Still feel and look ugly, eve EFTER loosing weight.

Therealobi1

I looked at your pic and my first reaction was shock, because I thought you looked quite handsome. My 19 year old self would have been very attracted to you (awesome hair btw!)

Self confidence is very attractive to women.

My heart breaks for you because I know how you feel, I felt the same way you did. My friends would get hit on, but I didn't. I assumed it was because my cheeks were to chubby, my hair wasn't perfect, my chin was too small etc. Yet, I would see totally hot guys date women who were often mean, overweight, didn't dress nice, wear make up etc. I just thought that meant that I must have been that horrendous. When my parents would get mad at me growing up, they would tell me how stupid and ugly I was. I knew they were wrong, but those words would fill my head whenever there was a male nearby.

Then, like others have suggested, I did get help. I worked through those self esteem issues, I built up that self confidence. Can you guess what happened after I worked on my confidence? I started to get asked out on dates and have boyfriends. So please, don't wait as long as I did. Work on how your self image, not only so you can get a girlfriend, but also so you don't hold back in all other areas of life. Best of luck to you.

I'm flattered, though nobody would ever be attracted to me haha, seems too unrealistic. I'm sorry you were treated in such ways and I'm glad you found a solution. If I'm honest I'm not even particularly bothered about a relationship, because I've learned to accept that how I look isn't up to certain peoples standards...therefore I see no reason to bother with one. I'm at that point where I walk past people (of both genders) and feel intimidated for how I look...for instance I get anxious around women because I'm not up to their 'expectations' and around guys because they generally are much better looking than me and (to me, all guys are competition)...so I'm like 'well, why do I bother'.

I swear, I'll probably be single for the rest of my life at this rate...yay me.

oh my goodness there is too much negative talk in this post. You really need to repeat i look great, i look great everyday.. start today. In your profile picture can you see any differences in the old and new you?

angelexperiment

I would say I agree with your mom. Maybe you do have bdd if what you see is not the same as everyone else. But you may be need to adjust to your body change and do some self esteem building. There is nothing physically wrong with you you look great! I wish I had been able to lose 50 lb at your age let al9ne now! You have accomplished alot give yourself credit. You are beautiful wonderful and deserve happiness.

Gmtribble90

I know I can relate to this...

Growing up, I was the "fat friend", "fat sister", "fat daughter", etc. who would get teased in school and my mother would try to console me by telling me I'm "big-boned" (like that ever helped). My friends always got the cute guys and sisters would too. However, the summer before senior year of high school, I lost a good amount of weight (40-50 pounds) and things started to get better. The bad part is, I still felt ugly and fat. I was closer to my friends' sizes (off by like 1-2 pant sizes for most) and I felt like I was still the fat friend. Guys were looking at me, asking me out, etc., but I couldn't shake it.

I've gained a little back now that I'm trying to lose, but I will tell you this much...DON'T feel ugly. You are adorable! Also, even though I've gained some back, I'm still getting looks/compliments from guys and my bf is seriously cuter to me than the guys I used to want to date. He calls me beautiful every single day and treats me how I should be treated. If a girl makes you feel ugly and looks down on you, then she's just simply not the one for you. Make your video and focus on what you want because you're not ugly and that confidence will grow the less you worry about how you look on camera.

Aemely

OP, you look great!! I know there are plenty of young people out there that would be interested in you.

Focus on being happy with yourself. It's the most attractive feature!! There are lots of people who are *not* as good-looking as you, not as thin as you, and not as stylish as you that are happy with themselves and are loved by their spouse/partner and friends. Now that you've conquered your weight loss, focus on being happy in your own skin. If you need friends, find a hobby that you enjoy like karaoke, gaming, sports, or even a reading club. Learning something new is a great way to improve yourself and make yourself happier being you.

I hated being 18. Life gets WAY better! :happy:

Kate7294

Being a teenager is hard enough. You are a handsome young man before and after. Didn't look like you had that much to lose by your pictures. I have a soon to be 16yr old son here. I worry he doesn't eat enough ( a picky eater). He walks and jogs miles everyday.
My son's very introverted, only has one real friend, and told his crush he loved her. She believes she's gay but thought he was sweet. One day things will change. Try not to be so negative. Both of you still have growing to do.

zcb94

ANTS automatic negative thinking often will become what we believe. You need to know that just because you think it doesn't mean its true. Take the negative thoughts and really talk them out, you will find that when you really examine them, they are lies. We can all be good at lying to ourselves sometimes. Replace those ANTS with more realistic and helpful thoughts. Be kind to yourself. God's creations are all unique and beautiful.

