Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

rml_16

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

My ultimate point in all of this is that if your child is at the point of asking for BC because he or she is planning to have sex (and not for medical reasons), then your child is probably going to have sex. You can try to talk your child out of it and MAYBE that will work. But when it's all said and done, if that kid is determined to have sex, he or she is going to have sex.

In that case, while I wouldn't be happy about it and would be very clear about that, I would still prefer to make sure to the best of my ability that my kid would be able to go on and live the rest of his or her life without having to pay the highest price for that decision.

Morals or no morals, I do not want my daughter to have a baby too young (and unplanned) or to get AIDS. Those are bigger concerns than whether I condone the act itself.

sure, i get that.

but do consider that a lot of girls on birth control are readily convinced by their love of the moment that a condom is not necessary. have you ever sat in a high school or middle school sex class recently? it is alarming the number of girls that will not use a condom because their boyfriends tell them it feels so much better. do they know better? yes. do they understand the risks? sure. does it matter? apparently not.

it's tricky business, and just prescribing birth control has the possibility of making things worse, just the same as *not* prescribing birth control could possibly make things worse. there are too many factors involved to say, 'do this, and you won't have a problem'. there is no simple solution.

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

A lot of them aren't going to use a condom regardless. I didn't use one and I wasn't on BC, either.

That's why you sit that kid down (boy OR girl) and scare the living crap out of them about STDs.

KimmieBrie

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

I would rather my daughter not be pregnant or have a disease. If your daughter got pregnant accidently she also had the potential to contract a disease from unprotected sex and was fortunate not to have. Birth control doesn't mean not practicing safe sex. Even as an adult on birth control - testing after every relationship and making sure your partner is tested before having sex without a condom is a no brainer. Both my husband and I were tested before ever doing that for our own comfort. If you aren't 100% sure of the person you are with - always use a condom at any age. Besides aids there's herpes - which NEVER goes away and all kinds of other nasties floating around out there. This is basic safety stuff people.

chanstriste13

If my child was drunk and called me for help, I would be there in a heartbeat. I would never be his/her DD. If my daughter came to me because she was pregnant, I would help her in a heartbeat. I would not provide her with BC.

So you'd rather deal with the pregnancy than prevent it?

I could not morally provide my teenage children with birth control. There are plenty of ways to help your child prevent pregnancy without personally providing BC.

i'm not a parent, but i understand this thinking. i think there is a fine line between guiding your children and endorsing actions or behaviors that you as a parent cannot support. i can see how it would be very difficult to walk that line, and every parent has to determine what is the best course of action for them and their children. it may or may not work. there's always a risk, regardless of which way you choose. no way around that for anyone - just the nature of life. and there are so many different layers and facets and dynamics of child-parent-family relationships that it would be impossible to have a blanket solution to things like this. to each their own.

My ultimate point in all of this is that if your child is at the point of asking for BC because he or she is planning to have sex (and not for medical reasons), then your child is probably going to have sex. You can try to talk your child out of it and MAYBE that will work. But when it's all said and done, if that kid is determined to have sex, he or she is going to have sex.

In that case, while I wouldn't be happy about it and would be very clear about that, I would still prefer to make sure to the best of my ability that my kid would be able to go on and live the rest of his or her life without having to pay the highest price for that decision.

Morals or no morals, I do not want my daughter to have a baby too young (and unplanned) or to get AIDS. Those are bigger concerns than whether I condone the act itself.

sure, i get that.

but do consider that a lot of girls on birth control are readily convinced by their love of the moment that a condom is not necessary. have you ever sat in a high school or middle school sex class recently? it is alarming the number of girls that will not use a condom because their boyfriends tell them it feels so much better. do they know better? yes. do they understand the risks? sure. does it matter? apparently not.

it's tricky business, and just prescribing birth control has the possibility of making things worse, just the same as *not* prescribing birth control could possibly make things worse. there are too many factors involved to say, 'do this, and you won't have a problem'. there is no simple solution.

but, as i stated earlier, i would rather my daughter come home pregnant and disease-free than not pregnant with aids.

A lot of them aren't going to use a condom regardless. I didn't use one and I wasn't on BC, either.

That's why you sit that kid down (boy OR girl) and scare the living crap out of them about STDs.

sure, fine. i'm just trying to get across that if there were an easy answer, there would be no unwanted pregnancies or contracted diseases. at least, it wouldn't be such a common thing. no one has the perfect answer.

