Cheating Question for guys ! HELP

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  • stcar
    stcar Posts: 207 Member
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    Yep, sorry dear..I would say wedding is off and a year down the road you'll realize it's for the better. You'll find someone who actually deserves to spend the rest of their life with you :)
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Maybe "massage" is code for "discussing work-related matters".
  • Indy_Mario
    Indy_Mario Posts: 541
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    I am a *major* flirt. I am engaged and pretty happy with my fiance. I have some friends, even pals on here, who'd I give my number and text each other now and then, we support and try to cheer-up one another. I have some female friends that call me babe, honey, suga' daddy, papi, and other pet names that might be misconstrued as sexual without the right context. Those names do not mean I am messing around with any of them!

    I'd say talk to him. Hear him out, if you don't trust his version, do some digging around. Just don't jump to conclusions. And maybe you should start offering massages to him, he might take his friend on the offer...the point is, strengthen the relationship through communication, don't weaken it with jealousy.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Maybe "massage" is code for "discussing work-related matters".

    That's what my fiance said it meant.
  • only4me_lori
    only4me_lori Posts: 25 Member
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    My husband cheated on me....I decided at first to believe him that nothing was going on when i found the texts....do not be like me...nip that **** in the bud now....get her number...call her and find out the truth......
  • Legalchica
    Legalchica Posts: 462
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    I'm so sorry you had to find a text like that. *big squeezes* I would call the HO-me wrecker and confront her. But I'm an aggressive personality so it's in my nature.

    Why blame her?? Does she know he is engaged??? maybe maybe not... but he sure knows!!!!

    Don't do it!! problems now become HUGE after about 12 years... i know....
  • Slove009
    Slove009 Posts: 364 Member
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    What ever happened to forgiveness? Give him a chance to end anything that might be going on and you can have a fresh start. I mean if you were gonna marry him you must love him and walking away won't be easy. The vows you were gonna take say for better or for worse, if you make that commitment then you have to be willing to work through anything.

    I am not trying to say this is applicable to this situation, but sometimes forgiveness and trying again is important. I forgave my now husband, but he never tried to hide it when he was messaging a girl through Facebook and it was her that initiated it. (it was wall to wall, not private messaging, but the point was he had promised never to speak to the skank again). He was apologetic, honest about it, and just came clean and said he knows he should have blocked her sooner. He was accountable and made me a promise that he has not broken since. That's when it's acceptable to forgive.

    When there's private texting and he's acting suspicious and sneaky, that's when the forgiveness ends. If he's lying now, he'll lie later too. He doesn't seem to be respecting her feelings, or her as person at all if you ask me. Forgiveness it too much to ask for if he's not willing to even be honest.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
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    After reading this I'm wondering Am I the only person who has a lock code on their phone?
  • stcar
    stcar Posts: 207 Member
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    I am a *major* flirt. I am engaged and pretty happy with my fiance. I have some friends, even pals on here, who'd I give my number and text each other now and then, we support and try to cheer-up one another. I have some female friends that call me babe, honey, suga' daddy, papi, and other pet names that might be misconstrued as sexual without the right context. Those names do not mean I am messing around with any of them!

    I'd say talk to him. Hear him out, if you don't trust his version, do some digging around. Just don't jump to conclusions. And maybe you should start offering massages to him, he might take his friend on the offer...the point is, strengthen the relationship through communication, don't weaken it with jealousy.
    do not listen to this guy ^ "offer him a massage or he'll take someone else up on their offer" like it would be justified?! BARF!
  • albinogorilla
    albinogorilla Posts: 1,056 Member
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    After reading this I'm wondering Am I the only person who has a lock code on their phone?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
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    He has children? From a previous marraige? Did they get divorced? Is he a widower? If divorced, Why? If he cheated in the past, he is more likely to do it again, IMO.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
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    Really?

    Are you retarded?

    Even if he hasn't slept with this chick something isn't right.

    Confronting her makes you look stupid btw. She might not know or knows and gets off on it.

