Boyfriend Motivation???

ajbeans

Jumping on the bandwagon here to say that you shouldn't be with someone like that. It's one thing if you want to lose weight and you've asked him to help motivate you, but even still, that's the wrong way for him to go about it. If he's so "desperate" for you to lose weight, then he's not actually in love with YOU -- he's in love with some version of you that he thinks he can mold you into. Just like you're in love with the version of him that isn't a superficial jerk.

You should love people for who they ARE, not for who you think they CAN be. And they should do the same for you.

Get a new boyfriend who loves you at any size, and if you do want to lose weight, do it for YOURSELF.

riyahroyce

i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.

Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.

havs23

he definitely doesn't deserve you if he's putting you down like that.
but i just want to say that by you constantly putting yourself down in front of him, you're also putting a negative image of you in his mind - he's just perceiving you in the way that you're representing yourself, and when you whine about your weight or how much you eat, he feels like it is his responsibility as your boyfriend to help you get on the right path.
just saying.
but you should still at the very least talk to him about it and mention that the way that he's dealing with the issue isn't right - it's making you defiant, and making you focus on all the wrong things. ultimately, the decision to lose weight and be more healthy lies with you, and you alone. that's why it can be so difficult... but also why it is so fulfilling.
best of luck.

mrmanmeat

Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?

just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.

bluegirl10

The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

Best of luck to you.

I agree!

ineed2bskinny

I'm wondering if that is a current photo. If it is, there's no way in hell you can afford to lose the weight you're trying to lose.

that was me before i put on weight xx

jmruef

You mentioned that YOU wanted to lose weight and complain about it to your boyfriend, which could mean he's trying to keep you on track at your request, but...wow. I can't imagine anything he's doing/saying is helping your self-worth at all. Is he at all complimentary when you lose a few pounds, eat healthy, have a kick-*kitten* work out? Is he complimentary when you're in a good mood and are feeling really good about yourself, regardless of your weight? Do you enjoy eachother's company, going out for a good meal, not worrying about what he's going to think of what you're eating?

If not - really, it doesn't sound healthy to me. I'm sorry to judge based on just one post, but...

Can you talk to him and say "You know, I really feel X when you say/do Y. It would be a lot more helpful to hear Z." If he's not up for it, maybe you need to rethink what kind of time you spend with him.

I wish you nothing but the best. Truly.

Angel87a

I agree with your problem is choice in boyfriend, if my boyfriend ever made me feel that way, he'd be long gone!

Katbaran

My boyfriend is DESPERATE for me to lose weight. He makes comments constantly about my weight gain in a joking/funny way but I know he is being deadly serious. He asks me everyday what I have ate and if I have been to gym and won't allow me to snack in front of him, and if I do he puts me down.

I do moan to him about my looks and if I feel fat, i winge!

He has the perfect body and goes to the gym every morning without fail. I wish I had his motivation, but the more he puts me down the more I want to eat to act like I'm not bothered what he says.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Dump this guy fast! Once he "convinces" you to lose weight, he'll find something else to put you down for. You need a new boyfriend!

amandae79

The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

Best of luck to you.

DUH!

ExYoYoGirl

The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

Best of luck to you.

This pretty much sums it up!!

chefswife67

The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

Best of luck to you.

I agree! My Ex hubby was like that , thats why he is an Ex hubby..
Good Luck!

UrbanRunner81

I had a boyfriend like that. He would joke around about my body. I broke up with him. I wasn't even overweight. I was 135lbs and 5'10" He really damaged my self-esteem. My husband would never say these things to me and never has.
You don't deserve to be put down.

ChitownFoodie

You should be asking yourself why are you with him. Then ask him why is he with you. If he doesn't respect you and love you enough to be with the REAL you and not some physical representation of you, then he doesn't deserve you! Btw, you are HOT! There's a million girls out there that would be happy to have your current body.

If you are going to lose the weight, it should be on your terms and for you.

Mrswheels01

I said dump the boyfriend..Lose the weight for yourself. then show off how amazing you look!

HeelsAndBoxingGloves

I agree with everyone else! If he's going to try and help you and motivate you to lose weight he needs to do that! Not bring you down! You can ONLY lose the weight and get healthy if it's what YOU want to do. You can't do it for anyone else

rml_16

i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.

Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.

This post makes me sad.

fbmandy55

Been here before and I say get out now! I had a boyfriend who was constantly putting me down about my weight and it ruined my self esteem. I eventually got to the point where I had completely let myself go and was just piling on more weight. I was so insecure about leaving him because he had me convince that no one would want me because of how I looked and I believed him.

It has since taken me 9 months and 47lbs to get that self esteem back. Don't do that to yourself!!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

My boyfriend is DESPERATE for me to lose weight. He makes comments constantly about my weight gain in a joking/funny way but I know he is being deadly serious. He asks me everyday what I have ate and if I have been to gym and won't allow me to snack in front of him, and if I do he puts me down.

