Your stupidest joke
Replies
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Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
Because he doesn't know how to do laundry!0 -
Why did the jelly roll?
Because it saw the apple turnover.
That's my personal favorite.
-wtk0 -
This is not really a joke but something my mom taught me when I was a kid. How do you spell Mississippi? Capital M-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-crooked letter-crooked leter-i-hump back-hump back-i. :bigsmile:0
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I love randomly saying this to my wife: (bonus points if you know the movie it's from)
Papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato are walking down the street. Baby tomato starts to lag behind. Papa tomato gets angry for having to wait, so he goes back to baby tomato, squashes him, and says, "Ketchup!"0 -
What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow???
Brown chicken brown cow.... (To the tune of bowchickawowow)
OMG!! That's one of my favs!! ahahahahahahaha!!
How about:
What do you call an Asian woman with one leg?
--Irene
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, sitting on your doorstep?
--Matt
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, floating in the water?
--Bob0 -
I love randomly saying this to my wife: (bonus points if you know the movie it's from)
Papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato are walking down the street. Baby tomato starts to lag behind. Papa tomato gets angry for having to wait, so he goes back to baby tomato, squashes him, and says, "Ketchup!"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I don't know what movie it's from but that's funny!0 -
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind before he hits your windshield? Answer: his butt.0
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I love randomly saying this to my wife: (bonus points if you know the movie it's from)
Papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato are walking down the street. Baby tomato starts to lag behind. Papa tomato gets angry for having to wait, so he goes back to baby tomato, squashes him, and says, "Ketchup!"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I don't know what movie it's from but that's funny!
Pulp Fiction0 -
I was on holiday recently and noticed there were lots of eastern europeans working at the hotel. It took the cleaner a whole afternoon to hoover the room. Turns out she was a slovac0
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Why did the jelly roll?
Because it saw the apple turnover.
That's my personal favorite.
-wtk
Good grief, this and so many others made me LOL....obviously I'm easily amused today.
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I was on holiday recently and noticed there were lots of eastern europeans working at the hotel. It took the cleaner a whole afternoon to hoover the room. Turns out she was a slovac
haha this made me laugh too..
Man I will have to think of my favorite stupid joke...........................................................................I'll be back.......................................0 -
How does the blond turn on the light after having sex?
Open the car door.0 -
How much did the pirate pay for his ear rings?
Buck an ear!0 -
Q: Why don't Dinosaurs talk?
A: Because they're dead
:laugh:
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where's my tractor?
:blushing:
Why the hell am I laughing so hard at these 2. They are like anti-jokes.0 -
when geese are flying in a vee formation, why is one side of the vee longer than the other?
because there are more geese on that side :laugh:0 -
when geese are flying in a vee formation, why is one side of the vee longer than the other?
because there are more geese on that side :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Now that one just cracked me up. For some reason it just made me think of my older sister. Like it's the type of joke she would tell I guess. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I just texted that joke to all three of my sisters. :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I'm sorry but this makes me laugh so hard everytime!!
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head0 -
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Aw, you stole mile! Lol.
What's green and has wheels?
A frog, I was lying about the wheels.
(My friend gets me every time with that one)0 -
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, if they're small enough.
Cheers.
-wtk0 -
I like my men like I like my coffee...
...ground up and in the freezer.0 -
what did the police officer say to the stomach?
A: You're under a vest!
:huh:0 -
Q: what do you call a guy with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff
Q: what do you call a guy with a garden spade on his head?
A: Doug
Q: what do you call a man without a spade on his head?
A: Douglas
I asked my H2B for clean jokes and we came up with NADA! :ohwell:0 -
What do you call a cow laying down? Ground beef0
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
--No idear [No eyed deer].
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
--Still no idear [ still no eye deer].
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals
Still, no f*%king idea0 -
this might offend (so I apologize)but I guess it's really funny to me since my DH is a cop.... read at your own risk! lol
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" to which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *kitten*?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS0 -
Guy walks into a psychologist office wearing nothing but cling-wrap.... psychologist takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts"!!!
Bahahahahaha:laugh:0 -
what do you say to a one legged hitch hiker? hop in.
2 eggs, 2 strips of bacon, and 2 pancakes walk into a bar...bartender looks up and says sorry, we don't serve breakfast here.0 -
I hope this wasn't posted! It is from the movie Blue Valentine:
A child molester and a little boy walk deep into a forest at night. The man is holding the little boys hand and they go further and further, it is getting darker and darker. The only thing they hear is the sticks crunching beneath their feet. Still darker and darker. The little boy says to the child molester, "Mister, I am getting scared", the man says to the boy, "you think you're scared, I have to walk outta here alone!"
cue for laughet, ahahhahahaha.
Totally inappropriate, but so funny...0 -
How does lady gaga like her meat?
Raw raw rawraw0 -
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where's my tractor?
On a similar note...
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.0
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