Dumped for being 'TOO FAT" :(

lightmouse

I'm sorry you feel so terrible - like lots of people on here, I've got a story or two about being dumped. It gets better, and (as many have already said) you will find the right person when you value yourself a little more and probably when you least expect it. And I echo the other comments about your profile picture, it is beautiful.

On an aside, (and the following does NOT apply to the OP as she had medical reasons for the weight gain) I just read the original post to my boyfriend - I have no doubt that he loves me and we have a great relationship - and he said "if you gained that much weight I would probably end up leaving too". I asked why and he said "it's not only because i wouldn't find you attractive any more. For a start, you wouldn't be YOU if you had let yourself put on that much weight, and also I would have tried to get you to do something about it a long time before it got to 80lb, so if you hadn't listened it would make me question how much you value me." I'm not in the slightest bit offended because I think he has a point. I don't think it is fair to automatically call someone an *kitten* if they have tried to get their loved one to make some changes, but they have continued to pile the weight on. If my boyfriend doubled his weight, for example, I know I would no longer find him physically attractive, and that does fundamentally change your relationship. I would, however, stick by him if he promised to lose it because I love him very much. We are both very active people and this was what initially brought us together - if one of us gained a great deal of weight and stopped being so active it would mean that person's entire personality and outlook would change, and who's to say the relationship would definitely survive that? Difficult one.

fatguysmoking

Just be thankful you found out what a superficial jerk the guy is NOW, rather than later.

Please, concentrate on getting well and healing right now. Weight can wait. Get better FIRST, then jump back into weight management/loss when you're 100% healthy and healed. Also, remember... living WELL is the BEST REVENGE!

-FGS

FitNATX

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but he did you a favor. I gained weight in an unhappy relationship and so did my ex. Now that he is gone, the weight is leaving too. I have read several stories about people that have met a really great person during their weight loss/health transformation journey. My hope is you will find that supportive, compassionate person and find happiness.

SrJoben

Could he have been nicer about ending the relationship?

Yeah, probably.

Is he "vain" or "shallow" for ending the relationship?

No. At an absolute minimum, random folks on the internet don't know enough about all that went on to make that kind of judgement. Was it really the weight? Was it all the stuff going on that lead to the weight gain? Was it the lifestyle/personality changes that often come with large weight gains (let's be honest, you didn't put on "a little weight", you added half a person)? None of us here can know.

Bottom line, you've hit a life reset point. It's up to you how to deal with it.

+1

+2

MKEgal

I can understand why you feel so awful. He was quite the jerk, and his comments were very hurtful.

The only possible way I can think of to justify his actions is if he were trying to encourage you all along to get healthier, get active, eat less, etc., and you consistently refused his help.
Then I can see that he's tired of trying to help, tired of being concerned about you, tired of being ignored.
But it doesn't sound like that's what happened.

Sounds like he's pretty shallow, doesn't care about you, and you will benefit by not having him around any more.
I know right now that's going to make you upset, but look back in a couple months & see how you've improved.
And don't go back to him. He's shown what a cad he is, and you deserve better than that, even while you're heavy.

How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight?

To be fair, 80 lb is hardly "a little" weight.
I have 70 lb left to lose, and while I believe it's doable I wouldn't describe it as "a little".

Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else.

There are people dating and even marrying at much older ages.
Get yourself straightened out, enjoy life, have fun, and it will happen.
You'll meet someone & enjoy your time together.

Imadorkable

If he cannot love you at your worst he doesn't deserve you at your best. You need some one who will love you for you no matter what size you are. Good luck on your journey and if you need a friend on here feel free to add me.

Anastasia007

Sweet heart he doesn't deserve you. He thinks you relationship is only worth how much you weigh, you can do so much better than that. I can only imagine how much it hurts, please don't let this man take away your self worth. Take care of yourself. x ((hugs))

Missjulesdid

Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else.

There are people dating and even marrying at much older ages.
Get yourself straightened out, enjoy life, have fun, and it will happen.
You'll meet someone & enjoy your time together.

Exactly right. I'm 7 years older than the OP and my current profile pic is of me on my wedding day three months ago.

lessismoreohio

I"m sorry he did this to you. What he did is a terrible reflection on him and not on you. You are likely better off without him.

