Biting my tongue at seeing overweight children

Gwen7121

I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

This is the part that really bothers me. Looking at two overweight children and being disturbed, because you know what they will go through - I get it. You're relating to the situation. You know what they will go through. But what you said above? I find that really offensive. At that point, what made you any different than the kids at school who point and whisper? You admit you listened & watched the whole time. Where's the difference? As someone who could have related to the situation, you could have felt compassion. Instead, you felt disgust.

JerseyGirlHeart

I don't have kids- Hell i'm only 19, but your post really bothered me. The fact that you kept watching these kids eat is disturbing. Maybe you should have moved to another section of the cafe. It's their family, not yours, so you shouldn't be so bothered by it. They're 8 years old. They don't need to be worrying about being on a diet, let them be kids and when they're a little older, they will have the choice to lose the weight if they wish.

My only concern with this post is, if they do not have good health instilled in the now, there might be a point of past return. These kids, will grow into teens, and high school is not an easy place to be when you are overweight. When they are older, and overweight, its not so easy to just lose the weight, especially if they are obese....As much as I try to see both sides of the story, 60% of American are overweight. I do not believe that 60% of people have some medical condition that causes them to be overweight. You also have to look at the parents. If they are fat, I really can't see how a whole family can have conditions that make them obese. And anyway, if obese people have medical conditions that cause them to gain weight, wouldn't they want to improve their health by NOT eating high fat foods and junk that will just add to the problem. I really don't see why people always defend fat people. They choose to live the way they do, and if they don't care about their health than that is their prerogative. But I would hope as parents, that they want to see their kid have a good life and care about their health.

katcod1522

I would like to know..define massively overweight?? 8 years old...100lbs? 5yrs old....60lbs? Curious.

kschhr

would she continue to stare? would she offer them a $20 bill to feed their family? I dunno..alot of different scenarios...in either direction. *shrugs*

Even if she continued to stare, she didn't say ANYTHING to the parents of the overweight children. She likely wouldn't say anything to the underweight.

This thread is frustrating, because after reading a bunch of the posts, I have to keep reminding myself that she didn't say anything. DID NOT. At all. But everyone is making her seem like she did, which is why it seems so horrible.

fbmandy55

Epic thread. Epic idiots.

katcod1522

I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

This is the part that really bothers me. Looking at two overweight children and being disturbed, because you know what they will go through - I get it. You're relating to the situation. You know what they will go through. But what you said above? I find that really offensive. At that point, what made you any different than the kids at school who point and whisper? You admit you listened & watched the whole time. Where's the difference? As someone who could have related to the situation, you could have felt compassion. Instead, you felt disgust.

^kudos.

bcattoes

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

I am the exact opposite... either of my boys start going nuts for something NO CHANCE they get it. No matter what it is!

I love you for this. I feel like the problem with parents these days is that they just give in for their own convenience. Kids never learn when all you do is reward them for bad behavior. But, to each is own I guess.

Have you ever taken a 2 year old to the grocery store???? Let alone two 2 year olds when it's close to their nap time and you are running on 5 hours of sleep and have to finish grocery shopping, run to the bank, make your kids lunch and have about 3 loads of laundry to fold and you don't know what to make for dinner?

I have. Well, one was 2 and one was 3, but other than that I have. And they certainly would not have been rewarded for throwing a tantrum.

JerseyGirlHeart

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

I am the exact opposite... either of my boys start going nuts for something NO CHANCE they get it. No matter what it is!

I love you for this. I feel like the problem with parents these days is that they just give in for their own convenience. Kids never learn when all you do is reward them for bad behavior. But, to each is own I guess.

Have you ever taken a 2 year old to the grocery store???? Let alone two 2 year olds when it's close to their nap time and you are running on 5 hours of sleep and have to finish grocery shopping, run to the bank, make your kids lunch and have about 3 loads of laundry to fold and you don't know what to make for dinner?

Everything is always an excuse.

CaptainGordo

One key to helping children develop healthy habits is by spending time together, doing healthy, fun activities.

One activity that we enjoy at home is making pine cone bird feeders. One of my MFP buddies taught me how..

What you'll need:

Pine cone
Paper plate
Butter knife
Smooth peanut butter
Birdseed
Ribbon or yarn
Scissors

How to make it:

Cut a long length of yarn or ribbon to hang the bird feeder.
Tie the ribbon in a knot around the pine cone near the top (about 3 sections down).
Tie a knot in the end of the ribbon.
Use the knife to get a large clump of peanut butter on the paper plate.
Use the knife to spread peanut butter inside the pine cone and around the edges.
Sprinkle the birdseed over the pine cone.
Roll the pine cone in the birdseed that is on the plate.
Hang the bird feeder on the tree.
Enjoy watching the birds eat their treat!

