Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of

Marlinedorcinvil

Totally agree! I have the same mindset!

I never approach men because I want to know how much of a man he really is and how much he really wants me.

I'm not into guys who are more motivated by their fear of rejection than they are by their desire to get to know me. I'm into men who think "I want her, and whatever I have to do to get her, I'll do it."

The last man who approached me (an incredibly tall, incredibly ripped, incredibly fine specimen of a man who happens to be my neighbor) ... I think about him all the time. Sure, some of it is because he's really hot and it feels good to have someone like that expressing interest in me, but it's mostly because he had the balls to come over when he saw me outside one day (about a month ago), introduce himself, and ask questions about me. Now, every time he sees me, he makes a concerted effort to strike up a conversation and learn more about me. We're slowly getting to know each other better and may take it to the next level, but the dynamic is a bit different when it's your neighbor and not a guy you met at some random place. You don't want to make things awkward with someone you literally can't escape from (at least not without a major life change such as finding another place to live).

But I guess my point is that if he's not interested enough to come to you, then he's not interested. He may think you're hot. And if he bothered to get to know you, he'd probably think you're a great person. But if he's not willing to be the hunter, then he's not worth it. Approaching him would set the tone for any relationship you might have with him; he'd always expect you to be the one to do all the hard work.

If you see a guy you just have to have but it's clear that he's not going to come to you and you think you want to make the first move, then do something like walk past his table and tell him you like his shirt or whatever. That makes you approachable. If he doesn't pick up your scent at that point, move on because he's obviously not going to chase you.

BigBeaver

In my opinion, the men where you live are nucking futs! I tell you, some men just don't know how to appreciate beauty.

pammbroo

I know exactly what you mean. There is no good answer as to why they don't talk to you. I have the same issue, and like you, most of my friends are married and aren't into "putting themselves out there," much less being very social period. Even when I've tried talking to men, nothing ever comes of it. I am told that I am too intimidating, then I am told that men are attracted to confidence and independence; success and intelligence. Uhh....... okay then. And I gave up on the online dating scene. I did it for over 10 years and had my profiles checked out by several people to make sure I wasn't coming across as something undateable.

I really do believe it could be a myriad of reasons. The men that see you 1) lack enough confidence to say anything, 2) may be attracted to you but assume you already have a boyfriend, 3) simply aren't attracted to you for any number of reasons which may or may not involve your weight. As each of us women are unique, so is each guy out there. Some guys prefer blondes, redheads, Asians, rail-thin girls; you may be too tall, too short, too dark or too light for their liking. You may resemble their mother or ex-girlfriend/ex-wife, neither of whom they have a good relationship with (hypothetically).

In the meantime, think of all the reasons it is cool to be single. There are A LOT of married women out there right now who would love to trade places with you. I understand the frustration 100% and when it gets bad, those are the kinds of things I remind myself of.

Good luck. :flowerforyou:

I think this is right on. I very rarely get approached and often wonder why? Of course, the little voice in my head tells me its the weight (although I am very proportionate and carry it well). But then I look around and there are PLENTY of overweight people who have a special someone. I know that I'm working hard to be healthy, and I can't let my self worth rely on what a stranger thinks or doesn't think about me. Online dating was interesting, but have no interest in it any longer. Its tough sometimes (and yes, will admit lonely), but there are lots of good things about being a single, smart, independent woman. Make yourself the priority. My personal opinion is that men are attracted to confidence and you should let that shine through. That's what I'm trying to do anyway. Hang in there!!

flatbellybella

thanks again everyone!
meh... maybe I'll try out online dating lol