Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive
Replies
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You know, this might sound old-fashioned, but I say respect his wishes. You don't really gain anything from posting those pics. Your marriage is more important than what some strangers on the internet think.
Stop the presses! We agreed on something?
I did not know that we had ever not agreed on something. :huh:0 -
that would be the day someone told me what i could or couldnt do.. if your husband said you cant you are letting him say that. its not like they are nude pics for god sake.. once i turned 18 i became an adult who is legally allowed to make my own decisions. sounds like a control freak to me
Just curious; are you married?
I am married, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say this woman's husband is a control freak, since I don't know him or what he is like otherwise, I do agree with the spirit of what the poster is saying. I am an adult, I discuss things with my husband, I ask why or why he might not be comfortable with certain things, but in the end, if something doesn't directly effect him, then it's my decision (e.g. posting bikini pictures on the internet vs. selling our car, which would effect him). I am an adult, and if my husband didn't trust me, or my judgement, then we would need to seriously rethink our relationship.0 -
I think it's just because he knows what men do with half-naked pictures of pretty women on the internet...
It doesn't matter if you're attractive or not, it doesn't matter if you're wearing your undies or a burka, there is probably a man out there who will do nasty things while looking at it. If this bothers you that much, don't post ANY pictures on the internet, EVER.0 -
He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
I totally agree!!!!! You don't have to show your face....0 -
that would be the day someone told me what i could or couldnt do.. if your husband said you cant you are letting him say that. its not like they are nude pics for god sake.. once i turned 18 i became an adult who is legally allowed to make my own decisions. sounds like a control freak to me
Just curious; are you married?
I am married, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say this woman's husband is a control freak, since I don't know him or what he is like otherwise, I do agree with the spirit of what the poster is saying. I am an adult, I discuss things with my husband, I ask why or why he might not be comfortable with certain things, but in the end, if something doesn't directly effect him, then it's my decision (e.g. posting bikini pictures on the internet vs. selling our car, which would effect him). I am an adult, and if my husband didn't trust me, or my judgement, then we would need to seriously rethink our relationship.
I don't think its about trust or judgment. I just think that he feels that their marriage is a sacrement of shared mutual respect. He is bothered by the thought of strangers seeing parts of his wife's body that she has promised to him. Allowing strangers to see those parts that he has requested that she not share could easily be viewed as a betrayal. Hurt feelings over this could cause irreperable damage to their marriage. Your husband might not be so sensitive and might be more understanding, but hers obviously isn't and she must respect the marriage if she wants to keep it.0 -
that would be the day someone told me what i could or couldnt do.. if your husband said you cant you are letting him say that. its not like they are nude pics for god sake.. once i turned 18 i became an adult who is legally allowed to make my own decisions. sounds like a control freak to me
Just curious; are you married?
I am married, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say this woman's husband is a control freak, since I don't know him or what he is like otherwise, I do agree with the spirit of what the poster is saying. I am an adult, I discuss things with my husband, I ask why or why he might not be comfortable with certain things, but in the end, if something doesn't directly effect him, then it's my decision (e.g. posting bikini pictures on the internet vs. selling our car, which would effect him). I am an adult, and if my husband didn't trust me, or my judgement, then we would need to seriously rethink our relationship.
I don't think its about trust or judgment. I just think that he feels that their marriage is a sacrement of shared mutual respect. He is bothered by the thought of strangers seeing parts of his wife's body that she has promised to him. Allowing strangers to see those parts that he has requested that she not share could easily be viewed as a betrayal. Hurt feelings over this could cause irreperable damage to their marriage. Your husband might not be so sensitive and might be more understanding, but hers obviously isn't and she must respect the marriage if she wants to keep it.
VERY nicely put.0 -
I am married, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say this woman's husband is a control freak, since I don't know him or what I don't think its about trust or judgment. I just think that he feels that their marriage is a sacrement of shared mutual respect. He is bothered by the thought of strangers seeing parts of his wife's body that she has promised to him. Allowing strangers to see those parts that he has requested that she not share could easily be viewed as a betrayal. Hurt feelings over this could cause irreperable damage to their marriage. Your husband might not be so sensitive and might be more understanding, but hers obviously isn't and she must respect the marriage if she wants to keep it.