DietingMommy08

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

I have a 3 year old and I wouldnt just hand him over a donut.
I would encourage something else healthier until he chose something else.
Parents just handing over what children want are why they are unhealthy.
Your the parent, they are the child. Use some guidance.

revjames

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result. Not sure if saying anything to a stranger without knowing all the facts is a good idea. You have to have the right to say things like that. You have the right by being a friend or relative of someone. If I see someone I know and care about (or their kids) making poor lifestyle choices - including over indulgence - I will speak my mind. At the end of the day obesity is every much a health risk as smoking/drinking/drug abuse etc etc.

rant over.

karinaes

You have to be careful.
You do not know their situation and you are judging them on their appearances.

I once had a parent let go on me for letting my daughter eat Mcdonalds cheese burger and french fries. Her words were "If you keep feeding your kid this crap she will be a fat kid and everyone will tease her. Why don't you feed her something with less salt and fat?"

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic. I instead chose to keep my mouth shut and just ask her to leave with her unsolicited information. My Daughter has cystic fibrosis and needs to eat an extremely high fat and salt diet.

Unless you know what the situation is, just move along and focus on you.

JerseyGirlHeart

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

I am the exact opposite... either of my boys start going nuts for something NO CHANCE they get it. No matter what it is!

I love you for this. I feel like the problem with parents these days is that they just give in for their own convenience. Kids never learn when all you do is reward them for bad behavior. But, to each is own I guess.

Have you ever taken a 2 year old to the grocery store???? Let alone two 2 year olds when it's close to their nap time and you are running on 5 hours of sleep and have to finish grocery shopping, run to the bank, make your kids lunch and have about 3 loads of laundry to fold and you don't know what to make for dinner?

I have. Well, one was 2 and one was 3, but other than that I have. And they certainly would not have been rewarded for throwing a tantrum.

Amen

ajbeans

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

I am the exact opposite... either of my boys start going nuts for something NO CHANCE they get it. No matter what it is!

I love you for this. I feel like the problem with parents these days is that they just give in for their own convenience. Kids never learn when all you do is reward them for bad behavior. But, to each is own I guess.

Have you ever taken a 2 year old to the grocery store???? Let alone two 2 year olds when it's close to their nap time and you are running on 5 hours of sleep and have to finish grocery shopping, run to the bank, make your kids lunch and have about 3 loads of laundry to fold and you don't know what to make for dinner?

I have. Well, one was 2 and one was 3, but other than that I have. And they certainly would not have been rewarded for throwing a tantrum.

I agree. I just don't go to the store/bank/whatever when it's close to naptime. I'd rather plan ahead or wait until after naptime than reward for a tantrum.

mlemonroe2

I don't have kids- Hell i'm only 19, but your post really bothered me. The fact that you kept watching these kids eat is disturbing. Maybe you should have moved to another section of the cafe. It's their family, not yours, so you shouldn't be so bothered by it. They're 8 years old. They don't need to be worrying about being on a diet, let them be kids and when they're a little older, they will have the choice to lose the weight if they wish.

My only concern with this post is, if they do not have good health instilled in the now, there might be a point of past return. These kids, will grow into teens, and high school is not an easy place to be when you are overweight. When they are older, and overweight, its not so easy to just lose the weight, especially if they are obese....As much as I try to see both sides of the story, 60% of American are overweight. I do not believe that 60% of people have some medical condition that causes them to be overweight. You also have to look at the parents. If they are fat, I really can't see how a whole family can have conditions that make them obese. And anyway, if obese people have medical conditions that cause them to gain weight, wouldn't they want to improve their health by NOT eating high fat foods and junk that will just add to the problem. I really don't see why people always defend fat people. They choose to live the way they do, and if they don't care about their health than that is their prerogative. But I would hope as parents, that they want to see their kid have a good life and care about their health.

good point!

