Your stupidest joke
Replies
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this might offend (so I apologize)but I guess it's really funny to me since my DH is a cop.... read at your own risk! lol
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" to which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *kitten*?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
I literally 'LOLed' at that!0 -
A blind man walked into a shop, picked his guide dog up and swung him round is head by the tail. I ran up and said, "What do you think you're doing?" He replied, "Just having a look around."0
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omg i'm ctfu on this one! HAHAHA! Love it!0
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Whats Black , White and Red all over?
A newspaper0 -
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his mistress..."I'll be back"0
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OMG!!! I started telling that joke when I was around 7yrs old!!!! I use it at every toll booth I go through, I have video proof too!!!0
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I always say... what do you call a deer with no eyes that's not getting 'any'? No f'in idear0
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What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?
Deadant ..Deadant....Deadant, deadant ,deadant
Stooopid I know0 -
'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?0
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'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?
very clever!0 -
It's raining cats and dogs out there! There are poodles(puddles) everywhere!0
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what are mario and luigi's jeans made of?
den-um den-um den-um.0 -
when the Pope's maid goes into his bathroom to clean, does she look at the toilet and think Holy $h!t?0
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Who live in apineapple under the sea?....Osama Bin Laden!0
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What does a pharmacist do?....Helps out on the farm.0
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I was going to put this joke up!
But I always say it "Iron and nickel are sitting in a bar. Gold walks in and they say 'A U! Get out of here!' "
EDIT: Forgot to reply to the other person's post, whoops0 -
This is one my daughter loves ( she's eight )
How do you get pikachu on the bus?
Pokemon!0 -
What did the doctor say to the midget?
You'll just have to be a little patient!0 -
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As
he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."0 -
My 6-yr-old cousin claims to have written this one himself, and I think it's genius:
KNOCK KNOCK.
Who's there?
KNOCK KNOCK.
Who's there?
...My name is "KNOCK KNOCK".0 -
What you call a deer with no eyes?What do you a call a fish with no eye?
fsh. ( I still crack up with that one.... not sure why)
No eye deer.
How do you catch an unusual rabbit?
Unique up on it.0 -
BAHAHAHAHA!2. lets do math.. add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the sheets and hope like heck we dont multiple.0 -
Hilarious!this might offend (so I apologize)but I guess it's really funny to me since my DH is a cop.... read at your own risk! lol
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" to which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *kitten*?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS0 -
my dad says this one a lot:
I had the strangest dream last night about eating a giant marshmallow... I woke up and my pillow was gone!
Its a terrible joke.0 -
a penguin is driving down the road in his car when it breaks down. Luckily he's right next to a garage so he asks the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic asks him to come back in around an hour so the penguin decides to get some lunch.
Now what penguins like for lunch is fish fingers dipped in vanilla ice cream so the penguin heads to the nearest supermarket (preferably Iceland *g*) and buys his lunch. He sits in the park in the sunshine dipping his fish fingers into the ice cream and having a generally lovely time in the sun (although the ice cream gets a bit melty).
He heads back to the garage and says to the mechanic
"any idea whats wrong with the car?"
The mechanic replies
"you've blown a seal"
The penguin very quickly wipes his beak and says
"no honestly, it's only ice cream"0 -
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, if they're small enough.
Cheers.
-wtk
This got a good giggle from me.
Tell this to your favorite youngster:
Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue?
So he could hide in the blueberry patch.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails purple?
So he could hide in the grape vines.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the strawberry bush.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails yellow?
(wait for the 'So he could hide in the lemon tree' answer)
Silly! Elephants can't climb trees!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue, purple, red, yellow and green?
So he could hide in the gumball machine0 -
Should I eat my exercise calories.......0
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what do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.0 -
There was a building that had 46 stories. Some people say it had 47 stories, but that's another story.0
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Which bug is the holiest?
A praying mantis0
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