Boyfriend Motivation???
Replies
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Do what makes you happy. If the BF doesnt make you happy, leave him. If your current weight doesnt make you happy, get to moving.
If you choose to stay with your BF ( who sounds like such a sweet nice guy - sarcasm - ) Aks to join him in the gym in the morning. Ask him to help you work on lifting weights, ask to do healthy activities together.
Complaining and self loathing will only make you reach for the doritos.
AANNDDD maybe once you do shed those extra punds you will get enough confidence back to leave that BF of yours and find a real man.0 -
nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
this is something entirely different.
my husband thinks i am beautiful just the way i am - eventhough he is in wonderful shape and i have always been overweight since we met. i am the one with the issues about my own body, and i am the one who wants to change. my husband is supportive of what i want to do. he does not expect me to 'live up' to his own physical standard. i feel sorry for anyone who feels that is what a loving relationship is about.0 -
True story: I broke up with my boyfriend in July. I lost 23.2 pounds to date. Yes, lesson learned.
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I absolutely believe I am beautiful the way the I am... I am motivated by my health and my inability to run through the park for hours with my girls. I am motivated by the doors that are closed to me because of stereotypes about fat people (Many of the stereotypes are true... I fully admit). But I can walk with confidence just the way I am, because I know what kind of person I am, and you may not think that I am beautiful, but I know that I am.nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.0 -
Because a few of us have been with men like that. He may shut up about the weight and eating, but he'll find something else to criticize. This is controlling, abusive behavior. It isn't about her weight.i didn't defend his behavior; in fact, i think it's quite rude. but i don't get why instead of talking to him about it and telling him to shut up, our friend here is worrying. she needs to stick to her goals and her guns and feel good about herself for her own reasons!
And your post was all about "deserving" someone based solely on how a person looks. That says a lot about the motivation behind your advice. Like others have said, we get older and our bodies change. We lose and gain weight. We have babies and get stretch marks (except a lucky few). I know women who were teeny when they got pregnant, ended up with pre-eclampsia and gained a ton of weight and were never able to lose it.
People get injured and aren't able to be active anymore.
There's a reason the marriage vows say "for better or worse." And when it's "worse," unless the "worse" is having terribly negative effects on the other partner (addiction, for example), then you support your partner. You do not nag and abuse him or her.0 -
This is not neccessarily true. I believe I am very good looking the way I am, just want to improve and become healthier. People should not be depressed because they are overwieght or else it will make the journey that much harder. YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT and just HAVE THE WILL TO BETTER WHO YOU ARE. That also goes for inside and out.nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
Well... I can believe I'm beautiful and fat. I can believe I'm beautiful and thin. And there's a difference between having friends who help motivate you and keep you on track vs a friend/spouse/significant other who hounds you constantly and who all but tells you they won't love you if you don't lose weight or if you'll gain any more weight. That seemed to be what OP was saying.0 -
my photo is actually an old one to motivate me! not one of me now
No offense but who cares if that is an old picture of you. If you are using that as the one thing that prevents you from realizing your in an abusive relationship it really is time to think about things. You will never be successful at weight loss or even relationships for that matter if you do not start loving the person you see everyday...imperfections and all. The awesome thing about weight is you can lose the weight and still be just as beautiful as before just healthy....the sad thing is you can't easily repair damages that have been done to your self esteem by him.....which can lead you right back to weight gain over and over again. Love you girl for your rolls and all and make a decision to do this for you so you are healthy! This is part of you but it does not define you. You have to ask yourself if this relationship is so healthy for me why do I continue to gain weight?0 -
Simple. DTMFA. Save yourself years of pain and heartache and an eating disorder and finding out he's cheating and excusing him for cheating because it's your fault for being overweight and if you would only try harder he'd really love you!!! He's a jerk. Remove him from your life.0
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Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?
just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.
This. This right here is true. If someone is looking for the pity party, it won't matter how much we say or tell her to dump the dude. She won't.0 -
The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.
Ditto!0 -
The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.
Triple ditto.
"But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe0 -
my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him
i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it
i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!0 -
Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?
just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.
This. This right here is true. If someone is looking for the pity party, it won't matter how much we say or tell her to dump the dude. She won't.
i'm not looking for pity0 -
no, my post was about my own private, personal motivating factor, which im sure we all have. relationships should be balanced and healthy. i would never tolerate someone being derrogatory to me, and i dont think anyone should. abuse is never ok! but i dont think theres anything wrong with being realistic about one's body...that's where motivation comes from!0
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Trust me, I've had bodybuilder friends this way. If they are hooked on a chick with a perfect body, they will pursue them. You may be with him, but he may be looking to dump you for a better built female. Sorry if this isn't what you may want to hear, It's shallow I know, but do what you gotta do for you. The perfect body doesn't mean you caught the perfect male.0
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My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.
