Boyfriend Motivation???
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my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him
i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it
i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!
Do you have a sister?:flowerforyou:0 -
Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.
Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.
not sure why u want to be my friend
and secondly not sure why i have accepted u
I was replying to riyahroyce, not you OP.0 -
Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...
YOU LEAVE HIM.
What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.0 -
I'd stop worrying about my weight, and start worrying about my horrifyingly low levels of self-esteem. I hope you figure out why what your boyfriend is doing to you is so incredibly wrong. Neither of you will be happy with you even after you lose weight.0
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The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.
someone with common sense, BINGO!!!0 -
Agreed. My apologies on the pity post. I have 6 sisters. 3 have gone through unhealthy relationships. When I hear the sob story of how they don't get treated right for the 10th time, and I show support by threatening with my fists, they say no no no. He was just having a bad day. So I tend to be desensitized when I see the whole "he makes fun of me, but he still loves me" post/routine/act. As someone said, either stay in and use it for motivation, or bounce and continue living however it makes you happy. Once again, I apologize.0
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Eww no... If I had this problem I'd leave his *kitten* and find someone worth my time. You can do better than a control freak loser.
Just sayin'
LMAO, soooo true!!! Girl you are better than that and gorgeous, you really deserve a man that appreciates you in and out.. Good Luck!!!0 -
You accepted them because you are a nice person, but be careful not to accept people who aren't going to motivate you. Their methods may not work for you. You can always remove them as a friend:)Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.
Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.
not sure why u want to be my friend
and secondly not sure why i have accepted u0 -
Awesome Job! Way to take control of your life!It isn't you - it is him. He is being a @$$. It is a form of abuse (emotional and verbally). I put up with it for almost 5 years from my soon to be ex husband. I finally had enough in June and left him - working on the divorce now. I was never small (he married me big), but having 2 babies put more strain on my body. He wasn't that good looking either - he just like to put me down to feel better about himself. I have since lost 56 lbs, and he is jealous of what I have become and not his anymore. I am dating another guy who worships me and is always complimenting me. I now have low self-esteem because his my ex's abuse - don't allow him to treat you this way. Find someone who will worship you - you are worth so much more than anyone's abuse.
Thanks - I appreciate this. It took me a while to finally get the courage to walk away, but it is the best thing I could have done for myself and my babies.0 -
Wow! it looks like you really took this out of context. She said that he makes comments and asks if what she has done. It may not be the best method, but to me it's sounds like he cares about her and loves her. Another note... Pathetic??? Really??? I don't think so. You don't know the full situation.Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...
YOU LEAVE HIM.
What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.0 -
The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.
Yeah. what HE said. Anyone who puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself is NOT worth having in your life.0 -
i don't think your bf is a loser and you need to dump him like everyone else is saying. i think he's just trying to motivate you, he just doesn't know HOW to motivate you. so he's motivating you in the manner in which would get HIM motivated. you just need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you see and appreciate what he's trying to accomplish, especially since you brought it on by complaining about your body in the first place. but the way he's doing it isn't working for you. but the most important thing: HAVE WAYS THAT HE CAN MOTIVATE THAT WOULD WORK FOR YOU ALREADY IN MIND!!!! don't come to this convo empty handed, because most guys are problem solvers. you complain, we find a way to fix the problem. you complain about weight, so he tries to get you to eat better and work out. the way he's doing it is not working for you, so you need to give him at least 3 things he can do that would work better for him to get him started. he'll come up with more on his own afterwards, but he's gonna need to know what works for you to give him a push and get him started. most women will just complain/vent to us with no solution in mind, which leaves us to our own devices to come up with one. you may not even WANT a solution, you just want to be heard. so you should make this known up front. and if his solution isn't working, come with suggestions.0
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i don't think your bf is a loser and you need to dump him like everyone else is saying. i think he's just trying to motivate you, he just doesn't know HOW to motivate you. so he's motivating you in the manner in which would get HIM motivated. you just need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you see and appreciate what he's trying to accomplish, especially since you brought it on by complaining about your body in the first place. but the way he's doing it isn't working for you. but the most important thing: HAVE WAYS THAT HE CAN MOTIVATE THAT WOULD WORK FOR YOU ALREADY IN MIND!!!! don't come to this convo empty handed, because most guys are problem solvers. you complain, we find a way to fix the problem. you complain about weight, so he tries to get you to eat better and work out. the way he's doing it is not working for you, so you need to give him at least 3 things he can do that would work better for him to get him started. he'll come up with more on his own afterwards, but he's gonna need to know what works for you to give him a push and get him started. most women will just complain/vent to us with no solution in mind, which leaves us to our own devices to come up with one. you may not even WANT a solution, you just want to be heard. so you should make this known up front. and if his solution isn't working, come with suggestions.
thank u x0 -
Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...
