Boyfriend Motivation???

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  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.

    Triple ditto.

    "But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
  • ineed2bskinny
    ineed2bskinny Posts: 62
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    my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him

    i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it

    i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!
  • ineed2bskinny
    ineed2bskinny Posts: 62
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    Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?

    just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.

    This. This right here is true. If someone is looking for the pity party, it won't matter how much we say or tell her to dump the dude. She won't.

    i'm not looking for pity
  • riyahroyce
    riyahroyce Posts: 21
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    no, my post was about my own private, personal motivating factor, which im sure we all have. relationships should be balanced and healthy. i would never tolerate someone being derrogatory to me, and i dont think anyone should. abuse is never ok! but i dont think theres anything wrong with being realistic about one's body...that's where motivation comes from!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,708 Member
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    Trust me, I've had bodybuilder friends this way. If they are hooked on a chick with a perfect body, they will pursue them. You may be with him, but he may be looking to dump you for a better built female. Sorry if this isn't what you may want to hear, It's shallow I know, but do what you gotta do for you. The perfect body doesn't mean you caught the perfect male.
  • sarasuttle
    sarasuttle Posts: 1
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    My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.

    He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.

    Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

    You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.

    You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!

    Take care, and good luck to you! :smile:
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him

    i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it

    i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!

    Really? If you were happy you wouldnt have had this thought in the first place. No women is happy in a relationship where he BF or Husband is making her feel bad about herself. You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him how you feel when he nags you about the gym, and talks about your weight gain. If he loves you like you say, he will understand and apologize and figure out a way to make you happy in your journey and be helpful instead of hurtful.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
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    I think you need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him how his comments make you feel...about how they are counter-productive and, at times, hurtful.

    I had this issue last year. My wife, who had been fairly fit most of her life, was having trouble losing the weight after our second child. In November 2009, she decided on her own to begin her journey. She lost roughly 35 pounds. Sadly, I wasn't ready to go on the journey with her either in November 2009 or in the beginning of 2010. In the summer of 2010, I decided to give WW a try (that's what she did to lose the weight). I was making progress and lost 15 pounds in 2 months. However, I felt that my wife was being overly critical/judgmental during those 2 months. She would be critical if I had a bad meal or a bad day. She would ask me what I ate every day. I felt like I was being interrogated. Sadly, my mindset wasn't as strong last summer as it is this year. I'm not blaming my wife for me getting off the journey (and promptly regaining those 15 pounds), but she certainly did not help my mindset and mental preparedness for the journey. Sooooo...when I was again ready to start the journey this January, I sat my wife down and told her how her comments made me feel last year. I told her what she could do differently so that I would see her as being both supportive and not nagging. She appreciated me telling her those things and she has been perfect support this year. She understands that I'm going to have bad days and she doesn't interject. She sees the hard work I'm doing most days and she has affirmed my efforts. I love her for that and her approach this year has helped. However, I think my talk with her was necessary so that she understood how I felt. For you, don't assume your boyfriend understands how you feel. Perhaps he thinks this is the best way to motivate/support you. You have to explain why it isn't.
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
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    You hit this on the nose:)
    My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.

    He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.

    Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

    You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.

    You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!

    Take care, and good luck to you! :smile:
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Probably late to the game here, and I didn't read any replies, but no. I don't have this problem. I wouldn't be with someone that put me down. It hurts too much and I've learned that there are people out there that can love me and support me without making me feel inferior.
  • ineed2bskinny
    ineed2bskinny Posts: 62
    Options
    My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.

    He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.

    Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

    You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.

    You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!

    Take care, and good luck to you! :smile:


    thanks a lot for this post x
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    no, my post was about my own private, personal motivating factor, which im sure we all have. relationships should be balanced and healthy. i would never tolerate someone being derrogatory to me, and i dont think anyone should. abuse is never ok! but i dont think theres anything wrong with being realistic about one's body...that's where motivation comes from!

    well said. thanks for clearing that up.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Options
    Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?

    just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.

    This. This right here is true. If someone is looking for the pity party, it won't matter how much we say or tell her to dump the dude. She won't.

    i'm not looking for pity

    You guys don't have to be so harsh to the OP...
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
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    I think a lot of people are starting to get out of hand on this and are having a worst effect on her than her bf might. You guys don't know the full situation and need to be more open minded. Let her talk to him, I'm sure she will consider everything everyone has said. She will evaluate him, but SHE KNOW'S BEST. WE DO NOT KNOW HIM AT ALL!!!! We all are here for positive reasons, let's not be so judgemental and try to be more understanding.
  • flea2449
    flea2449 Posts: 500 Member
    Options
    My first thought, and apparently most everyone else's, is that your boyfriend is shallow and mean...HOWEVER...sometimes people feel a certain way, but they don't know how to convey what they are feeling properly...and it can come across as them being mean when they are only trying to help you.

    He jokes (which means that he is not trying to hurt your feelings--so he isn't a complete jerk)...but if he has the perfect body and goes to the gym everyday...most healthy people seek other healthy people, and perhaps he sees your unhappiness and wants you to become the best you that you can possibly be...some men just don't know how to sugarcoat things like we want them to.

    Instead of eating more (which is only hurting yourself)...eat right...exercise...even use his comments for motivation if you need to...and become the best you. Don't do it for him...do it for you...and in the process...evaluate your relationship with this man...and ask yourself if he truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

    You look beautiful in your picture...you can do whatever you set your mind to...and just think...if he isn't the one, or if he is the one...it won't matter...because YOU will be in shape and feel amazing about your body and yourself...and there are SO MANY other fish in the sea who will appreciate you and your efforts if this guy isn't the one.

    You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You can do this!

    Take care, and good luck to you! :smile:


    thanks a lot for this post x


    This post is dead on!!

    Most important though, DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!
  • flea2449
    flea2449 Posts: 500 Member
    Options
    I think a lot of people are starting to get out of hand on this and are having a worst effect on her than her bf might. You guys don't know the full situation and need to be more open minded. Let her talk to him, I'm sure she will consider everything everyone has said. She will evaluate him, but SHE KNOW'S BEST. WE DO NOT KNOW HIM AT ALL!!!! We all are here for positive reasons, let's not be so judgemental and try to be more understanding.

    This too!!!
  • BSero1982
    BSero1982 Posts: 45
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    Oye... sounds like your boyfriend is quite mean.
  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
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    Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.

    Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    Options
    my boyfriend does love me and i love him.. i don't think dumping him will solve anything because i am happy with him

    i have been fatter now for about a year, it's just now i really want to do something about it

    i ahev been trying for a while but i'm struggling.. just camer across this site and hope it will help me as my bf isn't!

    for self-motivation, consider doing the activity in my will power blog below. of course, I still recommend talking to your boyfriend about how his comments make you feel. As I indicated above, he simply may not understand how you feel unless you tell him.
  • ineed2bskinny
    ineed2bskinny Posts: 62
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    Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections.

    Wow... here's to hoping you and your boyfriend are never maimed or disfigured.

    not sure why u want to be my friend
    and secondly not sure why i have accepted u

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