I would rather my daughter not be pregnant or have a disease. If your daughter got pregnant accidently she also had the potential to contract a disease from unprotected sex and was fortunate not to have. Birth control doesn't mean not practicing safe sex. Even as an adult on birth control - testing after every relationship and making sure your partner is tested before having sex without a condom is a no brainer. Both my husband and I were tested before ever doing that for our own comfort. If you aren't 100% sure of the person you are with - always use a condom at any age. Besides aids there's herpes - which NEVER goes away and all kinds of other nasties floating around out there. This is basic safety stuff people.

i agree with you mostly, but you act like all people of all ages who are sexually active think that far ahead or have someone in their life to think that far ahead or have the time or money to go to the doctor for tests or the patience and transportation to get to the health clinic and care enough about their own situation or their partner's or their future that they will do any of these things.

(wow - that was a hell of a run-on)

it's just not that simple.

KimmieBrie

i agree with you mostly, but you act like all people of all ages who are sexually active think that far ahead or have someone in their life to think that far ahead or have the time or money to go to the doctor for tests or the patience and transportation to get to the health clinic and care enough about their own situation or their partner's or their future that they will do any of these things.

(wow - that was a hell of a run-on)

it's just not that simple.

No - I know all people aren't going to or are doing this - especially young people... all you can do is give them the most information and guidance you can and pray for the best! I was just saying - why pick one over the other? I wouldn't want my child pregnant as a teenager OR getting an STD. My preference is neither. And if the child was pregnant obviously there was no protection and the potential to contract something was there as well. Russian roulette with the body.... you just never know.

chanstriste13

i agree with you mostly, but you act like all people of all ages who are sexually active think that far ahead or have someone in their life to think that far ahead or have the time or money to go to the doctor for tests or the patience and transportation to get to the health clinic and care enough about their own situation or their partner's or their future that they will do any of these things.

(wow - that was a hell of a run-on)

it's just not that simple.

No - I know all people aren't going to or are doing this - especially young people... all you can do is give them the most information and guidance you can and pray for the best! I was just saying - why pick one over the other? I wouldn't want my child pregnant as a teenager OR getting an STD. My preference is neither. And if the child was pregnant obviously there was no protection and the potential to contract something was there as well. Russian roulette with the body.... you just never know.

oh, i totally agree with you there - i would prefer neitherfor my non-existant children too! to use your russion roulette image (nice), i guess i feel that even with all of the preparation and guidance, it's still the same game. the odds might be lower, but the stakes are just as high. i can understand people have such opposite views, but still believe they are doing the right thing for their children. and they might be. you really don't know until it's all said and done.

one girl could use birth control as a means to connect with her soul-mate and have a lovely happily-ever-after. another girl might use birth control to connect with someone, but then have sex with a lot of different guys because she feels protected, though she might have been more cautious had she not been on it. you just never know, and i can still see both views of this.

when my husband was in college, he told me about a meeting they held for freshman that advised all girls to get on the pill whether they were planning to have sex or not. i would love to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting!

daffodilsoup

one girl could use birth control as a means to connect with her soul-mate and have a lovely happily-ever-after. another girl might use birth control to connect with someone, but then have sex with a lot of different guys because she feels protected, though she might have been more cautious had she not been on it. you just never know, and i can still see both views of this.

I understand this worry, but I think this is why there needs to be a conversation that comes with hormonal birth control. She needs to understand that the pill/ring/shot/whatever does NOT prevent STDs like HIV, etc, and there's a very real chance that it could happen to her. I am a strong advocate for hormonal birth control, but some posters with opposite views seem to think we would just "throw birth control pills at them". The goal here is not simply to provide her with Birth Control, but to "arm" her with physical protection and knowledge.

I would view the birth control pills as an "excuse" to have an in-depth discussion about sex - STDs, staying safe, etc.

Prozack1964

I have 3 girls and we are all very close I have always been very open and honest with them about everything. My 17 year old asked me about going on birth control so she and I sat down and talked about it, part of it was for medical reasons but the other part was just incase. I told her she could go on them but it wasnt giveing her permision to have sex. We talked about everything to do with it and why. To show you all that a dad can even be just as close to the girls as the sons, she came to me to help her get her first bra and to ask and about personal items

rissuhbissuh

There are other reasons for teenagers to be on the pill. I started it when I was in high school, and it wasn't because I was sexually active (because I wasn't...and still am not) it was because I had terrible acne and incredibly painful heavy irregular periods, the pill does a lot more than just protect you from getting pregnant.

Exactly what you said! I was actually put on the pill because of my period as well. Even when I was on the pill, I didn't actually start being sexually active until years later. It has a lot of benefits in general.

