Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of

ItsCasey

I never approach men because I want to know how much of a man he really is and how much he really wants me.

I'm not into guys who are more motivated by their fear of rejection than they are by their desire to get to know me. I'm into men who think "I want her, and whatever I have to do to get her, I'll do it."

The last man who approached me (an incredibly tall, incredibly ripped, incredibly fine specimen of a man who happens to be my neighbor) ... I think about him all the time. Sure, some of it is because he's really hot and it feels good to have someone like that expressing interest in me, but it's mostly because he had the balls to come over when he saw me outside one day (about a month ago), introduce himself, and ask questions about me. Now, every time he sees me, he makes a concerted effort to strike up a conversation and learn more about me. We're slowly getting to know each other better and may take it to the next level, but the dynamic is a bit different when it's your neighbor and not a guy you met at some random place. You don't want to make things awkward with someone you literally can't escape from (at least not without a major life change such as finding another place to live).

But I guess my point is that if he's not interested enough to come to you, then he's not interested. He may think you're hot. And if he bothered to get to know you, he'd probably think you're a great person. But if he's not willing to be the hunter, then he's not worth it. Approaching him would set the tone for any relationship you might have with him; he'd always expect you to be the one to do all the hard work.

If you see a guy you just have to have but it's clear that he's not going to come to you and you think you want to make the first move, then do something like walk past his table and tell him you like his shirt or whatever. That makes you approachable. If he doesn't pick up your scent at that point, move on because he's obviously not going to chase you.

fteale

I don't know about the not chasing thing. I had to not exactly chase my husband, but we were friends, and I was the one who had to make it obvious I wanted more. Actually, I just told him I wasn't prepared to just be friends, and he ummed and ahhed for a couple of days then said "ok, I won't see anyone else until you say I can", and funnily enough, in the 15 years since, I haven't said he can! He probably wouldn't have ever asked me out because we were friends, and even if he found me attractive, he wouldn't have jeopardised that. That was always the most important thing.

I don't think you can underestimate the importance of friendship in a relationship. Be approachable as a friend first, would be my advice.

You are beautiful, and you don't look fat in your picture. I doubt your size puts people off, you look curvy and attractive.

I remember reading somewhere that you may have men coming out of the woodwork, but the ones who come out of the woodwork are probably worms. The keepers are the ones you can be friends with first, and they aren't necessarily going to be the ones to approach you (not you personally, I mean anyone).

I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.

Mkleder

Most of what you are feeling about yourself is picked up on by men - they sense your vibe. So, if you are there stressed, insecure, or are listening to your mind chatter on with negative messages or worse having a mental one-on-one with your critical/complaining evil twin, (a problem for many of us with weight issues) you are 100% unapproachable.

My suggestion is to be the best you that you can be at this point looks-wise, and then go out with a warm, open attitude.

1-- RELAX, FOCUS ON OTHERS & YOUR ENVIRONMENT, not yourself
2--SMILE...at everyone...other women, married guys..just SMILE.
3--MAKE, RETURN and HOLD EYE CONTACT

Attracting men just never happened for me...ever....I felt like I was always blending into the wallpaper. Then I realized I had perfected the "leave me alone" vibe to avoid rejection and started observing my behavior and working on it. Then one day I started smiling more and it rocked my world. Now, it's raining men. It can happen for anyone on here, especially you -- you're a cutie. It's about looks to a limited degree -- men are visual-- but looks are about taste and eveyone's taste is different.

Just SMILE!

BigBoneSista

Yeahh! I asked my guy friends and I've even asked an Ex (lmao) they said the same intimidating thing...
but I think that whole intimidating line is just an excuse

Nope not a excuse. You are goregous and also a Jessica Rabbit...meaning your are pleasantly curvy. Alot of men may think you are out of their league. Its crazy but true. Men have the same hang ups as we do. They don't want rejection. You might have to take the lead and just approach the men that you are attracted to....start simple convo and let it grow from there.

ItsCasey

I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.

I'd be put off by a man approaching me just to hit on me. When that happens, I get nauseated. And I'm not being facetious. I really get a queasy feeling when a guy comes over and spouts off some ridiculous pick-up line or is obviously staring at my chest or checking me out or trying to stand way too close to me when he didn't even know I was alive 30 seconds before.

But I love when guys come over just to talk and try to actually learn something about me. Even if we only end up being friends, I like guys who have the confidence to do that, rather than just staring at me from across the room and never bothering to say a word.

myofibril

I don't think it takes any bravery to approach a woman. None whatsoever.

