Still feel and look ugly, eve EFTER loosing weight.

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  • michellemarcotteartist
    michellemarcotteartist Posts: 11 Member
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    I looked at your photos as an artist who paints portraits and I am here to tell you that you aren't ugly. Who is telling you you look ugly? If it is someone else, shove them out of your life. If it is you, talk to someone about it and start an active program of positive thinking. Maybe exercise will get you some feeling better endorphins. Stand up straight, look people in the eye and smile. You have taken on a big challenge and beat it.
  • Momjogger
    Momjogger Posts: 750 Member
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    I am so sorry you are struggling. I think you may have a little body dismorphia going on. You DO NOT HAVE AN ABNORMALLY LARGE HEAD. Your perception is off for some reason. This can signal an underlying issue that you are not addressing right now and I do agree if you do not feel better about yourself soon, it would be in your best interest health wise to talk to someone you trust that can help you: a professional, parent, friend, etc.
    As a parent and teacher I also recommend focusing on developing yourself and your interests and focus less on your appearance. People that look in the mirror/at pictures of themselves tend to pick themselves apart. You are not just how you look. You ARE a handsome young man though. You should be proud of your accomplishment and now focus your efforts on helping others, developing your skills and hobbies, and be around positive people who love you.
  • LULU4178
    LULU4178 Posts: 69 Member
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    This may not help, but believe me you are going to rock your high school reunion! You are working on yourself which is such an accomplishment. I look back at my high school pictures (when I thought i was fat--at least larger than all of the other girls). Guess what? I was thin and athletic. My rear end was NOT huge as I so vividly thought EVERY DAY. I did not win any beauty pageants but I am intelligent, decent looking (attractive seems to be a popular adjective) and fun to be around.

    Here is my two cents: buy one new outfit and practice smiling. i did not appreciate my 40+ weight loss until I bought some new clothes. If you can't afford to buy them, at least go try them on. You will see the difference. Keep at it and soon it will become a habit.

    Anti-depressants helped me. If you had cancer, would you take medication? If you have a mental illness (like depression) there is medication available and it is ok to take it.
  • LULU4178
    LULU4178 Posts: 69 Member
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    Two more cents: If someone calls you a name (who still does that?) SMILE and say "Thank you. I always thought ____ was funny, cute, handsome, smart" whatever. Fill in the blank with what you need to hear that day. It confuses people. If you can't say it out loud, at least think it. They are calling you names so no one calls them names. I am a middle school teacher so I know this for a fact.

    As a child, some kid called me four eyes because of my glasses. I just said to him, "why wouldn't you want me to be able to see?" and the kid left me alone.
  • zoodocgirl
    zoodocgirl Posts: 163 Member
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    I haven't read all of the replies, but the ones I did were pretty much along the lines of what I wanted to say:

    Being a teenager sucks for 99.9% of people..... and for that other 0.1%, their entire life goes downhill after high school. You have worked incredibly hard and achieved what is so hard for so many of us. Be so proud of yourself!

    You do look great - but it isn't really about other people telling you that.
    If you have clinical depression, you really should find a therapist you like and stick with that. There's no judgment in it, and if you get on top of that now and arm yourself with the tools to deal with depression now, you will be so far ahead. You've got an entire awesome life ahead of you.

    I wish I could show my high school self my life now. Not in terms of weight, but just in terms of how independent and strong I ended up.... all of the badass things I've done and am still doing. I swear every year has gotten better. Yours will too if you get out of your own way.
  • Momjogger
    Momjogger Posts: 750 Member
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    BTW I saw the picture on which you said your head looked big. Did you know that people with larger heads are considered more attractive and perceived as more intelligent? Not a "big" problem to have. To put your issue in perspective, you may want to consider other people that are born with disabilities that have to live with people staring at them all the time. You were not born with a disfigurement, but many people are. Maybe thinking about others in worse situations may help you to understand the good things you have.
  • Mgypsygirl
    Mgypsygirl Posts: 37 Member
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    Hi! I think you look incredible, you should be proud of your hard work. I have the same feelings about my appearance sometimes. I am learning that changing my body is not the only work I must do to be healthy. I must also change my mind and accept my imperfections as part of my beauty. Good luck on your journey!
  • Biggirllittledreams
    Biggirllittledreams Posts: 306 Member
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    Weight loss merely reduces your mass: it doesn't solve your body image/self-esteem/confidence issues.
  • twrobbel
    twrobbel Posts: 132 Member
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    I looked at your pic and my first reaction was shock, because I thought you looked quite handsome. My 19 year old self would have been very attracted to you (awesome hair btw!)