YOU LEAVE HIM.
What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.
it must be nice to have your crystal ball so you can see and know everything about everyone.
advice is one thing, but to lay down the 'pathetic' verdict is just bad form. grow up.0 -
So the "Dump the loser" answer is so simple to throw out there, that's why everyone does it.
But there are several issues here. You say he says this stuff about your weight as a joke, but you know "he's deadly serious". You're calling him out on his intent on MFP forum. Have you called him on his intent to his face? That's the kind of communication you need.
Does he really know that your feelings are hurt, and that his approach to your obesity problem is counter-productive and will ultimately backfire? You need to effectively help him to understand this reality. Argument and accusations and threats will not help him understand; instead it will divide. Effective communication with the goal of a better understanding and cooperative effort to reach your solution to obesity.
That is what you want, right? Lose weight? He's trying to help. And he's doing a crappy job of it now. But he doesn't realize how its hurting you. Communicate.
But you really would do well to reflect on his traits. His lack of sensitivity should be something you think about. He needs to be more sensitive towards you. Can he improve? Is he willing to do so? If yes to both, you may have a good guy there. If he can't or won't, that's almost a bigger problem than his insensitivity.
Investing in a relationship with someone only to watch it unravel at some point is not fun. Better to unravel sooner rather than later, if that is to be the final outcome.0 -
i think he's just trying to motivate you, he just doesn't know HOW to motivate you. so he's motivating you in the manner in which would get HIM motivated. you just need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you see and appreciate what he's trying to accomplish, especially since you brought it on by complaining about your body in the first place. but the way he's doing it isn't working for you.
I complain to my husband all the time about feeling fat, so when he saw me eating junk food he would comment on it and say things like "you've already had a lot to eat." I would get really upset and he didn't know why. He wasn't being a jerk on purpose or being emotionally abusive. Finally I told him that for me, pointing out my eating habits was the same as calling me fat. He was surprised that I felt that way, and he said he was only trying to remind me of my goals. He has since stopped commenting on my eating habits, and now he says nice things like "you went to the gym four times this week, good job!" or "the dinner you made tonight was tasted really good and it was healthy." Having an honest talk with your bf will make a big difference!0 -
A person who loves someone doesn't callously put them down. Hear what you're saying: he won't help you. I love my wife and would do ANYTHING to help her. I don't buy that he's in love with you. You may want to just believe that.my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him
i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it
i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!0 -
Oy~ Yes Youre right I dont know the ****uation only what she posts, My closure should have said that SHES not the pathetic one ~HE is, as a man or whomever the person may be to not support/help/ their partner is Pathetic.
Yes he makes comments but Im 'telling' her its one thing if shes crying to him while not doing anything about it I understand the tough love approach of making comments, I would too if she was my friend,
BUT if he is just belittling her & shes trying then that is different & its wrong,Wow! it looks like you really took this out of context. She said that he makes comments and asks if what she has done. It may not be the best method, but to me it's sounds like he cares about her and loves her. Another note... Pathetic??? Really??? I don't think so. You don't know the full situation.Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...
YOU LEAVE HIM.
What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.0 -
UGH~ Grow up??? I should have worded that a bit better ~
My closing statement was directed towards HIM I should have put 'HIM' instead of 'PEOPLE'
you know as in PEOPLE LIKE HIM ~
I hope to have made that as clear as my 'crystal ball'Its one thing if youre crying to him with a mouth full of twinkies about your weight & he is offering you tough love but if hes making statements out of nowhere that insult you then its simple,...
YOU LEAVE HIM.