My thoughts exactly. When I discovered ANTS for myself in a Gen Psych college class, I was blown away! Here's a useful website about that: http://ahha.org/articles.asp?Id=100

As mentioned, you are indeed unique and handsome, as a prince for God. The more you live like His princes would, the more handsome you'll feel.

jjdiggy

I know I can relate to this...

Growing up, I was the "fat friend", "fat sister", "fat daughter", etc. who would get teased in school and my mother would try to console me by telling me I'm "big-boned" (like that ever helped). My friends always got the cute guys and sisters would too. However, the summer before senior year of high school, I lost a good amount of weight (40-50 pounds) and things started to get better. The bad part is, I still felt ugly and fat. I was closer to my friends' sizes (off by like 1-2 pant sizes for most) and I felt like I was still the fat friend. Guys were looking at me, asking me out, etc., but I couldn't shake it.

I've gained a little back now that I'm trying to lose, but I will tell you this much...DON'T feel ugly. You are adorable! Also, even though I've gained some back, I'm still getting looks/compliments from guys and my bf is seriously cuter to me than the guys I used to want to date. He calls me beautiful every single day and treats me how I should be treated. If a girl makes you feel ugly and looks down on you, then she's just simply not the one for you. Make your video and focus on what you want because you're not ugly and that confidence will grow the less you worry about how you look on camera.

I often wondered if that's what some people on YouTube felt like when they first started out. You can see for yourself on an account such as Zoella, or Grav3yardgirl, Pointlessblog (if you know who any of them are)...when you look at their old videos they are incredibly awkward on camera and no where NEAR as confident as they are now. I know Zoella has anxiety and panic attacks and such and that's something I can relate to - maybe these things come with time.

At prom a lot of people were complimenting me on my weight loss, but then on photos I looked horrendous. Literally, I looked short and stumpy. Maybe the angle wasn't good (considering I'm 5ft 11") but I looked awful. The lighting was temperamental because in some lights I looked good (if I may say so myself) and in others I looked horrid..and that was natural light which made me look worse (god forbid what I look like walking in the streets).

My mother and father were always the ones to tell me I was 'just broad' or 'big boned', I knew myself it was a lie because the men in my family are tall, thin and narrow so it definitely wasn't generic (unless something screwed up). But now that I have lost weight they'll lashing out compliments - it's strange to think I still have around 28lbs to go....what will I look like then? How will I feel..better? worse?

Women will never flock...ever. I always look at celebrity pictures which are "before and after" pictures to provide myself with some form of 'hope'...never works. I'll still be as bad as I am now come 10 years time...unless a miracle strikes.

jjdiggy

OP, you look great!! I know there are plenty of young people out there that would be interested in you.

Focus on being happy with yourself. It's the most attractive feature!! There are lots of people who are *not* as good-looking as you, not as thin as you, and not as stylish as you that are happy with themselves and are loved by their spouse/partner and friends. Now that you've conquered your weight loss, focus on being happy in your own skin. If you need friends, find a hobby that you enjoy like karaoke, gaming, sports, or even a reading club. Learning something new is a great way to improve yourself and make yourself happier being you.

I hated being 18. Life gets WAY better! :happy:

Hopefully. Thanks for this.

AglaeaC

You are very articulate and you seem both responsible and kind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks either!

As for therapy, well, I think that people, who know they need it yet don't go there because of fear or whatever, are kind of sad, whereas those, who grab the bull by the horns, take their health seriously, and face their troubles are super awesome. There is still stigma around mental health (kept alive by small-minded people), but from personal experience I can say it is great to discuss with someone who is there only for you, acting with your best interest in mind. If they don't do that, change therapists. Opening up about personal stuff is very hard and you want to do that only to someone you trust and respect.

jjdiggy

You are very articulate and you seem both responsible and kind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks either!

As for therapy, well, I think that people, who know they need it yet don't go there because of fear or whatever, are kind of sad, whereas those, who grab the bull by the horns, take their health seriously, and face their troubles are super awesome. There is still stigma around mental health (kept alive by small-minded people), but from personal experience I can say it is great to discuss with someone who is there only for you, acting with your best interest in mind. If they don't do that, change therapists. Opening up about personal stuff is very hard and you want to do that only to someone you trust and respect.

Would I not be deemed stupid for consulting a therapist for my own lack of self confidence? I mean it's hardly an illness, more so a self perspective thing.