Lauren8239

I have 3 girls and we are all very close I have always been very open and honest with them about everything. My 17 year old asked me about going on birth control so she and I sat down and talked about it, part of it was for medical reasons but the other part was just incase. I told her she could go on them but it wasnt giveing her permision to have sex. We talked about everything to do with it and why. To show you all that a dad can even be just as close to the girls as the sons, she came to me to help her get her first bra and to ask and about personal items

That is so cool.....and so sweet. :flowerforyou:

StatutoryGrape

I'd be 100% okay with it...and glad that she felt comfortable enough to confide in me and be honest.

bigfluffyjujubird

the pill is good for periods, i have a 1 year old daughter so have a while to go but i would chat to her about it, i would definitely tell her condoms too though for stds and also if she forgot to take the pill. Other than that its a chastity belt isnt it really?? ;0) lol

veganbaum

I would hope that the sex talk has happened long before 15 and regardless of whether one has a daughter or son. I mean, all those sons are having sex with someone's daughter, you wouldn't want it to be yours but it could be, so seems like focus should be on educating children regardless of their gender about all aspects of sexual activity and teaching them to have respect for their partner(s). Hopefully that sex talk included information about STDs, as well as non=physical aspects of sex. And hopefully oral sex was a part of that discussion as well, since more and more teenagers don't see that as actual sex and are contracting STDs. If all of that has happened, not just once, but periodically, and you still have a 15 year old who is thinking about having sex, at least you know you have done everything you could to prepare them and to help guide them to responsible choices. Take it as a final opportunity (before their first time, anyway) to remind them of everything you have talked about. At least if they have sex before they are emotionally mature enough they will have all the tools to prevent pregnancy and STDs.

evergreen5

I have 2 girls and 2 boys, all in their 20's. We made sure they were okay with talking about everything from sex, drinking, drugs and smoking. We stressed abstinence but also to be prepared. We made sure they were aware that nothing is fail-safe. We went through the eye-rolling stage, and the "do we really have to talk about this" and the "I know" stages, because every kid thinks they know more than their parents. LOL

I believe knowledge is power and I want my kids to be aware and not to be naive. There are many people out there who will take advantage of the uninformed.

As for being a DD. We always made sure that if they were in a situation they were not comfortable in to call ASAP. I wasn't a great parent but I know the kids knew that no matter what I would be there.

fit4mom

Birth control (Occasionally even condoms) don't prevent disease. HPV is passed on through males. Even the shot that "protects" against it, has not been studied enough and has cost the lives of young women.They need to do more research which is hard to do. It's important that we spend time with them, ingraining in them the valued gift they are and the treasured gift they have to give to their future husband. I think its important to remember that we have more control than we think we do. When you help them to see how important they are to you they will sustain a much needed very important perspective of themselves. They can move on from relationships but they cannot retrieve/ replace the part of themselves they have willingly given away.
Dr. Caroline Leaf
Chemicals are released and exchanged in the male and the female brains when they talk, kiss and touch. These chemicals interchange and react, and a chemical imprint forms in each other’s brains. So there is literally a chemical representation of you in the brain of the one you love.

Rsjessen

I was 16 when I started on birth control. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had extreme pains once a month, that actually made me faint more than once.
Just saying, there's other reasons for wanting them than just sex.
Plus it shows that your daughter is responsible and aware of the fact that she needs some sort of birth control I would sit down with her and explain her that she'd still need to use condoms thou, as they don't prevent STDs. And remind her of the fact that there are consequences to taking the pills, because I, when I started taking them, had to be taken off them again as I had some extreme reactions to them.
I would also explain that they are a relatively new thing, and we still don't know what they do to the body in the long run.

Think of it this way, she's gonna have sex no matter what, if she's already decided there's really not much you can do about, I'm 19 and it's not really that long since I was that age, so I remember .. I rather she was on the pill than I suddenly need to appear on sixteen and pregnant.

fit4mom

I have 16 when I started on birth control. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had extreme pains once a month, that actually made my faint more than once.
Just saying, there's other reasons than just sex, for wanting them
Plus it shows that your daughter is responsible and aware of the fact that she needs some sort of birth control I would sit down with her and explain her that she'd still need to use condoms thou, as they don't prevent STDs. And remind her of the fact that there are consequences to taking the pills, because I, when I started taking them, had to be taken of them again as I had some extreme reactions to them.
I would also explain that they are a relatively new thing, and we still don't know what they do to the body in the long run.

Think of it this way, she's gonna have sex no matter what, rather she was on the pill than I suddenly need to appear on sixteen and pregnant.

This is true but the majority census is that parents would rather avoid their kids "making a mistake" and not about the real issue of their kid out there acting like and adult without actually commiting and yes this means marriage. Some kids do use it as an excuse and parents (I'll say it, not all) to avoid having to have the talk or to avoid consequences. Which their really not because it takes an emotional tole on a girl. I don't really think that being on BC is actually responsible. I think that taking the steps to wait is responsible. Deciding you are worth the wait for the right person and making a commitment is responsible. That is only my opinion and I am NOT dogging on anybody who thinks that BC is a sign of responsibility. Just a different viewpoint that is all. And I do understand that parents are trying to do the best they can. No judgement here because I am a parent to my kid not yours. And just because I disagree does not mean I am judging you. I am simply disagreeing.

