Deleting friends

ohwhataday

If I feel people just aren't supportive at all or have added me and never ever talked to me in any way. Yea. And if anyone wants to delete me, feel free! My feelings won't be hurt. k thx.

JEK717

A bit choosy, aren't we? Yes it's mean...Why does it matter if they aren't actively losing weight?

If they arent logging in much...arent losing weight....arent posting anything...then they OBVIOUSLY dont have time or the interest in mfp. No reason you cant delete them. I remove them after a month of not logging in but if its someone i know i just send em a message to see what's up.

leilani♥

I haven't deleted anyone yet. I think I would only delete negative nancys.

anacsitham5

I try not to delete friends as we are all here for support, but although I try to leave some comment of support or encouragment to each of my friends each day, it is hardly ever returned. I have about 4-5 friends that leave me anything at all. I'm thinking of deleting some that just aren't showing any support or signs of contact. I hate to do it, but one sided relationships even on MFP just don't work. Sigh.... :ohwell:

LastSixtySix

The "delete" option for virtual friends is a powerful ally and one that should be employed regularly. Though I wouldn't want to use it emotionally, I logically have a set of criteria that meets my expectations and time limitations. My MFP circle is for consistent accountability that is positive, uplifting, and intelligent for weight-loss or weight-maintenance support; conversely is it NOT for judgementalism, trolling, and/or regurgitating the already pervasive and harmful body-image crap set by the majority of the media. For users who consistently leave supportive encouragement for others and never get any back in return, there is a lopsided and hence unhealthy relationship. Therefore, today I went through and deleted about 7 on my list who have not logged in for days and days. These same folks don't reply to my personal emails asking how they are.

While this may seem harsh to some, remember that a lot of what got many of us to an unhealthy weight was suppressing our true needs in order to "help" others. In fact, we only mostly enabled others and we damn well hurt ourselves. I'm not going to repeat that pattern here, which would just sabatoge me.

Last year, I was involved actively in an on-line support group of about 30. This group was close and loyal but not very supportive of actual weight loss. More than 80% of the group never lost their weight but just maintained and consoled one another. That's where many of us our in our real lives - people expect us to look and be the way we are right now and any change upsets the others in our lives so they try to "shame" us or "encourage" us to stay the same and not improve. If we improve, it means they might have too, right? I was very sad to leave that group but I had to in order to push through to my goals.

There is helpful and harmful support. I can encourage and give you another reason to keep pushing through but I cannot save you. I can only save myself and, like the boat that is trying to stay afloat in rough seas, anything that weighs me down must be thrown overboard. I'm here for productive, positive and consistent support and accountability from others of like mind who want to get the excess off quickly (no plateauing) and then maintain it with the same focus and determination.

-Debra

SassyCalyGirl

I go through my friends list once a week-if they haven't logged in in over a week I send them an email if they don't respond-delete. I also delete people that don't return the same support I offer them.

determined2lose89

I have to admit....if I add someone as a friend and they don't post any support on my statuses or progress, etc, I usually delete them . It's a two way street. If I'm supporting you, support me. In regards to someone not actively losing weight, I wouldn't delete them right away unless they're like "I had 3 cheeseburgers for dinner everynight but I can't figure out why I'm not losing!"

MB_Positif

I do it all the time. I've accumulated so many friends being on here almost a year. Generally if I see someone hasn't logged on for a long time I will send them a message to see if everything is ok. If I get no response, then I delete them. I've also had friends that have logged in but seriously never commented on my stuff nor do they have anything showing up in my news feed at all. I have recently started deleting them too. Not to be a punk, just because I have an amazing core group of friends on here who really motivate me and that I enjoy to motivate. That said, I have a lot of friends with minimal contact, but I still keep them. I really only delete if there's just no contact at all. Or if they just regularly annoy me.

erxkeel

Indeed I do. No time for people who wont log in, or give support.

Martucha123

I go through about once a month and delete people who haven't logged on in 3 plus weeks. I keep everybody else.

I delete friends when they haven't logged on in a certain time frame for multiple times. I have also been know to delete a "friend" for NEVER eating over 1000 calories. These are my personal beliefs about finding commited people who want to make their life healthy. But I don't delete due to a person for not actively losing weight.

this!
you don't log, you don't eat enough, you don't comment,
I delete you
my friend are supposed to be my support group, it's not a popularity contest. to collect friends go on fb!

gazz777

bumping !

