Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

42hockeymom

this! and...
I have a 12yo daughter, I am dreading this day as she just began menstruating. I would have to have a serious talk about the intense adult ramifications involved with sex and to lighten it up I would give her an aspirin to keep in her purse. When with a boy and feels the need for birth control, she is to hold the aspirin between her knees until the treat has passed. This is effective protection against STDs and pregnancy!

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

I don't get this?

I think it was a joke. She said, "To lighten it up ..."

Yeah, I don't understand the joke...I don't understand what she's actually saying

You keep your knees together.... no sex.... I got a good chuckle from it. Cute, and I'm guessing that the poster was doing just that, joking.

I'm a huge advocate of abstinence. And I preach it non-stop to my daughters. However, I've also said to them, that if they find themselves in a situation where they've decided to have sex, to please remember to have safe sex and explained to them what that entails in these times, because it was different when I was their age.

However, just because a 15 yo girl is on birth control does not automatically mean she's having sex. There are MEDICAL reasons for them to take it. My oldest daughter was one of them. Let's not stigmatize all girls who take hormones for medical reasons as girls who are having sex willy nilly.

Now, if my 14 yo came to me and asked to be put on the pill for birth control only, 1) I'd be happy she came to me because she knew she could talk to me; and 2) DISCUSS DISCUSS DISCUSS why. Here is what it boils down to in my house and how I've presented this to my daughters. Your virginity is something that should be treated as a gift, because you will NEVER get that back. So MAKE SURE the man you give your gift to is worthy, otherwise, move on and find the one who is and who will understand what he is getting. I'm also one who doesn't make talking about sex dirty, my husband finds it uncomfortable and likes to defer to me when he can, but steps up when it's his time to. We're not perfect parents, sadly, the girls don't tell me EVERYTHING but they've come to us and can talk to us. For this I am very thankful.

daybyday

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

^^ This. I have 2 sons (18 & 14) and I threaten them with an inch of their lives that they better not get a girl pregnant and make me a grandma in my 40s. Seriously, I would rather have them protected. Better safe than sorry!!

macpatti

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

^^ This. I have 2 sons (18 & 14) and I threaten them with an inch of their lives that they better not get a girl pregnant and make me a grandma in my 40s. Seriously, I would rather have them protected. Better safe than sorry!!

But, are YOU willing to provide that protection?

valeriebpdx

Seriously, I would rather have them protected. Better safe than sorry!!

But, are YOU willing to provide that protection?

I sure as hell am. I really don't understand the distinction you're making here. You acknowledge they'll probably have sex and you hope they might be responsible enough to get their own condoms and it's all cool as long as you're not involved? It has been proven thousands of times that teenagers' brains aren't finished developing, and the part that's not done is seeing how one's current actions will affect one's future. If I have to be the one to bridge that divide for my sons with some proactive prophylaxis, it's a whole lot better than just taking my chances and seeing what happens. Amen.

calibri

Wow, the claws didn't come out for awhile; pretty surprising.

sexforjaffacakes

Yes, it was a joke .. a very old joke. Are you guys serious about not 'getting' it? Do I need to splain it to you?

Thanks for the patronizing there, no, what I don't get is the aspirin bit

"I would give her an aspirin to keep in her purse. When with a boy and feels the need for birth control, she is to hold the aspirin between her knees until the treat has passed. This is effective protection against STDs and pregnancy!"

"hold the 'aspirin' between her knees until the 'treat' has passed" <--- 'these bits' I do not get.

daffodilsoup

You keep your knees together.... no sex.... I got a good chuckle from it. Cute, and I'm guessing that the poster was doing just that, joking.

Anyone who thinks you can't have sex with your knees together needs to buy a copy of the Kama Sutra

Also, this is a little bit of a branch off the original topic, but I guess I'm just one of "those types", but what is the big deal about sex? If both the boy and girl are responsible, safe, and smart about it, why does it matter? Yes, there is a pretty miniscule chance that birth control will fail, but the pill/ring/whatever combined with condom use pretty much seals the deal. Also, the conversation that would come with my hypothetical daughter going on Birth Control would include this. Granted, I don't ever plan on having kids, so maybe I'm not the best person to answer this.

I believe that sex is always BETTER with someone you love, but even if you're not in love with someone, it still feels pretty great. I guess I don't get why kids are always taught that sex is only 'permissible' when you're in a monogamous relationship. How many people really only have sex with one person, or date one person in their whole life?

micls

How many people really only have sex with one person, or date one person in their whole life?

Me....well that's the plan anyway. However, I also agree with everything you've said.

suzycreamcheese

if youre made to feel bad about having sex with more than one person in your life, then its a big risk youll end up sticking with the wrong one. Im so glad im not married or still with the first guy i ever fell in love with, let alone had sex with

caramkoala

Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!

My girls are 6 and 7. I hope I can stay calm long enough to chat with her about it, and make her that appointment. I figure if I get to this point, I've already done a lot of things RIGHT, so why stop now?

