Biting my tongue at seeing overweight children

stylistchik

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

So sad!! While your reaction seems a little extreeme, If you are in the US then your tax $ will likely be paying for the diseases they contract from such an unhealthy diet and lifestyle so you have some right to complain. Being obese is as dangerous as smoking. If you saw smoking parents giving their children cigarettes everyone would say you have the right to complain.

I agree. I wouldn't say anything to a stranger about how to be a parent by any means but it makes me mad that my tax dollars are being spent creating this

katcod1522

really? tantrums work for me..lol

Nattiejean57

??? Kids that grow to be big (tall and large framed) don't need to be chunky as children. Fat is fat whether it's on a 5' bodyor a 7' body.

This is probably one of the stupidest things I have read in a long time. My brother who is now 6'4" and a healthy weight used to grow out and then up all the time. He would get a little chunky and then just shoot up. So no not every kid that is tall will be chunky but some are as they grow into their changing bodies

mamegoma

Oh, I would totally think it's a form of child abuse. My middle son went through "chunky" stage, but there's a huge difference between chunky children and OBESE children, which the OP observed.

Sadly, you need a license to, say, drive a car, but any idiot can have a child. And feed it to death if s/he chooses to.

lynnmarie60

No right at all. Only the maker himself can judge and although that bothered you, it was in no way shape or form your business.

Happy Holidays!

Gwen7121

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Really? The slope gets awfully slippery here, folks. Where is the line drawn? Spooky stuff, folks. Spooky.

Agreed.

ajbeans

Seriously...if Im in Target..and my 6 yr old who is 43lbs wants a donut and it keeps him from screaming for the hour Im in the store...by God..hes getting a stinking donut! lol

I am the exact opposite... either of my boys start going nuts for something NO CHANCE they get it. No matter what it is!

I love you for this. I feel like the problem with parents these days is that they just give in for their own convenience. Kids never learn when all you do is reward them for bad behavior. But, to each is own I guess.

Have you ever taken a 2 year old to the grocery store???? Let alone two 2 year olds when it's close to their nap time and you are running on 5 hours of sleep and have to finish grocery shopping, run to the bank, make your kids lunch and have about 3 loads of laundry to fold and you don't know what to make for dinner?

I have. Well, one was 2 and one was 3, but other than that I have. And they certainly would not have been rewarded for throwing a tantrum.

Amen

i think you are being pretty judgmental. you are judging people by just a few words they wrote. yes, if giving my kid something to get me through whatever it is i'm trying to do, i sometmes do it. its not all the time, and she's not a monster or a brat and she listend very good when she is asked to do something. i'm not being abusive or harming her. maybe its not ideal, but this is life. its no one is perfect, including parents. we do the best we can!

How is she being judgmental? She just said "this is what I would do." That's not being judgmental, that's having an opinion and priorities.

kschhr

I work for social services. I agree..slippery slope. The kid that has marks on his body? sure..he can stay with his parents cause his BMI is normal. That kid there? the one loved, read to, bathed every night..but is obese. Take Them Right AWAY! Be smart people.

Who said that the one being abused wouldn't be taken away? You're adding scenarios that aren't at ALL accurate.

GorillaNJ

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Really? The slope gets awfully slippery here, folks. Where is the line drawn? Spooky stuff, folks. Spooky.

Agreed.

and where do they end up... all the kids who are being beaten and abused for real have no where to go....

ilikeher

I can't believe how some of these people are reacting to your post. I dont think that you need to see a therapist and although it may be none of your business, I don't think that your thoughts were wrong.
Maybe no one heard about the little boy who was removed from his parent's custody a few weeks ago because he was so over weight that it was dangerous to his health?
This is a big issue, especially with girls. I was chubby as a pre-teen and because of that I struggled with an eating disorder and self-esteem issues starting at the age of 8 all the way up until about 19.
People need to be realistic and stop being so freaking defensive. No it's not our right to tell people how to raise their children and there is nothing wrong with candy or fast food here and there but it is YOUR fault if your child has weight issues if you aren't teaching them how to be healthy starting at a young age

bcattoes

I have a chunky kid, and if you ever approached me and told me he was fat, I'd kick you right in the pee flaps. He isn't chunky because I feed him terribly, he's chunky because he's going to be huge! His dad is 6'6 with a 52" shoulder spance. My son will grow into his body, hopefully you'll grow out of your prejudice. My son plays football, is in the running club, does karate, and is outside more than he's in the house...I feed him nothing but clean meals and the occasional treat. Unless you know the background of the child, how dare you sit in judgement!

