Biting my tongue at seeing overweight children

mlemonroe2

Never assumed that ONE person does it all the time.
Ive seen parents that do it all the time.
Yet, im just saying in general.

if it is a generalization, you should quote someone. that makes it personal

edit- shouldn't

SLaw4215

I am a very blunt, forward person. Get a few drinks in me and I'm like a truth machine. It's both a curse and a good thing.

So the other night, a few of us went to our local cafe after hours where they were showing christmas movies. We had a few drinks, enjoyed some cafe treats, and cozied in for the politically incorrect Rudolph.

Looking to my left though, I noticed two extremely, and I mean extremely overweight girls dressed in tight multicolored dresses, the buttons on the blouses gapped and barely holding. They couldn't have been any older then 8 or 9. Mom had gotten them the cafe's baked mac and cheese, both their own, with the chowder to dip it into, and chocolate brownies for desert. The cafe also served free popcorn in which I was behind one of the girls in line, as she scooped up and filled her bowl, stopped, realizing she could fit more in, and piled it higher. I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

Yes. I believe you are right to judge. You didn't say anything to anyone so you didn't offend anyone that would cause a scene. People who allow their kids to eat like **** and be fat deserve to be harshly judged. Parents are making their kids fat! Might as well give your 8 year old a loaded gun to play with while they devour their mcnuggets, frosty, fries and brownies.

TO THE ORIGINAL WRITER: My daughter (13) is obese. She has very high testosterone. The abnormal levels were just picked up in an annual physical in October. Our regular pediatrician wasn't available and we had a substitute younger pediatrician who ordered some blood work and FINALLY picked up on something that may explain why my 13 year old daughter wear's a size 11 sneaker and is 5' 6.5" tall (taller than me, taller than most of her teachers, and taller than the boys in her class). We've been to the nutritionist, taken family karate classes and zumba classes, we've been to Saturday morning Weight Watcher meetings and have lived on frozen WW and Lean Cuisine meals for a year and nothing works. I haven't given up. I can not give up because she's my daughter and she needs my help. I HATE when people post this stuff. You are judging. And worse yet, you are trying to sugar coat it by saying you don't like yourself for "thinking that way". I know I am a loving, attentive, hands-on single mother. My family and friends know the lengths I have gone to to try and help my kids "not be fat".... so when my mother-in-law who only sees my daughter 2x a year gives me advice I didn't ask for or a parent scrunches up their nose in my daughter's direction because they don't know I am her mom. It really pisses me off. ADULTS ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW BETTER THAN TO JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER! This is why there is still bullying in our school systems....

DietingMommy08

I would never just offer up my son junk food to keep him quiet or happy.
I either carry healthy snacks or tell him if he behaves well we will make a stop at the park or the toy store.
I see no GOOD excuse for handing over junk food.

this is my point about judging someone by a few words said in a forum. you were quoting me before and saying i was wrong to give into tantrums by giving out doughnuts when all i said was i understood where the person was coming from when she said she did that. i hardly ever give into tantrums but if i want to stop her from crying for a few minutes so i can get through the checkout, i give her some cheerios or fruit snacks. never a doughnut. i'm just saying, we shouldn't be so quick to judge

Am i judging?!
Nope.
Just said its not something I MYSELF would do.

taramaureen

I would never just offer up my son junk food to keep him quiet or happy.
I either carry healthy snacks or tell him if he behaves well we will make a stop at the park or the toy store.
I see no GOOD excuse for handing over junk food.

this is my point about judging someone by a few words said in a forum. you were quoting me before and saying i was wrong to give into tantrums by giving out doughnuts when all i said was i understood where the person was coming from when she said she did that. i hardly ever give into tantrums but if i want to stop her from crying for a few minutes so i can get through the checkout, i give her some cheerios or fruit snacks. never a doughnut. i'm just saying, we shouldn't be so quick to judge

Judging seems to be a big problem in this post LOL

DietingMommy08

Never assumed that ONE person does it all the time.
Ive seen parents that do it all the time.
Yet, im just saying in general.

if it is a generalization, you should quote someone. that makes it personal

edit- shouldn't

Actually I quoated because my generalization was part of the conversation.
If people that it personally thats thier problem, not mine.