But we're talking about parts of her body that are visible any time she goes to the beach or pool.
The parts of my body covered by my bikini are the parts that are only for my husband. And my gynecologist. The rest? I live on a corner lot on a busy intersection. Anyone driving past in the summer can see me floating in the pool in a bikini.0 -
I think it's just because he knows what men do with half-naked pictures of pretty women on the internet...
It doesn't matter if you're attractive or not, it doesn't matter if you're wearing your undies or a burka, there is probably a man out there who will do nasty things while looking at it. If this bothers you that much, don't post ANY pictures on the internet, EVER.
I was just joking. Obviously, perverts are not limited to a specific set of characteristics or attributes.0 -
There are plenty of before and after pictures on here where the people don't wear bikinis or underwear. Wearing normal clothes absolutely will show your progress, even if you think it won't. See if he's okay with that.
I agree with an earlier poster. If there was something I was uncomfortable with my boyfriend doing on the internet, I'd expect him to respect my feelings about it too--the same way I'd respect his. That's not to say you can't ask /why/ he feels that way and if you can possibly come to some sort of compromise. But don't do it behind his back. You'll lose some of his trust.0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey OR your marriage?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...
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I agree with this. As a newly-married person, you are in a different place than you were as a single person, as is your husband. It's not just about you and what you want anymore, but about what's best for both of you and your marriage. The "I can do what I want" attitude is not beneficial for building trust and intimacy in marriage. I'm not saying you have that attitude, just suggesting that you not post pictures that your husband strongly objects to you posting.0 -
Don't go behind your husband's back. That will only cause problems. You should be respectful of his feelings and ideas, too. You know how much weight you have lost. You can feel good about that and be proud of yourself without posting pictures on the internet. Possibly, if you are respectful of his ideas, you will be able to change his mind in time when he sees how well you are doing and how important it is to you. (If not, you picked him!!!
LOL) Just keepworking hard and remind him every now and then how nice it is to see others pictures....how motivating..maybe even try to get him to look at some of the photos of ladies fully dressed.
Good luck on your journey and remember that your marriage is of the utmost importance here........0 -
Wow! What do you expect to gain by even posting this topic? Are you going to take all the advice from people who don't know you or him and have no vested interest in your relationship and bring it to him and tell him he is wrong? You got married. It is not you vs. him. You are a union and took vows to love, TRUST, RESPECT. By posting this you are showing him NO respect. If you post your pictures, what happens to the trust?? If he can't trust you with small stuff like this, what is going to happen when something big comes around. If I were him I would be really upset that you even put this out there! Good Luck!0
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If my long term partner said I couldnt post pictures I would first of all be bemused as to why, then a bit pissed off, then I would post them anyway...maybe its just me but I can't see how someone would even really mind that? its a weight loss website, everyone does it, its not naked, its in clothes you would wear to the beach. Although Im all for not upsetting someone, he would be upsetting me by telling me no to something so small, id be doing it anyway lol! Maybe I am just obstinate though...0
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it's not my husband's choice, and I'm not posting them to be a *kitten*...I'm posting them on a weight loss site to show how far I've come. I'd look him straight in the eye and tell him to suck it up princess.0
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Maybe it's just because I'm young and this generation doesn't see things the same way anymore...but if I were in your shoes, the issue for me wouldn't be whether or not I could post pictures, I'd be more concerned about him telling me that I couldn't. It's not like you're wanting to pose nude on some random website, this is a fitness site that has tons of motivating success stories all over it. The only issue should be whether or not you feel comfortable putting your pictures up. I don't think I'd even know what to say if my fiance ever told me that he didn't want me posting pictures somewhere... it's my choice. I guess I'm just one of those people who thinks that being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that you still aren't somewhat your own person. Not every decision has to be a compromise, you don't always have to make the other person happy (when it's over such small things). The other thing that would bother me about this is that I'd feel like he had an insecurity or lack of trust in our relationship or me.
