Your stupidest joke

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  • Mnonan
    Mnonan Posts: 38
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    Lol
  • DBabbit
    DBabbit Posts: 173 Member
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    Do you know what the difference is between an elephant and a loaf of bread?

    If you have to ask, remind me not to send you to the store the next time I need bread. :tongue:
  • DBabbit
    DBabbit Posts: 173 Member
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    Should I eat my exercise calories.......

    :laugh:
  • DBabbit
    DBabbit Posts: 173 Member
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    Whats Black , White and Red all over?

    A skunk with chicken pox. :laugh:
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    I love this joke to no end...but most people don't seem to have the same love for it when I tell them. Maybe because I often tell the same people this same joke multiple times. :tongue:

    Entering a bar, a young man comes across a very strange looking older gentleman...he has a shrunken head. "If you don't mind me asking," the young man asks as he sits down, "Whatever happened to your head"

    Used to this question, the older gentleman turns and tells his story.

    On a warm summer day, the weather went bad for the man and his Navy crew. The boat sunk, and the man woke up not only to see he was the only one there, but that the island was deserted. A mermaid swam up to him, "You are very lucky so I will give you three wishes."

    The man thought about something he could never get enough of, "Hmmm. I want all the money I could ever want."

    A giant pile of money appears, "Wish granted."

    Thinking again the man wished for a giant boat to use to get off the island.

    "Wish granted. You have one more wish."

    Thinking hard the man suddenly smiled, "I want to have sex with you!"

    "Sorry, mermaids can't have sex," she responded in which the man replied back, "Well, what about a little head?"
  • adamswife01
    adamswife01 Posts: 95 Member
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    What do you call a cow with no legs?????????

    GROUND BEEF!!!!

    (that one came from a popcicle stick):laugh:
  • jend114
    jend114 Posts: 1,058 Member
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    loved all these
  • katkins3
    katkins3 Posts: 1,360 Member
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    Two atoms are walking down the street.
    One atom says, "oops I think I lost an electron".
    The second atom asked " Are you sure"?
    The first atom replied, "I'm positive".

    Another science joke!
  • jlzrdking
    jlzrdking Posts: 501 Member
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    I need some new stupid jokes to tell at work so..... bump
  • Sunshine_Girlie
    Sunshine_Girlie Posts: 618 Member
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    *Why did the chicken cross the road?
    --To prove to the opossum it can be done.

    *A lady called a neighbor to extend birthday greetings in a song. After she sang “Happy Birthday,” she realized that she had dialed the wrong number.

    “No need to excuse yourself,” said the voice on the other line. “You need all the practice you can get.”

    *So, these two antennas were getting married.
    The wedding was great, but the reception was terrible!

    --I tell a lot of dumb jokes and I laugh at them too. :-/ In fact, I have had Yo Momma battles with middle schoolers. Hahaha. I'm a substitute teacher, so I try to have fun with it.
  • DorkothyParker
    DorkothyParker Posts: 618 Member
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    Two atoms are walking down the street.
    One atom says, "oops I think I lost an electron".
    The second atom asked " Are you sure"?
    The first atom replied, "I'm positive".

    Another science joke!
    That one is my favorite!

    Here's mine:

    Helium floats into a bar and orders a beer.
    "Git out," says the bartender. "We don't serve noble gases here!"
    Helium doesn't react.
  • angelicdisgrace
    angelicdisgrace Posts: 2,071 Member
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    Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

    Cause she had no arms


    I know it's horrible.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    Where do you find a dog with no legs?

    Right where you left him.
  • HollieDoodles
    HollieDoodles Posts: 678 Member
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    I hope I'm not repeating........


    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, in a pool?
    .
    .
    Bob


    What do gay horses eat? (you have to answer this one in your best plastic southern female voice)
    .
    .
    Haaaaaaay!!!


    Can a match box?
    .
    .
    No, but a tin can
  • HollieDoodles
    HollieDoodles Posts: 678 Member
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    Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

    Cause she had no arms


    I know it's horrible.

    Yeah, but I still laughed!

    I guess that makes me :devil: .... oh well LOL
  • HollieDoodles
    HollieDoodles Posts: 678 Member
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    I love this joke to no end...but most people don't seem to have the same love for it when I tell them. Maybe because I often tell the same people this same joke multiple times. :tongue:

    Entering a bar, a young man comes across a very strange looking older gentleman...he has a shrunken head. "If you don't mind me asking," the young man asks as he sits down, "Whatever happened to your head"

    Used to this question, the older gentleman turns and tells his story.

    On a warm summer day, the weather went bad for the man and his Navy crew. The boat sunk, and the man woke up not only to see he was the only one there, but that the island was deserted. A mermaid swam up to him, "You are very lucky so I will give you three wishes."

    The man thought about something he could never get enough of, "Hmmm. I want all the money I could ever want."

    A giant pile of money appears, "Wish granted."

    Thinking again the man wished for a giant boat to use to get off the island.

    "Wish granted. You have one more wish."

    Thinking hard the man suddenly smiled, "I want to have sex with you!"

    "Sorry, mermaids can't have sex," she responded in which the man replied back, "Well, what about a little head?"

    LOL..... nice one
  • doodleheaddee
    doodleheaddee Posts: 18
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    I hope this hasn't been said already..

    What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?






    Where's my Tractor!!!

    I love this one, I crack up every time my daughter says it to get me to laugh.......:D
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
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    How did the hipster burn his tongue?

    He ate his pizza before it was cool...


    New fave, sorry if it's a repost!
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
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    A guy goes into a bakery in Glasgow and says "is that a doughnut, or a meringue?"
    the baker says "no, youre quite right, its a doughnut"
  • healthyjen342
    healthyjen342 Posts: 1,435 Member
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    These...are...HILARIOUS...All the jokes I had are already posted..but my oh my..I am going to tell all of these jokes when I get home!

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