Rsjessen

I have 16 when I started on birth control. Not because I was sexually active, but because I had extreme pains once a month, that actually made my faint more than once.
Just saying, there's other reasons than just sex, for wanting them
Plus it shows that your daughter is responsible and aware of the fact that she needs some sort of birth control I would sit down with her and explain her that she'd still need to use condoms thou, as they don't prevent STDs. And remind her of the fact that there are consequences to taking the pills, because I, when I started taking them, had to be taken of them again as I had some extreme reactions to them.
I would also explain that they are a relatively new thing, and we still don't know what they do to the body in the long run.

Think of it this way, she's gonna have sex no matter what, rather she was on the pill than I suddenly need to appear on sixteen and pregnant.

This is true but the majority census is that parents would rather avoid their kids "making a mistake" and not about the real issue of their kid out there acting like and adult without actually commiting and yes this means marriage. Some kids do use it as an excuse and parents (I'll say it, not all) to avoid having to have the talk or to avoid consequences. Which their really not because it takes an emotional tole on a girl.

I don't really have much to say, as I can guess you are an American and our cultures are so different from each others on this subject but in Denmark it's common that a 16-17 year old start becoming sexually active, and it's also accepted in society. I'm currently doing my last year of sixth-form, I'm 19 and most of my friends are 18 and 19 years old, I'm certain the only one in my class of 28 girls that's a virgin, is the only one that's religious (Muslim), and therefore can't be counted into that an average Danish teenager is like.(75% of the Danish population is non-religious)
But being sexually active does not equal sleeping around with a lot of people. Many teenagers are in a committed relationship, some might have tried it once of twice. I don't really see the problem in a teenager exploring things like that. I would rather try it now and learn things than end up married and with no clue what to do and end up having is bad sex-life for the rest of my life.

fit4mom

Birth control (Occasionally even condoms) don't prevent disease. HPV is passed on through males. Even the shot that "protects" against it, has not been studied enough and has cost the lives of young women.They need to do more research which is hard to do. It's important that we spend time with them, ingraining in them the valued gift they are and the treasured gift they have to give to their future husband. I think its important to remember that we have more influence than we think we do. When you help them to see how important they are to you they will sustain a much needed very important perspective of themselves. They can move on from relationships but they cannot retrieve/ replace the part of themselves they have willingly given away.
Dr. Caroline Leaf
Chemicals are released and exchanged in the male and the female brains when they talk, kiss and touch. These chemicals interchange and react, and a chemical imprint forms in each others brains. So there is literally a chemical representation of you in the brain of the one you love.

Sorry I had to fix a word. It wouldn't let me edit and it was bugging me.

fit4mom

I do get where your coming from and It seems you have a very worldly view of things. I don't really expect people to understand where I am coming from. It is a morality and modesty subject as it does ruin lives and cheating these days is at an all time high. Not waiting for marriage sets a presidence of not valuing boundaries. Sex is a matter of valuing ones self and others. I do believe their is one person for everyone out there. More people cheat than you'd think. If you don't set boundaries then it creates chaos. When there is boundaries everyone knows the rules but when you take that standard away then you get things like prostitution of children in foreign countries. When we refuse to cal something moral or immoral then you get people who will take advantage. It's human nature. People will naturally get as much as they can for as little work as they can. Or more for less. Who doesn't love a good sale. You see it all the time in papers and jails and so on and so on. There is a problem with premarital relations purely because when you decide it doesn't have to have a standard it throws the rules out the window and sets someone up to change the rules and make their own. There is a lady that I heard on the radio once who wants to make it law that people are required to divorce split up and move on, it was either every 3 or 10 years because of all the divorce that is out there. Divorce is rampant and the studies done prove that a majority of people who participate in premarital sex end up divorced. I can't change the facts simply see and believe. I'm in no judgement of people who do this, I have the right to see something as wrong even if someone else doesn't. Divorce tears people and society apart as well as, has been documented, causes financial ruin, if not financial stress. Oh and they found that with divorce, the toy industry gets a financial boost from parents and grandparents.

Dreamer1311

There are other reasons for teenagers to be on the pill. I started it when I was in high school, and it wasn't because I was sexually active (because I wasn't...and still am not) it was because I had terrible acne and incredibly painful heavy irregular periods, the pill does a lot more than just protect you from getting pregnant.

I agree with you! Its not just always for protection. I used to have terrible cramps myself. Didn't start taking the pill until I was 17 though.Plus it also shows in most cases that mother and daughter have a good relationship. Its important to talk about everything even the most embarassing things.