kschhr

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

galegetsthin

I DO have a child. She is 6 years old and is very healthy. she will get a little belly and then grow like 2 inches and be average again. I have been on my journey her whole life, so she eats very healthful foods. Sure, I take her to McDonalds every now and then. I do not qualify it as a treat though. I dont tell her that it is "special food". I apologize to her for not having the time that evening for making a real dinner, or I tell her that I want to eat in a resteraunt, and she can pick. Sure, sometimes she pics McDonalds (depends on the toy selection), but more often than not, she picks subway (she loves the turkey breast on honey grain), or wants to get fruit and salad and eat at the park. Her whole life, I have made sure to not ever make a face about a veggie that I didnt like. I will not force her to clean her plate, but I do make her eat at least 3 bites of anything. The only things that she doesnt eat are corn and stuffing. And I can not be upset about that. She doesnt like juice, loves water, equates doughnuts with the time that her father let her eat as many as she wanted and she got sick, so she doesnt like a lot of sweets. She picks her own after school snack every day, You know what the grocery store pick for this week was? Jello with cool whip and a string cheese. My goal was to teach her to make her own good choices by having that be what she sees in our home. I was the fat kid that got picked on. That is why I have the reaction that I do have. I know how much it sucks to be different and not understand why you are that way. I do what I can to make sure that I am not too extreme in either direction and LOVE the fact that she picks out good stuff on her own! Because of ME, THE RESPONSIBLE PARENT, my child asks for seconds of broccoli, and is happy and healthy.

swatts7622

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Pretty sure I read a news story a few weeks ago about a kid being taking away by CPS in the states because he was morbidy obese.

katcod1522

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

I have a 3 year old and I wouldnt just hand him over a donut.
I would encourage something else healthier until he chose something else.
Parents just handing over what children want are why they are unhealthy.
Your the parent, they are the child. Use some guidance.

Scenario...youre already in the check out line. Your kids scremaing..hes tired..youve drug him thru the store for 2 hrs while you try on clothes..and you forgot his legos and fave blankie at home...(bad mommy) Pay the price! lol choices are a kitkat..or a donut. DONUT! score! Wait...damn..its the white powdered one...think fast..its another one of those "white" foods.

?

kschhr

I DO have a child. She is 6 years old and is very healthy. she will get a little belly and then grow like 2 inches and be average again. I have been on my journey her whole life, so she eats very healthful foods. Sure, I take her to McDonalds every now and then. I do not qualify it as a treat though. I dont tell her that it is "special food". I apologize to her for not having the time that evening for making a real dinner, or I tell her that I want to eat in a resteraunt, and she can pick. Sure, sometimes she pics McDonalds (depends on the toy selection), but more often than not, she picks subway (she loves the turkey breast on honey grain), or wants to get fruit and salad and eat at the park. Her whole life, I have made sure to not ever make a face about a veggie that I didnt like. I will not force her to clean her plate, but I do make her eat at least 3 bites of anything. The only things that she doesnt eat are corn and stuffing. And I can not be upset about that. She doesnt like juice, loves water, equates doughnuts with the time that her father let her eat as many as she wanted and she got sick, so she doesnt like a lot of sweets. She picks her own after school snack every day, You know what the grocery store pick for this week was? Jello with cool whip and a string cheese. My goal was to teach her to make her own good choices by having that be what she sees in our home. I was the fat kid that got picked on. That is why I have the reaction that I do have. I know how much it sucks to be different and not understand why you are that way. I do what I can to make sure that I am not too extreme in either direction and LOVE the fact that she picks out good stuff on her own! Because of ME, THE RESPONSIBLE PARENT, my child asks for seconds of broccoli, and is happy and healthy.

I'm just going to quote this because I think everyone needs to be like this.

CaptainGordo

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Really? The slope gets awfully slippery here, folks. Where is the line drawn? Spooky stuff, folks. Spooky.

sabrinafaith

all i can say, is how relieved i am that no one found my post offensive in any way. lol

JerseyGirlHeart

I DO have a child. She is 6 years old and is very healthy. she will get a little belly and then grow like 2 inches and be average again. I have been on my journey her whole life, so she eats very healthful foods. Sure, I take her to McDonalds every now and then. I do not qualify it as a treat though. I dont tell her that it is "special food". I apologize to her for not having the time that evening for making a real dinner, or I tell her that I want to eat in a resteraunt, and she can pick. Sure, sometimes she pics McDonalds (depends on the toy selection), but more often than not, she picks subway (she loves the turkey breast on honey grain), or wants to get fruit and salad and eat at the park. Her whole life, I have made sure to not ever make a face about a veggie that I didnt like. I will not force her to clean her plate, but I do make her eat at least 3 bites of anything. The only things that she doesnt eat are corn and stuffing. And I can not be upset about that. She doesnt like juice, loves water, equates doughnuts with the time that her father let her eat as many as she wanted and she got sick, so she doesnt like a lot of sweets. She picks her own after school snack every day, You know what the grocery store pick for this week was? Jello with cool whip and a string cheese. My goal was to teach her to make her own good choices by having that be what she sees in our home. I was the fat kid that got picked on. That is why I have the reaction that I do have. I know how much it sucks to be different and not understand why you are that way. I do what I can to make sure that I am not too extreme in either direction and LOVE the fact that she picks out good stuff on her own! Because of ME, THE RESPONSIBLE PARENT, my child asks for seconds of broccoli, and is happy and healthy.