AglaeaC

You are very articulate and you seem both responsible and kind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks either!

As for therapy, well, I think that people, who know they need it yet don't go there because of fear or whatever, are kind of sad, whereas those, who grab the bull by the horns, take their health seriously, and face their troubles are super awesome. There is still stigma around mental health (kept alive by small-minded people), but from personal experience I can say it is great to discuss with someone who is there only for you, acting with your best interest in mind. If they don't do that, change therapists. Opening up about personal stuff is very hard and you want to do that only to someone you trust and respect.

Would I not be deemed stupid for consulting a therapist for my own lack of self confidence? I mean it's hardly an illness, more so a self perspective thing.

Nooo not at all stupid!!! If something is an issue for you and you're in a knot of a sort, they help you sort it out. They ask questions and make suggestions, but you are the one in charge, doing the work.

The last thing you should think is that you're stupid because of your lack of whatever or excess of whatever; those things are just what they are and you work on either increasing or decreasing something, whatever is appropriate.

I think it is a very mature thing to do to seek help when you don't have all the answers. The same way as you don't pull your own teeth or perform surgery on your broken bone, you might need a new perspective from a psychologist.

jjdiggy

You are very articulate and you seem both responsible and kind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks either!

As for therapy, well, I think that people, who know they need it yet don't go there because of fear or whatever, are kind of sad, whereas those, who grab the bull by the horns, take their health seriously, and face their troubles are super awesome. There is still stigma around mental health (kept alive by small-minded people), but from personal experience I can say it is great to discuss with someone who is there only for you, acting with your best interest in mind. If they don't do that, change therapists. Opening up about personal stuff is very hard and you want to do that only to someone you trust and respect.

Would I not be deemed stupid for consulting a therapist for my own lack of self confidence? I mean it's hardly an illness, more so a self perspective thing.

Nooo not at all stupid!!! If something is an issue for you and you're in a knot of a sort, they help you sort it out. They ask questions and make suggestions, but you are the one in charge, doing the work.

The last thing you should think is that you're stupid because of your lack of whatever or excess of whatever; those things are just what they are and you work on either increasing or decreasing something, whatever is appropriate.

I think it is a very mature thing to do to seek help when you don't have all the answers. The same way as you don't pull your own teeth or perform surgery on your broken bone, you might need a new perspective from a psychologist.

I never thought that I would need a consultation with a therapist about this, because I never considered it serious enough. I thought it was something everybody went though when dieting.

AglaeaC

You are very articulate and you seem both responsible and kind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks either!

As for therapy, well, I think that people, who know they need it yet don't go there because of fear or whatever, are kind of sad, whereas those, who grab the bull by the horns, take their health seriously, and face their troubles are super awesome. There is still stigma around mental health (kept alive by small-minded people), but from personal experience I can say it is great to discuss with someone who is there only for you, acting with your best interest in mind. If they don't do that, change therapists. Opening up about personal stuff is very hard and you want to do that only to someone you trust and respect.

Would I not be deemed stupid for consulting a therapist for my own lack of self confidence? I mean it's hardly an illness, more so a self perspective thing.

Nooo not at all stupid!!! If something is an issue for you and you're in a knot of a sort, they help you sort it out. They ask questions and make suggestions, but you are the one in charge, doing the work.

The last thing you should think is that you're stupid because of your lack of whatever or excess of whatever; those things are just what they are and you work on either increasing or decreasing something, whatever is appropriate.

I think it is a very mature thing to do to seek help when you don't have all the answers. The same way as you don't pull your own teeth or perform surgery on your broken bone, you might need a new perspective from a psychologist.

I never thought that I would need a consultation with a therapist about this, because I never considered it serious enough. I thought it was something everybody went though when dieting.

My rule of thumb is that if you don't quite figure something out on your own and don't feel like turning to immediate family or friends, an outsider who doesn't know you can provide a welcome clean slate. But if you do figure stuff out obviously it would be useless to go talk to someone.

I've seen a few of your threads and I think you might be a tad too hard on yourself in a few ways. Some other members have said the same and I hope you see it comes from aplace where we wish only the best for you. Nobody should feel bad inside or doubt himself or not be at least okay with who they are.

I used to and still catch myself beating myself up over nothing, but it is much better compared to when I was super shy and just disliked everything about myself. Some of it I recognise in your thoughts of yourself, which is why I wanted to share that it can be so much better. These days I actually love myself but it took me years to get there (I'm 35). I hope you would break out of the pattern much, much sooner, because you - and everybody who thinks that way - deserve to feel good. Everyone is special in their own way, no matter how cheesy it may sound.