I work in a high school, with 14-15 year old kids this year, and after the health teacher leaves there are always questions, I find they appreciate honesty more than anything.

castadiva

i'm not a parent either, but my concern would be that if she's on birth control, then guys could easily talk themselves out of using a condom. too many std's for that.

edited to add: i think i would prefer my daughter to come home pregnant than to contract aids.

Er, this really doesn't make sense. If she's at risk of coming home pregnant through failure to use a condom, she's equally at risk of coming home with HIV/AIDS. Both pregnancy and STDs/HIV are the product of unprotected sex. Being on birth control reduces the risk of the former (though not 100%) but failure to use a condom can lead to either. As for "guys talking themselves out of using a condom", that's not just their choice - I sincerely hope tat your guidance and support as her parent would leave your putative daughter with the knowledge, confidence and self-esteem to insist that her partner wore a condom whether she was on birth control or not.

As for the initial question, if your teenager requests birth control, male or female, for heavens' sake, make sure they get birth control! Be glad they are sensible and responsible enough to think about their choices and decisions, and to take steps to avoid the potential negative repercussions, and are comfortable enough with you to ask someone they can trust for help with this sensitive and sometimes embarrassing subject. If they have decided to have sex they will do so, without necessary protection if you prevent them from getting it - teenage pregnancy and STD statistics prove this only too well. It may also be that your daughter/son has no intention of becoming sexually active right now, but wants to be prepared when she/he does, which I personally think is laudable! There may also be a curiosity factor, or wanting to keep up with his/her peers, or subconsciously, a desire for you to acknowledge them as an adult, sexual being. Whatever the cause, an ounce of prevention is worth a tonne of cure. You can't make their life-choices for them, so make sure they're equipped to handle the choices they make.

castadiva

And I do mean emotionally as well as physically equipped. Whatever the choice that is being made, there will be emotional repercussions, including for those teens who choose abstinence, or have that choice made for them, by whatever social, parental or medical force is relevant . The emotional and physical challenges they face will be different from those faced by sexually-active teens, but make no mistake that they will face challenges of their own - I say this from experience. Not making the 'popular' or 'typical' choice can be harder, and the repercussions just as problematic.

Having now read this entire thread, I have just a few words for the parents who would not provide their children with birth control of any sort, on moral or ethical grounds. That is your choice, and your belief-system and I respect it. However, please do not actively prevent your teenagers from acquiring birth control (by which I mean all forms, male and female). If they ask, feel free to tell them that you are uncomfortable with the choice they are making, and why, and that you will not aid and abet them to make a choice you believe is wrong, but please make sure you also tell them that if they decide to go down this path, you trust them to be responsible as adults for the adult decisions they are making. Tell them where/how to get the supplies, if it's not blindingly obvious, and if you can, point them towards someone trustworthy they can have an open discussion with about their options. You needn't provide any further support or information, but actively standing in the way of their decisions and their choices, and preventing them from taking responsibility for their own bodies and health will only ever backfire on you.

umachanxo

I would sit down and talk to my daughter about safe sex and birth control. I'd want her to feel that she can be open to me about having sex, so that she doesn't sneak around and make any mistakes. (Which might happen anyway, but I think it's more likely if she feels like I will only get angry with her).

Personally, 15 seems a little young for sex. I'd make sure that she understood how big a deal it is to have your first time. Personally, I was on birth control at 16, but had no intentions of having sex. I was on it because I have awful cramps and it helped out with that. A 15 year old girl might only be on it because her friends are doing it.

I've only been with my fiance, and I was on the pill at 16. So, requesting birth control doesn't necessarily mean that she will be having sex.

The important thing, for me, when I'm a parent, is to not over react about sex. I want to be able to make sure she understands consequences and understands how to protect herself.

engineman312

...

suzycreamcheese

Still counts!!

rml_16

So, I think the real question is not whether you would be the DD, but would you help your child if he or she found himself or herself in immediate need of that help.

That's a better analogy.

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

rml_16

So many replies, not even sure if this will get read. BUT -

The real reason kids come home pregnant is because we a) don't talk to them about sex or b) we hand them condoms and give them birth control. Kids are already confused as hell at that age. They don't need us making it worse.

The pill can be used for a lot of things other than protection. Acne, PPMD, regulation of cramps/period just to name a few. If my child was struggling I would definitely consider this.

Now, if she wanted to have sex, yeah - I would be concerned. I remember when my parents used to ask me where I was going, drive me there, pick me up, meet the parents. The kid really shouldn't be in a situation where they can have sex. Parenting isn't handing a kid a condom just in case. Parenting is a bit more involved than that

My parents talked to me about sex. I took sex ed in elementary, middle and high school. I did not take birth control or use condoms.

I came home pregnant at 17.

Kids come home pregnant because they have raging hormones and an attitude of invincibility.

ThinspiredButterfly

im almost a mommy, & if my daughter/son asked for the pill or condoms, id be happy to get it!! im 18 & out of school; but i chose to have this baby young [13 weeks ]. i wouldnt want my daughter/son to become parents from 1 mistake. kids have sex whether u like it or not, so would u rather by the pill or diapers? i say the pill!!

macpatti

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If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.
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So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?
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I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

gentsevetzak