Your stupidest joke
Replies
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A man goes in to a pet shop and asks to buy a pet wasp, "don't be silly sir, we don't sell pet wasps".........well said the man, you have one in the window....:bigsmile:0
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There are a few i don't get.
I feel so dumb.
:huh: me too!!!!!0 -
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I'm taking a late lunch and almost spit my food out. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Guess what?........................................................................................ Chicken butt................................0
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what do you call:
a girl with one leg?
Eileen
an asian girl with one leg?
Irene
A man with no legs?
Matt
A man with no legs, hanging on the wall?
Art
a man with no legs, in a pool?
Bob
Irene! :laugh: :laugh: Reminds me of the old movie, can't remember what it's called, but it's about a great dane that is raised with dachsunds and thinks he's a dachsund also. During a dinner party one of the Asian guys thinks the great dane is a lion and he yells, "RION!, RION!" Cracks me up! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
A sloth called for the police because he had just been mugged by 3 turtles. When the police got there they asked the sloth if he got a good look at the assailants. The sloth said, "It......all......happened......so......fast."0
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My eleven year old asked me to contribute his favorite joke:
How did the blonde try to kill a bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
Oh my land! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I love stupid jokes.... Or joke that are more fun to tell than to hear.
1) What's green and has wheels?
Grass... I was just kidding about the wheels.
2) What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?
A grape is purple.
3)What's worse than stubbing your toe?
Cancer! (and this one requires you to cut the person off as they say, "I don't know.")
High-larious!
I kill me!0 -
what do you call:
a girl with one leg?
Eileen
an asian girl with one leg?
Irene
A man with no legs?
Matt
A man with no legs, hanging on the wall?
Art
a man with no legs, in a pool?
Bob
What do you call a girl with a wooden leg?
Peg
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hot tub?
Stew0 -
Reporter: Chief, I noticed that all of your braves have different numbers of feathers in their head-dresses. What does that mean?
Chief: You see young Climbing Vine? He have 1 feather, mean he f'em 1 squaw. And Soaring Eagle? He have 5 feather, mean he f'em 5 squaw.
Reporter: But chief, you have that huge head-dress with tons of feathers. What does that mean?
Chief: Me big chief, so I get f'em ALL the squaws!
Reporter: Oh dear! That is horrible!
Chief: No, no deer, @ss too high... run too fast!0 -
Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?
He doesn't believe in Dog.0 -
Q: What building has the most stories?
A: The library
Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung0 -
Reporter: Chief, I noticed that all of your braves have different numbers of feathers in their head-dresses. What does that mean?
Chief: You see young Climbing Vine? He have 1 feather, mean he f'em 1 squaw. And Soaring Eagle? He have 5 feather, mean he f'em 5 squaw.
Reporter: But chief, you have that huge head-dress with tons of feathers. What does that mean?
Chief: Me big chief, so I get f'em ALL the squaws!
Reporter: Oh dear! That is horrible!
Chief: No, no deer, @ss too high... run too fast!
hahahahahahahahahahaha0 -
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9 !!!0 -
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!0 -
A blonde walked into a bar.0
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This is the only dirty joke I've ever told my daughter... she hates it, but its perfect for kids around 8yo.
Me: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Kid: Yeah.
Me: A clean white horse fell in the mud.0 -
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years old can't do it! (I challenge you!)
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down...BAHAHAHAHA Ti-Hee
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What do you call a three legged donkey?
A wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye?
A winky wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells?
A stinky winky wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells and plays the piano?
A plinky plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells and plays the piano in a country music bar?
A honky tonky plinky plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey
phew!0 -
What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs?
Doesn't matter, he won't come when you call him.0 -
What's long and green and hangs from trees?
Elephant snot.
What's red and green and goes really fast?
A frog in a blender.0 -
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years old can't do it! (I challenge you!)
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down...BAHAHAHAHA Ti-Hee
:laugh: And I was so proud of myself for being able to read it correctly on the first try. :laugh: 0 -
What do you call a three legged donkey?
A wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye?
A winky wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells?
A stinky winky wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells and plays the piano?
A plinky plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with a bad eye that smells and plays the piano in a country music bar?
A honky tonky plinky plonky stinky winky wonkey donkey
phew!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm going to tell this one to my son. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: He already thinks I'm crazy. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
mommared53 - I told that one to someone at my old work, and had her trying to guess the answers to them all after the first one, after that she couldn't stop laughing for half an hour and kept coming back and giggling "wonkey donkey" to me for the rest of the day!
hang on though - does Wonky translate across countries/counties ok?
omg, just googled it and seems I spelt it wrong
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wonky
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wonkey
wonky is what I meant, wonkey is er, rude!!!!0 -
oh, where to start!
What's got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.
Doctor, doctor, people keep throwing their knickers at me.
Sounds like you've got 'Tom Jones syndrome'
Is it common?
It's not unusual.
Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, 'How do you drive this thing?'
Two parrots on a perch, one turns round to the other and says 'can you smell fish?'
2 monkeys in a bath, the first goes 'oo ooo oooo oo oo'
the second on says 'If it's that hot put some more cold water in'
and my all time favorite...
What's orange, and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.0 -
I don't think this is a stupid joke, but it's my favorite math joke that a friend reminded me of last weekend.
Q: What's the integral of 1 / cabin d(cabin)?
A: log cabin!
Technically it's natural log cabin, but doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
Reminds me of (sorry, I know it's awful!):
The Maths Club at a school were asked to make a slogan for the Fat Club to put on a T-shirt. They came back with the slogan, "Square root of -1 over square root of 64."
SPOILER:
(For those who don't know, this is equal to the expression i / 8, or "I over ate")0 -
Knock knock
Who's there?
To
To who?
To whom
I like this one.0 -
mommared53 - I told that one to someone at my old work, and had her trying to guess the answers to them all after the first one, after that she couldn't stop laughing for half an hour and kept coming back and giggling "wonkey donkey" to me for the rest of the day!
hang on though - does Wonky translate across countries/counties ok?
omg, just googled it and seems I spelt it wrong
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wonky
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wonkey
wonky is what I meant, wonkey is er, rude!!!!
Oh dear! Glad you clarified that. I didn't realize there were two different spellings with two different meanings. I just thought it meant unstable.0 -
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning.0 -
What did the '0' say to the '8'?
Nice belt!
HAHA, I LOVE THIS ONE!0
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