Your stupidest joke

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  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
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    this might offend (so I apologize)but I guess it's really funny to me since my DH is a cop.... read at your own risk! lol




    While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" to which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

    The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
    from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

    "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *kitten*?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

    Traffic Ticket $95.00
    Court Costs. $45.00
    The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

    I literally 'LOLed' at that!
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    A blind man walked into a shop, picked his guide dog up and swung him round is head by the tail. I ran up and said, "What do you think you're doing?" He replied, "Just having a look around."
  • amygindle
    amygindle Posts: 10
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    omg i'm ctfu on this one! HAHAHA! Love it!
  • emeraldpearl
    emeraldpearl Posts: 60 Member
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    Whats Black , White and Red all over?

    A newspaper
  • Bourgeoisqueen
    Bourgeoisqueen Posts: 69 Member
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    What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his mistress..."I'll be back"
  • navywife33
    navywife33 Posts: 31
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    OMG!!! I started telling that joke when I was around 7yrs old!!!! I use it at every toll booth I go through, I have video proof too!!!
  • navywife33
    navywife33 Posts: 31
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    I always say... what do you call a deer with no eyes that's not getting 'any'? No f'in idear
  • Voncreepy2
    Voncreepy2 Posts: 1,450 Member
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    What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?
    Deadant ..Deadant....Deadant, deadant ,deadant
    Stooopid I know
  • navywife33
    navywife33 Posts: 31
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    'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
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    'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?

    very clever!
  • bachooka
    bachooka Posts: 719 Member
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    It's raining cats and dogs out there! There are poodles(puddles) everywhere!
  • laurad1406
    laurad1406 Posts: 341
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    what are mario and luigi's jeans made of?

    den-um den-um den-um.
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    when the Pope's maid goes into his bathroom to clean, does she look at the toilet and think Holy $h!t?
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    Who live in apineapple under the sea?....Osama Bin Laden!
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    What does a pharmacist do?....Helps out on the farm.
  • rc630
    rc630 Posts: 310 Member
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    I was going to put this joke up!
    But I always say it "Iron and nickel are sitting in a bar. Gold walks in and they say 'A U! Get out of here!' "

    EDIT: Forgot to reply to the other person's post, whoops
  • pandaeye
    pandaeye Posts: 126
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    This is one my daughter loves ( she's eight )

    How do you get pikachu on the bus?

    Pokemon!
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    What did the doctor say to the midget?

    You'll just have to be a little patient!
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As
    he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
    woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
    They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
    soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If
    your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
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    My 6-yr-old cousin claims to have written this one himself, and I think it's genius:

    KNOCK KNOCK.

    Who's there?

    KNOCK KNOCK.

    Who's there?

    ...My name is "KNOCK KNOCK".

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