DietingMommy08

I would never just offer up my son junk food to keep him quiet or happy.
I either carry healthy snacks or tell him if he behaves well we will make a stop at the park or the toy store.
I see no GOOD excuse for handing over junk food.

this is my point about judging someone by a few words said in a forum. you were quoting me before and saying i was wrong to give into tantrums by giving out doughnuts when all i said was i understood where the person was coming from when she said she did that. i hardly ever give into tantrums but if i want to stop her from crying for a few minutes so i can get through the checkout, i give her some cheerios or fruit snacks. never a doughnut. i'm just saying, we shouldn't be so quick to judge

Judging seems to be a big problem in this post LOL

Judging is a problem in every post.
Everybody states thier own opnions and fights to prove they are the ones that are right.

jene77

Everytime I went for a well baby check up for both my daughters the Dr always provided me with the information for healthy eating and ways to provide exercise. My sister took her oldest son in for a check up and the Dr straight up told her your son is overweight and gave her all the information she needed to turn that around, he offered a nutrition website along with tons of print outs. So for all the people that keep saying all the parents need to be educated ....yea they are being educated. So what the bleep is really going on?? Stop making exuses people, do the right thing!! My girls are fit and lean from sports and jumping on the trampoline and running and just playing like kids do. My husband and I kick the soccer ball around with my girls, we take the girls jogging with us while they ride their bikes along side of us and we both work full time!!! Stop being lazy parents get off your butts and be their for your kids better yet be the example your kids need, they are learning what they live!!! And if your kids are still obese if you exercise with them and provide them with healthy ways to eat then you are lying to yourselves.

DietingMommy08

Everytime I went for a well baby check up for both my daughters the Dr always provided me with the information for healthy eating and ways to provide exercise. My sister took her oldest son in for a check up and the Dr straight up told her your son is overweight and gave her all the information she needed to turn that around, he offered a nutrition website along with tons of print outs. So for all the people that keep saying all the parents need to be educated ....yea they are being educated. So what the bleep is really going on?? Stop making exuses people, do the right thing!! My girls are fit and lean from sports and jumping on the trampoline and running and just playing like kids do. My husband and I kick the soccer ball around with my girls, we take the girls jogging with us while they ride their bikes along side of us and we both work full time!!! Stop being lazy parents get off your butts and be their for your kids better yet be the example your kids need, they are learning what they live!!! And if your kids are still obese if you exercise with them and provide them with healthy ways to eat then you are lying to yourselves.

Beyond well said.

Renea_Kay

i was a fat child...still am....it wasnt anything my mom did ...she fed us the best she could and tried making us healthy...i mean i've been on weight loss programs since the age of 9 .... you dont always know whats going on ......

SinIsIn

I'm still cracking up with "pee flaps" hahah

kaetra

I think there are plenty of good people out there in the world who experience a negative internal reaction when they see morbidly obese children eating copious amounts of food, especially when those children are under the immediate supervision of adult caretakers. A person having a negative internal reaction to this situation does not automatically make that person a villain.

I also think it is ironic that some people are clearly judging other people for being judgemental.

mlemonroe2

I would never just offer up my son junk food to keep him quiet or happy.
I either carry healthy snacks or tell him if he behaves well we will make a stop at the park or the toy store.
I see no GOOD excuse for handing over junk food.

this is my point about judging someone by a few words said in a forum. you were quoting me before and saying i was wrong to give into tantrums by giving out doughnuts when all i said was i understood where the person was coming from when she said she did that. i hardly ever give into tantrums but if i want to stop her from crying for a few minutes so i can get through the checkout, i give her some cheerios or fruit snacks. never a doughnut. i'm just saying, we shouldn't be so quick to judge

Am i judging?!
Nope.
Just said its not something I MYSELF would do.

Parents just handing over what children want are why they are unhealthy.
Your the parent, they are the child. Use some guidance.
[/quote]
this is you assuming i hand over anything my kid wants and judging me as a parent

RachelJE

Are you actually suggesting this girl snorted like a pig?? I'm sorry, there is only one pig in this story and it wasn't the girl. It was YOU. If you are that disturbed by being around people different than yourself, I would like to suggest some in-depth counseling. Or perhaps living on a deserted island so nobody else has to be offended by YOUR SNORTING.

CaWaterBug8

This had my heart pumping faster than the stair climber....

I am so thankful that you bit your tounge. Those girls I am sure get ENOUGH comments and stares that had you added your comments in a moment of cruelty could have been something they remembered for a long time...all so you could have slept better at night no doubt... now that being said....

You have NO IDEA if they were indeed 8 or so as my 10 year old DOES NOT look 10...Her mom may have much of the same issues some of us here at MFP had that in the end brought us to this site...

I forget at times that this site is used as a starvation tool and not just weightloss...