I do moan to him about my looks and if I feel fat, i winge!

He has the perfect body and goes to the gym every morning without fail. I wish I had his motivation, but the more he puts me down the more I want to eat to act like I'm not bothered what he says.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Really?!? Seems to me he's a controlling nut bag. I don't have this problem, I married someone who respects me.

ChangingAshleyForLife

The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

Your BF sucks. A significant other is not supposed to bring you down, they should make you feel better about yourself no matter what and support your goals in a healthy and constructive way.

schrammae

Wow... You are a very beautiful woman and are absolutely perfect the way you are. If you want to lose a little weight FOR YOURSELF, that is great, but losing weight for someone else is not the way to motivate yourself. Especially trying for a BOY that has to belittle a beautiful woman to feel better about himself.

If by some chance, you think that he is a good man who is worried about your health, you should sit down and have a talk with him and tell him that his putting you down and micromanaging your weight loss is neither productive, nor are you willing to stay with someone who pushes you around emotionally.

Just from that short message you posted, I don't know about your situation, but I can guess. He sounds like a control freak. What happens once you lose the weight. He will find something else to focus his control issues on. Like who you spend time with, how you spend your money, etc.

Good luck to you and YOUR goals. I hope that you find what you want.

steveh08

The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

Best of luck to you.

I totally agree.

ineed2bskinny

You mentioned that YOU wanted to lose weight and complain about it to your boyfriend, which could mean he's trying to keep you on track at your request, but...wow. I can't imagine anything he's doing/saying is helping your self-worth at all. Is he at all complimentary when you lose a few pounds, eat healthy, have a kick-*kitten* work out? Is he complimentary when you're in a good mood and are feeling really good about yourself, regardless of your weight? Do you enjoy eachother's company, going out for a good meal, not worrying about what he's going to think of what you're eating?

If not - really, it doesn't sound healthy to me. I'm sorry to judge based on just one post, but...

Can you talk to him and say "You know, I really feel X when you say/do Y. It would be a lot more helpful to hear Z." If he's not up for it, maybe you need to rethink what kind of time you spend with him.

I wish you nothing but the best. Truly.

yeah he does compliment me when i lose weight and he does notice straight away..

we do go out for meals and do nice stuff together, i may go on about me weight gain a lot

jbeauchamp1

First and foremost sit down and tell him how much his "encouragement" is bothering you. He may not even think about what he is saying. Second if he does not move on....you don't want a man in your life that is being a jerk and putting you down and then hiding behind the "I'm trying to help you" excuse. Third quit using him as your reason to not get moving. Don't do it for him do it for you. If you are not comfortable with yourself change it but not because he has pushed you to do it. You will resent him if you do it for him and never feel good enough.

Pocket_Pixi

I had a boyfriend like that... you know what I did? I dumped his *kitten*.

You deserve a lot better than that.

ineed2bskinny

WOW I have had my eyes opened slightly by this thread...

I may go on about my weight gain a bit too much?? xx

schrammae

It isn't you - it is him. He is being a @$$. It is a form of abuse (emotional and verbally). I put up with it for almost 5 years from my soon to be ex husband. I finally had enough in June and left him - working on the divorce now. I was never small (he married me big), but having 2 babies put more strain on my body. He wasn't that good looking either - he just like to put me down to feel better about himself. I have since lost 56 lbs, and he is jealous of what I have become and not his anymore. I am dating another guy who worships me and is always complimenting me. I now have low self-esteem because his my ex's abuse - don't allow him to treat you this way. Find someone who will worship you - you are worth so much more than anyone's abuse.

Awesome Job! Way to take control of your life!

angelinerstetzko

I complain about my weight to my boyfriend --

and he tells me that I'm crazy and I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.

You should get responses like that.

Not constant criticism.

chocolateandvodka

if that pic is you - you're beautiful. and perfect. and i'm a brutally honest individual.

your first weight loss move would be to push the bf over a cliff, then do whatever makes you feel best.

krnlcsf

I have a bit of the opposite problem... but it still makes it tough to get motivated. My bf doesn't want me to lose weight (I think its a security thing, like he thinks i'll all of a sudden stop loving him when I get thinner and leave him... not the case!). So I know its tough not to have the right support from the person you love. Basically when he tells me, "i love you now, you don't need to lose weight" i respond with "i'm doing this for me... this is personal" and that's the truth, AND the BEST reason for embarking on a weight loss journey. it's a tough road, but DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO! at the end of the day, you're the one who has to spend the rest of your life with you... you can dump that guy and find someone who will be the right kind of support, but you still have to be happy with yourself.

good luck!