Can your SO access your phone?

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  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    I have three. 33, 31 and 20. The youngest has all my passwords, key codes, etc., in case anything happens to me and/or my wife.

    I sincerely hope nothing ever does happen to you or your wife. That was very smart of you two to look ahead and prepare for the "what ifs"

    I was just on vacation and , as is always the case when you have all girls, we have to hit the Outlet Mall in every new city. My youngest has a shoe fetish, just like her Mom and Sisters. I always carry cash. If she see's something she wants, I hand her the money. When we get back, she invariably goes on line and transfers that amount from her account to mine. EVERY time. Without fail.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    i think its ****ing nuts that people commit to sharing their lives and beds with someone but not their phones. wtf.

    I think it's ****ing nuts that someone would demand to read my private conversations at all times.

    I have to agree with this. But maybe this is why I'm still single. I wouldn't have anything to hide in a relationship and they could look all they want, however, I would say texts between my friends and I are off limits, not because I'm hiding something but my what my friends share is their business to share it NOT mine. What they tell me is in confidence even if it's just what time we're meeting somewhere. Chances are I'd tell my SO where I was meeting someone and who, but any info my friend shares with me in a text/email is their business. If I found out I told my BFF a secret and she let her SO read that info, I'd be kinda pissed off. Even if I like the dude, even if I know he wouldn't do anything with the info. I shared that with my BFF, NOT my BFF and their SO.

    Why do people think/want to know every single thing their SO said in the course of a day to someone else? Seriously, I say some pretty boring things all day.

    I completely agree.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    No. I have two jobs. One teaching (ferpa) and one a private business where I have a confidentiality agreement with the people who contract with me.
    My husband works in government, with security clearance.

    So, no.
    Neither one of us cares or worries about that fact.
    I love him and trust him. He loves and trusts me.
    We have no need to be in each others' phones.

    ETA: we have a shared iPad (no email) and no one clears the browser and no one cares.
  • HannahLynn91
    HannahLynn91 Posts: 238 Member
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    My husband and I know the codes for the locks, but rarely use each others phones unless it's for GPS or checking something like an event page while we're on the road to remember the address. Derp.

    I do have wicked anxiety stemming from an affair though, which made me paranoid about his phone usage. Even with time, I still worry whenever he takes his phone with him to the bathroom when we're out or when he smiles at something on the screen when he's checking it... /shrugs

    It sucks what a past affair can do to you, even when your SO is completely different and would never give you a reason to think otherwise. This happened to me. My ex was chill with his phone and me using it when we were friends, but as soon as we became a couple, he got all secretive. His favorite line was "I don't have any thing to hide" as he would guard his phone with his life. I have pretty good intuition too, so one day, the last day, I looked at a phone (he had two) he left while he took a shower and sure enough the most disgusting messages (from multiple "girls") were on there as well as all his contacts were abbreviated. Like I said... it was the last day.

    I blame a lot of it on myself, even though I shouldn't but I never had a voice with that guy, so I wound up getting walked all over. I learned though. My SO, fiance, whatever, now knows what happened and we both are very open with each other. I don't snoop through his phone, but he never gave me a reason too. We know each other passwords and let each other know what we are doing on our phones while in each other presence. Something my SO actually told me in the very beginning of our relationship stuck with me and always will, 'the little things truly matter, and if you can help it, don't be suspicious, don't do things to make the other jealous or even have the thought that something is going on.' We have both come from being royally cheated on, and I think that's why we have a respect for each like that. When you've put your heart out there, like really love some, and they crush you like that. It's hard to learn to trust again.

    I'm not for snooping, I don't like it, but when the person your with is obviously hiding something... I believe it's worth looking into. When you let some one hold onto something as valuable as your heart and love, you need to make sure its in the right hands.

    Kinda glad I got that out hahah.
  • bciloveme2014
    bciloveme2014 Posts: 213 Member
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    Yes, it's about trust, I have access to his phone and I never look at it.
  • Dgydad
    Dgydad Posts: 104 Member
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    When you refuse to allow your spouse to see what you're doing w/ your phone, what you're doing on the Internet, or (worst case) keep financial information from your spouse, you are messin' up somewhere, and you know it. You don't hide things from the person closest to you w/o a reason. Maybe it IS a good reason, but in most cases, I'd doubt it. Most of us conceal things we know are wrong or make us ashamed, not utterly innocent behavior....
  • bciloveme2014
    bciloveme2014 Posts: 213 Member
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    My SO has access to my phone and I have access to his, we never look. There is no need to, I don't care about his conversations with his friends. Unless it's something he wants to tell me I don't think about it or worry about it.