Meerataila

Good grief kid, there's nothing ugly about you. You might want to go get your eyes checked.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I know I can relate to this...

Growing up, I was the "fat friend", "fat sister", "fat daughter", etc. who would get teased in school and my mother would try to console me by telling me I'm "big-boned" (like that ever helped). My friends always got the cute guys and sisters would too. However, the summer before senior year of high school, I lost a good amount of weight (40-50 pounds) and things started to get better. The bad part is, I still felt ugly and fat. I was closer to my friends' sizes (off by like 1-2 pant sizes for most) and I felt like I was still the fat friend. Guys were looking at me, asking me out, etc., but I couldn't shake it.

I've gained a little back now that I'm trying to lose, but I will tell you this much...DON'T feel ugly. You are adorable! Also, even though I've gained some back, I'm still getting looks/compliments from guys and my bf is seriously cuter to me than the guys I used to want to date. He calls me beautiful every single day and treats me how I should be treated. If a girl makes you feel ugly and looks down on you, then she's just simply not the one for you. Make your video and focus on what you want because you're not ugly and that confidence will grow the less you worry about how you look on camera.

I often wondered if that's what some people on YouTube felt like when they first started out. You can see for yourself on an account such as Zoella, or Grav3yardgirl, Pointlessblog (if you know who any of them are)...when you look at their old videos they are incredibly awkward on camera and no where NEAR as confident as they are now. I know Zoella has anxiety and panic attacks and such and that's something I can relate to - maybe these things come with time.

At prom a lot of people were complimenting me on my weight loss, but then on photos I looked horrendous. Literally, I looked short and stumpy. Maybe the angle wasn't good (considering I'm 5ft 11") but I looked awful. The lighting was temperamental because in some lights I looked good (if I may say so myself) and in others I looked horrid..and that was natural light which made me look worse (god forbid what I look like walking in the streets).

My mother and father were always the ones to tell me I was 'just broad' or 'big boned', I knew myself it was a lie because the men in my family are tall, thin and narrow so it definitely wasn't generic (unless something screwed up). But now that I have lost weight they'll lashing out compliments - it's strange to think I still have around 28lbs to go....what will I look like then? How will I feel..better? worse?

Women will never flock...ever. I always look at celebrity pictures which are "before and after" pictures to provide myself with some form of 'hope'...never works. I'll still be as bad as I am now come 10 years time...unless a miracle strikes.

When I was 18, I had never had a boyfriend and I truly believed that I was the ugliest human being on the planet. Now, I'm older, I have wrinkles and jowls and grey hair, and my eyelids are starting to sag, and I think I'm beautiful.
Everyone has looked terrible in a picture or a video. Have you checked out those movie star pics??

Anyways, my mind had to change for me to change my perspective. Perhaps you can put some more focus on all your beautiful internal and external qualities. I bet there are thousands.

Swiftlet66

...which means your self esteem ("feeling good") does not tie to your weight or body image. Self esteem is an internal thing; low self esteem specifically does not go away even if you become the most fit person on the planet. Forget how you look and instead, find happiness elsewhere is my advice.

jjdiggy

I know I can relate to this...

Growing up, I was the "fat friend", "fat sister", "fat daughter", etc. who would get teased in school and my mother would try to console me by telling me I'm "big-boned" (like that ever helped). My friends always got the cute guys and sisters would too. However, the summer before senior year of high school, I lost a good amount of weight (40-50 pounds) and things started to get better. The bad part is, I still felt ugly and fat. I was closer to my friends' sizes (off by like 1-2 pant sizes for most) and I felt like I was still the fat friend. Guys were looking at me, asking me out, etc., but I couldn't shake it.

I've gained a little back now that I'm trying to lose, but I will tell you this much...DON'T feel ugly. You are adorable! Also, even though I've gained some back, I'm still getting looks/compliments from guys and my bf is seriously cuter to me than the guys I used to want to date. He calls me beautiful every single day and treats me how I should be treated. If a girl makes you feel ugly and looks down on you, then she's just simply not the one for you. Make your video and focus on what you want because you're not ugly and that confidence will grow the less you worry about how you look on camera.

I often wondered if that's what some people on YouTube felt like when they first started out. You can see for yourself on an account such as Zoella, or Grav3yardgirl, Pointlessblog (if you know who any of them are)...when you look at their old videos they are incredibly awkward on camera and no where NEAR as confident as they are now. I know Zoella has anxiety and panic attacks and such and that's something I can relate to - maybe these things come with time.