And yes, I've read through a lot of the more traditional responses about marriage and how to make a relationship last...but times are changing and not a lot of people share those views anymore and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing either.0 -
These were my thoughts too. Exactly this. I can't see how someone would even see it as an issue either!If my long term partner said I couldnt post pictures I would first of all be bemused as to why, then a bit pissed off, then I would post them anyway...maybe its just me but I can't see how someone would even really mind that? its a weight loss website, everyone does it, its not naked, its in clothes you would wear to the beach. Although Im all for not upsetting someone, he would be upsetting me by telling me no to something so small, id be doing it anyway lol! Maybe I am just obstinate though...0 -
I understand if he is private but truly this is your journey. Maybe you could compromise and if he will take them then you won't post them. Maybe just keep them for your own comparisons. Just because the photos are taken doesn't mean you HAVE to post them on the internet. If you must post them to keep going on your journey then definitely cut off your head in them and wear a conservative 2-piece. AND if he won't take them at all, stand in front of a mirror and take them yourself!0
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Divorce.0
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Maybe it's just because I'm young and this generation doesn't see things the same way anymore...but if I were in your shoes, the issue for me wouldn't be whether or not I could post pictures, I'd be more concerned about him telling me that I couldn't. It's not like you're wanting to pose nude on some random website, this is a fitness site that has tons of motivating success stories all over it. The only issue should be whether or not you feel comfortable putting your pictures up. I don't think I'd even know what to say if my fiance ever told me that he didn't want me posting pictures somewhere... it's my choice. I guess I'm just one of those people who thinks that being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that you still aren't somewhat your own person. Not every decision has to be a compromise, you don't always have to make the other person happy (when it's over such small things). The other thing that would bother me about this is that I'd feel like he had an insecurity or lack of trust in our relationship or me.
And yes, I've read through a lot of the more traditional responses about marriage and how to make a relationship last...but times are changing and not a lot of people share those views anymore and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing either.
Maybe it is a generational thing. Some of us have already been divorced. Trust me, it is an emotionally and financially taxing event in one's life. Marriage is not something to take lightly, and your husband's wishes should come before your own in some respects. It is not detrimental to her health to post progress pics on the internet so why risk her marriage for the sake of personal pride?0 -
No offense intended, but your husband sounds like he needs a douche slapdown. Your pics, your body, your choice.0
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He is your husband and I would suggest you do not post them, out of respect for him. It is possible that he is worried about someone else taking you away. Is it really worth an argument just to post a pic of the changes? Is he supportive of your improvements? If so than who else do you need to comment? If not then there may be a bigger issue.My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics
NONE whatsoever.
I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!
I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back
I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey OR your marriage?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...)
This!! ^^^0 -
It comes down to which is more important to you; your pride or your husband's faith, love, and trust?0
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you can still take pics and do comparisons on your own computer - you dont have to upload them here for everyone to see...the point of taking pictures is FOR YOU to see how far you have come not us.....
with that being said, if i wanted to do something and my husband didnt want me to, i'd find out why and then if i still felt strongly enough about it i would still do it....he doesnt own me and doesnt rule what i do and if what i want to do isnt detrimental to anyone welfare than what is the problem....i suggest no face pics as a last resort...
JUST MY OPINION...not telling anyone what to do or what is right or wrong, just what i would do....
denise0 -
I didn't read any of the other responses, but my opinion: DO WHAT YOU WANT! It's your body, your journey, yoru hard work, and your decision. He has no say in what you post on the internet - especially nonsexual photos. Photos of you in a bathingsuit or undergarments showing your before and after photos are not sexual at all (assuming you're not taking them in provocative poses). It bugs me how our society so quickly labels nudity (or partial nudity) as intristically sexual. It's just a body. It's YOUR body. Your choice.0
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Explain to him that it makes you feel better about yourself to get compliments from other people. He loves you. He should understand. Sometimes I have to do what I want to do and tell my man to deal with it. Lol harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do. But don't go behind his back. That's the worst thing to to. good luck!! 0
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If it keeps peace in the family don't post it, pick you battles pictures sound trivial0
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I agree with you, but some people feel that a pic like that is "intimate" and displaced intimacy can be considered cheating by some(Anthony Weiner). Obviously the spirit of your sharing is different, but some "viewers" may not feel like that.0
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That's a control issue there. If you told him to stop doing something that he really wanted to do, would he do it? If he didn't, then you have your answer to what you should do. There's absolutes and compromise. Absolutes don't usually win.My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics NONE whatsoever.
I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!
I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back
I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
enjoy the fact that he is a gentlemen and doesnt want every nut job looking at your body!0
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