He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.
Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.
You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!
Take care, and good luck to you! 0 -
my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him
i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it
i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!
Really? If you were happy you wouldnt have had this thought in the first place. No women is happy in a relationship where he BF or Husband is making her feel bad about herself. You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him how you feel when he nags you about the gym, and talks about your weight gain. If he loves you like you say, he will understand and apologize and figure out a way to make you happy in your journey and be helpful instead of hurtful.0 -
I think you need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him how his comments make you feel...about how they are counter-productive and, at times, hurtful.
I had this issue last year. My wife, who had been fairly fit most of her life, was having trouble losing the weight after our second child. In November 2009, she decided on her own to begin her journey. She lost roughly 35 pounds. Sadly, I wasn't ready to go on the journey with her either in November 2009 or in the beginning of 2010. In the summer of 2010, I decided to give WW a try (that's what she did to lose the weight). I was making progress and lost 15 pounds in 2 months. However, I felt that my wife was being overly critical/judgmental during those 2 months. She would be critical if I had a bad meal or a bad day. She would ask me what I ate every day. I felt like I was being interrogated. Sadly, my mindset wasn't as strong last summer as it is this year. I'm not blaming my wife for me getting off the journey (and promptly regaining those 15 pounds), but she certainly did not help my mindset and mental preparedness for the journey. Sooooo...when I was again ready to start the journey this January, I sat my wife down and told her how her comments made me feel last year. I told her what she could do differently so that I would see her as being both supportive and not nagging. She appreciated me telling her those things and she has been perfect support this year. She understands that I'm going to have bad days and she doesn't interject. She sees the hard work I'm doing most days and she has affirmed my efforts. I love her for that and her approach this year has helped. However, I think my talk with her was necessary so that she understood how I felt. For you, don't assume your boyfriend understands how you feel. Perhaps he thinks this is the best way to motivate/support you. You have to explain why it isn't.0 -
You hit this on the nose:)My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.
He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.
Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.
You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!
Take care, and good luck to you!0 -
Probably late to the game here, and I didn't read any replies, but no. I don't have this problem. I wouldn't be with someone that put me down. It hurts too much and I've learned that there are people out there that can love me and support me without making me feel inferior.0
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My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.
He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.
Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.
You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!
Take care, and good luck to you!
thanks a lot for this post x0 -
no, my post was about my own private, personal motivating factor, which im sure we all have. relationships should be balanced and healthy. i would never tolerate someone being derrogatory to me, and i dont think anyone should. abuse is never ok! but i dont think theres anything wrong with being realistic about one's body...that's where motivation comes from!
well said. thanks for clearing that up.0 -
Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?
just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.
This. This right here is true. If someone is looking for the pity party, it won't matter how much we say or tell her to dump the dude. She won't.
i'm not looking for pity
You guys don't have to be so harsh to the OP...0 -
I think a lot of people are starting to get out of hand on this and are having a worst effect on her than her bf might. You guys don't know the full situation and need to be more open minded. Let her talk to him, I'm sure she will consider everything everyone has said. She will evaluate him, but SHE KNOW'S BEST. WE DO NOT KNOW HIM AT ALL!!!! We all are here for positive reasons, let's not be so judgemental and try to be more understanding.0
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My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.
He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.
Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.
You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!
Take care, and good luck to you!
thanks a lot for this post x
This post is dead on!!
Most important though, DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!0 -
I think a lot of people are starting to get out of hand on this and are having a worst effect on her than her bf might. You guys don't know the full situation and need to be more open minded. Let her talk to him, I'm sure she will consider everything everyone has said. She will evaluate him, but SHE KNOW'S BEST. WE DO NOT KNOW HIM AT ALL!!!! We all are here for positive reasons, let's not be so judgemental and try to be more understanding.
This too!!!0 -
Oye... sounds like your boyfriend is quite mean.0
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Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.
Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.0 -
my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him
i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it
i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!
for self-motivation, consider doing the activity in my will power blog below. of course, I still recommend talking to your boyfriend about how his comments make you feel. As I indicated above, he simply may not understand how you feel unless you tell him.0 -
Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.
Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.
not sure why u want to be my friend
and secondly not sure why i have accepted u0
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