I think if guys are afraid to go up and say "hi, my name is X, pleased to meet you" (obviously don't actually say X, well not unless you are a super hero or professional wrestler or something) it is indicative of:

a) the man has elevated a woman to being of more importance than him, or put her on a pedestal without just cause
b) has placed too much importance on achieving a certain outcome (eg the number, a date)

Really, if you don't value yourself and what you have to offer as a man than why should a woman? If you think she is better than you before you even know what she is like then you miss the fact that pretty women are simply human beings and deserve no more respect or no less than any other.

I think if a man fears an approach he should reassess his attitude towards women.

Mkleder

I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.

I'd be put off by a man approaching me just to hit on me. When that happens, I get nauseated. And I'm not being facetious. I really get a queasy feeling when a guy comes over and spouts off some ridiculous pick-up line or is obviously staring at my chest or checking me out or trying to stand way too close to me when he didn't even know I was alive 30 seconds before.

But I love when guys come over just to talk and try to actually learn something about me. Even if we only end up being friends, I like guys who have the confidence to do that, rather than just staring at me from across the room and never bothering to say a word.

That is annoying. When that happens to me (only every once in a while) I turn into a smart @ss and engage in some form of verbal challenge with them ala Kelly McGillis in Top Gun. They aren't serious about getting to know me, why should I take their advance seriously? Best them verbally and send them back to their corner, I say....all in fun, of course.

_Aimée_

I wish I had the same problem, I get hit on ALL the time, I wouldn't mind so much but I'm in a long term relationship and have a child!!
I went out last Saturday night and it was non-stop, its very tiring, its not as if I dress like a hoe either. I got chatted up in the sauna a few weeks ago..I had my eyes shut, its like for gods sake just leave me the hell alone saunas are supposed to be quiet relaxing places, not where you pick up chicks!! I'm not even sure why guys are so interested in me as I'm still 20lbs overweight and have quite a manly build!

Maybe its time for you to start making the first move?? x

caterpillardreams

A nice genuine smile always works, and I believe when you are not looking to meet someone, thats when you are most likely to meet someone. one cause you are not trying to hard to find someone. Two you will not settle for the next thing just cause it came along.
be you when you are out, just go there to enjoy yourself, that to me is the best way to meet a person that would like you for you and vise versa.
My story: when I was in the military, in my second station we were playing volleyball after work, I knew some people there from my previous base so I was playing as well, and I am outgoing. I had finished playing and sat down at a picnic table, I said "I have a crunchy booty from playing in the sand" apparently my husband now, at the time I did not know him, said that when I said that it made him laugh so hard, he thought I was cute when he saw me, but that incident really attracted him to me. I was being me and not worrying about looking cute, and I was not looking to meet anyone. On the contrary I was trying to live the single life for a long time.
I have been married for four years
good luck and be patient, you want to meet the right guy for you.

ItsCasey

A nice genuine smile always works,

I agree. This is one thing my mom told me. She said to smile at every guy you catch looking at you (unless you can tell right away he's a creeper) because that sends the message that you're approachable. I used to not even look at guys in public places because I didn't want them to think I was on the prowl. But most guys need some sort of signal that you're okay with them coming over and at least saying hello to you. Then they can decide if they want to ask for your number.

That leads me to my next point which is to pay attention to the vibe you're giving off. One of my friends is pretty clueless about this. She'll go to a busy cafe (alone) to grab a quick meal, and she sits there with earphones in and her iPod blasting while she reads a book and eats her food. That pretty much says "LEAVE ME ALONE" to any guy in the vicinity. There's nothing wrong with having a newspaper or book or whatever to occupy yourself when you're eating lunch or dinner alone, but you don't want to put a guy in a position where he has to come over and actually tap you on the shoulder to get your attention.

Look around. Smile at people. Be approachable. If you catch a guy looking at you, smile and hold his gaze for a few seconds, then look away. If he's interested in you, that should be more than enough to get him to come over and say hi.

secostley

It's very obvious that the men in your city are having a major problem with their eyesight and don't recognize beauty when you see it.

Or,

The assumption is made that, because you're so beautiful, you're already taken. So you're not being approached.

I pray it's the latter.

God Bless!

Shawn

MrBrown72

It's very obvious that the men in your city are having a major problem with their eyesight and don't recognize beauty when you see it.

Or,

The assumption is made that, because you're so beautiful, you're already taken. So you're not being approached.

I pray it's the latter.

God Bless!

Shawn

Well said sir!

ttrotter1960

From a guys viewpoint . . . .

Are you sure that you are as approachable as you think you are? You may not be. If the picture of you is recent then I certainly see no reason why you are not being approached. You do in fact carry the weight well and you are attractive. The problem is probably in your nonverbal signals. Men are very sensitive to this because we don't like taking chances with rejection. So any decent guy is going to leave you alone if you look like your busy or not interested. so your job is to look available and interested. If their is someone that you would like to speak to then make eye contact and hold it for a moment longer than would be a casual glance. As you do this smile or play with your hair (yes I'm serious). Make sure that your stance is open and not closed (arms folded, etc). Don't be afraid to say "Hi" if your close enough to do so. Most men suck at verbal communication and would very much appreciate and respond to your help in initiating contact. Guage their response to your eye contact and or conversation. If they look away quickly from your eye contact or if they seem closed off from your "hello" then you should move on to someone else - they aren't interested and let's be honest not everyone is going to be so don't be offended (advice I am still working on).