    Self confidence is very attractive to women.

    My heart breaks for you because I know how you feel, I felt the same way you did. My friends would get hit on, but I didn't. I assumed it was because my cheeks were to chubby, my hair wasn't perfect, my chin was too small etc. Yet, I would see totally hot guys date women who were often mean, overweight, didn't dress nice, wear make up etc. I just thought that meant that I must have been that horrendous. When my parents would get mad at me growing up, they would tell me how stupid and ugly I was. I knew they were wrong, but those words would fill my head whenever there was a male nearby.

    Then, like others have suggested, I did get help. I worked through those self esteem issues, I built up that self confidence. Can you guess what happened after I worked on my confidence? I started to get asked out on dates and have boyfriends. So please, don't wait as long as I did. Work on how your self image, not only so you can get a girlfriend, but also so you don't hold back in all other areas of life. Best of luck to you.
  • countscalories
    countscalories Posts: 418 Member
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    Perhaps the only "professional" help you really need is with the actual filming of your video. Sometimes the camera angle can just be all wrong, and what you intended to be a nice, normal shot turns out to look like a special effect from a Sci-Fi movie. You are not "The Creature with the Huge Head". You aren't ugly. Don't be so hard on yourself-- instead of making your own video, have a friend take some pictures of you from different angles. Then you'll be able to see how much better you look! Please be happy.
  • wellthenwhat
    wellthenwhat Posts: 526 Member
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    You look perfectly normal to me. Smile! It makes a huge difference. I know what it's like to have low self esteem though, my parents were raised Old Order Mennonite, and they were taught that complimenting someone on their looks was pride, and pride was sinful. I can't remember anyone telling me I was pretty until I was 14, and that was a complete stranger. Before that I always thought I was ugly. That one compliment made all the difference in the world to me. Eventually I would stand in front of the mirror, and find one feature about myself that I liked. I would focus on that. The better I thought about myself, the more compliments I got. I had it all along, the confidence just released it. In a way I feel sorry for people who spend their time making fun of others looks, the ones I have met had serious self esteem issues themselves, and they did it to try to make themselves feel better. That doesn't make it hurt any less though.
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
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    cc3218124a79d382a15dd33b3585be554de5.jpg 2008 - 112+ Kgs

    cc32972f22956eedddbd95f8ec8d98a1aa7b.jpg 2012 - 112Kgs

    cc32c47dd048cb29f38118e611ffc8629368.jpg end of 2013 - about 80Kgs

    cc325e88c1875c6a4839d3f8a0c5bb21d5dd.jpg
    cc32b02e55152f61c980e932d8436e9c3799.jpg 2014 - 75Kgs currently 74.5


    There does that make you slightly less self conscious if i can do it. I hate pictures of myself but it's good therapy to just get them out there and now have someone on the other side of the country that i bond with after 31yrs if being solo

    Wow, dude! You look phenomenal - well done! Unfortunately my pictures from a few years back are enough to make me want to cry, because I look the same but fatter, redder faced, long unclean hair, horrible dress sense. I sure was an unfortunate looking child. Haha.
  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
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    I understand how you can feel this way but honestly you are NOT ugly. First and foremost you need to get over your self image problem. If you really want to improve how you look though I would suggest trying to put on some muscle. If you did that you would probably look great XD

    But once again you are not ugly and you shouldn't be ashamed of how you look. There is a difference between seeing room for improvement and finding fault regardless.
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
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    I understand how you can feel this way but honestly you are NOT ugly. First and foremost you need to get over your self image problem. If you really want to improve how you look though I would suggest trying to put on some muscle. If you did that you would probably look great XD

    But once again you are not ugly and you shouldn't be ashamed of how you look. There is a difference between seeing room for improvement and finding fault regardless.