??? Kids that grow to be big (tall and large framed) don't need to be chunky as children. Fat is fat whether it's on a 5' bodyor a 7' body.

LOL Okay, you don't have one Those kids do you! My son has chunked out since he was three-years-old then he would get on a growing spurt and be thin as a rail. Right now he's chunky but starting to grow again. Four inches in the last year and is now taller than me. He'll be about 6'3 or 6'4. He already has more muscle than my ex.

I don't see how any of that suggests that big and tall men must have been chunky boys, which simply isn't true. They may have been chunky, just as a short man may have been. But it is not a given. Also, since children do not develop muscle in the same manner as adults I'm guess we're talking about a teenager rather than a young child so puberty and hormones could be playing a factor.

But kudos for feeding your children a healthy diet.

bobbyhalifax

I agree with everyone for the most part. Seeing the amount of obesity in children is astounding and it is unfortunate that sometimes there are reasons that are beyond just eating poorly.

I choose not to open my mouth and judge because I don't know everyone's situation yet I do wish that more parents would take it upon themselves to have healthy diet and exercise routines with their children. I also think it is horrible that so many parents are okay with their kids playing hours of video games and watching tv. I was only allowed to play games or watch tv when homework was done and the weather wasn't conducive to playing outside.

Just my two cents which doesn't really mean much of anything.

AwesomelyAmber

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

:mad: You do not have kids, but you would take away someone's child and put them in the system for being overweight??? Oh dear, have a baby and tell me that you would want this to be able to happen...EVER. :mad:

katcod1522

I was giving an example...of cases that have come thru this office. Social Services is not all chutes and ladders and candyland babydoll.

kschhr

Oh, I would totally think it's a form of child abuse. My middle son went through "chunky" stage, but there's a huge difference between chunky children and OBESE children, which the OP observed.

Sadly, you need a license to, say, drive a car, but any idiot can have a child. And feed it to death if s/he chooses to.

As I was reading this, I got so scared when you said you have a "chunky" child.. I was like oh snap, not another one! Glad to see someone smart enough to know that chunky and obese are completely different.

CiciPorcayo

I am a little both sides of the fence on this.....

I don't think anyone has the right to judge anyone period, because nobody is perfect.. Especially an adult judging a child... However I will say you should maybe look at the parents and just wonder... Why? I know for me I have two children and I do NOT want them to be over weight for many reasons. Some superficial but more enough health reasons! Child diabetes has really doubled if not trippled since from when I was a kid (I don't have any links or proof but I have heard on countless talk shows and news reports etc.) and I just think as parents we should be feeding our kids healthy things, letting them get our and play as much as possible instead of sticking them in front of the tv to watch sponge bob, or play video games and eat a tv dinner because we just don't feel like getting up and cooking them a wholesome meal. Can't say I have never done this before, I have. GUILTY however It is always about progress, and people (parents) need to definetly change how they feed their children and a child should never be OBESE before the age of 12.... After that kids usually do what they want eat and don't eat what they want and all you can do is engrain them with good habits and pray they keep going... I have a friend whos daughter is to me obese and she is not even 3 years old yet. She is a beautiful little girl don't get me wrong. all children to me are beautiful, but she is always red in the face, and mind u (she is a tan baby) and doesn't walk much, and all of her clothes don't fit her properly. I have never really mentioned to my friend how I feel because that is her child and honestly all I can do is worry about my own... but yeah now that I have rambled on for hours.... Just judge what you can control.. and what you can't leave as is... it isn't your place!

BeeElMarvin

How many calories are in that tongue you are biting? did you log it?

