married women,does your man...?

WhitneyJerome

My husband cares deeply. He is taller than I am and extremely fit. I am not super heavy, never have been--my usual weight is on the high side of healthy BMI (I am now like 0.5 into the overweight category)--but I will admit my current weight doesn't look good and he doesn't make any bones about that. He definitely loves me and is faithful, and we have been married a long time, but he doesn't tell me I am beautiful anymore because he doesn't see it. I am a little sad about that but I respect that it's his truth. I can't be indignant because I don't think my body looks good either; I just haven't yet been able to summon the strength to eat well enough to fix it. I try to view the subject as all my issue, but his disapproval does introduce a weird dynamic sometimes, in which I don't want to do what he wants me to do if I am unhappy with him or how he's acting.

I'm sorry. This makes me sad.

Me too. I work with a woman whose husband is the same way, and she is constantly worried about losing weight for him. He didn't want to touch her or even look at her when she was overweight. She had weight-loss surgery that went horribly awry and ended up having most of her stomach removed. She will now have a lifelong battle with malnutrition, but her husband is, in her words, more wiling to be seen with her in public now. That was pretty shocking to me.

This last situation bears no resemblance at all to mine. You can be sad for me if you want, but I don't think my husband's unwillingness to pretend 30 lbs of extra fat on me looks good makes this a Lifetime movie. He's right--it doesn't. Our love life is good, he says nice things to me, we go out and have a great time, and he's a good guy. He's just not a liar (he's an engineer, they are kind of unable to lie for social purposes). I actually have a hard time believing there are men who are themselves fit who don't care if their wives are fat. They are just smart enough to keep their mouths shut.

I agree with the last. My husband has never made references to my weight so much as my fitness. He is very fit and has a very high metabolism (he can eat anything and not gain a pound) I know he definitely likes me more when I've lost some weight but he didn't love me any less when I was bigger. He just liked me being fit. He is a big hunter and he would always throw a fit when I couldn't keep up with him. Our biggest problems when I was bigger was my lack of self- confidence. I would complain about being fat all the time and I was never ever satisfied with the way I looked. Instead of saying "ya lay off the cookies fatty" he would simply say "if you don't like how you look then do something about it". So thats what I'm doing

Hellbent_Heidi

This last situation bears no resemblance at all to mine. You can be sad for me if you want, but I don't think my husband's unwillingness to pretend 30 lbs of extra fat on me looks good makes this a Lifetime movie. He's right--it doesn't. Our love life is good, he says nice things to me, we go out and have a great time, and he's a good guy. He's just not a liar (he's an engineer, they are kind of unable to lie for social purposes). I actually have a hard time believing there are men who are themselves fit who don't care if their wives are fat. They are just smart enough to keep their mouths shut.

I'm going to have to agree with you there...I think a lot of men DO care, and they say it doesn't bother them because they really do love their wives and don't want to hurt her feelings. I posted here earlier that I was quite a bit heavier when I met and married my husband, but I know he prefers me to be more fit and is more attracted to me now than he was before. Its no secret that we ALL want to be physically attracted to the person they are with (in addition to loving that person for who they are on the inside), and that doesn't make anyone a bad guy for feeling that way. I'm not going to lie and pretend I'd be thrilled if my husband gained 50 or 60 lbs. I'd still love him the same for the man he is, but I wouldn't be so anxious to jump his bones either!

someonelikemyself

i love the replies so sincere with details that help us imagine and relate to the situation!
thanks everyone

someonelikemyself

My husband cares deeply. He is taller than I am and extremely fit. I am not super heavy, never have been--my usual weight is on the high side of healthy BMI (I am now like 0.5 into the overweight category)--but I will admit my current weight doesn't look good and he doesn't make any bones about that. He definitely loves me and is faithful, and we have been married a long time, but he doesn't tell me I am beautiful anymore because he doesn't see it. I am a little sad about that but I respect that it's his truth. I can't be indignant because I don't think my body looks good either; I just haven't yet been able to summon the strength to eat well enough to fix it. I try to view the subject as all my issue, but his disapproval does introduce a weird dynamic sometimes, in which I don't want to do what he wants me to do if I am unhappy with him or how he's acting.

awww so sweet i love your reply and hpow deep it is with complete honesty. I must say what urged me to "Quote this reply" is that i totalllyyy love how you respect what he thinks meaning, you can't blame him for not thinking your body looks good BECAUSE you don't think so anyway... that's exactly how i feel about people talking about my weight. Some say i have a good body (because they're inda chubby or mothers) and some say "if she loses the weight.... she'd look better,,,, or her problem is she's full" i'm in the 140's and 5'4 almost overweight i fluctuate. But i'm proportional and kinda toned...but again i dn;t blame them cuz the people surrounding me are so into media and are mostly considered slim.

ahhh pain but what's good news for us is that we woudlnt' have to lose more than 20 pounds. be happy and congratulate yourself for not being in denial" trust me that's the worst part!!!! you're beautiful but not fit please don't confuse the two

julietsingleton

My Husband actually got upset the first time i started loosing weight and was stroppy with me for a while! He is ok now, but says it didn't make any difference to him if i lost weight or not! I don't know if he was worried about me loosing weight and running off with someone else or something silly like that? :ohwell:

YepItsTime

Wow, no one else's husband cares? It bothers my husband A LOT. Big, bold font A LOT.