Boyfriend Motivation???
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The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.
Ummm Hey this^^^^^^and also take a look in the mirror, if that is you in the picture you look great! Get rid of him! Many more out there that are not all a**holes!
i do not look like that now.. that was when i was 120lbs .. i'm much bigger now0 -
i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.
Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.
This post makes me sad.
totally agree with, I don't want to feel like I have to be someone I'm not to "deserve" the person I love. I deserve to be myself and to have that person love me for who I am.0 -
The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.
^^^what he said0 -
I read this this morning. I think it's appropriate to this thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/coloradocami/view/kids-today-162646.
I understand that if you complain a lot, he may be trying to motivate you. But his choice in motivation is abusive. And if he's doing it for his sake and not yours, that makes it worse.
My boyfriend got upset when I was losing weight. He said he liked me the size I was. I guess according to some people in this thread, I should have stayed that way and lived up (down?) to his standards. Because, after all, our bodies are not our own property.0 -
you're beautiful the way you are. I was looking at your pic and all I got to say is.....there is something wrong with him if he thinks you need to lose.0
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My husband does something similar but hes never told me I was fat. I decided to loose the weight when I found out that it could cause a problem as far as getting pregnant. You have to do this for you and no one else. As far as your snacking goes a little is fine and more is just to much. Self control is one those things that I really struggle with because I feel as though I should be able to snack. What Ive found is that eventually those chips add up and they have to be worked off eventually. So choose wisely and find a balance. And if it still bothers you the way he treats you well you can get rid of him or you can tell him how you feel. Be totally honest and transparent with him, see what happens. Good luck!0
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i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.
Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.
whoa...that was bizarre. sad outlook...
you're not supposed to live 'up' to your loved ones, your're supposed to live 'for' them. it's a relationship, not an auction!0 -
i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.
Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.
This post makes me sad.
DItto; this person clearly has body issues of their own that they may need to work on.0 -
Anyone who is emotionally abusive is a loser.I would not call the guy a loser...
I think he seems do be doing pretty well exercise wise/weight loss wise if I understand properly.
That being said, if he is a "sport nuts", he might want/expect his gf to be a "sport nuts" too. Which might not be your cup of tea!
Now you can jump on the bandwagon and "use" him for support/as a resource to lose some weight if you are happy about doing that for yourself. Why not after all? We need all the help we can get!
If he is forcing you to do it (or rather you DO NOT WANT to do it!) then I would call it a mismatch, have a conversation about it, and split.
I can be a bit like that sometimes too, and as unbelievable as it may sound, the guy is probably just trying to "help her" in his own way. Perhaps trying to help the relationship too if he does not want to be with an "inactive" girlfriend.
Truth is sometimes people need a slap in the face (me too) and who can be more blunt than your boyfriend/girlfriend/family/best friend? You need to know where you are at sometimes.
Most people (the people you meet everyday, colleagues,etc) don't really give a ****e about you and will tell you that you look fine, blablah. Because, it's not their role to tell you that you could possibly try to change something about yourself (not necessarily physical btw).
But I expect my close relatives to help me being a better person overall, and it can go through a bit of "friendly" bullying/motivation sometimes.
I am not talking the person constantly harassing you psychologically/hitting you with his fists obviously.
Difficult to assume anything given the length of the initial post.
EDIT: if you are uncomfortable with his way of doing things though, clearly worth discussing this with him.0 -
WOW I have had my eyes opened slightly by this thread...
I may go on about my weight gain a bit too much?? xx
Even if you do, he's not being motivational, he's being abusive. It's one thing to cheer you on when you make good choices. That's helpful. It's quite another thing though to hound you about what you eat. You said he's desperate for you to lose weight -- that's not the mindset of someone who's trying to motivate you to reach YOUR goals, that's the mindset of someone who wants to change you for his own personal reasons. And that is not cool.0 -
You look GREAT in your photo! I don't know why you're boyfriend is tripping. He should be happy to have someone like you. Seems pretty shallow to me.0
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nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.0
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nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
So that gives our SOs the right to verbally abuse us and put us down?0 -
You need someone that's going to make you feel good about yourself, and makes you want to be a better person. Is this person building you up? Or is he tearing you down?