Shanna_Inc86

we all judge each other whether we admit it or not. good for you for admitting it to yourself. yes, this is unhealthy and definitely overindulgance. and their mother is not saying anything to them. so it probably will continue. i feel sorry for those kids but i guess we can't do anything about it so what can be said... i'm not going to chastize you because i admit i have those thoughts too. but it does sound like they are happy. hopefully they continue being happy and are also able to get healthy at some point too as well as having a good self esteem and image of themselves as teens and adults.

This^^

I am a parent....my daughter is built JUST LIKE HER MOTHER! lol
I love the fact that she naturally likes healthy food. However, she also knows that mommy will not buy her fast food except subway. If she wants a burger, mommy will make her one at home with homemade fries. She's allowed treats, hell I eat treats. I'm teaching her what MY mother didn't teach me and what I struggle with...moderation lol

Example: last night she wanted a cookie. She was told she had to eat her dinner first (she ate what I ate: rice, broccoli, diced sauteed tofu). She ate dinner and then had her cookie. Little while later she asked for another cookie, I said No, You already had one and you don't need another. Would you like some raisins, a banana or apple? She decided on the snack size box of raisins. I don't force her to eat everything I eat but if she doesn't eat what I make her, then she goes hungry. Simple as that.

As for the tantrum in the store about the doughnuts...absolutely not....would not happen. I have NEVER and will NEVER allow my daughter to throw a fit like that in public. She tried it a few times as a small child and I would immediately take her to the bathroom or outside. That kid played his parents and they are suckers. I'm the adult, I'm the parent and I REFUSE to cave just to "shut her up" H to the E-L-L NO!

seehawkmomma

I'm a blunt and straight forward person too, OP, and while I can say I weep for children who's parent obviously don't have the education to feed them right I also feel you are a moron for feeling this way and directing your disgust toward children who know no better.

Word.

eeeekie

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Because ripping a child from their parents, lives, family, friends, animals, comfort of their own bed...IS EXACTLY what the child needs to get thin/healthy. -eyeroll-

Why is the first thing people say is TAKE THE KIDS AWAY! It's not the solution and in fact it makes it worse.


Instead why don't we help the families that don't know how to eat. Teach them, guide them and show them what needs to be done and how to do it. Nutritionists...

katcod1522

I'm a blunt and straight forward person too, OP, and while I can say I weep for children who's parent obviously don't have the education to feed them right I also feel you are a moron for feeling this way and directing your disgust toward children who know no better.

^High 5

mlemonroe2

I like that you posted this. I wish to be this kind of parent when I have kids.

just like i thought. you don't have kids. i hope when you do and they are screaming at the store you remember this conversation! ps- not trying to be mean to you, i just remember thinking i would never take my kids to fast food places and i would never raise my voice and then i became a parent for real, and although i do feed my daughter healthy for the most part ( she even asked for apples when we go to mcdonalds) and i try not to raise my voice and i try to be consistent with time outs and so on, i understand now that no one is perfect and sometimes you just do whats easy. it's easy to judge someone when you are not in their shoes.

Destinie589

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

So sad!! While your reaction seems a little extreeme, If you are in the US then your tax $ will likely be paying for the diseases they contract from such an unhealthy diet and lifestyle so you have some right to complain. Being obese is as dangerous as smoking. If you saw smoking parents giving their children cigarettes everyone would say you have the right to complain.

Agreed!! People need to take responsibility... including parents. These people who say you were wrong need to get with the program. Kids all over the US are falling ill to obesity and it is borderline child abuse. In fact last month in Ohio a chid was taken by CPS because of weight and the health concerns involved.

katcod1522

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Because ripping a child from their parents, lives, family, friends, animals, comfort of their own bed...IS EXACTLY what the child needs to get thin/healthy. -eyeroll-

Someone give me an AMEN
Why is the first thing people say is TAKE THE KIDS AWAY! It's not the solution and in fact it makes it worse.

diiiimond

this post really disturbs me! i was a morbidly obese toddler. to the point where my doctors told my mom if i she didnt change the way she fed me i would have serious health problems. so thats what my mom did and i thinned out. around 8 years old i picked the weight right back up then as i got older i started to thin out again. from then on i was probably borderline a healthy weight and overweight never what i thought was "skinny" though. around the age of 14 i went through a stage of depression and turned to food and gained a ton of weight and ever since then ive been trying to lose.