Dtho5159

I had a setback over the fall and lost a few people and the week my inlaws were here, I wasn't on and lost several from not logging in for a week. I don't delete friends unless they haven't been on in a ridiculous amount of time, like 6 months or more. I understand things happen. I didn't log for nearly a month when I was moving, half the time I didn't have internet to get on and lost a lot of friends then too.

luppic8

I delete friends for those three reasons. I have noticed that some people like to "collect" friends and they have so many friends on her that it is totally impossible for them to keep up with anyone...DELETE...I am a very supportive person so if I don't see someone paying it forward...DELETE...:laugh:

CHEFCH♥ZZ

we're all adults .. atleast according to the website requirements. ;-) .. so no .. well atleast not in my book but maybe i'm just a cold hearted *****, who knows!

THIS THIS THIS

ninerbuff

One month of no activity and I delete them. No reason to keep them if they don't feel it's important enough to be here. If they come back, then I'll always add them back on if they request.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

rml_16

I don't delete people for not losing weight. I have deleted people with whom I don't ever interact. And I deleted someone yesterday who randomly added me and wasn't someone I really seem to have much in common with when I saw she added a friend who is someone on this board who makes me want to puke every time I see him.

_VoV

When I first joined MFP in October, I didn't really know how people showed support to each other. Now, I do and I want fewer friends with whom I interact regularly. I try not to just write short, superficial cheers (though I do sometimes when time is short). I like when friends reciprocate in kind, and give me more than a 'WTG'.

I have deleted friends for a few reasons:

1. Not signing in for two weeks or more. (Unless they say they are going to be away).
2. Never commenting on anything I say.
3. Complaining of hangovers all the time.
4. Crass or vulgar language.
5. A mismatch in communication style that makes it hard to support each other.

I LOVE my friends. They come from all over the world, give me mutual support, and make me laugh at life and myself.

Trechechus

I want to keep my list down to dedicated people who I can motivate and in tern help me when I need it. Therefore, I like to keep active people on my list. I tend to delete people who have been in active for two weeks or more, unless they are on vacation or something.

warmachinejt

in soviet russia friends delete you

jrich1

I do usually due to inactivity

_binary_jester_

I actively encourage my friends to delete me.

froggzy1015

I usually clean up my friends list every couple of months of people who don't show support or log in. I do keep my "real" friends even if they haven't logged in.

deliak2010

I wouldn't delete them if they're not actively losing weight but I would probably do it if they were not logging in for long periods of time and/or they didn't really demonstrate that they are dedicated to reaching their goals via MFP. In the end, it's your friends list and it's all up to you! You have to do what keeps you motivated and happy good luck!

KandieLantz

You have to do what's right for you and the support/environment you need and came here for. I delete friends if they have not logged in in ages and more often than not, I delete people who chronically under-eat.

TriumphNow

It's your list so do what makes you feel comfortable. There was a time when I never deleted anyone but now I delete them if they have logged on for over 2 months and there no reason posted on their page. I wouldn't delete someone for not losing weight.

Lanna74

It's your account. Do what you have to do. I'm not that judgmental (I have no idea what their lives are like) and I don't get all worked up over such small issues. But that's just me.

StacieLeigh77

In my opinion:

If someone is just looking for friends - go to facebook. I want to lose weight and am looking for friends that I can motivate and that will motivate me.

If you're not getting that from friends on this site, I don't have a problem deleting or being deleted.

My two cents.

rainunrefined

I delete people when they haven't logged in for over a week, attention seekers, whiners, people who aren't losing weight healthily when they requested me for support in recovery and seem to have no interest in actually recovering.

It's your friendslist, you can do with it what you please!

yeah, what she said!

dsak

I've deleted friends who haven't logged in for about 2 months.... I figure they aren't serious about their journey.

I've also deleted a few people because I got tired of all their daily *****ing and griping statuses. I think it's OK to post status updates to your friends about things other than weight loss and exercise, but this one lady posted multiple times a day about many personal things with her husband, family, work, etc.... all of which were negative. I just didn't want to keep up with her drama!!!

I say.... delete away... use MFP how you want to use it... and only keep the friends you want to keep!!!

joandhan

i only have one friend so far... and that was my daughter as we are dieting together, but i only joined yesterday so early days yet.