At prom a lot of people were complimenting me on my weight loss, but then on photos I looked horrendous. Literally, I looked short and stumpy. Maybe the angle wasn't good (considering I'm 5ft 11") but I looked awful. The lighting was temperamental because in some lights I looked good (if I may say so myself) and in others I looked horrid..and that was natural light which made me look worse (god forbid what I look like walking in the streets).

My mother and father were always the ones to tell me I was 'just broad' or 'big boned', I knew myself it was a lie because the men in my family are tall, thin and narrow so it definitely wasn't generic (unless something screwed up). But now that I have lost weight they'll lashing out compliments - it's strange to think I still have around 28lbs to go....what will I look like then? How will I feel..better? worse?

Women will never flock...ever. I always look at celebrity pictures which are "before and after" pictures to provide myself with some form of 'hope'...never works. I'll still be as bad as I am now come 10 years time...unless a miracle strikes.

When I was 18, I had never had a boyfriend and I truly believed that I was the ugliest human being on the planet. Now, I'm older, I have wrinkles and jowls and grey hair, and my eyelids are starting to sag, and I think I'm beautiful.
Everyone has looked terrible in a picture or a video. Have you checked out those movie star pics??

Anyways, my mind had to change for me to change my perspective. Perhaps you can put some more focus on all your beautiful internal and external qualities. I bet there are thousands.

I don't think there are any internal qualities that I benefit from. I just did another video in another room...and nope...my opinion certainly hasn't changed about myself - if not only made it worse. And there's me thinking I can make it in the music industry with how I look right now...HAHAHA.

meltedsno

here's a few thoughts... first of all, you NEED to change out of your pajamas when you get up in the morning... lounging around in them only makes you feel scuzzy and yucky... ask me how I know! I used to get home from work on Thursday evening, pajamas on by 5pm and didn't bother changing until I went back to work on Monday. (don't work on Fridays). As the weekend days would progress, the worse I'd feel about myself. I'd get lazy, not want to do anything.... didn't bother cleaning up after myself. totally lost all motivation to do anything. Somehow I managed to meet someone and eventually moved in with him, which brought an end to my sloppy weekends.

Second of all... beauty is in the eye of the beholder... truthfully, I don't see what any woman sees in the likes of Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise... they are unattractive to me... give me Jack Black any day! You are so wrong in thinking people judge you on your looks. Quite honestly, your attitude is a bit negative and THAT is what people judge you on. I personally don't want to spend time with anyone who always looks at the worst of a situation instead of the best. I've lived with negativity in my life and refuse to succumb to it anymore.

Third of all... you think after losing 50lbs you are still ugly and have a big head?!?!?! Try losing 130 lbs and waking up to find out that suddenly you are 59 years old and have wasted a good portion of your life wallowing in self pity because of "plums" disease (Poor Little Unfortunate Me disease). This is what happened to me... and yes, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and saw the wrinkles and the saggy skin and the face that belongs on my mother looking back at me. But guess what??? This is who I am... this is the body I have... I am, for the first time in my life, at a normal weight and I am going to enjoy the rest of my life and screw anyone who thinks I am ugly.... whatever!

Life is going to go on whether you accept yourself or not... so why waste the best years of your life wallowing in self pity? Get out there and make the best of what you have and to hell with anyone who judges you otherwise!

jkal1979

You are very articulate and you seem both responsible and kind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks either!

As for therapy, well, I think that people, who know they need it yet don't go there because of fear or whatever, are kind of sad, whereas those, who grab the bull by the horns, take their health seriously, and face their troubles are super awesome. There is still stigma around mental health (kept alive by small-minded people), but from personal experience I can say it is great to discuss with someone who is there only for you, acting with your best interest in mind. If they don't do that, change therapists. Opening up about personal stuff is very hard and you want to do that only to someone you trust and respect.

Would I not be deemed stupid for consulting a therapist for my own lack of self confidence? I mean it's hardly an illness, more so a self perspective thing.

Not at all! That's what they are there for.

Not everyone who goes to see a counselor has an illness, sometimes they just need someone that can help them work through some life issues. It can be better than talking to a friend or family member because they may give more honest advice and they will help give you solutions to work on building up your self esteem. There is nothing embarrassing or shameful about going either.

angelicprettyy

I don't see what you do at all. I see an extremely handsome man, proportionate and attractive.