    I am starting to use weights as is, though it isn't making me feel any better. :(
  • nevertoooldtodoit
    nevertoooldtodoit Posts: 45 Member
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    bump for the quotes.

    ANTS automatic negative thinking often will become what we believe. You need to know that just because you think it doesn't mean its true. Take the negative thoughts and really talk them out, you will find that when you really examine them, they are lies. We can all be good at lying to ourselves sometimes. Replace those ANTS with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Be kind to yourself. God's creations are all unique and beautiful.
  • albayin
    albayin Posts: 2,524 Member
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    I can totally relate~

    I have been trying to talk myself out of the negative thoughts but every time when I make some progress, people start saying things like "ah you covered your fat thighs", or "did you put on some weight?" (my own people has a culture which doesn't appreciate muscular look on women) the I was so crushed, over and over again. in fact I am so afraid of going home in one month because I know they are gonna comment on my weight and look again..
  • TheSatinPumpkin
    TheSatinPumpkin Posts: 948 Member
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    we are our own worst critic. congrats on your achievement.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    we are our own worst critic. congrats on your achievement.

    I agree with this. Also you look really cool in your after picture. I think you need to treat yourself like another poster said with a few bits to reward yourself for your hard work. Start thinking positively from now on. You look great.
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
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    I looked at your pic and my first reaction was shock, because I thought you looked quite handsome. My 19 year old self would have been very attracted to you (awesome hair btw!)

    Self confidence is very attractive to women.

    My heart breaks for you because I know how you feel, I felt the same way you did. My friends would get hit on, but I didn't. I assumed it was because my cheeks were to chubby, my hair wasn't perfect, my chin was too small etc. Yet, I would see totally hot guys date women who were often mean, overweight, didn't dress nice, wear make up etc. I just thought that meant that I must have been that horrendous. When my parents would get mad at me growing up, they would tell me how stupid and ugly I was. I knew they were wrong, but those words would fill my head whenever there was a male nearby.

    Then, like others have suggested, I did get help. I worked through those self esteem issues, I built up that self confidence. Can you guess what happened after I worked on my confidence? I started to get asked out on dates and have boyfriends. So please, don't wait as long as I did. Work on how your self image, not only so you can get a girlfriend, but also so you don't hold back in all other areas of life. Best of luck to you.

    I'm flattered, though nobody would ever be attracted to me haha, seems too unrealistic. I'm sorry you were treated in such ways and I'm glad you found a solution. If I'm honest I'm not even particularly bothered about a relationship, because I've learned to accept that how I look isn't up to certain peoples standards...therefore I see no reason to bother with one. I'm at that point where I walk past people (of both genders) and feel intimidated for how I look...for instance I get anxious around women because I'm not up to their 'expectations' and around guys because they generally are much better looking than me and (to me, all guys are competition)...so I'm like 'well, why do I bother'.

    I swear, I'll probably be single for the rest of my life at this rate...yay me.
  • zcb94
    zcb94 Posts: 3,679 Member
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    [/quote]

    I'm flattered, though nobody would ever be attracted to me haha, seems too unrealistic. I'm sorry you were treated in such ways and I'm glad you found a solution. If I'm honest I'm not even particularly bothered about a relationship, because I've learned to accept that how I look isn't up to certain peoples standards...therefore I see no reason to bother with one. I'm at that point where I want past people (of both genders) and feel intimidated for how I look...for instance I get anxious around women because I'm not up to their 'expectations' and around guys because they generally are much better looking than me...so I'm like 'well, why do I bother'.

    I swear, I'll probably be single for the rest of my life at this rate...yay me.
    [/quote]

    I wouldn't think so. It's important to maintain good hygiene and dress to be presentable, but any girl in her right mind will ignore your size and look instead at your gorgeous soul and mind as she gets to know you.

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