
ETA: and sometimes pregnancy is a b!tch. My ex SIL threw up daily for nine months. With each of her three kids.0 -
in because i will have free time to catch up on all this craziness later.0
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Hmm... or he could actually have a real addiction to spending money that actually impairs his ability to recognize how his actions are impeding him.
And I totally agree that starting a onesided thread on an internet fitness forum is the way to help him and solve the problem. This is obviously for self validation only.
And then its starts to get others mad becasue people clearly can see what she can't and they can't but we know that she know we know that some know who don't know that she knows she knows he knows.0 -
I'm still not getting how that's selfless... that's me me me me me I"LL DO ANYTHING. That has nothing to do with doing something for someone else- it's completely about doing it because that is what you want. I am in no way judging you- or thinking you're doing the wrong thing- but I am pointing out- it is selfish.LOL! I am being SELFLESS!!! You think its fun taking medications that make you crazy, giving yourself shots, going to apt's every other day? Not really, but you know what? I will do Anything to carry a child in this world. If it doesn't work with IVF, maybe its not meant to be. But no, nothing wrong with being SELFLESSAs someone who is infertile, I can only say - people need to stay the hell out of everyone's business, honestly. If people get pregnant and have a child, how fantastic. If people adopt and give a loving home to a child, fantastic. If people want to go the medical route and try to establish a pregnancy, fantastic.
Every person has a different approach, and nobody should judge them for it, regardless of what way they are going. Medical procedures are not easy and very hard on people mentally, they shouldn't be made to feel like they are inadequate or wrong.
I've had plenty of people nagging me about adoption, quite literally as if children were stray pets on the street.
This is for me and my husband to decide, and whatever we will decide (childless/adoption), I will not take judgement from people.
then you probably won't be posting on a public forum then (which is wise- because I agree with you fully)
but when you do... then- well it's fair game.0 -
Hey! Look! It's a party!
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As someone who is infertile, I can only say - people need to stay the hell out of everyone's business, honestly. If people get pregnant and have a child, how fantastic. If people adopt and give a loving home to a child, fantastic. If people want to go the medical route and try to establish a pregnancy, fantastic.
Every person has a different approach, and nobody should judge them for it, regardless of what way they are going. Medical procedures are not easy and very hard on people mentally, they shouldn't be made to feel like they are inadequate or wrong.
I've had plenty of people nagging me about adoption, quite literally as if children were stray pets on the street.
This is for me and my husband to decide, and whatever we will decide (childless/adoption), I will not take judgement from people.
Look Look Look its an adult, has an issue and is speaking to her husband and not looking for self validation from strangers0
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