I assume that if you're with him, he has some redeeming qualities and he's not an abusive prick. If he is an abusive prick, get away from that situation. If his isn't, then he'll listen to you when you tell him how he's being a complete ****.0 -
I agree!0
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If you want to lose weight, do it for you and you alone. This guy sounds extremely insecure, and although I would never BS some one and tell them my marriage is perfect, anyone with sense knows that in a long term relationship, bodies change, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. Sort of like a rollercoaster. My wife and I have been both up in weight and down, and although we do give eachother constructive critism, our jobs are to bolster eachothers self-confidence, not tear them down.
Talk to your boyfriend about this, he could be unaware that he is making you feel miserable and in his minde might think that he is motivating you. Sometimes even intelligent people are stupid. If the conversation is had maybe you will make him aware of his mistakes and he will amend his ways. If not and this type of harrassment continues, you can be fairly certain that he doesn't have your best interests in mind, that he is shallow and only appreciates you when you are up to his physical standards which is not emotionally healthy for you or him. If he is this controlling now, even if it's only passive aggressive, you can be sure that it will grow worse and spread to other aspects of your life other than diet and looks.
Like I said, have this conversation soon, because if not, this could worsen and worsen into a severely unhealthy relationship.0 -
nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
Not true.
Everyone IS beautiful the way they are. If THEY want to change, that's awesome, and we'll all support them on their journey. But nobody should be bullied into losing weight, especially by someone who is supposed to love them for who they are.0 -
Something to also think about... if you are planning on one day having children with this man your body will change A LOT. It's not just weight gain, but it's the stretch marks, sagging skin, widening hips, etc. It is difficult enough to accept and love your own body after having a baby, but it sounds like your boyfriend may have issues with it. Think long and hard before you commit to a person who focuses on the way you look and feed your insecurities rather than trying to eliminate them.0
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I would not call the guy a loser...
I think he seems do be doing pretty well exercise wise/weight loss wise if I understand properly.
That being said, if he is a "sport nuts", he might want/expect his gf to be a "sport nuts" too. Which might not be your cup of tea!
Now you can jump on the bandwagon and "use" him for support/as a resource to lose some weight if you are happy about doing that for yourself. Why not after all? We need all the help we can get!
If he is forcing you to do it (or rather you DO NOT WANT to do it!) then I would call it a mismatch, have a conversation about it, and split.
I don't think that's the problem.
The problem is that she is trying to lose weight but her boyfriend is being unsupportive by making rude comments that put her down. A lot of women tend to go to food when they're upset, and this could drive her to eat or binge.
He isn't asking her to be a sports nut, he's asking her to be skinny. He's putting her down with his remarks, which is not motivating, it's depressing.
If that is you currently in your picture, then I wouldn't worry about losing weight, I'd worry about maintaining. I would never put up with my boyfriend making remarks about my weight, personally. I love myself too much to deal with that crap. Lose the guy if it continues, learn to love yourself and find someone who loves you for YOU.0 -
i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.
Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.
Why would you say that to yourself and why would your mom say something like that to you? You deserve him because he obviously loves you for your inside and not just your looks. This post really bothers me because you are letting others dictate how you live your life. Noone needs to swap down as you put it....you should NEVER settle for less than you are worth. Does your boyfriend even know you feel this way?0 -
The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Agree 100%. My fiance is in the military. He works out every morning as well. He doesnt care how i look, its not whats important to him. The best thing about it, is he helps with my motivations, says if its what i really want to do, he supports me! In my opinnion, you need a better support system, because he definatly isnt helping you! Good luck dear! Dont let him take you down! Get to a point where your happy with yourself. If hes not happy with it, thats his own fault!0 -
To give you an honest answer, I DID have this problem. I dated an abusive, controlling, jerk for two years. He was overweight himself and was very insecure about it. He projected all his insecurity on to me. I was not fat by any means, never have been, but I wasn't a supermodel either. He pushed me to workout with him. At first I thought it was going to be good for me. But because he was so controlling, he started to tell me what to do at the gym, telling me things like what I was doing was never going to get me fit, which of course was extremely annoying and not motivational.
