Your stupidest joke

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  • BrianTheNegotiator
    BrianTheNegotiator Posts: 25 Member
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    What do you a call a fish with no eye?


    fsh. ( I still crack up with that one.... not sure why)
    What you call a deer with no eyes?
    No eye deer.

    How do you catch an unusual rabbit?
    Unique up on it.
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    2. lets do math.. add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the sheets and hope like heck we dont multiple.
    BAHAHAHAHA!
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    this might offend (so I apologize)but I guess it's really funny to me since my DH is a cop.... read at your own risk! lol




    While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" to which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

    The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work
    from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

    "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *kitten*?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

    Traffic Ticket $95.00
    Court Costs. $45.00
    The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS
    Hilarious!
  • lu123
    lu123 Posts: 247 Member
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    my dad says this one a lot:

    I had the strangest dream last night about eating a giant marshmallow... I woke up and my pillow was gone!



    Its a terrible joke.
  • pixieofdoom
    pixieofdoom Posts: 356 Member
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    a penguin is driving down the road in his car when it breaks down. Luckily he's right next to a garage so he asks the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic asks him to come back in around an hour so the penguin decides to get some lunch.

    Now what penguins like for lunch is fish fingers dipped in vanilla ice cream so the penguin heads to the nearest supermarket (preferably Iceland *g*) and buys his lunch. He sits in the park in the sunshine dipping his fish fingers into the ice cream and having a generally lovely time in the sun (although the ice cream gets a bit melty).

    He heads back to the garage and says to the mechanic

    "any idea whats wrong with the car?"

    The mechanic replies

    "you've blown a seal"

    The penguin very quickly wipes his beak and says

    "no honestly, it's only ice cream"
  • bakebunny
    bakebunny Posts: 253
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    How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




    Two, if they're small enough.

    Cheers.
    -wtk

    This got a good giggle from me.


    Tell this to your favorite youngster:
    Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue?

    So he could hide in the blueberry patch.


    Why did the elephant paint his toenails purple?

    So he could hide in the grape vines.


    Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

    So he could hide in the strawberry bush.


    Why did the elephant paint his toenails yellow?
    (wait for the 'So he could hide in the lemon tree' answer)

    Silly! Elephants can't climb trees!


    Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue, purple, red, yellow and green?

    So he could hide in the gumball machine
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    Should I eat my exercise calories.......
  • blackrose80
    blackrose80 Posts: 134
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    what do you call a fly with no wings?

    A walk.
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
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    There was a building that had 46 stories. Some people say it had 47 stories, but that's another story.
  • hazelbliss6
    hazelbliss6 Posts: 253 Member
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    Which bug is the holiest?


    A praying mantis
  • navywife33
    navywife33 Posts: 31
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    'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?

    very clever!

    A lot of people don't get it... and I just don't get that! :)
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    'Silver' walks up to "Gold' and says... A U what's up?

    very clever!

    A lot of people don't get it... and I just don't get that! :)

    I assume that AU is the other name for gold....like H20 for water etc.
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Should I eat my exercise calories.......

    BEST JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now that question needs to be posted on MFP 10,000 times a day....oh wait it is!! lol
  • SommerJo
    SommerJo Posts: 258 Member
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    Awesome topic!!! Here's mine :)

    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella??
    Fo' Drizzle

    What did the kid say when the Apartment Complex fell on his head?
    Get off me Homes!!

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Cargo
    Cargo Who?
    Car go Beep Beep!!

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Olive
    Olive Who?
    Olive you!!

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Interrupting Cow
    Interrupting Co......MOOOOOOO!!!!
  • nalopez
    nalopez Posts: 39
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    What did the bra say to the hat?
    You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.
    BaDondon!
  • RobynFaye133
    RobynFaye133 Posts: 40
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    pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants, bartenders goes "hey pirate you no youve got a steering wheel in your pants?" pirate replys "Arghhhh its driving me nuts" xD
  • RobynFaye133
    RobynFaye133 Posts: 40
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    Did you know Beethoven is still making music? He's now de-composing!

    (Groan)

    ohhh this made me laugh so much xD hahahaha!
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
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    What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his mistress..."I'll be back"
    Or maybe, due to infringement rights, he had to change it to ..."I'll come again"
  • MelMoly
    MelMoly Posts: 1,303 Member
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    i says to pi "be rational"
    pi says to i "get real"
  • butchwalkah
    butchwalkah Posts: 6
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    Two scientists walk into a bar. One orders H2O and the other says, "I'll have H2O too." He takes a sip and dies.


    ....Ahhhh science jokes

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