    Move on.

    Nothing good can come of it.

    I think maybe if his response was "I dont think my girl would appericate reading this back off" would be the only reason to stay.
  • albinogorilla
    albinogorilla Posts: 1,056 Member
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    If this guy can't even cheat on his fiance without getting caught, its going to be a lot tougher when they are married. He better get his act together.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    girls or guys !
    I just read this text on my fiance´s cell

    ´. You must be tired babe ..from working all day..but next time I see you I will give you a nice massage..-;

    I say no more wedding .

    he says he has nothing with her ..and she is the one wanting to hook up with him.
    I´m sitting here typing but truly I´m very dissapointed.

    He's cheating. If he's not, he's willing to do so.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
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    If this guy can't even cheat on his fiance without getting caught, its going to be a lot tougher when they are married. He better get his act together.
    For Realz.

    Only the pro's can stay clean in the majors.
  • cashnhaydensmama
    cashnhaydensmama Posts: 41 Member
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    I've been through a similar sitution (except I had been married for 2 years at that point). My husband was sending FB messages back and forth to his ex who lives in another state. When I found out I asked to see the rest of the messages but he deleted them before I could see them. I decided to stay with him, but two months later I was transferred about 4 hours away for training (I was in the Navy). Long story short, he did it again with the same girl, except I got to read to messages this time. They were awful, it was the roughest period in my life. BUT He ended them before I even found out about them. He knew what he was doing was wrong.

    I decided to stay with him because I was three months pregnant when I found out about the second time, and I can honestly say I'm glad I did. We went to marriage counseling and now, 3 years later, have beautiful boys together and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

    I realize this is not the popular view, and honestly, I always said I would never stay with a cheater...until I was cheated on. It's hard to look at someone else's situation and give advice because so many factors come into play.

    I say just go with your gut. Also, If you stay with him you have to accept that this happened and move on. For his sake and yours. If you feel like you will always be checking his phone or e-mail etc., because you are worried what he is doing behind your back...It's probably not worth all extra worry and stress you will be putting yourself through.

    best of luck!
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    What ever happened to forgiveness? Give him a chance to end anything that might be going on and you can have a fresh start. I mean if you were gonna marry him you must love him and walking away won't be easy. The vows you were gonna take say for better or for worse, if you make that commitment then you have to be willing to work through anything.

    Are you serious?? They were ENGAGED. That's a commitment......a promise to marry, to be faithful.

    If he cannot keep his commitment now, it's time to get out!
  • lynzy713
    lynzy713 Posts: 67 Member
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    i've been in just about this exact situation. the "babe" and "next time i see you" show me enough to know that it's not just freinds..whether it's gotten to the point of more than talking or not. You calling her will do nothing and niether will you guys calling her together - all he has to do is tell her ahead of time that you're going to call and play along. trust me.
  • oneIT
    oneIT Posts: 388 Member
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    we talk ..he had known her from way before and it was wrong to keep in touch with her.
    i asked him more and he started getting aggravated . Then fine you cant trust ..i want nothing with you ..and he waited for my reaction.
    I was said this was not my fault and if that girl felt she could freely send him texts like that .it because she had allowed it to happend.
    did she care of course not...and she didn't bc he does not !

    I'm packing ...i need to get out of here.

    Run for the effing hills!! I just moved out of my ex's a month ago for this same reason. This is not the first time either. For some reason it is OK to go over a friends (male) house and watch movies and send texts and hide stuff. Ummmm...... no its not! There goes 12 years of my life, don't make the same mistake!
  • LovingCruz
    LovingCruz Posts: 640 Member
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    i've been in just about this exact situation. the "babe" and "next time i see you" show me enough to know that it's not just freinds..whether it's gotten to the point of more than talking or not. You calling her will do nothing and niether will you guys calling her together - all he has to do is tell her ahead of time that you're going to call and play along. trust me.

    So true ^^^^^^ take it from someone who has been there.

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