RamyunChi

I'm so sorry to hear that! I am actually waiting for the day when my boyfriend dumps me over the 40lbs I've gained since we've been together. It got so bad that I was actually thinking of breaking up with him before he ever got the chance to do it. I know deep down he doesn't find me physically attractive. Maybe it's just low self esteem, who knows. I honestly think that one day he's gonna say 'I'm tired of you, you really need to lose weight", and just kick me out. I all of the other girls he's been attracted to are thinner, shorter and a different ethnicity than me. He knows I struggle with losing weight, but I just think that one day some skinny-Minnie (no offence thinner people, I eventually will get there. lol) is gonna creep up and he's gonna say goodbye. Buuuut, maybe it's all in my head. Anywho, I hope everything works out for people in this situation! We have to do what's best for us in order to make ourselves happier.

psmd

I REALLY hope you don't try to get him back after you lose weight. I think by then your confidence will be so high you wouldn't even give him the time of day.

carinthea

I have to say, having thought about this issue for a long time (men seem to bypass dating women who have a pre-existing weight issue as much as finishing with them over a newly developed one, not sure if men have the same issue or not as I have yet to see a thread where a man says "my wife/girlfriend/lover dumped me because I gained weight"), I would like to know why we seem to measure our self-worth going by what someone else thinks of us?

I know that I am not stupid, I am not a leper, but so often I have found that I go away from an unsuccessful date, or a party feeling as though people are judging me for my weight rather than the funny stories or anything else. Sorry, but if you can't judge me for who I am on the inside (not the organs because atm them aren't functioning as I would like anyway) then you seriously are not worth any of the time you were less than willing to give me in the first place.

maria_antoinette

Hi everybody. Im new to this site, just joined 2 days ago but I need some support or advice. Last weekend my boyfriend told me that I was too fat to go out with him. He doesn't find me attractive and he likes the old me who was about 80 lbs thinner. I gained weight because I had a horseback riding accident that cause two of my discs to herniate. I need to surgery and during the recovery I could do a lot so I packed on some weight. I realized I need to loose it awhile ago and was starting to workout and eat better. Now, since he dumped me I wish I could just lose it all in one week and he would want me back. I know that's impossible. How can someone dump you just because you gained a little weight? We have struggles and I never dumped him when he was a bit chubbier once. Im just so hurt. I think I have cried about 5 lbs of water out. I feel so ugly and horrible right now. I am going to do whatever it takes to loose this weight. I know that I have to loose it for myself but I cant help but think he would like me again if I was back to were I was about a year and a half ago. Im also 35 years old and I feel like I won't meet anyone else. I really thought we would end up together. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? My ex deleted me of his facebook and told me via text that it was a good idea we talk to each other anymore. He wish me the best of luck. I just feel horrible...

sounds like you have had a very hard time. i am sorry its clear he has no clue and he is not for you... losing weight feels great, use this as motivation... once you start the process of losing the weight you will feel great and will realize how pointless he was.. turn this into something positive for you... I hope you feel better... baby steps you know.. :flowerforyou:

doesthisappmakemelookfat

Really? You're grieving this loss? that makes no sense to me. How much better off are you without that guy in your life? Is that really who you want to spend your time with? So much better off. Give yourself some time, and thank the relationship gods that he's gone.

tuckeychicken

You are in a lot of pain right now, but you are just fine. There is nothing wrong with hurting or being confused at a time like this. I'm glad you shared. Because it helps to get it out there.

His shame is about him, not you. If you find yourself taking on the his shame, get the help you deserve to let go and see this for what it is. He doesn't have what it takes to be the person you need and deserve. He is doing the best he can, but he hasn't dealt with his issues.

Friends don't shame, blame or criticize. The listen and support. I hope you will make some good friends in person and on the board. This experience is painful, but you can learn a lot about yourself and others as you feel, deal, and heal. It has the possibility of being a real gift

Sorry you hurt so bad right now. Yeah what she said and then some. You do deserve better. Please listen to all this great advise eveyone has been giving you.

Itslozzamate

I'm so sorry to hear about this

Sounds like you had a lucky escape, he will soom realise that he's an *kitten*!
Lose the weight for you, no-one else

wizzybeth

I am going to ask you to consider a raw vegan diet. It will do wonders to your body.

I am going to ask you to explain yourself.

No, no...let the vegan go back under the bridge, ok?

BigT555

Could he have been nicer about ending the relationship?

Yeah, probably.

Is he "vain" or "shallow" for ending the relationship?

No. At an absolute minimum, random folks on the internet don't know enough about all that went on to make that kind of judgement. Was it really the weight? Was it all the stuff going on that lead to the weight gain? Was it the lifestyle/personality changes that often come with large weight gains (let's be honest, you didn't put on "a little weight", you added half a person)? None of us here can know.

Bottom line, you've hit a life reset point. It's up to you how to deal with it.

sounds a little harsh but this is 100% spot on.

tabletop_joe

Dr. Mack does love spells and ZOMBIES. RUN!

mph323

Huh, weirdest reason yet to revive a necro thread