So to the OP...Again,I am so thanful you bit your tounge...You can hurt for them and maybe even pray that a higher power will get them in the right direction to better health before they too have to find a site like this that may have some judgemental comments about big kids eatting too much food and how some of the fit and thinner people almost lost their cookies at the site of them eatting...

******To the others for pointing fingers at the mom's who give their kids donuts or candy during a grocery store visit or in line at a post office as a negotiation tool...SHAME ON YOU!!!

Should we point fingers at you for depriving your kids of those treats all together??? Yay for you for having soldier trained kids but REALLY??? They eventually will break out from under your hard core rules and deprivation and binge on all things junk and sweet...you walk a fine line...

We are on this journey to learn how to have those treats in moderation...if the moms are giving them to the kids in moderation they too are teaching their little ones how it is a treat to have those items...

I began to type a lengthy response to this, but I decided to delete it. I also admit I have yet to finish reading everything in this forum thread.
I will say that this sums it up pretty well for me.

Nattiejean57

Everytime I went for a well baby check up for both my daughters the Dr always provided me with the information for healthy eating and ways to provide exercise. My sister took her oldest son in for a check up and the Dr straight up told her your son is overweight and gave her all the information she needed to turn that around, he offered a nutrition website along with tons of print outs. So for all the people that keep saying all the parents need to be educated ....yea they are being educated. So what the bleep is really going on?? Stop making exuses people, do the right thing!! My girls are fit and lean from sports and jumping on the trampoline and running and just playing like kids do. My husband and I kick the soccer ball around with my girls, we take the girls jogging with us while they ride their bikes along side of us and we both work full time!!! Stop being lazy parents get off your butts and be their for your kids better yet be the example your kids need, they are learning what they live!!! And if your kids are still obese if you exercise with them and provide them with healthy ways to eat then you are lying to yourselves.

I agree and disagree with this....you should totally teach your kids to be healthy and eat right. Luckily for you and me we do have the resources to do so but not everyone is that fortunate. Like I was saying earlier people are losing their jobs which goes hand in hand with losing your health insurance. Maybe then you get government assistance but when your feeding a family on government assistance maybe you can only afford the cheaper unhealthy things. Maybe you can't afford a family gym membership so your can't be as active. Oh and where I live since there is typically snow mixed with below freezing temps for 9 out of the 12 months it really is essential to have a gym membership. But then again there are people who are just straight up too lazy to cook a proper meal and then go outside for activity. But you just have to be too careful about judging people to generally

mlemonroe2

Actually I quoated because my generalization was part of the conversation.
If people that it personally thats thier problem, not mine.

this makes no sense. if you are quoting something a person says and then making a comment, that is pesonal.

kaleas

Just to put it out there. I understand there are children with issues that cause them to be overweight in ways they, nor their parents can control.

However, the chances that BOTH of her children had this is less likely. I'm not just saying that they were fat or a bit overweight. They were obese. I hate to be this descriptive but they didn't just have double chins.

I could be further judgmental and on the basis of the clothes they were wearing, and the upper side of town cafe we were at, that they didn't lack money. Their weight was more than likely the result of a parents overindulgence to their kids wants and desires.

taramaureen

Everytime I went for a well baby check up for both my daughters the Dr always provided me with the information for healthy eating and ways to provide exercise. My sister took her oldest son in for a check up and the Dr straight up told her your son is overweight and gave her all the information she needed to turn that around, he offered a nutrition website along with tons of print outs. So for all the people that keep saying all the parents need to be educated ....yea they are being educated. So what the bleep is really going on?? Stop making exuses people, do the right thing!! My girls are fit and lean from sports and jumping on the trampoline and running and just playing like kids do. My husband and I kick the soccer ball around with my girls, we take the girls jogging with us while they ride their bikes along side of us and we both work full time!!! Stop being lazy parents get off your butts and be their for your kids better yet be the example your kids need, they are learning what they live!!! And if your kids are still obese if you exercise with them and provide them with healthy ways to eat then you are lying to yourselves.

Not all doctors do this. Not every parent realizes or is told there's a problem. I went into the doctors with one of our clearly obese clients and the doctor didn't say a word about her weight. Not a single word.

mlemonroe2

Am i judging?!
Nope.
Just said its not something I MYSELF would do.

are you kidding?!?!?!?! you are telling all kinds of people they are wrong and you are right. when you dont even know the person, that is judging. if all you were saying is that is is something that you would do, the conversation would have been done long ago.

Wez317

Well said!!!!