Don't let yourself suffer any amount of abuse. Too many people have to learn the hard way. My fiance now has never said a negative thing about my weight. He encourages me completely and never tells me what I should/shouldn't do. And that's why I'm marrying him!0 -
my photo is actually an old one to motivate me! not one of me now0
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nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
totally disagree. I'm beautiful just the way I am and always have been. I came here initally to be healthier and stronger, always for myself, and very little to do with outward appearance. I found that I like the appearance of muscles on me, didn't know that before, added bonus. I stay because I want to continue my current fitness level and need to balance that with food.
This is called "myfitnesspal" not "let's get beautiful friends"0 -
The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Amen0 -
i didn't defend his behavior; in fact, i think it's quite rude. but i don't get why instead of talking to him about it and telling him to shut up, our friend here is worrying. she needs to stick to her goals and her guns and feel good about herself for her own reasons!0
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This may be the first time I am opposed to what other's or saying, but I have been in a similar situation. When I first started loosing weight, my gf wanted to loose weight also and would talk about it all the time. Even buy kettle bells and workout dvd's. She had a membership to a gym and constantly talked to me about the values of eating healthy. Anyway, I listened and got on track and am having great success. However, she is not nearly as motivated as I am, so I try to push her. She is extremely unhappy with where she is, so I do the same your bf does.... ask what she ate, did she workout, invite her to workout with me. I don't insult her, but she seems to get offended by it. What I am trying to say here, is do your best not to get offended. All we can gather from your blog is that he tries to motivate you in an ineffective mannor. Maybe talk to him about it or find a way to allow yourself to be motivated. Just be confident in your relationship with him and try to get there. If he got with you when you were overweight, I'm sure he wouldn't leave you just because you haven't lost weight. In that case, he would be a jerk and you should feel good moving on from him. Hope this helps.0
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nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
I'll give you that, but there's a difference between having friends who help motivate you and keep you on track vs a friend/spouse/significant other who hounds you constantly and who all but tells you they won't love you if you don't lose weight or if you'll gain any more weight. That seemed to be what OP was saying.0 -
My boyfriend is DESPERATE for me to lose weight. He makes comments constantly about my weight gain in a joking/funny way but I know he is being deadly serious. He asks me everyday what I have ate and if I have been to gym and won't allow me to snack in front of him, and if I do he puts me down.
I do moan to him about my looks and if I feel fat, i winge!
He has the perfect body and goes to the gym every morning without fail. I wish I had his motivation, but the more he puts me down the more I want to eat to act like I'm not bothered what he says.
Does anyone else have this problem?
I did have that problem with a guy I was dating. He was constantly on me about being healthy and going to the gym. And I went to the gym regularly. He had a gym in his home and didnt exercise nearly as much as I did. But he felt the need to badger me about it all the time. He was in decent shape but that did not give him the right to ride me about my own choices. And I didnt gain any weight while I was dating him so I didnt understand why he became this way. Basically he was an azz and didnt even deserve my time, finally I wisened up and let him go. I've dated some pretty out of shape guys and I never once thought to badger them about their weight, I liked them just the way they were.0 -
nobody who believes they are "beautiful just the way they are" belongs on a fitness site. if ya'll really believed this, you'd be content with your bodies and nobody would be putting up topics like this in the first place.
Well... I can believe I'm beautiful and fat. I can believe I'm beautiful and thin. And there's a difference between having friends who help motivate you and keep you on track vs a friend/spouse/significant other who hounds you constantly and who all but tells you they won't love you if you don't lose weight or if you'll gain any more weight. That seemed to be what OP was saying.0
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