    This^
  • Dgydad
    Dgydad Posts: 104 Member
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    Sabine, you may have a valid reason, but what you're offering up for your husband is garbage. I've been working in the defense industry for decades. Unless he's a screw-up, your man isn't talking any sensitive government business on his phone - period. End of story. The government provides it's own channels of communication for it's own business, and that's what you use....
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    Sabine, you may have a valid reason, but what you're offering up for your husband is garbage. I've been working in the defense industry for decades. Unless he's a screw-up, your man isn't talking any sensitive government business on his phone - period. End of story. The government provides it's own channels of communication for it's own business, and that's what you use....
    LOL. ok.:laugh:
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    As I said in a post earlier, I wouldn't let my SO read my posts between me and my BFF. Not because there is something to hide, but because her business is her business and she shared it with me, she didn't say I can share it with anyone else. It's HER place to share her own business...not mine.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    As I said in a post earlier, I wouldn't let my SO read my posts between me and my BFF. Not because there is something to hide, but because her business is her business and she shared it with me, she didn't say I can share it with anyone else. It's HER place to share her own business...not mine.
    THAT is a great point.
  • Squamation
    Squamation Posts: 522 Member
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    Without trying to sound crude ... she gives me complete access to her vagina. The least I can do is offer her complete access to my electronics.

    LMAO

    nothing to add
  • Tara_238
    Tara_238 Posts: 70 Member
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    If he wants to he can I guess, he has never asked for snooping reasons. He has asked for my passcode so he can call his phone to find it but most of the time he just asks me to call his phone because his memory sucks for things like that. I know his account passwords to pretty much everything simply because he doesn't remember them and when he upgrades his phone he needs help getting his apps loaded.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Without trying to sound crude ... she gives me complete access to her vagina. The least I can do is offer her complete access to my electronics.

    LMAO

    nothing to add

    I was wondering, if he doesn't 'snoop,' first?
  • cakebatter07
    cakebatter07 Posts: 814 Member
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    I believe trust is an extremely important part in a relationship, and even friendships. If there isn't trust, the relationship is over. I don't have a SO but if I did, we would know that we have each other's backs and be loyal to each other. I would want access to his phone. And I would allow him access to mine. But I wouldn't snoop. I should be able to trust him enough that I know he wouldn't cheat/flirt/sext/etc. I shouldn't have to look through his phone to confirm that he isn't cheating/flirting/sexting/etc.
  • SpicesOfLife
    SpicesOfLife Posts: 290 Member
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    i have been wondering about that. for example do i have a right to be suspicious and distrusting if he keeps his phone locked from me? i wouldnt snoop through it but isnt it normal to feel like youre being lied to when he actively hides his phones contents from you?

    or do some guys really lock their phones even though they have nothing to hide?
  • SpicesOfLife
    SpicesOfLife Posts: 290 Member
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    My husband locked his phone, kept it on him while sleeping/showering/walkinganywhereawayfrommeforanyamountoftime. He forgot once, and I checked his phone to see if he had some pictures I had wanted upload to Facebook. Nope, entire folders of nudes and calls from his ex girlfriend. We are now going through a divorce.

    and this is exactly what every girlfriend is afraid of when he wont leave his phone anywhere even for a minute. the question is, can something like this really be innocent? it seems more like a 99% chance that hes got something to hide.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
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    My husband locked his phone, kept it on him while sleeping/showering/walkinganywhereawayfrommeforanyamountoftime. He forgot once, and I checked his phone to see if he had some pictures I had wanted upload to Facebook. Nope, entire folders of nudes and calls from his ex girlfriend. We are now going through a divorce.

    and this is exactly what every girlfriend is afraid of when he wont leave his phone anywhere even for a minute. the question is, can something like this really be innocent? it seems more like a 99% chance that hes got something to hide.

    There's a big difference between locking his phone as a general security precaution and keeping his girlfriend/wife away from his phone at all costs. If he flies across the room out of fear that you might pick it up to so much as check the time then yeah, there may be something more going on here.

    I don't find anything suspicious about locking the phone in general, but I do find it kind of suspicious if your s/o won't allow you to go in his/ her phone to get a number you might need, grab a photo,or for some other legit reason. That just wouldn't fly with me.
  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
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    My ex didn't know how Photo Stream worked. I didn't need his phone; all the pictures of his woman friend were on our iPad.


    Oh the idiocity is making me laugh...

    Now THAT comment Alanis, is ironic.

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