For the perpetually single

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  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    I'm so all alone! :sad:

    Yet when I'm dating someone, no matter how great he is and how much I love him, there are just too many times where I look at him and think, if you don't get out of my personal space I am going to scream!

    So yeah, I think that might be part of why I'm alone. I want to find someone, but not someone who is going to be up in my face 24/7. And I will definitely need my own room and bed if I ever live with a man again. I am not a pretty sight when sleep deprived and I sleep best alone!
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    If you're "perpetually" single, it's because you choose to be so.

    Hey Mr. Bold_Change, that is just not true!! Some of us live in the middle of no where and are not willing to settle for what little options there are available! :tongue:
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    Yet when I'm dating someone, no matter how great he is and how much I love him, there are just too many times where I look at him and think, if you don't get out of my personal space I am going to scream!

    Oh, this is me too!!
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    If you're "perpetually" single, it's because you choose to be so.

    Yup. Because I refuse to settle with the first person who takes an interest in me. :P
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I was divorced in 2001, and I've only gone out with a couple of people since then (not long term, only one or two dates each). It's not because I'm defective or am not relationship material, though. No man will ever find a more devoted, loyal, loving, nuturing, and understanding individual than myself. In my case, I was so deeply wounded by the actions of my ex, that for a long time I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married again. By the time I decided I wanted to try again, I was almost thirty. Most of the guys my age (the ones I would be attracted to, have an intelectual connection with, and share a spiritual/emotional connection with), are already happily married, are in a long term committed relationship, are gay, or just don't want anything more than friendship from me for one reason or another. Like you, at first this really bothered me. However, I am slowly discovering that there are other ways to find fulfillment and happiness in life besides being in a relationship. Do I get lonely sometimes? Of course I do. Do I think it would be wonderful to find a great guy to sweep me off my feet? You bet. However, I also know that I am better off being alone than I would be settling for the wrong man just because I don't want to be alone. If it's supposed to happen for me, it will. I'm not going to actively look for Mr. Right around every corner. Whenever I've gone looking in the past, all I found was trouble.
  • Serenitytoo
    Serenitytoo Posts: 449 Member
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    I was single for almost 3 years before I met my current partner. I don't think I am defective, but I took some time to really figure out who I was and what I wanted. My last serious relationship was 4 years and it messed me up a bit. He used to tell me that I wouldn't be as attactive to him if I lost weight, led me to believe he would change his mind about having kids. On the whole he was just too controlling and I came to realize I was with him out of fear I wouldn't find anyone. Fast forward to last March and I met the most wonderful person. We just fit in so many ways. :love:

    I had a friend that was constantly worrying about not having found love and wondering what was wrong with her. She would break down in tears at least once a month about why she hasn't been able to find it. While I would occasionally wonder that about myself, it wasn't an all consuming thought. I chose to live my life and not focus on that piece... and eventually it came. She in the mean time has cut off our friendship because I have found someone and she hasn't. Apparenlty being in a relationship means I no longer remember what it is like to be single. :ohwell:
  • athenaheim
    athenaheim Posts: 496 Member
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    I was in a relationship up until December 2010. My kids' father decided that he no longer wanted to be in our lives anymore (text me that he wanted nothing to do with my kids' and I). The way I see it it is his loss. I am highly picky of who comes into my childrens lives. That is why I am still single.
  • gypsyrose64
    gypsyrose64 Posts: 271 Member
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    I could have written the original post easily. I'm that nerdy woman that enjoys watching anime with my 14yr son, and refuses to justify it to anyone that thinks I'm childish for it! LOL Divorced in 2003 after 15 yrs married(I proved I can go the distance). I had two LT relationships during the last decade lasting 2 yrs each. Dating off & on when my kids were gone in the summer, but never finding what I wanted.

    I don't think we are defective, but I do think the longer a person remains happily single - the harder it is to mesh into someone else's life. I think it's a bonus if you ask me! I have friend's bounce from one man to the next, and they are not really "happy" with their choices. They just can't wrap their head around being "alone".

    After dating a few that liked everything about me (except my fat), I gave up on dating. That was over 3 yrs ago. A part of me wants to fall inlove again, but I've gotten comfortable in my 'single-ness' and not sure I want to make changes that will come with meeting someone else. The older I get(48 now) and the longer this goes, the less I want to sacrifice my freedoms.

    Freedom doesn't mean sleeping around, but for me it means "doing as I please without having to meet someone's expectations". If I want to sleep in on Saturday, I can. If I want to stay up half the night reading, no one is griping about it. If I want to spend MY money or squeeze MY pennies, it's my choice. If I gain weight or lose it, no one is there criticizing me over it.

    Some people just need another warm body and their satisfied. I want to be with someone that sees unique value in being with ME. I've had a few men over the years try to rush me into a relationship (after a few dates) for all the wrong reasons. I don't "need" someone else, and won't latch on to someone unless I'm seeing long-term compatibility & potential. I've dated guys that start tossing out the L-word after 2 wks, and I run so fast you can smell rubber burning, haha....

    I don't consider myself defective at this point, but I'm probably overly SELECTIVE! It would take someone else needing their personal space as much as I do, but appreciates monogamy. Someone compatible with my inner-nerd, willing to accept ALL of me, and not an overly critical *kitten*-hat that needs to control me. Until then, I'll continue to fly solo.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
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    You are not defective at all, just the opposite. You are making sacrifices for your children. After a divorce, you never know how the next guy will treat your children (molest, hit, ignore, etc). Continue to focus on your children and then when they are in college or on their own you will have a great freedom and joy that you can share with your partner...

    o_O
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
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    Considering I'm turning 23 in four days and have never had an official relationship I hardly feel it's my place to judge. So no, I don't consider anyone who is 'perpetually single' to be defective on that reason alone.
    I wait to understand the reason why before getting all judgemental. c:
  • Live2InspireHope
    Live2InspireHope Posts: 157 Member
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    After my engagement Fell Apart long Story. I just Feel i became Jaded plain and Simple. Did not Try to Date. to have fun and date you need to make a effort i have not for about 10 years. now over that time i got to a point where i hate myself so because of that i started doing amazing things for other people Creating Scholarships for local kids in schools and giving money to charity's. in many ways to make myself feel better about who i am who i was becoming. i ignored the Fact that i was already a good person who just did not love himself. so for the first time in years i am making a effort to create a better ME. i feel by doing that other things will fall in place. being alone is not a bad thing its just not the right thing. we are meant to have and share love in our lives. i have chosen to be alone last 10 years or so. my choice to be that way. to change that its my control to do something else.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    I've always been single. I've never found anyone... Never been in any type of relationship... And never even came close. As a child, I was molested. I also witnessed my parents' poor relationship. As a result of both of these... I'm terrified of finding someone that will hurt me. But at the same time, I'm also terrified of remaining alone. I don't know how to handle both of those fears. So... with me, I guess I am just defective. But... I'm trying to learn how to be ok with that.

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