Hope this helps

aly1221

I haven't read every comment but...i find that most meetings come from give and take, if he's giving u the eye (and you're into it) give him a little something back, casually close the gap, see if he keeps it up.
and really don't be afraid to just make a comment to a guy you think is cute...at the coffee shop, in a store, out at a bar/club, whatever it is you're doing.
and maybe take a look at where you are going? maybe it's time for a new location and a new set of men to pick from? have fun out there

ItsCasey

I haven't read every comment but...i find that most meetings come from give and take, if he's giving u the eye (and you're into it) give him a little something back, casually close the gap, see if he keeps it up.
and really don't be afraid to just make a comment to a guy you think is cute...at the coffee shop, in a store, out at a bar/club, whatever it is you're doing.
and maybe take a look at where you are going? maybe it's time for a new location and a new set of men to pick from? have fun out there

This is all good advice. Even if you're like me and you won't "approach" men, that doesn't mean you can't say something to them if you end up next to a cute guy in line at Starbucks or on the same aisle at the grocery store. That's just a random encounter that gives you a chance to vocally show your approachability and puts him in the driver's seat, just as smiling and holding someone's gaze for a few seconds from across the room gives a nonverbal cue to your approachability (and still puts the onus on him to come over and say hello).

I still believe that most men, if given an obvious sign that you want them to come over, will come and talk to you if they are interested. So the question is how well you are giving them that sign. Sometimes I feel really stupid doing the whole "smile-and-stare-back-for-3-seconds-then-look-away" thing, but it works if the guy is into you. I'm better at actually having a chance encounter with a guy, like say we're both in line at a coffeeshop counter looking at the menu board, and I might ask him what he usually orders. If a guy is interested, he'll jump all over that opening, and I won't have to do anything else. If he's not interested, he'll make it clear that he's not up for small talk by giving me a one or two-word response and then not saying anything else. That's my cue to move on.

Miss_Chievous_wechange

I must carry myself a little too well. I have been told several times that I look intimidating and unapproachable. In fact, I am quite opposite...I'm the most down to earth and friendly chic I know. LOL

AlsDonkBoxSquat

When I weigh more I don't get approached by men, when I weigh less I've had them stop in their tracks . . . this is only my experience. When I'm talking to men and I weigh more they look in my eyes, when I weigh less they look at my left hand. I carry myself well, and I think that I dress and present well no matter my weight, but this is still my experience.

As far as flirting goes: If you're looking across the bar, lock eyes for 5 seconds with a little smile (count it in your head), then break eye contact and return to your conversation. After a few minutes look back, lock eyes for 5 seconds and give him a wink or a nose crinkle (I can't get away with a wink and not feel silly) and a smile. Move around the room, see if his eyes follow, maybe he'll follow too.

kmarx65

I had the same problem! What I learned is the same as everyone elses posts. The two that worked the best for me was 1. don't decline any offers(no one else will dance w/ you...the rejection thing). 2. Give encouragement...smile, and eye contact.

BrownEyedG1rl

I work with a bunch of guys. When they are out at lunch or out after work, they check out women. If they see one and think she is attractive, I will say...Why don't you talk to her? They always say, "Ohhh, I don't do that. I just look". They WANT to talk to you, some men are just shy or afraid of rejection. I'm not a guy, but that's my guess.

In your pics, you look stunning! Very pretty! They probably think they don't have a shot in hell with you. If you make eye contact with a guy that is checking you out, give some kind of flirty look or something to let him know you are checking him out too. Go from there..

xXxKayleighxXx

You are beautiful and have a lovely curvy figure, which my male friends always prefer

I get approached a lot. Regardless of weight.

I've been told it is mostly because of my smile. I am a very happy, smiley person and i think it's easier to talk to someone that looks like they aren 't gonna tell you to get lost haha.

I am also an unintentional flirt. I'm happy to talk to anyone and i'm a giggly kind of girl that isn't afraid of a little contact...as in touching his arm, not him grabbing my *kitten*, lol.

I think that's all there is to it really,
Be confident in yourself, smile and be friendly.

I agree with other posters saying don't try too hard. I get a lot more attention when i've had less time to get ready and have just run my fingers through my hair than when i've spent a lot of time on it.

Most importantly, enjoy yourself. Have fun. If a decent guy comes along, great, if not, you had a good night out xxx