I like that you posted this. I wish to be this kind of parent when I have kids.

ajbeans

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

I have a 3 year old and I wouldnt just hand him over a donut.
I would encourage something else healthier until he chose something else.
Parents just handing over what children want are why they are unhealthy.
Your the parent, they are the child. Use some guidance.

Scenario...youre already in the check out line. Your kids scremaing..hes tired..youve drug him thru the store for 2 hrs while you try on clothes..and you forgot his legos and fave blankie at home...(bad mommy) Pay the price! lol choices are a kitkat..or a donut. DONUT! score! Wait...damn..its the white powdered one...think fast..its another one of those "white" foods.

?

No. You let him know that you'll be leaving in just a minute. He won't understand, but you explain it anyway. You keep your cool, you pay for your things, you go home and snuggle and make up. You don't reward the tantrum. Part of being a parent is NOT giving into every tantrum, even when you're the one who caused it. You leave the house armed with snacks if you need to, and if the child is hungry and you forgot snacks, you buy something healthy instead of the donut.

DietingMommy08

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

LOL!!! I have a 2 year old so I totally get that!

I have a 3 year old and I wouldnt just hand him over a donut.
I would encourage something else healthier until he chose something else.
Parents just handing over what children want are why they are unhealthy.
Your the parent, they are the child. Use some guidance.

Scenario...youre already in the check out line. Your kids scremaing..hes tired..youve drug him thru the store for 2 hrs while you try on clothes..and you forgot his legos and fave blankie at home...(bad mommy) Pay the price! lol choices are a kitkat..or a donut. DONUT! score! Wait...damn..its the white powdered one...think fast..its another one of those "white" foods.

?

Im sorry bu the would get neither.
My son isnt gna be given sugar just to get his way.
Im the parent and hes the child.
He will learn to behave.
Plain and simple.
A tantrum isnt how you get something you want.

Solomonre0

I agree, seeing other people gorge themselves makes me feel queasy, one reason I will never watch food eating competitions-- yuck, yuck, yuck! But then again, I find it hard to sit at a table with someone chewing with their mouth open. *gag*

There is probably no way you could've phrased the advice, no matter how politely or well-meaning, that the mother would have accepted. Unfortunately in this country it is completely okay to go up to someone who's smoking and say "that's going to kill you" but as soon as you say the same about someone's weight or eating habits its taken as an attack or insult. Had you said anything the mother would gone all Mama-bear on your *kitten* and... well... that would be that.

brittanyjeanxo

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Really? The slope gets awfully slippery here, folks. Where is the line drawn? Spooky stuff, folks. Spooky.

My thoughts exactly.

katcod1522

I work for social services. I agree..slippery slope. The kid that has marks on his body? sure..he can stay with his parents cause his BMI is normal. That kid there? the one loved, read to, bathed every night..but is obese. Take Them Right AWAY! Be smart people.

kschhr

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Really? The slope gets awfully slippery here, folks. Where is the line drawn? Spooky stuff, folks. Spooky.

Yes, really. If a child is on the verge of diabetes as a result of what the parents are feeding them, you don't think that's child abuse? That those parents are obviously not fit to raise children? Once the kid turns 18 they can do as they please. But while they're still young, still learning, still molding, parents need to teach their children good habits, not ones that will possibly kill them. Disorders that affect weight don't make people obese, just overweight.

mlemonroe2

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

I am the exact opposite... either of my boys start going nuts for something NO CHANCE they get it. No matter what it is!

I love you for this. I feel like the problem with parents these days is that they just give in for their own convenience. Kids never learn when all you do is reward them for bad behavior. But, to each is own I guess.

Have you ever taken a 2 year old to the grocery store???? Let alone two 2 year olds when it's close to their nap time and you are running on 5 hours of sleep and have to finish grocery shopping, run to the bank, make your kids lunch and have about 3 loads of laundry to fold and you don't know what to make for dinner?

I have. Well, one was 2 and one was 3, but other than that I have. And they certainly would not have been rewarded for throwing a tantrum.

Amen

i think you are being pretty judgmental. you are judging people by just a few words they wrote. yes, if giving my kid something to get me through whatever it is i'm trying to do, i sometmes do it. its not all the time, and she's not a monster or a brat and she listend very good when she is asked to do something. i'm not being abusive or harming her. maybe its not ideal, but this is life. its no one is perfect, including parents. we do the best we can!