What is wrong with people? UGh its pathetic.
it must be nice to have your crystal ball so you can see and know everything about everyone.
advice is one thing, but to lay down the 'pathetic' verdict is just bad form. grow up.0 -
Honey if you want a serious relationship let's say end up marrying him when you get pregnant .... what WOULDN'T he say?!
like i get that he wants you to look skinny cuz maybe that's his fantasy or what he likes it's normal but not normal enough to make fun he should HELP instead!!!!!!!!!! and encourage you he either sucks or sucks at expressing why he wants you thinner he might cause an eating disorder!!!!!!!! if you want tell him to treat you differently and help you out if he still mocks and barely helps then dumpppp0 -
Listen, people, when a man gets with a woman who weas 126 lbs and then all the sudden she weighs 158, he has every right to tell her to lose the weight. After all, he signed up for life with a hot skinny chick, not a hot curvy chick. And looks matter! I mean, what's the point of going to the gym every day and being fit if you have to be seen with somebody whose BMI is four pounds over normal? I mean, gross, right?0
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I am in a wonderful seven year relationship with a 62 year old 6-pack fitness mania marine. When it started I was 273 pounds...I'm down to 245 this week.
He's been supportive of my efforts to lose weight and provides positive comments along the way. Just last night he said "You deserve a piece of apple pie - I am so pround of the way you have really been working out and on losing weight for the last 4 weeks."
I think I am hard enough on myself. I don't need anyone else to be hard on me. I am doing this for myself. I don't think anyone else can nag or berate me into doing this. Tell that guy to get lost!0 -
:laugh: Thats funny!
One time I was trying to diet and my EX-husband told me "If I wanted a skinny woman I would have married one!" He was a beautifully formed weight lifter! :laugh:0 -
:laugh: Thats funny!
One time I was trying to diet and my EX-husband told me "If I wanted a skinny woman I would have married one!" He was a beautifully formed weight lifter! :laugh:0 -
Listen, people, when a man gets with a woman who weas 126 lbs and then all the sudden she weighs 158, he has every right to tell her to lose the weight. After all, he signed up for life with a hot skinny chick, not a hot curvy chick. And looks matter! I mean, what's the point of going to the gym every day and being fit if you have to be seen with somebody whose BMI is four pounds over normal? I mean, gross, right?
Oh, and to the OP:
Dump him, get smokin' hot just for you, and find someone else who will love you.0 -
:laugh:0
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Listen, people, when a man gets with a woman who weas 126 lbs and then all the sudden she weighs 158, he has every right to tell her to lose the weight. After all, he signed up for life with a hot skinny chick, not a hot curvy chick. And looks matter! I mean, what's the point of going to the gym every day and being fit if you have to be seen with somebody whose BMI is four pounds over normal? I mean, gross, right?
And when a man gets with a woman who is 26 does he expect her to never age, I mean she didn't have wrinkles when they met? What about pregnancy, you realize your SUPPOSED to gain weight during pregnancy, right? Oh, and that bish better not get stretch marks, because he didn't sign up for that after all she didn't have those to begin with. And the bish's body better return to statuesque after the pregnancy withing like 3 days, and nothing about her physiology better change in the process including boob perkiness and the spread of her hips (even though you know that happens naturally through hormones) and let us not forget her tw*t.
And for same a man fluctuate a few pounds right? HA!
Love isn't this shallow.
(yes, i see the sarcasm, i'm just fired up)0 -
And the bish's body better return to statuesque after the pregnancy withing like 3 days, and nothing about her physiology better change in the process including boob perkiness and the spread of her hips (even though you know that happens naturally through hormones) and let us not forget her tw*t.
And for same a man fluctuate a few pounds right? HA!
This is why you marry one woman to have some children with, then dump her for a hot chick who is happy with being a stepmother! Duh.
But seriously, OP, DTMFA0 -
hahaha & I get bashed for my statement,..
You guys are too awesome!0 -
I completely agree! I have a close friend whose EX husband used to cut her down all the time. He even had an affair on her when she was pregnant with his second child and had gained weight. My friend is beautiful, skinny, athletic and the heaviest I have ever seen her was when she was pregnant, and the weight came right off. She took him back, but he continued to belittle her weight or make snide comments about the house and all together they had 4 kids. He didn't do a thing to help when he was home, but she worked full time outside of the home, took care of the kids and was up everyday at 4am in the gym all to try to make HIM happy. She finally had the sense to end it with him, and get out of that emotionally & sometimes physically abusive relationship and is now married to one of the most wonderful men in the world who is incredibly loving and finds her to be beautiful no matter what she looks like that day.
You are young - so be smart and find someone who will appreciate your beauty both inside and out, and not make you feel like you want to eat because they are making you feel so bad. You aren't married - so leaving him should be no problem! Good luck - keep your chin up, and realize your own self worth and that life is WAY to short to stay in a relationship with someone who cuts you down.The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.
Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.
Best of luck to you.0
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