with all of that being said, i beilieve that food has always been a pacifier for me. it was when i was a child, and it followed me into my teen years, and now as an adult i still struggle with it. and i have a 10 year old brother who is going through the same thing.

i do blame my mom for allowing me to think that food is the "problem solver" at such a young age. however, i dont believe that she was aware of the damage that she was doing. it all falls back to ignorance.

so instead of judging these parents lets think of a way to educate them. so that the children can grow up as healthy as possible.

docHelen

I am a very blunt, forward person. Get a few drinks in me and I'm like a truth machine. It's both a curse and a good thing.

So the other night, a few of us went to our local cafe after hours where they were showing christmas movies. We had a few drinks, enjoyed some cafe treats, and cozied in for the politically incorrect Rudolph.

Looking to my left though, I noticed two extremely, and I mean extremely overweight girls dressed in tight multicolored dresses, the buttons on the blouses gapped and barely holding. They couldn't have been any older then 8 or 9. Mom had gotten them the cafe's baked mac and cheese, both their own, with the chowder to dip it into, and chocolate brownies for desert. The cafe also served free popcorn in which I was behind one of the girls in line, as she scooped up and filled her bowl, stopped, realizing she could fit more in, and piled it higher. I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

Yes. I believe you are right to judge. You didn't say anything to anyone so you didn't offend anyone that would cause a scene. People who allow their kids to eat like **** and be fat deserve to be harshly judged. Parents are making their kids fat! Might as well give your 8 year old a loaded gun to play with while they devour their mcnuggets, frosty, fries and brownies.

so dissappointing to see so many comments on here against you. we as a society have a duty to the children and you and me are that society. when parents don't parent properly society must be allowed to do it for them

timingsands

Having been on the receiving end of "your child is too fat" (I was the child), I'm glad the OP didn't say anything, as it could cause long-lasting psychological harm. I was already an introverted child, and that comment just made things worse. I still don't like going out to public places, and when I do, I wear headphones so I can't hear people, I don't wear shorts or skirts in public (having heard some ladies whisper, "look at her calves!"), I usually hide my body in loose and baggy clothing. You can judge all you want, it's your conscience, but please, do not add fuel to the fire.

CaptainGordo

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

Really? The slope gets awfully slippery here, folks. Where is the line drawn? Spooky stuff, folks. Spooky.

Yes, really. If a child is on the verge of diabetes as a result of what the parents are feeding them, you don't think that's child abuse? That those parents are obviously not fit to raise children? Once the kid turns 18 they can do as they please. But while they're still young, still learning, still molding, parents need to teach their children good habits, not ones that will possibly kill them. Disorders that affect weight don't make people obese, just overweight.

Where is the line drawn, though? A specific BMI number? A blood sugar number? What if it's shared custody, and the other parent is to blame? What if other medical conditions are to blame? Where do you propose sending these kids?

Would this be better for their quality of life -- being in foster care than being with their parent that might be making poor nutritional choices, but loves their kid dearly?

kschhr

Here in the UK I'm pretty sure allowing your kids to get obese counts as child abuse and people have had their kids taken away as a result.

The US needs this, hardcore.

:mad: You do not have kids, but you would take away someone's child and put them in the system for being overweight??? Oh dear, have a baby and tell me that you would want this to be able to happen...EVER. :mad:

For being OBESE, yes. I would recommend a system where other healthy relatives could offer to take the child in. Just because I don't have children doesn't mean I'm an idiot. I would NEVER let my children get to that point. I have been an obese child, and it sucked. I would never put my children through that and if I did then I don't deserve to raise this child because I'm obviously doing something wrong.

theprettyone1010

I must be the only person to agree with the OP. Obesity rates in children have TRIPLED in the past decade. There's a serious problem with the lack of nutritional education parents are teaching their kids. My family has a huge problem with obesity, and I used to be obese myself. You have to learn healthy eating habits at home. If these kids don't learn now, they're going to have SERIOUS health conditions.

I would have been sickened, too. Not because they were fat but because they are going to have a low quality of life.

If being overweight was okay, then none of us would be here (on MFP) right now. The end.